Men’s expressed feelings of masculinity of life as a man is not always easy James Livitski Canadian graphic designer says. Men should be able to talk about their feelings without feeling ‘weak’ and ‘not in control.’ Stories of the difficulties of modern women are often told, but how much do you read about the downsides of being a man? This searingly honest conversation unfolded online this week as men shared the negative impact of “toxic masculinity” on their lives. It was a rare chance for many to express how society expects men’s toughness, sexual virility and emotional reserve that lead to isolation, loneliness or just feelings of being uncomfortable around mates. It all started when British columnist and feminist Caitlin Moran put out a call for men on Twitter to talk about drawbacks of being guy today. We spoke to people sharing their thoughts and feelings. A Super Bowl of feelings unfold as James Livitski, Toronto, Canada was really so happy to see topic widely talked about on Twitter. He said, I’ve been saying this forever that there’s a stigma about men talking about feelings. We’re born into thinking a man should be ‘tough,’ push feelings aside because it isn’t ‘manly.’James Livitski, 32, sees countless times the impact of social norms that men should not be emotional or vulnerable. “I’ve heard of many relationships end because the man can’t express the way he feels. “We need to be more open to listening to how a man is feeling and push more for them to understand that it’s OK to feel things.” Although his own dad is a “really sensitive man”, he says that many are not taught how do that without fear they will be judged. “We’re all humans and we all feel. You should never be afraid to say what is on your mind. Men should have a Super Bowl for feelings,” he suggests. Increased attention has been paid to men’s mental health in recent years. British Men have the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) aims to challenge a culture that prevents men seeking help when they need it, highlighting that in Britain the single biggest killer of men under 45 is suicide. Men and women experience many of the same mental health issues, but men with depression or anxiety may hide emotions and express anger or aggression instead, according to the US National Institute of Mental Health.
Pressure is men who express their love for family or friends as feminine and emasculated, according to Phil Chan, a digital artist from California. “My dad never told me he loved me, even though I know he does. He did not hug me even now in his eighties I will love to hear it.”Phil Chan: “I think #Metoo movement opened up communications between genders.“After I told my closest friends how I feel about them, if, it brought us closer together. We hug on a regular basis!” Phil also explained that when caring for his baby nephew, women in public would assume he was clueless about looking after an infant. At a party with his nephew, a group of women criticised him, giving instructions on how to “properly” change and hold the baby. He worries this negatively affects men’s hopes about fatherhood. “I think if men might to be more vulnerable, we could be more compassionate and empathetic,” he suggests.Mark is a software developer in Sydney, Australia. Mark Pursey, 46, suggests that men find it difficult to foster friendships if they meet a new person. In contrast to men many women who enthusiastically exchange contact information. “I have definitely got a mental list of ‘missed connections’ where I met some guy at a random event got on really well. It’s like ‘see you later dude’ and we never meet again.” He says that in many cases this overwhelmingly leads to loneliness and isolation. Mark says that’s because men are “not learning the emotional labour stuff”, adding, “we like to show off but not put in the boring maintenance work in relationships. “It’s like we still need play dates organised for us.”
Another issue talked about is men feeling uncomfortable when peers blatantly check out or sexualize women, commenting on their appearance. “It can get toxic easily, and as a guy we’re expected to contribute. It’s happened a lot and it’s so uncomfortable. Just being around that conversation makes me feel dirty,” commented Alan Gretch, 21, from the US state of Nebraska.Alan is completing a Masters in human services to become a counsellor. Alan says these conversations are common especially when there are no women around: “They range from ‘this person is hot’ to more graphic descriptions of girls.” He says it’s difficult to challenge men when the conversations begin. “It’s bully, be bullied, or stay silent. It’s a no win situation,” Alan explains. Anxiety about expectations of sexual virility was raised by many contributors on Twitter. “The idea if you’re not: drinking heavily, trying to shag everything moves, living and breathing sport, solving problems with violence, competing with other men to be the ‘alpha’, then you’re not a man,” wrote Neil Walsh. Another user added assumptions of sexual advances are often made when he tries to be “just friends” with women, adding “Yes I know there are very good reasons for this.”
I don’t want to be daddy
Gin Lowdean, in Edinburgh, Scotland, revealed that her four-year-old son told her he doesn’t want to be a dad when he grows up. Instead he’s “excited to be a mummy.” When Gin pointed out most men don’t become mothers, he became sad because “Daddies have to work all the time, they never get to dance and nobody hugs them.” Gin explained that she was shocked because her husband is very affectionate with his sons, but she presumes her son picked up idea from nursery and television. “His dad was devastated, he hugs him all the time and loves to dance,” she explained, adding that to try to rectify the issue by purchasing books about how to express feelings of stories, challenge traditional masculinity. Express yourself honestly and be polite and upfront with feelings. Its vital learn how to talk to each person because of individual differences know that people hear things from their point of view. Consider yourself in the other’s shoes before you speak, text, telephone, call or write them a letter. Your goal is to be a friend, acquaintance, colleague or date and marry. Be specific of your motives for expressed not to belittle or blackmail to manipulate or abuse their emotions. Women are very sensitive to words and so remember to be careful what you say because they never forget the details of conversations. No matter how long ago, women remember where conversations take place, when it took place, what worn and tone of voice and moods. Women pay particular attention to details, colours, shapes, sizes, context and your choices of meals, drinks etc. So do not talk out of frustration or anger to offload and dump feelings on others for relief. Respect differences, be pragmatic and agree to disagree when feelings are not mutual. Above all consider effects of your feelings on others if you do really care about them you must compromise and find neutral ground to corporate.
Twitter post by @caitlinmoran
“I do think if us men were ta
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