MEN’S EXPRESSED FEELINGS

James Livitski, a Canadian graphic designer, says men should be able to talk about their feelings

Men’s expressed feelings of masculinity of life as a man is not always easy James Livitski Canadian graphic designer says. Men should be able to talk about their feelings without feeling ‘weak’ and ‘not in control.’ Stories of the difficulties of modern women are often told, but how much do you read about the downsides of being a man? This searingly honest conversation unfolded online this week as men shared the negative impact of “toxic masculinity” on their lives. It was a rare chance for many to express how society expects men’s toughness, sexual virility and emotional reserve that lead to isolation, loneliness or just feelings of being uncomfortable around mates. It all started when British columnist and feminist Caitlin Moran put out a call for men on Twitter to talk about drawbacks of being guy today. We spoke to people sharing their thoughts and feelings. A Super Bowl of feelings unfold as James Livitski, Toronto, Canada was really so happy to see topic widely talked about on Twitter. He said, I’ve been saying this forever that there’s a stigma about men talking about feelings. We’re born into thinking a man should be ‘tough,’ push feelings aside because it isn’t ‘manly.’James Livitski, 32James Livitski, 32, sees countless times the impact of social norms that men should not be emotional or vulnerable. “I’ve heard of many relationships end because the man can’t express the way he feels. “We need to be more open to listening to how a man is feeling and push more for them to understand that it’s OK to feel things.” Although his own dad is a “really sensitive man”, he says that many are not taught how do that without fear they will be judged. “We’re all humans and we all feel. You should never be afraid to say what is on your mind. Men should have a Super Bowl for feelings,” he suggests. Increased attention has been paid to men’s mental health in recent years. British Men have the Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) aims to challenge a culture that prevents men seeking help when they need it, highlighting that in Britain the single biggest killer of men under 45 is suicide. Men and women experience many of the same mental health issues, but men with depression or anxiety may hide emotions and express anger or aggression instead, according to the US National Institute of Mental Health.

Missed connections

Pressure is men who express their love for family or friends as feminine and emasculated, according to Phil Chan, a digital artist from California. “My dad never told me he loved me, even though I know he does. He did not hug me even now in his eighties I will love to hear it.”Phil Chan: "I think the #Metoo movement has opened up communications between genders"Phil Chan: “I think #Metoo movement opened up communications between genders.“After I told my closest friends how I feel about them, if, it brought us closer together. We hug on a regular basis!” Phil also explained that when caring for his baby nephew, women in public would assume he was clueless about looking after an infant. At a party with his nephew, a group of women criticised him, giving instructions on how to “properly” change and hold the baby. He worries this negatively affects men’s hopes about fatherhood. “I think if men might to be more vulnerable, we could be more compassionate and empathetic,” he suggests.Mark is a software developer in Sydeny, AustraliaMark is a software developer in Sydney, Australia. Mark Pursey, 46, suggests that men find it difficult to foster friendships if they meet a new person. In contrast to men many women who enthusiastically exchange contact information. “I have definitely got a mental list of ‘missed connections’ where I met some guy at a random event got on really well. It’s like ‘see you later dude’ and we never meet again.” He says that in many cases this overwhelmingly leads to loneliness and isolation. Mark says that’s because men are “not learning the emotional labour stuff”, adding, “we like to show off but not put in the boring maintenance work in relationships. “It’s like we still need play dates organised for us.”

Sexual virility

Another issue talked about is men feeling uncomfortable when peers blatantly check out or sexualize women, commenting on their appearance. “It can get toxic easily, and as a guy we’re expected to contribute. It’s happened a lot and it’s so uncomfortable. Just being around that conversation makes me feel dirty,” commented Alan Gretch, 21, from the US state of Nebraska.Alan is completing a Masters in human services to become a counsellorAlan is completing a Masters in human services to become a counsellor. Alan says these conversations are common especially when there are no women around: “They range from ‘this person is hot’ to more graphic descriptions of girls.” He says it’s difficult to challenge men when the conversations begin. “It’s bully, be bullied, or stay silent. It’s a no win situation,” Alan explains. Anxiety about expectations of sexual virility was raised by many contributors on Twitter. “The idea if you’re not: drinking heavily, trying to shag everything moves, living and breathing sport, solving problems with violence, competing with other men to be the ‘alpha’, then you’re not a man,” wrote Neil Walsh. Another user added assumptions of sexual advances are often made when he tries to be “just friends” with women, adding “Yes I know there are very good reasons for this.”

I don’t want to be daddy

Gin Lowdean, in Edinburgh, Scotland, revealed that her four-year-old son told her he doesn’t want to be a dad when he grows up. Instead he’s “excited to be a mummy.” When Gin pointed out most men don’t become mothers, he became sad because “Daddies have to work all the time, they never get to dance and nobody hugs them.” Gin explained that she was shocked because her husband is very affectionate with his sons, but she presumes her son picked up idea from nursery and television. “His dad was devastated, he hugs him all the time and loves to dance,” she explained, adding that to try to rectify the issue by purchasing books about how to express feelings of stories, challenge traditional masculinity. Express yourself honestly and be polite and upfront with feelings. Its vital learn how to talk to each person because of individual differences know that people hear things from their point of view. Consider yourself in the other’s shoes before you speak, text, telephone, call or write them a letter. Your goal is to be a friend, acquaintance, colleague or date and marry. Be specific of your motives for  expressed not to belittle or blackmail to manipulate or abuse their emotions. Women are very sensitive to words and so remember to be careful what you say because they never forget the details of conversations. No matter how long ago, women remember where conversations take place, when it took place, what worn and tone of voice and moods. Women pay particular attention to details, colours, shapes, sizes, context and your choices of meals, drinks etc. So do not talk out of frustration or anger to offload and dump feelings on others for relief. Respect differences, be pragmatic and agree to disagree when feelings are not mutual. Above all consider effects of your feelings on others if you do really care about them you must compromise and find neutral ground to corporate. 

Twitter post by @caitlinmoran

“I do think if us men were ta

Georgina Rannard, UGC & Social News

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HIGHLY EDUCATED STUPID?

051a9879c98b9715605584256aeb1a99c50c6a-wmThis outrageous statement is brought to our attention through debate by people discussing the direction of the world. It was argued George Orwell and Pascal, among great achievers and influencers never went to university yet successful. Some points made include these facts as follows: that education restricts natural wisdom and insists on compliance and conformity of students. One size fits all curriculum is not designed to promote natural skills, talents or abilities rather imposes views and propaganda agenda of a dominant culture. Regardless of the relevance of education to each student its compulsory to study pass assessed on league table to determine course of career. Generalised syllabus is market driven for sales and profit for lucrative exam boards which is another factor. So government funding based on category of subjects considered for grants means schools must present candidates for the courses without teachers and resources to qualify for allowance for the budget. Children’s subjects imposed on them for the sake of keeping up appearances but their certificates registered ‘failed’ even though hardly taught subjects. A school size matters too so their population size determines the amount school receives. Children incapable of reading, spelling, communicating by up to date academic standard copy subjects not taught so it seems performance is excellent in their school report. Teachers do performance related but struggle with children below average forced to learn. Exceptionally gifted talented children suffer because time for lessons too limited to motivate them at their level. Some are bored and lose interest or are homeschooled by a parent giving up career to teach them. It is the context of such extreme cases that frustrate students that they become an educated person. Hoping to get a job to earn income or take loans to continue higher and further education. Despite a life choice in either direction education is still not considered enough to meet all needs of everyone in society. The elite view is that education is the key to life to solve all problems. nelsonmandela1Get so cross when others don’t take such view of education as they do due to a sense of entitlement. People talk of culture of entitlement by those who live on benefits but the elite has its own entitlement culture. They think because they studied at particular University or a specific subject it means they understand the world better than a ‘plebeians.’ They think they are superior so their view should prevail. They also think they are morally superior because they hold views they are told, virtuous. Anyone who appears not to subscribe to these views considered a sinner or else appallingly misled by some other evil force. It is outrageous to elite works of “devil” should prevail against them. It is they who are virtuous so knows best as the chosen ones. Their views or ideas they impose on others they expect and intend to prevail whether society likes it or not. This basic fundamental belief is the construct of education as if every other culture is tabula rasa non-existent blank society waiting to be civilised. It is such condescending biased views some responses complained damages diverse cultures in society. Jefferson-education-768x476Forced, suppressed and the subdued by compulsory subjects to tow the line of only civilised society. History is always written by victors from their point of view portraying victims as perpetrators. Underlying fear is that subdued cultures will find way to overcome suppression to make new life for themselves without total dependence on dominant culture. Their economies will collapse because other cultures are the extension of their market place. Without selling good to such cultures will be limited in growth. Secondly, resources exploited from this cultures will not be available if they can process and sell it directly to each other without the middleman meddling with their minds and paying them with old rustic weapons to fight and kill each other. The study of some subjects never come up int classroom way down at the bottom of the curriculum. There is not enough weeks in the year to reach the subject deliberately fixed in the holiday months. Disparity of one-way education limits an appropriate knowledge of the dominant culture who despise and lack understanding “plebeians.” benjaminfranklin1-2xDerogatory attitude towards the other culture, insults treating them as inferior permeates society. Causes frustration of younger generations made to think they will improve their lot in life through an education. It is worse after education because theory does not match reality in life worst of all now heavily indebted without jobs. Irony is billionaires have free accommodations, free perks or free fares to fly globally to spend allowance given them in free hotels paid for. And the compulsory educated look on while it seems provisions are readily available for certain elites of society from their taxes paid. Worst of all the least treated are original owners of wealth misused and flaunted in their faces. How does an elite class indulging in luxury expect the starving hungry ‘plebeian’ servant class running up and down to fulfill all their egotistical demand and tantrum wishes to feel? Is too much to ask to live and let live to agree to disagree? Go to remotest hovel on planet earth and TV is there, fresh clean spring water rejected for the unhealthy fizzy sugary drink, packaged canned food preferred to a rich natural local nourishment in the name modern sophistication. Free milk ban in schools led to fizzy drink increasing allergies. ekhaya-ekasiWomen must consulted for an inclusive policy to benefit familes, disabled and all sectors of society. Education cannot be just to enrich a few powerful men in power to waste resources only on their wants at the expense of all people. The everyday reports shows people’s health damaged by junk food published in data and statistics by many nutrition boards. Environment is destroyed by persistent distorted belief a privilged few deserve the best in life. Others flabbergasted like cargo cult want imported things best to consume than grow their local produce. Unless agricultural students or a family business, farm producing poultry, cattle milk etc. most educated want to sit by computer all day. They sincerely believe educated people must never do the blue colour jobs. Billions all over the world are waiting and hoping for day things will automatically fall into place so they will become rich like those they aspire to be like. They do not realise the most successful people spend years on shop floor learning skills, doing odd jobs and perfecting crafts before breakthroughs. Many strongly think preposterous ideas, flaunted on a social media followed by a lots of people suddenly turns to millions dollars to make them rich. Look to a few making billions misguided and misled by online money scams. Rich offshore accounts of hidden wealth of the rich is grown by a pyramid scheme investors creating debts for the young who want such expensive things free too. alberteinstein1-2xSome think expensive products with the glamorous packaging thrown away is a better quality. This misnomer is driving society geared it towards AI robots and a driverless car creating unemployment due to fear middle classes will take over to control society. Perpetually subdue, stress put under pressure mental health sleepless nights on medication driven to suicide because of policies harassing citizens. What is good for the goose is not obviously good for the gander with low pay for the women doing equal jobs it seems education has a lot to learn from society to fix itself. It seems Jesus’ words of that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer is played right before our eyes. It is as if licence is given to the rich to go all the way out to exploit the poor to humiliate to fulfil the prophecy of Jesus. Jesus the OWNER of all wealth will hold educated elite rich to account for how they managed and shared HIS WEALTH.  Projects enrich wealthy who can afford to pay while people deemed less in society on scandalous zero hour contract or work hard but go to food banks for food. They deliberately kill off society softly keeping wealth for greedy privileged few. The world is soon going to be over elite need to reconsider their views towards God’s priceless humans created treated badly. Read Revelations 19:15-19 describing the consequences of mistreatment of plebeians by the highly educated who consistently maintain the structures that affects people. They may not value them but are Highly Valued by God their CREATOR. Fear of lacking resources drives many to deprive others but remember God Owns it all. Why will you gain the whole world and perish by losing your soul to material things that cannot be taken out of this world. Yet is going to be used by God to judge people for not sharing material things totally useless in heaven or hell depending on destination. Intelligence in not enough because education is one component of life among other factors: family matters, child or elderly care, health, neighbours and finances. More years are spend on education but untrained to handle long-term life issues concerning others.bertrandrussell1-2x

In 1999 in publication of David Dunning and Justin Kruger the psychologists had noticed in prior studies that areas like reading comprehension, playing chess, driving car, blissful ignorance is falsely confident more than a knowledgeable. Cornell University conducts experiment on effect showing less competent people overestimate their own skills and don’t recognize when other’s superior skills. It requires competent skills to produce a right answer to recognize right answers in life. Smart people listen attentively to consider argument before any decision.

3. Stupid people react by aggressive anger 

The smartest people do get angry from time to time but for the less intelligent people its go-to reaction if things aren’t going their way. Loss of control over a situation tends to use angry aggressive behavior to secure their view. Research by University of Michigan studying 600 participants with parents and children, over 22 years found distinct correlation between aggressive behaviour and the lower IQ-score. The researchers wrote in their elaboration: “We hypothesized low intelligence made learnt aggressive responses more likely at early age, and this aggressive behaviour continued so an intellectual development difficult.”750124-Neal-Stephenson-Quote-The-difference-between-stupid-and (1)

4. Stupid people ignore needs feelings of others  

Intelligent people tend to be very good at empathizing with others. This makes it easy for them to understand another person’s point of view. Russel James of the Texas Tech University conducted a representative study with thousands of Americans and found out that people with a higher IQ are more inclined to give without expecting anything in return. As it turns out, an intelligent person is better at assessing the needs of other people and also more likely to want to help them. “People with higher cognitive ability able to understand and fulfill needs of distant others.” People less smart have a hard time imagining people think differently than them so disagree with them. A concept of doing things for others without expecting a favour in return is foreign to them. It’s completely normal, human, important to keep balance between need to pursue our goals but consider other’s feelings.

5. Stupid people think better than all

Intelligent people motivate and help others because they are not afraid of being overshadowed. They have healthy level of confidence and smart enough to accurately assess own competence. The stupid people on the other hand tend to badmouth others in order to look better themselves. They believe they are above everyone else so always quick to judge. Prejudice is not a sign of intelligence. A Canadian “Psychological Science” study by two scientists at Brock University of Ontario found “those with low IQs tend more in favour of harsh punishments, more homophobic and more likely to be racist.” Many biologists believe human ability to cooperate is instrumental to our overall development. It means the most important signifier of intelligence is being good at working with others.

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David Dunning and Justin Kruger 1999 Psychologists, Smart and Stupid people, University of Michigan.

VALUE & CARE FOR ELDERS

God says value elders and care for them so you will live long and be blessed by God it will be well with you. This is the commandment God made and condition attached for those obeying word of God. There are three types of care provided for elders depending on their needs. 1. Medical Care for their health by doctors, pharmacists, nurses and auxiliary staff. 2. Personal Assistants: family, friends or employed to feed, wash, clean premises, personal hygiene, laundry, shop, outing and talking to them as human beings daily if able to communicate. If unable to talk suitable contact for awareness so not alone. 3. Financial Provisions by family if they can afford it or support from public funds. Examine your life and see which category of care needs is possibly provided by you. There are so many unsung heroes 24/7 doing all care needs alone without support or respite care or break to rest and recover from stress. God says HE judges the nations by care provided for “the least of these” in society which includes elders. Those unable to repay the cost of kindness and generosity towards them is important to Jesus who at times disguises Himself to test love for others. There is assumption as long as money is sent regularly to the elders, latest most expensive gadget and grandest designer homes provided, paid for agency staff taking care of them they will be fine. Genuine caring agencies have limited time per person from 15 minutes to hour because of shortage of staff. Quality care impossible to provide within such a limited time frame. They must spread their time between many patients and rush through care because it’s so expensive to pay for the services. Most elders are forced to sell the family homes to pay for medical care so have no inheritance left to pass on to loved ones. These elders sacrificed and fought wars to defend and protect the nation’s and resources taken for granted by the modern generations. Sadly, when elders are too old to work, earn or mobile they are considered useless by very society indulging in their labour, sweat or toils. cheerful african family at home using tablet pcRemember one day you too will grow old and must not forget the elders. Many have incomes that can provide for elders but choose to ignore them. Others lost contact so do not have awareness of their wellbeing whether they are even alive. Many live close by for many years unknown to each other until after death they discover how near each other they were. A misconception of Bible to “leave father and mother and cleave to wife” misinterpreted by some to mean ABANDON FAMILY. So they cut the family off, isolate themselves from a family that sacrifice everything to raise them into who they are. They prefer the company of their vibrant friends as the society promotes friendships above the family. Many do not realise they can set up funds to provide an elders needs and delegate assistant for the personal care PAY for their time and services and not taken for granted because relatives in the family. Gadget care is good idea but is limited in PRACTICAL FUNCTIONS so mechanised human care. People in their last stages of life need comforting touch of healing even from a hired wellbeing or death doula is better than complete isolation. Often an elder in “second childhood” of life is literally a helpless toddler unable to think, decide or care for themselves. This shocks the family who watch a strong parent turn into a helpless child. To many people they seem as acting to demand attention so may not be helped immediately. It is after years of trying in vain before the help required is ascertained for them. It is necessary to understand some cannot keep up with paper work, documents, online technology constantly changing, become forgetful and in extreme cases suffer from dementia. Dementia means they have no control over thoughts so can offend others, use perverted speech totally unlike them in the previous years. May eat but forget and say they have not eaten or not eat and say they have eaten. Those immobile are carried like baby, washed, fed or use commode wheelchair, zema frame. ideas_reuniones_familiares.destacadaActive elders can be slow in walking or going up and descending stairs as Mr Bean’s video experience shows. Some drive slower or misunderstand road signs so find themselves in the wrong lane. Its not attention seeking deliberate winding of modern generations. It is the lack of awareness due to peering society so seen as them versus us. It is worse if they cannot express themselves or they became dependent on the very people they raised. Some unfortunately resent them or are embarrassed due to their nature, illness or condition. Elders now live longer due to better health care but after pension some outlive their income and need top up from the family or the society as a whole. The amount of waste thrown away can be used to provide the care needed. So many unemployed can volunteer to help clean premises, shop and cook for those who want help. Pool of human resources available is ignored for the sophisticated expensive gadgets gulping limited resources. So society is responsible for all elders not privileged few whose needs are not compromised. It’s beyond belief how quickly resources are made available for some while the others are delayed or ignored because not regarded as human enough. Above all nobody brought anything into this world or will anyone take anything out. So GOD is the source of all human life and the material resources HE provides for the well-being of all. A competitive spirit wants to be seen as having the best and most expensive material things mislead some to not provide for elders. Take a look at past gadgets, you often ask yourself “what was I thinking?” You laugh at old useless past fads, fashions, bags, shoes, clothes, hairstyles, decors, gadgets, or phones, homes etc. prices paid for by starving elders abandoned. Some use coban excuse to give to God, church, other societies, organisations, charities, animal welfare but not give to human relatives. The irony is those abandoned elders celebrated after death by family members dressed like going to wedding. Changing funeral clothes to show off or partying into late hours, nights for days, weeks and some for months. The house painted, decorated to impress guests, plenty food or drinks provided to feed thousands. But if elder requested help for food or a medicine ignored as needy or greedy or too demanding. Fear of not burying in grand style overrules need to provide adequate care to celebrate life while alive. Needs of the elders must be compulsory academic subject taught in schools to put some sense into modern generations to teach them respect and value of senior citizens who built the nation’s they enjoy so take for granted. Volunteer must support professional medical teams and value each other. Befrienders can visit and talk to elders to keep them in their own homes than lump them together just for high profit margins at the expense of priceless lives now devalued and treated as worthless by those who do not understand God’s command with condition attached for the good of the blesser and the blessed. The government must stop punishing carers and mothers who provide 24/7 care often treated as unemployed. They provide care, manage home and work in addition but mistreated. Human life is priceless and children, women, elders pay the price for reckless policies that abandon those not considered worthy for equal treatment by privileged. Those working have limited time allowed off work to care for elders, forced, abandon them to work to pay for their rent, basic food without the essential human touch. Everyone has relative somewhere who is elderly and needs their attention and care. Others may not be aware a family extends beyond 2:4 structured family. It is not EASY to care but God’s command instructs all to value and care for elders who bear or sacrificed their life to help you. God did not say only care if they are perfect, so do it through negotiated family team appointed, well noted by all on board of care plan. Past cultures use to frown on stranger seeing ‘nakedness’ of elders but better than abandonment. If you do not provide care while elders are alive, spare yourself debt to impress your friends for grand funeral. God will not ask you how grand was their send off funeral party you organised. God will ask for souls you provided for alive, entrusted to you, believe it or not. God says your life and wellbeing depends on their care. Ethical medicine must treat them as humans not commodities for sale to lowest bid cheap services. Some carers punished “as not working” this must be reconciled to treat them well as foster carers paid for doing same jobs. Just because they are relatives or family members does not mean they do not provide excellent care. In fact the elders prefer loved ones in their last moment but work prevents them. So those who choose to fulfil God’s command to care for and value their loved ones must not be treated less than other professional carers. Elders and poor people must be valued and treated better everywhere in the whole world including deprived underprivileged in Western countries to obey God in Jesus Name.

ANOREXIA DAMAGES BODY

Lizzie Porter lived with anorexia throughout her teens. Now in late 20s, she’s been discovering that those years of starvation have left a lasting imprint on her body. “You have osteoporosis in your spine and osteopenia in your hip. I’m going to put you on calcium and vitamin D and I think you should take them forever. We need to prevent breaks and fractures.” It is May 2018, and my doctor’s words jolt me out of a long-standing state of denial. They come with a set of complicated graphs, which apparently show my low bone density. I don’t understand them. But I can read the words printed next to a fuzzy X-ray-like picture of my spine: “World Health Organization classification: osteoporosis. Fracture risk: high.” For years, I have muddled along, pretending to myself that I had pretty much made a full recovery from anorexia. Yes, I was told back in 2010 that I had osteoporosis. But over the next eight years I persuaded myself that things must have improved, that the holes in my spine must have healed.

Sadly, they haven’t.


Osteoporosis and osteopenia

  • Osteoporosis is a condition in which bones lose their strength and are more likely to break
  • If your bone density is between the lower end of the normal range and the osteoporosis range, you have osteopenia.

Source: National Osteoporosis Society


I was first diagnosed with anorexia at the age of 12, and soon experienced its unglamorous consequences. As summers grew hotter, I shivered: I was like a reptile, unable to generate my own body heat. In winter, my skin cracked and bled, but would not heal, for want of nutrition. I had constipation, bloating and my hair fell out in great clumps. My life revolved around avoiding food.  Over the past 15 years, I have had two in-patient stints in hospital and taken thousands of antidepressants – anorexia is often accompanied by a low mood, sometimes even a suicidal mood is one reason it has the highest mortality rate of all psychiatric disorders. I have seen more doctors than I can be bothered to remember. I have done my best to keep what my mother calls the “anorexic minx” in my mind in check, preventing it from doing a Jack-in-the-Box-style bounce back into my life. The desire to get on with things has spurred me to give up many of my anorexic behaviour patterns. Time was, I would spend hours weighing out salad components in the kitchen, using a different knife to chop each tomato, cucumber and lettuce leaf. I no longer want to waste time on my old routines. And, mostly, I do not.

Lizzie Porter and Muhammad EidoLizzie Porter with a friend – her teeth may look healthy but have required expensive treatment

Anorexia caused my body to age rapidly and I am struggling with the disorder’s longer-term consequences. Osteoporosis involves loss of bone density, and in later life may lead to painful breakages, curvature of the spine, and loss of height. Although it has many causes and often affects post-menopausal women, anorexics are also at risk, especially girls who develop the illness at puberty when the body is trying to build a strong skeleton. For a day or so, the bone scans shake me awake. I walk around the Lebanese capital Beirut, where I live, feeling a bit sick. What am I doing to myself? The thought rolls over in my mind. I remember one elderly woman in my home village in Hertfordshire, who used to walk bent double. Osteoporosis is an old ladies’ problem, I tell myself angrily. I am only 27. Yet all too soon I return to my state of calm apathy. I pretend that my bones aren’t really thin and weak. I’m strong and perfectly healthy, I tell myself, even though I am on calcium and Vitamin D supplements for life, I get dizzy when I stand up, and blood tests show I have been suffering badly from anaemia – a lack of red blood cells or haemoglobin in the blood. To improve my bone density I should eat more and gain a little weight. But my life is “too busy” to deal with the stress of challenging the last remnants of my anorexic behaviour. I still add up my daily calorie count on a calculator, and I am prone to lash out at anyone who forces to me to eat things I am scared of, such as cake, pastry and cream. This year I have at least allowed a friend to coax me into ordering salad with oil – this fills me with pride, though at the same time I feel ashamed of years I spent worrying over salad dressing. But I need to go further. Osteoporosis is not the only long-term effect of my anorexia. The loss of bone density has also affected my teeth, which ache and easily rot. Since the beginning of the year I have spent £4,200 ($5,500) on dental treatment, including eight fillings, root canal treatment, two crowns and an implant.

X-ray of Lizzie Porter's teeth
 X-ray of Lizzie Porter’s teeth

“The lack of calcium and vitamin D is definitely contributing to this,” says my doctor – a GP who happens to be a specialist in eating disorders. One upshot of my weak teeth and gums is that after years of being subject to psychological barriers that restricted my diet, I now have physical ones. Anything chewy, crunchy or cold is almost impossible to eat. Can you recover from anorexia?

  • A 2002 study found that 46% of patients made a full recovery, a third improved (but retained some eating disorder symptoms), and 20% remained chronically ill over the long term
  • The eating disorder charity, Beat, says recovery is always possible with the right help and support – but what recovery looks like is individual to the person
  • It adds that most medical complications arising from anorexia are reversible, but not all – for example, osteoporosis

It is difficult to predict how badly anorexia will affect each sufferer’s long-term health: bodies react in different ways. Other possible long-term effects can include infertility and difficulty conceiving, heart problems, and kidney and liver complications, according to the UK-based eating disorders charity, Beat. “I don’t think people realise the dangers of the illness and its physical and mental consequences, including the suicide risk. I know it frightens people, but we need to know the facts,” says Jane Smith, chief executive of the UK-registered charity Anorexia and Bulimia Care. The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence guidelines for treating anorexia instruct doctors to explain to sufferers that the main way of preventing and treating low bone density is “reaching and maintaining a healthy body weight or BMI for their age.”If I am entirely honest with myself, I know I have to try a little bit harder if I am to minimise the long-term consequences of anorexia. I certainly cannot go backwards. I have enough purpose in my life to want to live it. I have a job as a journalist that I love, friends I trust, and parents who support my every move. One morning this May, one of my closest friends, Leila, sent me a WhatsApp message in response to one of my many rants. I was tired and fed-up with life. “I’m not going to tell you a few kilos won’t make you fat, because that’s what’s in your head,” she wrote. “I’m going to tell you that you get to choose between being ‘fat’ and functioning, or thin and bed-bound. You get to be thin but your life is over. That’s all there is to it.”

What can I say? Most of me knows she is right.

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PLASTIC FREE PARTY CHOICE

Lindsay and Glen

Lindsay, 36, a writer from Kent, and her Australian husband Glen, 38, first tried living without plastic in 2012. It started out as a month-long challenge so turned into a way of life for the pair who live in Perth, Western Australia. “I’m more the driver than him but we got involved at the same time,” she says. “I’m the one that puts in more work but he agrees with all the values.” So going plastic free for their wedding, in 2014, was a no-brainer.Table decorationsPlastic finds way into weddings in many forms of food storage, drink packaging, decorations, flower delivery – that’s just the start. For Lindsay, who blogs about living without waste, trying to make her special day plastic free came first ahead of any other wishes. “We said we want to be plastic free ‘how can we do that,’ rather than saying, ‘We want roses, we want to have canapes, can we do plastic free memorable but not break the bank. Simplicity was key. To me simple means no fuss and devoting whole weekends to projects was out, says Lindsay.Food menuInvolving suppliers from outset was the most effective way of making a plastic-free event happen, she says. “It’s really about having conversations with people and explaining why you want to do it. People are willing.” But its about taking matters into you own hands. “If you get stuff delivered to you, that’s when it comes in packaging. It was making sure on the day we went to all the deli, the bakery et cetera so we could guarantee there was no packaging.” Eco Wedding Styles done includes recycled materials.Wedding decorations

  • Invitations: electronic, sent via email or Facebook
  • Flowers: freshly picked by family and friends from their gardens, arranged in old jam-jars
  • Decorations: borrowed lace bunting from old tablecloths and curtains • tins fished out of recycling bins and wrapped in twine and in hessian ribbon, which was also used for table runners • hired tablecloths and tea cups • bought beeswax candles in jars
  • Food: local businesses focused on locally sourced produce • hired pizza oven • cakes from a bakery that didn’t use plastic packaging • Indian snacks donated by a friend as a wedding gift
  • Drink: tap beer and cider • local wine • pre-made soft drinks served in jugs • loose tea and coffee • no straws
  • Tableware: venue’s own crockery and cutlery (although having pizza minimised amount needed) • borrowed glasses
  • Gifts: guests told not to buy presents – to avoid any waste and wrapping
  • Dress: rather than spend hours trawling charity shops, the bride bought a High-Street dress she wore again and then sold on eBay
  • Hair and make-up: used make-up bride had • washed hair with bicarbonate of soda and vinegar
  • Favours/confetti: did without it

Lindsay and Glen's weddingLindsay and Glen married local bowling club in Perth Lindsay accepts achieving a 100% plastic-free wedding also meant relying on other people. For wedding, they hired a pizza oven and used a local deli to provide fresh ingredients without plastic packaging but did they know what went on behind the scenes? “It’s possible some plastic that I didn’t see… whether he got a packet of salad in a plastic bag, I don’t know were counterbalanced by air miles required to fly her family albeit just four people to Australia. “In hindsight, I should have fallen in love with the guy in the village – but I didn’t,” Lindsay jokes. “I fell in love with a guy in Australia, so it’s one of those things you have to compromise. My parents, my sister and brother flying out for a wedding – it’s a one-off.” They did decide to have the wedding as local as possible in the city of Perth, rather than the countryside, to reduce driving distances. How difficult for Eugenie to achieve? Wedding planner Katrina Otter says working with the right people is key, as some of the more “old-school suppliers” are less keen to adapt. “Make sure you have the right team on board, work with a team willing to do it or one where it’s already part of their ethos.” She adds: Bride and groom might not know plastic involved cutlery wrapped in cling film. No royal wedding is complete without a vibrant floral display.The Duke and Duchess of Sussex leaving the chapelFlowers were a big part of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s wedding day And, traditionally, a key part of those has been the floral foam – the bricks of green, spongy foam that provide a foundation for floral arrangements, as well as a water source. Katrina says finding an alternative to the non-biodegradable plastic material has become a big issue for the industry and many florists are looking to do it another way. The florist who created the displays for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s wedding, Philippa Craddock, says she didn’t use any floral foam for their big day. The number of couples requesting plastic-free weddings is on the rise, says Katrina, although it remains a small proportion. Another issue to consider for any bride having live TV coverage is the hair and make-up. Kate Arnell, who blogged about her zero-waste wedding, in 2014, says she found it tricky to find plastic-free make-up and hair products. There are a lot more available and since swapped to plastic-free alternatives she says. Whether Princess Eugenie opts for Lindsay’s bicarbonate of soda, vinegar concoction on hair yet to be confirmed. Eugenie wedding wants plastic free on big day. In addition to venue, food and drink, music, the dress, hair and make-up, a bride’s checklist goes on. And also Princess Eugenie added another factor into equation her wedding to be plastic free. The Queen’s granddaughter, who is marrying Jack Brooksbank on 12 October, told British Vogue the couple’s house was anti-plastic and want our wedding to be like that as well.” So how realistic is it? Lindsay Miles discovered, there are quite a few things to take into consideration. If it is just one day, why bother? “A wedding is such a significant day that it’s even more important to be true to your values than on any other day,” says Lindsay. “You can’t go back on your values just because you’re getting married.”

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Related Topics

FASTFASHION HARMS EARTH

ClothesFast fashion is harming the planet, MPs say environmental impact of disposable clothing in perfect condition needs to be tackled urgently.  Young people’s love of fast fashion is coming under scrutiny of Britain’s law-makers. MPs say fashion industry is major source of greenhouse gases overheating the planet. Discarded clothes are piling up in landfill sites and fibre fragments are flowing into the sea when clothes are washed. The retailers admit more needs to be done, but say they are already working to reduce the impact of their products.Graphic: Numbers on our consumption of fashion

What do MPs say?

The House of Commons Environmental Audit Committee says there is a basic problem with an industry that relies on persuading people to throw away good clothes because they are “last year’s colour.” Psychilogical manipulation of a person feeling left out if not wearing the latest clothing means some even wear an item only once. So do not want to be seen photgraphed or attending function in same clothes. Those who do are even mocked and laughed at by their peers. It has serious consequences because it is affecting the environment. It quotes evidence that:

  • British shoppers buy far more new clothes than any nation in Europe
  • People buy twice as many items of clothing as they did a decade ago
  • Fish in the seas eat synthetic fibres dislodged from the washing

The MPs have written to the UK’s top fashion bosses asking how they can maintain the £28bn benefit their industry brings to the UK economy, while reducing the environmental harm. They believe swift action is essential, because if current clothes consumption continues “…they will account for more than a quarter of our total impact on climate change by 2050”, chairwoman Mary Creagh told BBC News. “Three in five garments end in landfill or incinerators within a year that’s expensive fuel! Half a million tonnes of microfibres a year enter the ocean. Doing nothing is not an option.”Second-handMore clothing must be re-used or gifted

What are the solutions?

The committee’s report to government could include a call for the fashion industry to create less pollution, a demand for longer life for garments and a ban on dumping clothes in landfill. The MPs also have concerns about social impacts. They believe fast fashion is fuelling quick turnarounds among suppliers, which may lead to poor working conditions. Among their questions to retailers are:

  • Do you pay the living wage and how do you ensure child labour is not used in factories?
  • Do you use recycled materials?
  • How long do you keep clothes, and how do you encourage recycling?
  • Do you incinerate unsold or returned stock?
  • How are you reducing the flow of microfibres into the sea?Presentational grey line

The Retailers Response?

Peter Andrews, head of sustainability at the British Retail Consortium, told BBC News population growth and increased demand have led to an increase in the overall volume and environmental impact of clothing. But said members are now designing products that are made to last, and they are encouraging customers to return unwanted clothes for reuse. “We know more needs to be done, but the best answers will be achieved with collaborative global actions.” The companies approached by MPs are: M&S, Primark, Next, Arcadia, Asda, TK Maxx and HomeSense, Tesco, JD Sports Fashion, Debenhams, Sports Direct International.

Science & Environment

BLESSED BY GIVING UP SEAT

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God ALMIGHTY blesses those who bless HIS Children according to Genesis 12:3, Benson Idahosa prophesied, “As Aliko Dangote blessed T.L Osborn by giving up his seat for him on plane so the world will stand up for Aliko Dangote, Forbe’s wealthiest man for many years in Africa. Dangote was born on April 10, 1957 in Northern Region of Kano State, Nigeria to Mohammed Dangote and Mariya Sanusi Dantata. An ethnic Hausa showed love for business selling sweets in primary school. As a  teenager, he began to work for his uncle Sani Dangote and served diligently. In 1977 after 20th birthday approached his uncle and told him of his masterplan to establish a business to trade in cement, sugar, rice, pasta, salt, cotton, millet, vegetable oil and other products. His uncle provided a loan of N500,000 but gave a caveat to Aliko to return the loan within three-months time line practice at the time. Dangote first of all relocated to Lagos in June 1977, the commercial nerve centre of Nigeria and travelled around Nigeria to develop a strong distribution channel for a quick and efficient delivery of his products. A few years earlier, the Benin Airport constructed served as one of his routes to the Niger-Delta or South-South area of Nigeria. Benin, through 39 year old Benson Andrew Idahosa established a young Christian in the Assemblies of God pastored Church of God Mission. As Idahosa returned from missionary trip in America Gordon Lindsay, Jim Bakker and T.L Osborn. Tommy Lee Osborn, a great evangelists responded to Benson Idahosa’s letters in 1962. A relationship resulted in Osborn’s visits with his wife, Daisy to Benin on crusades or Idahosa’s Church. In 1970snT.L and Daisy Osborn stayed ministering at Miracle Centre of Church of God Mission opposite Airport. Late to catch flight to Lagos to connect a flight in Johannesburg -France, England to USA Idahosa told last flight for that day was overbooked. No seats available, the passengers boarded and flight about to take off. The jetliner begun to taxi to the runway. Benson Idahosa’s mercedes sped towards tarmac and screeched to a halt in front of plane

All was well for Alhaji Kassim Ajisebata. Business was booming, prospects were looming and he had friends in high places. He was a well-known business man in Kaduna, Nigeria, well established and wealthy. But these good times ended all too soon as his life took a tragic twist. His business collapsed and his close associates flee. Having lost everything he had labored for, he found himself moving from one spiritualist to another, desperate for a way out. The ‘way out’ they offered him came in the form of charms and mysterious items. In one extreme desperation, he was taken to a stream and taught some diabolical incantations. He was also given various evil items supposedly to restore his fortunes but he discovered that they did the absolute opposite. The items included pots with sand inside, black soap, a sponge, oil and other strange substances. He was also given a cloth from the graveyard which he was told to keep under his pillow. These practices isolated him from normal life. His friends became the dead and his comfort was the graveyard. Both day and night, he would be tormented by dead people, following him and hunting him down. He was a dead man living. With his body plagued with sickness, he began in earnest to seek for deliverance. One night in a dream, he saw many elderly people coming towards him and then he heard a voice say, “Go to Prophet T.B. Joshua”. At that instant, he woke up and determined to visit The SCOAN. Alhaji Kassim Ajisebata Sitting in The SCOAN Sunday Service the previous week, the man of God, Prophet T.B. Joshua pointed him out, prophesying that he had some mysterious objects in his house. alhaji-kassim-ajisebutu-1Confirming the prophecy, he declared that it was 100 percent accurate. He went back home and returned last Sunday with his diabolical items. He displayed the mysterious diabolical items before the children of God, exposing what he had previously hidden, even from his own wife. Emphasizing that these items are now rendered powerless, Alhaji Kassim Ajisebata spoke of the freedom he had received in spirit, soul and body after receiving the prophecy. Now, he no longer has nightmares or sees dead people. He has peace and rest of mind and is free from diabetes and many other afflictions that had turned his body into an altar of sicknesses. He advised people to run to God and not away from Him. Short of words to express her joy at the freedom that has now taken over her once fetish home, his wife thanked God for delivering the family.