TACKLING DIFFICULT PEOPLE

wp-1578833977605.jpgQuestion: “What does Bible say about dealing with difficult people?”

Answer: We all know people we find so “difficult”and deal with difficult people. A difficult person is very condescending argumentative, belligerent, selfish, and flippant, obtuse, simply rude. Difficult people “push one’s buttons” and stir up trouble. Dealing with difficult people is an exercise in patience, love, and grace. Response to difficult people from Jesus’ interactions He never displayed attitude of harsh superiority or dismissive pride. wp-1578834260762.jpgHe showed His authority under control to rebuke when necessary in John 8:47 to deal with the difficult people, remain silent in John 8:6 when asked questions in Mark 11:28–29 in Scripture in Mark 10:2–3 tells story in Luke 7:40–42. In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus dealt with difficult people in love and humility: “I tell you: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you pray for all who mistreat you.wp-1578834206139.jpg If someone strikes you on a cheek turn the other. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to who asks you, if anyone takes what belongs to you don’t demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you” in Luke 6:27–31. Never give tit for tat: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult repay evil with blessing, for this you were called inherit blessing” in 1 Peter 3:9. In dealing with difficult people guard against pride.wp-1578834096919.jpg Its important to recall advise given by apostle Paul in Romans 12:3: “By grace of God I say to you don’t think too highly of yourself. Think of yourself with the humility by faith God has given you” in Philippians 2:3–4. When difficult people approach you deal with the situation in meekness. Love is the key to “Love your neighbour as yourself” in Galatians 5:14 to show God’s love to all difficult people. Wisdom is needed to deal with difficult people. In Proverbs 12:16 patience is the key to such relationships: “A fool shows his annoyance at once but the prudent man overlooks insult.” Proverbs 20:3 says peace-making of honour to avoid strife but fools quickly quarrel.”wp-1578834341622.jpg Proverbs 10:12, encourages giving love, “Hatred stirs up conflict but love covers all wrongs.” Proverbs 17:14 is foresight on “Starting quarrel like breaching dam as disputes breaks out” Best to avoid the situation altogether choosing carefully whom we associate with: “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered” in Proverbs 22:24. Dealing with difficult people in life is unavoidable but do not respond in the flesh to bring out worst in you. Deal with difficult people by the fruit of Spirit in us in Galatians 5:22–23.wp-1578834322634.jpg By the grace of God, deal with difficult people in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control. Extend love, grace, and mercy God extends to us, careful not to be difficult people ourselves. 2 Timothy 3 says in the last days the perilous times shall come. People will be lovers of  self, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful and ungrateful. 4 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, fierce, despisers of those who are good traitors, 5 heady, highminded lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; wp-1578833839523.jpgHaving a form of Godliness, but deny HIS power from such turn away. 6 This sort creep into houses and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of truth. 8 As Jannes and Jambres resisted Moses they resist truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith. 9 They will proceed no further their folly manifests to all 10 Know God’s doctrine for life’s purpose, faith, longsuffering, charity, patience, love, forgive like Jesus.wp-1578833896562.jpg9 They will proceed no further 11 So endure persecutions afflictions for the LORD delivers out of all. 12 Live Godly life in Christ Jesus despite persecution. 13 Evil people and seducers get worse deceiving and deceived 14 Continue in the things you learn and know 15 From childhood. You know Holy Scriptures to make you wise unto salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God is profitable doctrine for correction and instruction in righteousness 17 so the people of God perfectly furnished to do good works.

Recommended Resource: Who’s Pushing Your Buttons? Handling the Difficult People in Your Life by Dr. John Townsend

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SHOE GIVING JOY IN AFRICA

Ian Payne with shoe donationsIan Payne noticed conditions of runners’ shoes when he started a running group in Kampala. When staff sergeant Ian Payne moved his family from the UK to Uganda for work, little did he know that he would also embark on a journey of generosity. For the past eight months Ian has been on secondment at the High Commission of Uganda in the capital Kampala. He started a running group at a local boxing club and saw condition of the runners’ shoes. “I looked down and saw the boys’ shoes were in a bad way,” says Ian, who is originally from London. Felt fortunate for myself and my family but very sad inside as I could see poverty and I did not like it. Yet they were smiling and happy getting on with life, humbled me and I wanted to help.Boxing club member with shoesA young boxing club member receiving a pair of trainers. Ian thought about the number of shoes he no longer wore and quickly decided to donate his shoes. He enlisted help of friends and family to give away their spare shoes too. When I received them kitted out guys but had loads of shoes left over, says Ian who is part of the Adjutant General’s Corps in the British Army. Ian stops at a roadside to give trainers to youngsters. When he drives out of Kampala for business, Ian says he sees many people walking on roads with no shoes. “Out west it’s really bad,” he said. I keep shoes at the back of my vehicle if I see people without shoes, I pull over and give them a pair.wp-1578331833242.jpg Faces light up given shoes that arrived Ian thought of where he could donate them, visited the local orphanage giving dozens of shoes to children. Joy makes a difference, evident straightaway. Seeing their faces light up, they are so happy to receive something that seems simple to us. Many dropped to their knees saying ‘God bless you’, and praying.” When Ian posted appeal for shoe sharing on social media, the response was huge. So some people have contacted him saying they have created shoe collection stations in their local areas. Ian’s colleagues on the operational tours send donations. Many people sent shoes that have hardly been worn and are in good condition. Others may be old but are better than no shoes.Boxes of shoes in lorrySo far, Ian has received the majority of donations from the UK, but he has had interest from other parts of the world from Cyprus to the US. Its snowballed a social media response,” says Ian. “It is like a full-time job replying to messages. It started with trainers has expanded to any kind of shoes although don’t accept high heels! Its not convenient for long distance walks and types of jobs done. He says people also wanted to send him clothes but it was just him handling all the donations. I’m a one-man band but I recently asked my daughters to help me. Ian wants to take the trainers to more schools, particularly in rural areas. Ian wants to go to more schools orphanages particularly in rural areas where he has identified a need for shoes, for children. I really can’t stress enough how grateful they are to receive a pair of shoes,” he says. “Yet I still feel saddened as I barely scratched surface and so much more can be done.” African weather is so hot you can fry egg on stone. The sunshine heats earth bakes the feet and thorns prick soles of the feet.wp-1578395647559.jpg

PEEKABOO JESUS MOMENTS

wp-1578310280677.gifLast night Jesus appeared in the clouds and looked at us but didn’t say anything as we shouted Jesus. The looked like He just wants to show up to comfort people though Jesus is higher up from us in the heaven connects with us on earth. Then it was if He was playing peekaboo game with as He goes behind the clouds and then He shows Himself again and again.wp-1578310305448.gifThe second time a woman shouts, Jesus pointing at Him. We saw Him again the third time towards the right side of sky Jesus and surprised us getting out from behind clouds and resurfaces again as if playing a game of peekabo with us. He said nothing at all in the three times He showed up on same night a few minutes so saw us looking at Him and I woke up.wp-1578310384411.gifOften in crucial times Jesus shows up to reassure people He is aware of things going on earth so is in control despite circumstances of life. In these situations it is encouraging to see Jesus appear in dream in a sombre and playful manner. Didn’t have to say anything showing up is good enough for us. Gospels have the red letter words of Jesus Christ in Bible containing the GOOD NEWS message of Jesus to mankind.wp-1578310337242.gifA silent Jesus golden moment meeting sometimes like the quiet Quakers let the Holy Spirit manifest presence. God said be still and know I AM God so in silence and quietness is your confidence. Word of God says, “there is time to speak and time to be silent.” There are occasions in life we are so surprised that we become speechless. Silent interactions becomes the best priceless moments experienced by eye contact or silent embrace, a hug enjoying moment or just being present.wp-1578328584313.jpgA picture speaks a thousand words so to see each other face in face in the dream is amazing and wonderful. Joy of seeing Jesus knowing we are in His  Presence satisfies longing of our hearts to see our Lord again. Jesus intervenes on behalf of mankind so will come for Christian believers in Christ in Rapture imminent, but only God knows exact day, time and hour planned. Life is changing fast God is moving shaking things in the world.  Events happening in the world in Bible in Daniel 9-12 predicted sealed for such a time as this. Be sure you belong to God in Christ and your name  in book of life.

 

HAVE A BLESSED NEW YEAR

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DR. EPHRAIM KWAKU AMU

wp-1577717343772.jpgDr Ephraim Kwaku Amu was a famous Ghanaian composer, musictechnologist and teacher. He was born, 13 September 1899 at Peki-Avetile or Abenase in Peki in the Volta Region a male child born on Wednesday, Kwaku. His father Stephen Amuyaa Papa Stenafo was woodcarver, mother Sarah Akoram Ama. Ephraim was baptised by Rev. Rudolf Mallet, 22 October 1899. Amu in May 1906 aged 12 at the Peki-Blengo E.P. Boarding Middle School shows his interest in music and agriculture. Enjoyed music played in church by Mr Karl Theodore Ntem who played organ. Amu’s teacher of music on organ in return for work on Mr Ntem’s farm on Saturdays taught him  music he loved and did agriculture. In 1915/16 year, Amu passed the standard 7 School Leaving Certificate and Abetifi teachers Seminary Exams. With others walk 150 miles from Peki to Abetifi with boxes on head to start teacher training education. They rest at Koforidua, and NkawkawAsubone and Obomen. In college joined 25 others, Amu saw some students classmates had steel bicycles built his own bicycle from wood carved from a wooden slab in the bush near college.wp-1577730979485.jpgwp-1577717366195.jpgwp-1577719597840.jpgwp-1577717355385.jpgwp-1577717377384.jpgThe students discovered his handiwork named it Amu. It is on record the son of Swiss principal, Stern, enjoyed rides on Amu wooden cycle. Amu’s ingenuity led to carved wooden balls for their school games, which replaced imported balls used at the seminary. Amu completed his four-year teacher-catechist training in 1919. Newly graduating as a teacher-catechist, was one of the two preachers selected in the pulpit on behalf of fellow mates to preach to express appreciation to the tutors and townsfolk. The sermon was an assessment of the quality of the theological training offered to students. Amu chose sermon text from Matthew 25:40 for occasion themed, “the LORD will thank you for all the good you do for HIS little ones.” Amu used Twi and Ewe in his short sermon. Amu is known for his use atenteben, Ghanaian bamboo flute he promoted and popularized the instrument throughout the country, and composed music for it. Amu composed “Yen Ara Asase Ni” -This is our own land a nationally acclaimed patriotic song is performed at national functions.wp-1577717331895.jpgIn 1926 Amu transferred on promotion to the Presbyterian Mission Seminary at Akropong on recommendation of the Synod Committee of the Eʋe Presbyteria Hame. At Akropong, in his new ways of doing things, actions, ideas, unorthodox. In charge of gardening request students to use waste to manure college farm the students unpleased it was a taboo for an educated man to waste. Proved example carried waste to college farm ahead of unwilling students. Dr. Ephraim Amu employed no one to sweep his rooms, wash his plates or run errands for him. No manual work too menial or hard for him, believed in using African cultural artefacts and good African technological and social inventions. He preferred title Owura to “mister” prefix to his name. Dr Ephraim Amu selected Twi names for four new college dormitories completed in 1929. On request from Mr Ferguson Principal of Akropong Training college, Amu came out with a solfa and notation of street song “Yaa Amponsa” set to his own chaste words. His students enjoyed the new song, melody and new words. The street ballad Yaa Amponsa, popular with great appeal and appreciation.wp-1577717317363.jpgAmu learnt to speak correct Akuapem Twi from the members of his Akropong Church singing band who specialised in Amu’s type of African music during the period he led and taught the group. In 1927, inspired by the contents of Wasu, a journal published by the West African Students’ Union, Amu decided he would wear African dress with pride. So not to wear warm those unsuitable European clothes in the tropical Africa. He made efforts to make Christian church service meaningful to African worshippers who were ashamed of their African clothing, language, music or their African names. As part of his ingenuity and creativity Amu introduced bamboo odurogyaba, odurogya and atɛtɛnbɛn. In 1931 after Amu preached wearing African attire on Sunday, he was summoned to appear before the church court. Rev. Peter Hall told Amu, “We were taken aback to see you conduct a Sunday service in native cloth hope you will not do this again.” Amu in his polite manner took leave of the church session but decided in his heart to continue to work in the church as a catechist and music teacher than to become minister of the Gospel to accept wearing unsuitable European dress. In June 1942, Amu married Beatrice Yao and presented a wooden box made of the finest wood instead of an imported steel trunk to his bride. Dr Amu married at the age of 43 on 3 September 1942.wp-1577718179380.jpgDr Amu drove a truck almost similar to this with metal frames he drove around. On Saturday, 27 March 1965, University of Ghana conferred honorary degree of Doctor of Music on Ephraim Amu at University of Ghana, Legon. An Ephraim Amu Foundation was founded in 1995 launched in 2004 in his honour. Blessed to know Dr Ephraim Amu and visited his hometown to attend his son and his daughter in law friend whose wedding we attended. We knew Dr Ephraim Amu for five years in visits to his beautiful home. He is one of the great Pan African pioneers who did his part for Africa quietly in humility allowing his music and lifestyle to speak for itself. As the Ghanaians say, “a good quality product sells itself” without any attempt of spin doctor bulldozing inferior item sold. Dr Ephraim Amu did his best in life left his wonderful legacy of promoting African music, drum cultural values important to him. Dr Amu Day is celebrated as global icon ambassador of African costume culture, music, drums, organic agricultural production. He led by example, so extremely hardworking and it is a privilege to personally meet and know Dr Ephraim Amu’s works of music. He is acknowledged on currency of Ghana as a citizen who stood up for his country and traditions. Above all he loved God as a living testimony for all to see in humility to the Glory of God. Too young to fully understand or appreciate his Pan African cultural views, grateful and thankful for his life as Ho Technical college renamed after Dr Ephraim Amu.wp-1577727243415.jpgDr Amu’s music is underway by Galaxy Music imprint of ECS publishing Group, released three titles introducing non-Ghanaian choirs to his work to stir up interest in the wider corpus. A quarter of Dr Amu’s works is published in five collections out of print. Though some scores missing, autograph manuscripts fill most of void but are unpublishable. With his daughter Misonu Amu is being developed into a new edition of Amu’s scores through a process of comparing primary sources published and versions of audio recordings in consultation with Ghanaian members of team intimately familiar with Amu’s music performance practice. This new six-volume of critical performance edition will present works according to voicing. Thirty titles per volume organized as follows: 1-3) three volumes SATB scores, 4) A volume TTBB scores 5) Volume unison/duet/trio work 6) one volume instrumental pieces. Amu held students’ interest teaching simple African tunes and rhythms studied and adapted the popular traditional African dance, song. Amu also studied Western music and traditional African Music. He studied European Music: Bach, Mozart, Hadyn and other Masters. Amu before hid studies at the Royal College of Music London 1937 had a solid foundation in theory and practice of music. He studied harmony, counterpoint, orchestration, piano, composition of musician Herbert Howells and Gordon Jacob. Amu’s music studies in Europe prepared his musical career in Gold Coast, Ghana. wp-1577717343772.jpgDr Ephraim Kwaku from 1940, for fifty years led contemporary Ghanaian Art Music active musical life in Ghana. He established a Government Music School at Achimota and a Faculty member of University of Science and Technology, Kumasi. Established Music Department Institute of African Studies, University of Ghana at Legon as Senior Research Fellow from 1962-1971 then retired. Amu’s career created the National Orchestra of classical music in Ghana. The National Theatre, National Choir honoured Ephraim Amu, on his ninety- fifth birthday. Choir, conducted by Mrs. Dinah Reindorf performed the works by Amu. Amu’s music is classified into three distinct styles: Early period (1920-1937), middle period (1937-1951), third period (1952-1996). Early work is simple diatonic chords. Songs use duple, triple effect patterns: Biakoye (Unity), Israel Hene (King of Israel), Abibirimma (African Sons) Akwaabadwon (Welcome Song Hail Victors). Middle period works polyrhythmic polyphonic textures show fine music. Amu’s polyphonie textures in Ghanaian languages foundation for his works: Adawura Bome (Play for Me). Akyede Pa Mafo (Giver of Good Things). Amu’s works melo-rhythmic idiom of instrument music effective in writing songs vocals: Adawura Bome  (S.A.T.B.) (Play For Me) percussion rhythm gong and drum of sounds as kon kon kon and pete pete pete.’ Hyiawu hunters’ song. Alegbegbe…(God Loves World). Amu’s music preserves and reflects the linguo-musical dialect music to make culture relevant to Ghanaian music composed, collected and studied.wp-1577717343772.jpgDr Ephraim Kwaku 1958 plays bamboo flutes seprewa, atenteben, instruments developed so standardised. Akan drums atumpan and fontom in his works. His Agyinamoa Wou (demise of cat), scored to bamboo flute ensemble of Atenteben of piano. Amu provides the foundation for composers to contribute to growth sustains Ghanaian mix European music. Ethnomusicologists combine the strong academic interest in music styles. Amu’s vision influence composer’s integration of European African music element and relevant African ethnomusicology helps to understand his music distinguished by his career. Eweland music of Amu’s Asafo Ghanaian war set to Fante tunes of worship in church. Highlife popular West African music origin in Ghana use European- diatonic harmonics emphasis raised to the supertonic minor seventh, modulation dominant African rhythm. Percussive rhythm, parallel harmonics in thirds or sixths; melodic line pattern of texts, non-lexical syllables harmonic and rhythmic effects. ASεM YI DI KA Dr. E. Amu Art Music Ghanaian elements mix native with the European culture: Israel Hene (King of Israel) Odumayefo Ibrefo (Tiresome worker) Awurade Otumfo Kese (Our Great LORD) Onipa dawohoso (Be on guard) Yen Wura Jesu Anim Obi Nni Ho (None like Jesus) Wope Onyame Asenoa (To be like God) Akwaabadwon (Welcome victors) Hyiawu (Hunters’ song) Adawura borne (Play for me) Alegbegbe Mawu lɔ Xexeame (God loves world) Abibirimma (Sons of Africa) Tete Wobika  (proclaim) Nenyo De Wo Dede (Perfection) Mo koso So Mforo (Keep climbing) Onyame Ne Sahene (God Captains our host) Biakoye (Unity) Asafo (War music). Bonwere Kentenwene (Bonwere weave) Mawue Naa Me, Mawue Tea Me (God gives, God withholds) Akyede Pa Mafo (Giver of good things) Yen Ara Asase Ni (This is our land) Enne Ye Anigye Da (Its a joyful day) Ennye Yen Nyame (Not to us O LORD) Sam Befa (Collect what you left behind) Asem Yi Di Ka (Prime talk).wp-1577717410363.jpgUnited Nations must set 13th September Dr Amu International Pan African Day to be observed by the United Nations. It is important to designate specific day as occasion to mark events, topics in order to promote awareness and action of his objectives of the Organization. Member States propose observance and General Assembly to establish by resolution his contribution to music. Celebrations by specialized agencies of United Nations UNESCO, UNICEF, FAO this issues within their scope by the General Assembly.

Works by Ephraim Amu:

  • Amu, Ephraim. Twenty-five African Songs in the Twi Language. Music and words by E. Amu. Sheldon Press, 1932.
  • Amu, Ephraim. Amu choral works. Waterville Publishing House, 1993.
  • Amu, Ephraim. How to Study African Rhythm. The Teachers’ Journal (Accra) 6.2 (1933): 1933-34.

Works on Ephraim Amu 

  • Agawu, V. Kofi. The impact of language on musical composition in Ghana: An introduction to the music style of Ephraim Amu. Ethnomusicology (1984): 37-73.
  • Agawu, V. Kofi, and Ephraim Amu. “The making of a composer.” Black Perspective in Music (1987): 51-63.
  • Agyemang, Fred M. Amu the African: a study in vision and courage. Asempa Publishers, Christian Council of Ghana, 1988.
  • Amu, Misonu. Stylistic and Textual Sources of contemporary Ghanaian Art Music composer. A case study: Dr. Ephraim Amu.Unpublished M. Phil, thesis presented to the Institute of African Studies, Univ. of Ghana, Legon (1988).
  • Professor Kwesi Ampene, on Dr Amu, CU West African Music High Life International Studies Centre

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  • Atiemo, Abamfo Ofori Singing with understanding’: the story of gospel music in Ghana.” Studies in world Christianity 12.2 (2006): 142-163.
  • Beeko, Anthony Antwi. The Trail Blazers: Fruits of the Presbyterian Church of Ghana, 1828-2003. Afram Publications Ghana Limited, 2004.
  • Dor, George. Uses of indigenous music genres in Ghanaian choral art music: Perspectives from the works of Amu, Blege and Dor. Ethnomusicology (2005): 441-475.
  • Flolu, James. “Music teacher education in Ghana: Training for the churches or schools?.” Sounds of Change–Social and Political Features of Music in Africa. Stockholm: SIDA (2004): 164-179.
  • Nketia, JH Kwabena. The Historical and Stylistic Background of the Music of Ephraim Amu. Ephraim Amu, Amu Choral Works 1 (1963).
  • Nketia, J. H. Modern trends, Ghana music. African Music (1957): 13-17.
  • Oehrle, Elizabeth. Emerging music education trends in Africa. The Int.  journal of music educ.1(1991)23-29
  • Turkson, A. R. “The Bi-musical approach of Ephraim Amu to music education in Ghana.” Eleventh International Research Seminar in Ghana. 1986.
  • promoted choral music in Ghana
  • Laryea, Philip T. Ephraim Amu: Nationalist, Poet and Theologian (1899-1995) (Foreword by Emeritus Professor J. H. K. Nketia), Akropong-Akuapem, Regnum  Africa, 2012
  • Professor Flolu, Emmanuel James (1994) Re-tuning music education in Ghana: a study of cultural influences and musical development, dilemma confronting Ghanaian school music teachers. PhD thesis, University of York.

Amu composed several musical pieces, briefly summed up among the others:

  1. “Fare thee well”
  2. “Mawɔ dɔ na Yesu”
  3. “Nkwagye Dwom”
  4. “Dwonto”
  5. “Yetu Osa”
  6. “Israel Hene”
  7. “Onipa da wo ho so”
  8. “Yaanom Abibirimma”
  9. “Yen Ara Asase Ni”
  10. “Adawura abo me”
  11. “Samansuo”
  12. “Ale-gbegbe”
  13. “Mia denyigba lɔ̃lɔ̃ la”

Dr Amu composed the next song below based on the traditional craft of Kente weaving of Ghanaian national costume. Vibrant colours of fabrics of the textiles is so bright and techniques of weaving sounds so rhythmic he composed next song. Kente is impressive but expensive was originally worn only by kings and queens for centuries. Made popular by leaders now available to all to wear on special occasions. In memory of Dr Amu Ghanaians wear cultural costumes on Fridays to work to celebrate their independence from colonialism. Still under economic yoke Dr Amu will not be amused would compose a new song.

Bonwire Kente Song:
Akyinkyinakyinkyin ama mahu nneɛma

Akyinkyinakyinkyin ama mahu nneɛma,
Akyinkyinakyinkyin ama mate nsɛmma,
Asante Bonwire Kente nwene deɛ,
Manhu bi da o,
Asante Bonwire Kente nwene deɛ,
Manhu bi da o,
Kwame nim adeɛ yɔ
Ne kente nwono na abɔ me gye
Ne nsa; ne nan, n’asadua saa nie:
Kro, kro, krohikro,
Hi, hi, hi, hi,
Krohikro hi krokrokro,
Hi, hi, hi, hi,
Krohikro,
Na ɛyɛ me dɛ o,
Na ɛyɛ me dɛ o,
Na abɔ me gye koraa,
Na ɛyɛ me dɛ o,
Na abɔ me gye koraa.
Roaming about has made me observe things,
Roaming about has made me hear of stories,
As for Asante Bonwire Kente weaving,
I’ve never seen some before
As for Asante Bonwire Kente weaving,
I’ve never seen some before
Kwame knows his craft His expert Kente weaving, amazes me.
His hands; his feet, the loom sound thus:
Kro, kro, krohikro,
Hi, hi, hi, hi,
Krohikro hi

MARRIAGE DEBT COST LIVES

wp-1577612947078.pngAn extravagant couple married in style borrowed money so cost will be covered guests shocked by meagre gifts died due to shame and embarrassment. Debts to people to be paid after fantasy wedding, did not receive gifts of money expected. Marriage as competition to outdo others drives naive couples to do outrageous grand things beyond their means. Just to impress social media virtual friends cheering them on with unrealitic ideas and demands real family consulted does not condone such input of the marriage. Inflates ego couple thinks life translates into actual materisl support in physical terms. Refuse to keep it simple and save for married life consider it as beneath their social standing. Demands made by them contract different people as suitor proves ability to cater for the needs of the woman. Custom of items presented for the hand of the woman is so costly it ruins the man and their union. Items of clothes for the bride, livestock, food, drinks, cattle provides for the marriage feast. Sometimes whole towns partakes in the marriage are accommodated and fed during ceremony. Her clothes reflect womanhood and the fabrics provided to her carry baby on her body so she can thrive. Marriages combine three stages of engagement, family tradition and the church wedding. This is triple costs and some engagements could be a marriage if well thought through. And Hollywood grandstyle marriage films impact young people looking up to modern ways than maintaining the tradition of the elders seen as old fashioned. The couple often isolate themselves from family, friends or well wishers so blinded by blindspots make numerous mistakes. Some highly educated feel above listening to family members uneducated like them.wp-1577608293356.jpg Listen to backbone members of a family so the relationship is enabled to thrive. Do not fix minds on fantasy things in error of ways proved wrong later others were right all along can be too late as the tragic story highlights. There is not much difference in life after marriage except responsibility and commitment and sacrifices. Fantasy life in films and romance fiction misleads to think “life is “happily ever after.” Preoccupation with planning wedding to honeymoon period blinds them to a reality of married life. Assume they are different, unlike other people, will prove others wrong by their naive choices. Stubborn, strong headed refuse to listen to advise self destruct. If you CAN AFFORD IT PERSONALLY then enjoy your wealth because its your own money you deserve it. If dependent on the goodwill donation of other people to sponsor you BE WISE KEEP IT SIMPLE BE HUMBLE. There is nothing “out there” so LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. To plan wedding beyond realistic means speculating on unpredictable gifts from guests is utmost ignorance. In a world of people barely able to feed themselves or pay their bills its unrealistic expectation to presume they will find now money to sponsor fantasy. This is a serious matter to carefully consider to apply wisdom to marry within your means and live with peace of mind owing no man anything except love. To avoid the competition of marriage it is best to plan, to save and prepare for years in advance to avoid heartache of owing other people for a lifetime. The glossy magazines does not make wedding plan choice easy to know you will be living with consequences of life laden with debt while you fight and resent each other. Lifestyle alterations for worse involves desire for grander marriage ceremonies led many to debt and ruin. Focus energies and attention to the day of marriage and making little provision for days ahead, some couples anticipate the marriage bliss turn sour with quarrels as debtors pressure them to retrieve the unpaid funds borrowed.The single-roomed house in Githurai 44 estate, Nairobi couple committed suicide. PHOTO | FRANCIS NDERITUA Kenyan couple took their lives after the lavish wedding anticipating receiving of generous gifts and cash, but given rude awakening by wealthy friends, relatives and associates given little funds left best wishes and flowers. Kenya-today.co.ke reports Mr. & Mrs. Odipo saddled with debt committed suicide four days after the Ksh7.9 million or $78,000 wedding. A reported suicide note left behind by the couple reads: “We are embarrassed & ashamed that we could not start our new life in happiness as you people did not make us happy as we expected.” As happens with some wedding receptions, couple complained of invitees coming only to feast with no gifts adding they couldn’t even go on their honeymoon as planned. It emerged the wedding held at a five-star hotel with special guests, VVIPs and VIPs in session of whom the deceased couple bragged about as being millionaires will bring expensive gifts and cash. And a family member claimed  three choppers hired ferried families and the couple. The unexpected death hit both families in Kisumu-a Kenyan port city on Lake Victoria. Families must find extra money to bury them. If could renegotiate or crowd fund to pay debts by sharing true state of affairs do so the families prefer you to live.

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