MANAGING AUTISM DAILY

815v8CYBCGL._SL1500_Autism can be managed to excel at the highest level of education on spectrum range as Temple Grandin, Ph.D. shows. Temple is a gifted animal scientist who designed one-third of all the livestock-handling facilities in USA. She lectures widely on the autism spectrum because Temple Grandin is an autistic woman who thinks, feels, experiences the world in ways incomprehensible to the rest. In her book, Grandin delivers the report on autism from dual perspectives of a scientist and autistic person sharing her experiences and how she managed to function in the world. What emerges in Thinking in Pictures is the document of an extraordinary woman bridging gulf of condition to shed light on a common issue familiar to many people. Oliver Sacks calls Temple Grandin’s book First picture of autism from the inside” quite extraordinary, unprecedented in a way unthinkable.” Sacks told part of her story in his words and in response in Thinking in Pictures Grandin returns to tell her life history with greater depth, insight and feeling. Grandin told Sacks, I don’t want my thoughts to die with me, wants to do something to know my life has meaning. I’m talking about things at the very core of my existence. Grandin’s clearly explains what it is like to “think in pictures” to broaden minds and bring clarity on a whole school of philosophy declaring language as an only necessary tool for expressing thought. So Grandin feels she can see through a cow’s eyes to influence the design of slaughter houses and livestock restraint systems. She has great insight in human animal relations. So would be good if Thinking in Pictures transforms similarly to study religious feelings to make the world better place.

Anyone who needs help in dealing with autism can get help through available sources including books, advice from GPs and experts. Grantin’s original book published her life as high-functioning autistic woman. Grandin wrote articles on her life and work as animal scientist in 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc. Words of encouragement in support of her work is included here by those who found her books helpful. The Library Journal noted from her autobiography, emerged: Labeled Autistic (LJ 5/15/86), Grandin (animal studies, Colorado State Univ.) on how, high-functioning autistic adult overcame her disability to design livestock-handling equipment. Profiled in Oliver Sacks’s An Anthropologist on Mars (LJ 2/15/95), Grandin lectures on autism at meetings and conferences. Using insights from scientific studies, autobiographies by autistic adults, and her experiences explained how people with autism differently perceive and process visual sensory information and experience to express emotion, develop social skills. She reviews diagnosis and treatment of autism, and discusses its association with talent and genius. And in the book we learn of Grandin’s own strategies for coping with autism. How autism gives advantage to understand behavior of animals. This book is highly recommended for anyone interested in the subject. Published: Lucille Boone, San Jose P.L. Cal. Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist

A most remarkable woman, Grandin describes her deepest feelings while telling how she made herself a strong and valued individual. Autistic, she was helped by her mother, book’s dedicatee, and mentors who included high-school science teacher, a cattle-rancher aunt in Arizona, and a Swift meatpacking plant manager. Attacks of nerves and panic nearly overwhelmed her in her teens, but carefully selected and supervised drugs eased many of those problems. After earning a doctoral degree, she undertook her first work project, which was called the “Stairway to Heaven.” Instrumental for her in developing that and other methods for the humane treatment of food animals was her ability, determined in some measure by her autism, to think in pictures, her profound caring for the animals, and her engineering capabilities; fully one-third of U.S. facilities for handling hogs and cattle use her designs. Readers of Oliver Sacks’ Anthropologist from Mars, title article of about Grandin, will want to read Grandin’s own heartwarming real story. William Beatty

Online Reviews of the Book

“I hardly know what to say about this remarkable book. . . . It provides a way to understand many kinds of sentience, human and animal, that adorn the earth.” –Elizabeth Marshall Thomas, author of The Hidden Life of Dogs

“There are innumerable astounding facets to this remarkable book. . . . Displaying uncanny powers of observation . . . [Temple Grandin] charts the differences between her life and the lives of those who think in words.” –The Philadelphia Inquirer

“A uniquely fascinating view not just of autism but animal and human thinking and feeling, providing insights can only be called wisdom.” –Deborah Tannen, author of You Just Don’t Understand

“How does a true marvel let you know it has arrived? It’s hard to imagine an intellect as towering as Sacks’s coming up with perceptions rare completely out of left field as Grandin herself does in this mind-blowing book.” — Newsday

“Temple Grandin’s window onto the subjective experience of autism is of value to all of us who hope to gain a deeper understanding of the human mind by exploring the ways in which it responds to the world’s challenges.” — The Washington Times

“Temple Grandin, anthropologist from Mars, takes us on journey through her inner life and, with exquisite scientific detail offers us near photograph of the workings of her visual mind.” –John Ratey, coauthor of Driven to Distinction

“Temple Grandin’s legacy is invaluable gift of compassion. This is a journey of courage, determination, and, above all, worth. Society is the better for Temple Grandin having left her mark on it.” –Alex Pacheco, President, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals

“Thinking in Pictures is beautiful book. Grandin has created a beautifully odd and fascinating picture of her life and mind, and her abiding love of animals.” — Elle

“A tireless researcher with a bionic memory and a superb education, no one can write with Temple’s authority because nobody knows as much as she does! This is an outstanding book that every parent and professional in the field of special needs will want to read, and general reader will acquire a new appreciation of autism, its liabilities, and its formidable assets.” –Annabel Stehli, author of The Sound of a Miracle

“Even Sacks’s fine writing about autism does not really compare to writing from within autism, because autism disorder of interiority. . . . Grandin has replaced the teleology of autobiography with something much closer to her heart: a diagram, in this case a diagram of her own mind.” –Voice Literary Supplement

From the Publisher

The captivating subject of Oliver Sack’s Anthropologist on Mars, is the Temple Grandin’s personal account of living with autism and extraordinary gift of animal empathy transformed her world and ours.

Temple Grandin renowned throughout the world as a designer of livestock holding equipment. Her unique empathy for animals has her to create systems which are humane and cruel free, setting the highest standards for the industry the treatment and handling of animals. She also happens to be autistic. Here, in Temple Grandin’s own words, is the story what it is like to live with autism. Temple is among the few people who have broken through many neurological impairments associated with autism. Throughout her life, she developed unique coping strategies, including famous “squeeze machine,” modeled after seeing the calming effect squeeze chutes on cattle. She describes pain, isolation growing up “different” and her discovery visual symbols to interpret “ways of the natives” Thinking In Pictures gives information from the frontlines of autism, including treatme medication, and diagnosis, as well as Temple’s insight into genius, savants, sensory phenomena, etc. It is Temple’s unique ability describe ways her visual mind works and how she first made her connection between impairment and the animal’s temperament understood extraordinary phenomenal way.

From the Inside Flap

Temple Grandin, Ph.D. is a gifted animal scientist who has designed one third of all livestock-handling facilities in the United States. She lectures widely on autism because she is autistic, a woman who thinks, feels, and experiences the world in ways incomprehensible to the rest of us. In this unprecedented book, Grandin writes from dual perspectives of a scientist and an autistic person. She tells us how she managed to breach the boundaries of autism to function in the outside world. What emerges is the document of an extraordinary human being, one who gracefully bridges the gulf between her condition and our own while shedding light on our common identity. “The innumerable astounding facets to this remarkable book displays the uncanny powers of observation of Temple Grandin charting the differences between her life and the lives of those who think in words.” Philadelphia Inquirer

About the Author

Temple Grandin has a Ph.D. in animal science from the University of Illinois and has designed one third of all the livestock-handling facilities in the United States, and many in other countries. She is currently an associate professor of animal sciences at Colorado State University and a frequent lecturer at autism meetings throughout country. She lives in Fort Collins, Colorado.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Thinking in Pictures Autism VisualsI THINK IN PICTURES. Words are like a second language to me. I translate both spoken and written words into full colour movies, complete with sound, which run like a VCR tape in my head. When somebody speaks to me, his words are instantly translated into pictures. Language-­based thinkers often find this phenomenon difficult to understand, but in my job as an equipment designer for the livestock industry, visual thinking is a tremendous advantage.

Visual thinking has enabled me to build entire systems in my imagination. During my career I have designed all kinds of equipment, ranging from corrals for handling cattle on ranches to systems for handling cattle and hogs during veterinary procedures and slaughter. I worked for many major livestock companies. In fact, one third of the cattle and hogs in the United States are handled in equipment I have designed. Some people I’ve worked for don’t even know their systems designed by someone with autism. I value my ability to think visually, and I would never want to lose it.

One of the most profound mysteries of autism has been the remarkable ability of most autistic people to excel at visual spatial skills while performing so poorly at verbal skills. When I was a child and a teenager, I thought everybody thought in pictures. I had no idea that my thought processes were different. In fact, I did not realize the full extent of the differences until very recently. At meetings and at work I started asking other people detailed questions about how they accessed information from their memories. From their answers I learned that my visualization skills far exceeded those of most other people.

I credit my visualization abilities with helping me understand the animals I work with. Early in my career I used a camera to help give me the animals’ perspective as they walked through a chute for their veterinary treatment. I would kneel down and take pictures through the chute from the cow’s eye level. Using the photos, I was able to figure out which things scared the cattle, such as shadows and bright spots of sunlight. Back then I used black-­and-­white film, because twenty years ago scientists believed that cattle lacked color vision. Today, research has shown that cattle can see colors, but the photos provided the unique advantage of seeing the world through a cow’s viewpoint. They helped me figure out why the animals refused to go in one chute but willingly walked through another.

Every design problem I’ve ever solved started with my ability to visualize and see the world in pictures. I started designing things as a child, when I was always experimenting with new kinds of kites and model airplanes. In elementary school I made a helicopter out of a broken balsa-­wood airplane. When I wound up the propeller, the helicopter flew straight up about a hundred feet. I also made bird-­shaped paper kites, which I flew behind my bike. The kites were cut out from a single sheet of heavy drawing paper and flown with thread. I experimented with different ways of bending the wings to increase flying performance. Bending the tips of the wings up made the kite fly higher. Thirty years later, this same design started appearing on commercial aircraft.

Now, in my work, before I attempt any construction, I test-­run the equipment in my imagination. I visualize my designs being used in every possible situation, with different sizes and breeds of cattle and in different weather conditions. Doing this enables me to correct mistakes prior to construction. Today, everyone is excited about the new virtual reality computer systems in which the user wears special goggles and is fully immersed in video game action. To me, these systems are like crude cartoons. My imagination works like the computer graphics programs that created the lifelike dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. When I do an equipment simulation in my imagination or work on an engineering problem, it is like seeing it on a videotape in my mind. I can view it from any angle, placing myself above or below the equipment and rotating it at the same time. I don’t need a fancy graphics program that can produce three-­dimensional design simulations. I can do it better and faster in my head.

I create new images all the time by taking many little parts of images I have in the video library in my imagination and piecing them together. I have video memories of every item I’ve ever worked with—steel gates, fences, latches, concrete walls, and so forth. To create new designs, I retrieve bits and pieces from my memory and combine them into a new whole. My design ability keeps improving as I add more visual images to my library. I add videolike images from either actual experiences or translations of written information into pictures. I can visualize the operation of such things as squeeze chutes, truck loading ramps, and all different types of livestock equipment. The more I actually work with cattle and operate equipment, the stronger my visual memories become.

I first used my video library in one of my early livestock design projects, creating a dip vat and cattle-­handling facility for John Wayne’s Red River feed yard in Arizona. A dip vat is a long, narrow, seven-­foot-­deep swimming pool through which cattle move in single file. It is filled with pesticide to rid the animals of ticks, lice, and other external parasites. In 1978, existing dip vat designs were very poor. The animals often panicked because they were forced to slide into the vat down a steep, slick concrete decline. They would refuse to jump into the vat, and sometimes they would flip over backward and drown. The engineers who designed the slide never thought about why the cattle became so frightened.

The first thing I did when I arrived at the feedlot was to put myself inside the cattle’s heads and look out through their eyes. Because their eyes are on the sides of their heads, cattle have wide-­angle vision, so it was like walking through the facility with a wide-­angle video camera. I had spent the past six years studying how cattle see their world and watching thousands move through different facilities all over Arizona, and it was immediately obvious to me why they were scared. Those cattle must have felt as if they were being forced to jump down an airplane escape slide into the ocean.

Cattle are frightened by high contrasts of light and dark as well as by people and objects that move suddenly. I’ve seen cattle that were handled in two identical facilities easily walk through one and balk in the other. The only difference between the two facilities was their orientation to the sun. The cattle refused to move through the chute where the sun cast harsh shadows across it. Until I made this observation, nobody in the feedlot industry had been able to explain why one veterinary facility worked better than the other. It was a matter of observing the small details that made a big difference. To me, the dip vat problem was even more obvious.

My first step in designing a better system was collecting all the published information on existing dip vats. Before doing anything else, I always check out what is considered state-­of-­the-­art so I don’t waste time reinventing the wheel. Then I turned to livestock publications, which usually have very limited information, and my library of video memories, all of which contained bad designs. From experience with other types of equipment, such as unloading ramps for trucks, I had learned that cattle willingly walk down a ramp that has cleats to provide secure, nonslip footing. Sliding causes them to panic and back up. The challenge was to design an entrance would encourage the cattle to walk in voluntarily and plunge into the water, which was deep enough to submerge them completely, so that all the bugs, including those that collect in their ears, would be eliminated.

I started running three-­dimensional visual simulations in my imagination. I experimented with different entrance designs and made cattle walk through them in my imagination. Three images merged to form final design: a memory of a dip vat in Yuma, Arizona, portable vat I had seen in a magazine, and an entrance ramp I had seen on a restraint device at the Swift meat-­packing plant in Tolleson, Arizona. The new dip vat entrance ramp was a modified version of the ramp I had seen there. My design contained three features that had never been used before: an entrance would not scare the animals, an improved chemical filtration system. And use of animal behavior principles to prevent the cattle from becoming overexcited when they left the vat.

The first thing I did was convert the ramp from steel to concrete. The final design had a concrete ramp on a twenty-­five-­degree downward angle. Deep grooves in the concrete provided secure footing. The ramp appeared to enter the water gradually, but in reality it abruptly dropped away below the water’s surface. The animals could not see the drop-­off because the dip chemicals colored the water. When they stepped out over the water, they quietly fell in, because their center of gravity had passed the point of no return.

Before the vat was built, I tested the entrance design many times in my imagination. Many of the cowboys at the feedlot were skeptical and did not believe my design would work. After it was constructed, they modified it behind my back, because they were sure it was wrong. A metal sheet was installed over the nonslip ramp, converting it back to an old-­fashioned slide entrance. The first day they used it, two cattle drowned because they panicked and flipped over backward.

When I saw the metal sheet, I made the cowboys take it out. They were flabbergasted when they saw that the ramp now worked perfectly. Each calf stepped out over the steep drop-­off and quietly plopped into the water. I fondly refer to this design as “cattle walking on water.”

Over the years, I have observed that many ranchers and cattle feeders think that the only way to induce animals to enter handling facilities is to force them in. The owners and managers of feedlots sometimes have a hard time comprehending that if devices such as dip vats and restraint chutes are properly designed, cattle will voluntarily enter them. I can imagine the sensations the animals would feel. If I had a calf’s body and hooves, I would be very scared to step on a slippery metal ramp.

There were still problems I had to resolve after the animals left the dip vat. The platform where they exit is usually divided into two pens so that cattle can dry on one side while the other side is being filled. No one understood why the animals coming out of the dip vat would sometimes become excited, but I figured it was because they wanted to follow their drier buddies, not unlike children divided from their classmates on a playground. I installed a solid fence between the two pens to prevent the animals on one side from seeing the animals on the other side. It was a very simple solution, and it amazed me that nobody had ever thought of it before.

The system I designed for filtering and cleaning the cattle hair and other gook out of the dip vat was based on a swimming pool filtration system. My imagination scanned two specific swimming pool filters that I had operated, one on my Aunt Brecheen’s ranch in Arizona and one at our home. To prevent water from splashing out of the dip vat, I copied the concrete coping overhang used on swimming pools. That idea, like many of my best designs, came to me very clearly just before I drifted off to sleep at night.

Being autistic, I don’t naturally assimilate information that most people take for granted. Instead, I store information in my head as if it were on a CD-­ROM disc. When I recall something I have learned, I replay the video in my imagination. The videos in my memory are always specific; for example, I remember ­handling cattle at the veterinary chute at Producer’s Feedlot or McElhaney Cattle Company. I remember exactly how the animals behaved in that specific situation and how the chutes and other equipment were built. The exact construction of steel fence­posts and pipe rails in each case is also part of my visual memory. I can run these images over and over and study them to solve design problems.

If I let my mind wander, the video jumps in a kind of free association from fence construction to a particular welding shop where I’ve seen posts being cut and Old John, the welder, making gates. If I continue thinking about Old John welding a gate, the video image changes to a series of short scenes of building gates on several projects I’ve worked on. Each video memory triggers another in this associative fashion, and my daydreams may wander far from the design problem. The next image may be of having a good time listening to John and the construction crew tell war stories, such as the time the backhoe dug into a nest of rattle­snakes and the machine was abandoned for two weeks because everybody was afraid to go near it.

This process of association is a good example of how my mind can wander off the subject. People with more severe autism have difficulty stopping endless associations. I am able to stop them and get my mind back on track. When I find my mind wandering too far away from a design problem I am trying to solve, I just tell myself to get back to the problem. Interviews with autistic adults who have good speech and are able to articulate their thought processes indicate that most of them also think in visual images. More severely impaired people, who can speak but are unable to explain how they think, have highly associational thought patterns. Charles Hart, the author of Without Reason, a book about his autistic son and brother, sums up his son’s thinking in one sentence: “Ted’s thought processes aren’t logical, they’re associational.” This explains Ted’s statement “I’m not afraid of planes. That’s why they fly so high.” In his mind, planes fly high because he is not afraid of them; he combines two pieces of information, that planes fly high and that he is not afraid of heights.

Another indicator of visual thinking as the primary method of processing information is the remarkable ability many autistic people exhibit in solving jigsaw puzzles, finding their way around a city, or memorizing enormous amounts of information at a glance. My own thought patterns are similar to those described by A. R. Luria in The Mind of a Mnemonist. This book describes a man who worked as a newspaper reporter and could perform amazing feats of memory. Like me, the mnemonist had a visual image for everything he had heard or read. Luria writes, “For when he heard or read a word, it was at once converted into a visual image corresponding with the object the word signified for him.” The great inventor Nikola Tesla was also a visual thinker. When he designed electric turbines for power generation, he built each turbine in his head. He operated it in his imagination and corrected faults. He said it did not matter whether the turbine was tested in his thoughts or in his shop; the results would be the same.

Early in my career I got into fights with other engineers at meat-­packing plants. I ­couldn’t imagine that they could be so stupid as not to see the mistakes on the drawing before the equipment was installed. Now I realize it was not stupidity but a lack of visualization skills. They literally could not see. I was fired from one company that manufactured meat-­packing plant equipment because I fought with the engineers over a design which eventually caused the collapse of an overhead track that moved 1,200-­pound beef carcasses from end of conveyor. As each carcass came off the conveyor, it dropped about three feet before it was abruptly halted by a chain attached to a trolley on overhead track. The first time the machine was run, the track was pulled out of the ceiling. The employees fixed it bolting it securely and installing additional brackets. This solved problem temporarily, because the force of the carcasses jerking the chains was so great. Strengthening the overhead track was treating a symptom of the problem rather than its cause. I tried to warn them. It was like bending a paper clip back and forth too many times. After a while it breaks.

Amazon.com Review

The line between autism and genius is a well known factor in history. As many great and accomplished achievers in the fields of life ranging from the academics in education, creative personalities and maestro musicians among others have level of autism. An important factor is to identify the specific talents, interests, abilities and needs of a child. As Temple demonstrates her ingenuity plus a good support network of family, teachers an aunt with a farm among many made it possible to achieve her best interests. So a verbal word oriented society designed to function mostly on verbal ability to read and write exams is justice being done to autistic children. School system is based on use of words in a preferred language so what mechanism is in place ensures nonverbal visual measurement of talent and skills. Is it fair to insist one size fits all education compares autistic children in the classroom to gifted or a usual average child.

Top reviews

5 stars reviews was a fascinating read. I especially liked the first half when she talked about her childhood, memories and how she came to learn things. It’s very helpful in…

 

5.0 out of 5 stars You know when you read something and you become agitated because somebody says something to which you can relate strongly and you neither ever had defined or quite understood…

 

2.0 out of 5 stars This one was random. Parts were helpful, but there are large portions talk about life at slaughter house I had a hard time correlating. I’d recommend a different…

 

5.0 out of 5 stars I’m a high functioning autistic and I loved this movie. Parts of it spoke to me so loudly, like the kids bullying her, calling her freak, or her telling strangers trying to…

 

5.0 out of 5 stars This book provides insights into the mind of a person in the autism spectrum that is invaluable for the parent and the teacher. What this books brings is an insider’s view. I…

 

5.0 out of 5 stars Most of us know very little about communication with animals, and this heart-warming book tells it all. The book also opens up an understanding

of the thinking of…

 

5.0 out of 5 stars Temple Gradin is simply fascinating. How she has trained her mind to work is amazing and has provided irreplaceable knowledge for me when working with our special student…

 

5.0 out of 5 stars I am making a special point of writing this while I am still reading it because I am concerned that it will be too easily dismissed by potential readers. I almost did not…

Autism Meltdowns

Many autistic people will experience meltdowns. The public ofinds it hard to tell the difference between an autism meltdown and temper tantrums, but they are different things. You can help by understanding autism, the person and what to do if you see someone having a meltdown. If your family member or the person you support has meltdowns, find out how to anticipate them, identify causes, and minimise their frequency.

What is a meltdown?

A meltdown is ‘an intense response to overwhelming situations’. It happens when someone becomes completely overwhelmed by their current situation and temporarily loses behavioural control.  This loss of control can be expressed verbally (eg shouting, screaming, crying), physically(eg kicking, lashing out, biting) or in both ways.

Autism meltdowns are not the same as temper tantrums

A meltdown is not the same as a temper tantrum. It is not bad of naughty behaviour and should not be considered as such. When a person is completely overwhelmed, and their condition means it is difficult to express that in appropriate way, it is understandable that the result is a meltdown.

Meltdowns are not the only way a person with autism may express feeling overwhelmed.  Other behaviours that may appear are less explosive but are equally common, such as refusing to interact, withdrawing from situations they find challenging, or avoiding them altogether.

What to do

If someone is having a meltdown, or not responding to you, don’t judge them. It can make a world of difference to someone with autism and their carers.

  • Give them some time – it can take a while to recover from an information or sensory overload.
  • Calmly ask them (or their parent or friend) if they’re OK, but bear in mind they’ll need more time to respond than you might expect.
  • Make space – try to create a quiet, safe space as best you can. Ask people to move along and not to stare, turn off loud music and turn down bright lights – whatever you can think of to reduce the information overload, try it.

Anticipating a meltdown

Many autistic people will show signs of distress before having a meltdown, which is sometimes referred to as the “rumble stage”. They may start to exhibit signs of anxiety such as pacing, seek reassurance through repetitive questioning or physical signs such as rocking or becoming very still. At this stage, there may still be a chance to prevent a meltdown. Strategies to consider include distraction, diversion, helping the person use calming strategies such as fiddle toys or listening to music, removing any potential triggers, and staying calm yourself.

Identifying the causes

A meltdown is a reaction to an overwhelming experience. If your family member or the person you support has meltdowns, identify what is overwhelming for them. Complete a diary over a period of time. Record what happened before, during and after each meltdown. Patterns may emerge. You may find that meltdowns occur at particular times, in particular places, or when something particular has happened.

Minimising triggers

Once you have a clearer idea what may be triggering meltdowns, think about ways you might minimise that trigger. Everyone with autism is different, but sensory differences,changes in routine, anxiety, and communication difficulties are common triggers.

Sensory considerations

Many autistic people have sensory differences. They may be over-sensitive to some senses, under-sensitive to others and often a combination of both.

For example, for someone who is over-sensitive to touch and sound, people brushing past them and a loud announcement at a train station could cause pain and sensory overload, leading to a meltdown. In this situation, it could be helpful to listen to calming music on headphones to block out loud noises and wait until everyone has got off train before approaching platform to avoid crowds of people. Other situations to consider include creating low arousal environment (eg remove bright lights, soundproof walls) or using sensory equipment (eg glasses with dark or coloured lenses, ear defenders, a weighted blanket).

Change in routine

Consistent, predictable routines and structure are very important for autistic people and a change to routine can be very distressing. For example, the panic caused by needing to drive a different route to school due to roadworks could trigger a meltdown. In this example, a clear visual support explaining change, reassurance that the rest of the routine remains the same and adding extra support such calming/ comforting activity to do in the car could help. For an unexpected change, there can be a particular plan in place, such as the use of a picture symbol to explain the change, reinforcement of the rest of the day being the same (if that’s the case), a chance to express any frustration appropriately (such as hitting a pillow, ripping paper) followed by an activity that is known to calm the person such as taking deep breaths, listening to calming music, going for a walk, or squeezing a stress ball. It may help to increase structure around ordinary transitions, helping the person to navigate the change from one activity to another throughout the day. Using a clear timetable explaining when the transitions will be, using timers to countdown to transitions, using a favourite toy or character to be part of the transition, can all help.

Anxiety

With unwritten rules and unpredictable nature, the world can be an extremely challenging environment for autistic people and many experience anxiety. If a person does not have tools to calm down when anxious, they may have a meltdown. Develop strategies to manage anxiety, such as introducing our Brain in Hand app. Have a plan beforehand of what to do if the person feels anxious, such as a calming play list to listen to at the shops or a stress ball in their pocket. Build relaxation time into the routine. The person will generally feel calmer and better able to cope when something that could trigger a meltdown, occurs. What it means varies from person to person, and may consist of quiet activities, eg taking a walk, listening to music, and reading, doing puzzles, using fiddle toys, or more strenuous activities, eg jumping on a trampoline, going to the gym, playing a computer game. In the case of strenuous activities, observe if the activity really does calm the person down. If it doesn’t, but is just an activity they really enjoy, still build in time for that activity but try to find an activity that genuinely calms them and make time to use it well.

Communication difficulties

Autistic people can find it difficult to express their wants and needs, from a non-verbal child struggling to express need for a drink to a teenager finding it hard to express their emotions. This can result in overwhelming feelings, such as anger and frustration, leading to a meltdown. Support the person to find ways to understand and express their emotions appropriately before they get overwhelmed, and find ways to make your own communication more easily understandable. Verbal communication is challenging for autistic people due to potential misunderstanding of the body language, tone of voice, irony, sarcasm.

Things you can try include:

More from our charity

Further information please contact:

Autism Helpline 

Tel: 0808 800 4104
(open 10am-4pm, Monday-Thursday, 9am-3pm on Fridays)
Text: 07903 200 200
(to request information packsonly)
Email enquiry service:  visitwww.autism.org.uk/enquiry
and complete the online form

The Autism Helpline provides impartial, confidential information, advice and support for autistic people and their families.

Miracle Cure for autism

Levin doesn’t call this particular cure a silver bullet for autism: There is no silver bullet, no one-size-fits-all approach. Rather, she credits his transformation to a number of things, including a home based and child centered social-relational program called the Son-Rise Program.

Susan Levin, pictured above with son Ben, documents her family’s journey in her memoir “Unlocked: A Family Emerging from the Shadows of Autism.”Tim Daley

But one of the biggest factors was what was on his plate. “Hippocrates was right when he advised, ‘Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food,’ ” she says. Levin is part of a growing group of people who are paying more attention to diet, organic, gluten- and casein-free among them, as a way to treat the symptoms of autism and other disorders. So strongly does she believe in the healing possibilities of food that she’s now a family wellness coach working exclusively with families of autistic children. While the scientific verdict is still out on diet as a cure, statistics point to a definite link between gastrointestinal issues and autism. A 2012 study published by the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology found a direct link between GI issues and behavior. 70 percent of children with autism have gastrointestinal issues during childhood or adolescence, food sensitivity, diarrhoea and constipation can cause extreme discomfort, leading to irritability, and erratic or withdrawn behaviour. But not everyone convinced.

“Over the years I’ve been privy to a million parents, a million cures,” says Andrew Baumann, president and CEO of New York Families for Autistic Children. “Parents are willing to try just about anything.” And while he concedes that diet can have a very positive effect, he just doesn’t see it as a cure for autism: “You can’t cure something [when] you don’t know what the cause is.”

Parents are willing to try just about anything. You can’t cure something [when] you don’t know what the cause is.

 – Andrew Baumann, president and CEO of<br /> New York Families for Autistic Children

Kathleen DiChiara begs to differ. The former Fortune 500 executive was diagnosed with sudden onset neuropathy, which left her unable to walk. When the doctors told her there was little to be done, she went back to school to study. She’s now a nutrition educator, chef and speaker who credits an all-organic diet for healing not only herself, but her 11- year-old son, Steven, who’d been diagnosed as autistic but is no longer considered to be.

Why are people resistant to the idea of food’s effect on illness?

“It’s socially inconvenient,” DiChiara says. “They’re already struggling, and the idea of removing things from the diet is so daunting. But it’s the difference between the children who get well and the ones who don’t.”

Maria Rickert Hong, author of “Almost Autism: Recovering Children From Sensory Processing Disorder,” credits a gluten-free, dairy-free diet with the recovery of her two children from sensory-processing disorder.

“In a child with neurodevelopment disorders, the brain is inflamed, and the gut and the brain are connected,” Hong says. “Most of these kids have gut dysbiosis — an imbalance of good versus bad bacteria, like having too many weeds in your garden. When you have that, the body’s immune system is off.”

Levin and her family initially started Ben on a gluten-free and casein-free diet, later eliminating soy, corn, potatoes and rice. But as soon as one offending food was removed, she says, a reaction to another popped up.

Then they tried the Body Ecology Diet, an anti-yeast diet high in grain-like seeds such as amaranth, quinoa, millet and buckwheat. Almost overnight, Ben calmed down and started making eye contact.

Now 12, Ben is studying for his bar mitzvah. Eight years after that chilling diagnosis, he’s become more empathetic, frequently saying “I love you” to his mother, his father and sister.

Levin says his newfound compassion is nothing short of a miracle.

“It doesn’t matter what people say,” says Levin. “I have my kid back.”

 

Advertisements

CYBERCONDRIAC & ZOMBIES

internet-medicine

Cyberchondria” is fuelling the epidemic health anxiety of people as 1/5 NHS appointments is hypochondriacs and those with irrational fears, experts have warned. Researchers from Imperial College London said internet searching and use of fitness trackers is heaping pressures on busy hospital clinics. The Health anxiety is estimated to cost NHS more than £420 million each year in outpatient appointments alone, with millions more spent on needless tests and scans, they warned. Instead, such cases should be offered a course of counselling, psychiatrists said, following a five-year study of patients treated in five English hospitals. Researchers said the internet was feeding a “silent epidemic” of health anxiety, where harmless ailments could be mistaken for terrifying diagnoses. And they said the growth of fitness trackers was likely to increase levels of hypochondria, heaping pressures on cardiac clinics and neurology units.8112295_f520

Dr Helen Tyrer, a senior clinical research fellow at Imperial College London, said the anxiety was often triggered by an event, such as the patient suffering a health scare, somebody in their family getting ill or dying, or a celebrity their age dying or getting sick. The internet is fuelling unnecessary health scares as they are convinced they have or are developing a serious underlying disease, or that an existing medical problem is much more serious than it is,” she said. “The belief is held despite all medical evidence to the contrary.” Lead author Professor Peter Tyrer said the internet appeared to be fuelling the trend: “We suspect it is increasing in frequency because of this cyberchondria,” he said. “People now go to their GPs with a whole list of things they’ve looked up on the internet and say ‘what do you make of this?’, and the poor GP, five minutes into consultation, has 4 pages of reading to do. Although, 

“Dr Google is informative it does not put things in the right proportion,” he said.

The study, funded by National Institute for Health Research tracked 444 patient with severe health anxiety at cardiology gastroenterology, neurology respiratory departments. Some had genuine health complaints, or had suffered from them in the past but all had abnormal levels of anxiety. Those given the cognitive behavioural therapy saw a significant drop in anxiety levels five years on with similar death rates to those given the standard NHS care counselling led to discovering life-threatening illnesses researchers found.How are smartphones affecting teenagers?

Furthermore, young people obsessed by using smartphones are also affected as teenagers without Frontal Cortex Brain. This generation who spent their entire childhood and adolescence with USD of computers or smartphones feel effects, including negative impacts on mental health, says author Jean Twenge. Both children and parents can cut down on endless addictive use of computers ny ceasing the plug for starters, allowing supervised use within specified times including the smartphones and TV. A whole generation defines their identity by social media damaging family life, communication or socializing life skills. Many look Dow 24/7 without any breaks so affecting their sleep and mind throughout the day into the early hours of the morning. Many sleep less than 6 hours and function on clouded fogged heads we without clarity of thought or spatial awareness to adapt in dynamic here and the now moments of life. This ‘victims of technology’ success cannot blame their additive cybercondriac’s inadvertent lifestyle creation as addicts on computer gadgets, phones constantly monitored due to obsessive fear of their missing messages. And so people are too busy online in fear of missing messages that some put their lives at risk. Many lost lives not paying attention on the roads or when crossing traffic lights so endangered themselves and motorists. Now extreme measures are taken to endure safety on pavement light guides for ‘smartphone zombies.’

Pavement lights have been installed at a pedestrian crossing in a Netherlands town to help smartphone users cross the road safely. The light strips designed to catch the eye of people looking down at their device changes colour to match traffic signals. The lure of games and social media has come “at the expense of attention to traffic”, said councillor Kees Oskam. Dutch road safety group VVN said idea “rewards bad behaviour.” It is not a good idea to help such mobile phone users look at their phones,” said Jose de Jong of VVN, the Dutch Traffic Safety Association. We do not want such people to use phones when dealing with traffic, even when walking around. The people must always look around them, to check if cars are actually stopping at the red signals.” The lights have been installed on a trial basis at one crossing, close to 3 schools in Bodegraven. The company that developed the technology says it hopes to offer the strips to other towns in the future. Similar pavement lights are being tested in German city of Augsburg to help so-called “smartphone zombies” navigate level crossings.Feet on a street

Few play outdoor sports or engage in any physical activities unless gadget oriented therefore impacts their health and emotional well-being. This curious evolution in technology affects lifestyle connections, collaborating, awareness, appreciation of natural environment. Is replaced by downward spiral of looking down without switching off smartphone to look up at natural beautiful world. So overwhelms human mind by too much information cluttering though process. It causes unnecessary anxiety and panic attacks seen in some people. Teenagers with diets lacking in fatty acids become anxious adults. Omega-3 deficiency is widely recognised as a major risk factor associated with such neuropsychiatric conditions as depression, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Existing research has consistently shown the importance of good omega-3 status during critical development periods of perinatal and adolescent life stages. According to new research imbalances in adolescence may have long term implications for emotional well-being and cognitive functions said co- lead author of study concluding: “Omega-3 PUFAs dietary deficiency during adolescence and in childhood found strong increases in anxiety and anhedonia which lead to decreases in specific cognitive functions in adulthood.” Adolescence is important time in development. The structure and function of brain changes most during adolescence, meaning it is important for individuals this age to maintain healthy diet. However it tends to be time when exact opposite happens. Independence means they start making their own food choices and as a result skip nutritious options in favour of easily accessible convenience foods typically lacking in nutrients, omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids. Diet is critical as fact omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids cannot be produced by the human body and must be obtained through food. The study involved latest research conducted by a multi-institutional French research team with result published in Journal of Neuroscience. diets-lacking-in-fatty-acids-may-become-anxiousThis subject requires teens cut down sugar intake and junk food so human’s genetic make-up impact of nutrients must be taught more in schools to help educate pupils and parents from the early years. It must be a general study course for knowledge and awareness throughout life. The damage caused by lack of these nutrients is irreparable so must be taken seriously. A balanced diet meal is essential especially in the early years and adolescence at which point diet requirements need omega-3 fatty acids most. Glamorous poor diet during adolescence reduces levels of nutrient in prefrontal cortex region important in regulating emotions risks, consequences nucleus accumbens primarily involved in addiction. It explains why addictive behaviour is most prevalent in teenage years. The low-quality diet weakens connections between neurons in these regions, impairing brain development and resulting in observed emotional and cognitive changes. Research result supports earlier research of long-term consequences of the poor nutrition in adolescence and importance of making sure food choices contains the nutrients essential for brain health. Breakfast is key for parents to ensure kids are well nourished in the morning and given vitamins to supplement foods eaten. To eat more fresh greens and vegetables everyday enhances brain performance.

How to cope with anxiety

Dr Rachel Andrew offers her advice for teens struggling with anxiety:

  • Seek appropriate help if you feel you need it
  • Remind yourself that it only forms a part of your strengths, talents and abilities
  • Try and practise mindfulness to stay in the moment, as your anxiety will drive you to constantly think of the future and worst case scenarios
  • Try to stay focused on the present and more manageable situations
  • Take a break on social media or at least have moments in the day where you switch alerts off

HOLY KISS GREETING & HUGS

article-2071835-0F1BBF8E00000578-716_634x422In Romans 16:16 in the Bible Paul wrote in New Testament commanding believers to make contact or touch others with a warm smile, hand-clasp and a friendly hug. Paul encouraged the congregation and church members to give each other a hug, a touch as a sign of unity to greet each other with a holy kiss and hugs. And speak through the Psalms as people quote Shakespeare to share favourite lines in literature. The Pentecostals often greet each other with kisses and hugs. Visitors are welcomed this way so if the new members are not used to such a way of greeting they can feel innaudated and intimidated by the zealous members embracing or kissing them if not used to an intimate way of expressing agape love. Recently, in the church a female pastor rushed towards a new male visitor and proceeded to try to hug him as she does for many years. But the new member raised both his hands to indicate, ‘do not touch me or come too close.’ It surprised everyone as it had never happened before. Maybe others out of politeness and courtesy tolerate it or probably just go along with kisses or hugs, but no one ever rejected it before. It is perfectly understable if some people feel uncomfortable and say no, it does not mean rejection of the one expressing such Biblical principles. On other occasions, for security reasons, important leaders are not allowed to be touched or hugged under any circumstances. Of course that scenario can happen in church gatherings so if not sure, ask if it is alright to do so. 22CULTURALSTUDIES1-jumbo.jpgIn some places female to female hugs and kisses are preferred or handshakes encouraged. But the woman must first extend her hand to a man because the man is not allowed to shake a married women’s hands in some cultures. On the other hand there are countries that see kiss or hugs as prerogative of diplomacy so must be done. In some churches women are only allowed to kiss and hug other women as men kiss and hug the men. In an age of legal homosexuality, lesbian partnerships or marriages the churches in favour has no problems or prefer handshakes. However is common in the workplace to encourage hugging for bonding and a sense of belonging. But how about those people in the offices who do not like to be kissed or bugged publicly at least at awkward moments. You are greeting someone or saying goodbye. Should you give that person a hug? Especially if it’s someone you don’t know well? You do not want to seem intrusive if you hug too soon, but you don’t want to appear overly stiff or too formal so you offer a handshake when a hug is expected. So what should you do? There a few good rules about hugging in our society.article-2148121-133B0FA3000005DC-582_468x309On one hand, Americans are famously informal and forthright. On the other hand, our nation has puritan roots so we are known for needing more personal space than other cultures. How do you strike a balance? Here are some guidelines to start from, many of which come from etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore, author of Poised for Success.

1. Mind body language.

With hugs, as with kisses, another person’s body language will tell you whether he or she is willing to accept a hug or not. Before you go in for that squeeze, pay attention to what the person’s position, movement, and facial expression is telling you. Are the feet pointed toward you or away? Is the person leaning in, or distancing him or herself? What does your gut feeling tell you this person wants? When people offend others with a hug, it’s most often because they just barge right in and don’t stop to get a read on what other person wants. Don’t make that mistake. Children are now being taught to meet and greet properly to learn etiquette. t1larg (1).jpg

2. Ask Permission First.

If you want to hug someone, you think it welcomes you if not sure just ask. “May I give you a hug question indicates both affection, respect so likely appreciated. The only down side to this if people feel embarrassed or uncomfortable saying no. So if getting a negative or uncertain vibe do not even asking the question.

3. The Balance of Power.

A boss hugging an employee is a very different matter from two business associates hugging at the conclusion of a meeting. Be extra reserved about hugging if it can in any way seem like you’re using your power to disrespect another person’s boundaries. This is one reason Joe Biden recently drew so many criticisms for his putting his hands on  a cabinet member’s wife during swearing in ceremony.

4. Consider the occasion.

If you haven’t seen a colleague in a long time, or you’ve just gone through a powerful training or other experience together, or you’re at acelebration, then hugging might well be appropriate. The same may apply if the person in question has just had a piece of very good, or very bad news, or is struggling to deal with a difficult situation. On the other hand, if you routinely see this person and nothing special is going on, then a hug probably isn’t warranted.LXNGDEDJXOCNTOWYIIGFSDIU

5. Avoid mixing hug & non hugs.

You’re greeting a group of people, some of whom you know well and others whom you know only slightly or have just met. Do you hug some but not others? No, Whitmore advises. Shake hands with everyone to be consistent avoid making some feel uncomfortable or left out.

6. Keep it short.

A hug can go from natural to awkward if you keep it going for too long. So make your hugs brief. Whitmore recommends a duration of no more than three seconds.

7. Don’t hug if contagious

The last thing you want to do is give your colleague a cold, or catch one from him or her. So if you’re uncertain about your own health, or the other person seems to be fighting an infection, stick to a handshake at most, although not touching at all is probably safest. You can always say that you’re avoiding touch out of concern that you might spread something you’ve been exposed to if you are really afraid of catching something from other person.kissing-in-costa-rica-2

8. Don’t hug if not clean.

Let’s say you’re meeting on a very hot day, and you’ve gotten sweaty on your walk over from the parking lot. Or you’ve had a workout and returned to work but didn’t have time to shower. Or you’ve been out at a site visit and gotten grimy. In those circumstances, avoid hugging. The last thing you want to do is gross someone out.

9. Err on not hugging.

If you’re not sure whether a hug would be welcome, and you don’t think it’s a good idea to ask, then don’t hug. You’ll almost never offend someone with a handshake.

10. Cease the right moment.

In spite of all these caveats, I’m still a believer in the power of human contact. So if you feel like a hug is warranted and none of the obstacles above apply, I say go for it. I once met a business contact face-to-face for the first time after we’d been working together for several years. I felt like I knew him, and he seemed to feel the same, because at our first meeting, he greeted me with a hug. I was surprised, but happily so. During that brief meeting we talked more about our lives than about business and by the time I left, I had a human relationship to go with the emails and voice on the phone. That hug was a great way to start.

PREVENTION OF DEMENTIA

1639512

One in three cases of dementia could be prevented if more people looked after their brain health throughout life, according to an international study in the Lancet. It lists nine key risk factors including lack of education, hearing loss, smoking and physical inactivity. The study is being presented at the Alzheimer’s Association International Conference in London. By 2050, 131 million people could be living with dementia globally. There are estimated to be 47 million people with condition at the moment.agy-szkenner-1050x846


9 facts of dementia risk

  • Mid-life hearing loss – responsible for 9% of the risk
  • Failing to complete secondary education – 8%
  • Smoking – 5%
  • Failing to seek early treatment for depression – 4%
  • Physical inactivity – 3%
  • Social isolation – 2%
  • High blood pressure – 2%
  • Obesity – 1%
  • Type 2 diabetes – 1%

DTI_white_matter_tracks_sThese risk factors – which are thought to be modifiable – add up to 35%. The other 65% of dementia risk is beyond the individual’s control. Source: Lancet Commission on dementia prevention, intervention or care. Though dementia is diagnosed in later life, brain changes usually begin to develop years before,” said lead author Prof Gill Livingston, from University College London. “Acting now will vastly improve life for people with dementia and families and, in doing so, will transform the future of society.” The report, which combines the work of 24 international experts, says lifestyle factors can play a major role in increasing or reducing an individual’s dementia risk. It examines the benefits of building a “cognitive reserve”, which means strengthening brain’s networks so it can continue to function in later life despite damage.Eve LairdImage captionEve Laird is taking part in a study on how to prevent dementia. Eve Laird, from Dumfries, is worried about dementia because her mum is living with the condition. She decided to make some changes to her lifestyle. “I’m terrible for eating processed foods and takeaways and I’ve really been trying to cut back on that.”I definitely drink a lot more water than I used to – and I don’t drink as much coffee now. “I actually took part in the Edinburgh marathon. For that I joined the Dumfries running club – I go there once a week.” She says she felt so much better for the exercise, and for improving her diet. “I felt a lot healthier and mentally sharper as well. It’s something I’d really like to continue, but it is hard to stay on track.” “I just think the small changes can make such a big difference.”Graph on forecast of dementia growth globallyFailure to complete secondary education was a major risk factor, and the authors suggest that individuals who continue to learn throughout life are likely to build additional brain reserves. Another major risk factor is hearing loss in middle age researchers say this can deny people a cognitively rich environment and lead to social isolation and depression, which are among other modifiable risk factors for dementia. Another key message from the report is that what is good for the heart is good for the brain.brainome

‘Positive changes’

Not smoking, doing exercise, keeping a healthy weight, treating high blood pressure and diabetes can all reduce the risk of dementia and cardiovascular disease, and cancer. The researchers say they did not have enough data to include dietary factors or alcohol in their calculations but believe both could be important. Dr Doug Brown, director of research at Alzheimer’s Society, said: “Though it’s not inevitable, dementia is currently set to be the 21st Century’s biggest killer. We all need to be aware of the risks and start making positive lifestyle changes.” Dr David Reynolds, chief scientific officer at Alzheimer’s Research UK, said: “Alongside prevention research, we must continue to invest in research to find a life-changing treatment for people with this devastating condition.”

BOTTLED SCENT DATED IN ADVANCE

jar filled with padding, hand-labelled Jan 19 2015A woman with dementia who went missing in Florida was found by a police dog in a matter of minutes, because she bottled her scent in advance. The Citrus County Sheriff’s Office said the woman used specialist scent preservation kit. It can hold a person’s scent for up to seven years. She stored the scent two-and-a-half years ago and a picture of the jar showed it was dated January 2015. The scent preservation kits involve rubbing a pad on a person’s underarm, sealing it in a sterile jar so police dogs have the reliable scent to smell before looking for a missing person. Manufacturers say they work better and more quickly than articles of clothing, because they are not contaminated by other people’s smells or smells from the environment. Dogs have a stronger sense of smell than humans and working police dogs are trained to sniff out drugs, people and in some cases corpses. So in this case, the missing person was found and the dog earned a celebratory ice cream.dog with ice creamThe dog, Ally, was rewarded with an ice cream after finding the woman.

LACK OF SLEEP LONG-TERM EFFECT 

Lack of sleep long-term causes parts of brain’s synapses to be ‘eaten’ by other brain cells, according to a new study by researchers at the Marche Polytechnic University in Italy. Astrocytes are a cell in the brain that clean out worn-out cells and debris. Scientists studying the brains of mice found these cells were more active when the animals had been deprived of sleep, breaking down more of the brain’s connections. “We show for the first time that portions of synapses are literally eaten by astrocytes because of sleep loss,” research leader Michele Bellesi told New Scientist. That is not necessarily a bad thing, as most of the synapses affected were larger and more mature, like old pieces of furniture and probably need more attention, cleaning said Bellesi. The more worrying finding was that ‘microglial’ brain cells, which seek out damaged cells and debris, were also more active in brain experiencing chronic sleep deprivation. “We already know sustained microglial activation observed in Alzheimer’s or other forms of neurodegeneration,” Bellesi said. And previous research found chronic sleep deprivation increases so-called plaques in the brain thought to be a main cause of Alzheimer’s and other dementias.agy-szkenner-1050x846

  • Sleeplessness and associated lack of productivity costs UK economy over £1billion a year, according to a study from Benson Beds.
  • UK adults lose 200,000 working days a year due to sleep issues.
  • 66% of insomniacs cite work stress as reason for inability to sleep.
  • A study from the Sleep Health Foundation has found a third of adults have made a mistake at work due to tiredness.

Around the BBC

Follow Fergus on Twitter


What measures are you taking to prevent dementia? Let us know about your experiences. Email haveyoursay@bbc.co.uk with your stories.

Please include a contact number if you are willing to speak to a BBC journalist. You can also contact us in the following ways:

Reblogged

5 FREE GIFTS FOR SPOUSES

wife1. Giving hugs is essential to keep love flame alive so give your spouse hugs daily. Hugs are fast disappearing in marriages today. It has been researched hugging is one of the emotional needs of all human being. It is scarcity of spousal hug that makes many men hug ladies not their wives indiscriminately. Many women crave for hugs and they allow every Tom Dick and Harry to hug them because their husbands are not giving them hugs. In the morning or at night, let no day pass without hugging your spouse. It is a valuable you must give your spouse. It could be welcoming hug, a goodbye hug, appreciation hug, affirmative hug. Hugging is non-verbal means of communication so use it well. Do not let your husband or wife crave hug from strangers when you are alive. Hug passionately! Hug romantically. A married couple is generous to all except their spouses​. These 5 things you should give your spouse daily. These are not weekly, monthly, annual giving. They are things you must give spouse daily. Let us see them. Give your spouse a touch: One of the ways to bond with spouse is touch of encouragement, affirmation touch, healing touch, apology touch and sexual intimacy touch. Study your partners and know what touch to give at a particular time. If you want God to touch your marriage, touch your spouse. Do not let day without kissing your partner.

83f6ebfa0be41f0f20e5dd93e6e1adaabacfaad82. Give your spouse a smile: God smiles on a home when couples smile at each other. A smile is a way of telling your spouse, ‘You delight me’, ‘Your presence amuses me,’ ‘I am pleased with you’. Frowning at your spouse is not a thing that should last a whole day. One of the way to know your marriage is cold is when you are not SMILING with each other. Smile. It is one of the best gifts you can give your spouse in a day. I love to smile a lot and I love to see my Queen smile. I do not like people who are not generous with their smile. It is free. You do not need to pay for smiles. Just relax your muscles and smile. Couples, smile, keep smiling! To prevent your marriage going cold keep smiling with spouse.Picture-23. Give your spouse a call/ chat: Some people can chat with all the contacts on their phones & all the friends on their friends list on Facebook. But they never chat or call their spouse throughout​ the day. Chatting or calling your spouse in a day at work is a way of saying, ‘Dear, despite my busy schedule, I have you in mind. I am thinking about you’. Make sure you send a chat, or give a call to your spouse today. Make it a daily thing. Nobody is tired of receiving a caring chat or a call from someone they love.

publication_249679_img54c52dafa3b0e7fb78709e5ce3a9b394.png4: Give your spouse the gift of Peace of mind. A home is the end-point of every thing we do daily. Let me explain it this way. If a doctor you cannot sleep in the hospital all the days of your life. You will need to come home. If you are an engineer, you cannot sleep in the site all days. If a lawyer you cannot sleep in the bar all days. As a pastor, you cannot be in the Church 24/7. We all must go back home. Home is the end point. So, if your spouse is excited to come home, it must be a peaceful home. So stop the nagging, fighting, insulting, abuse, threatening, behaviour and humiliating your spouse. Give him rest of mind. Give your wife rest of mind. Be the head of your wife not the headache of your wife. Madam, be wife and not ‘knife’ to your husband. Blessed are the couples that give each other peace of mind daily! Give your spouse Space. As much as you need to bond with spouse together for intimacy communication, affection, planning, etc. you need to give your spouse space. So make time for couple’s prayers, time for couples bonding, time for own personal prayer, personal meditation, personal rest, personal planing, etc. Do not be too close for comfort to choke your spouse. Do not be over possessive and also over demanding to spouse. Stop unnecessary policing and monitoring. Give spouse a space they need when they need it.4718801-friday-prayer-quotes5: Give your spouse prayer no matter how wealthy or highly connected you are, there are things you can not do for your spouse. You are limited. One of the ways to show love to your spouse is to commit him/her to the unlimited God. Say word of prayer for your spouse daily. Other things may fail and may not work. But no force withstands power of prayer. You cannot heal your spouse, only God can heal him/her. You cannot lengthen the days of your spouse. Only God can do that. You cannot save your spouse. You cannot take away addiction and evil habits from your spouse , only God can do that for him/her. Pray to God. Mention name of your husband / wife to God. As a man, you are the priest of your family, lay your hands on your wife or hold her hands and say a word of prayer to her life. It is a major gift couples have to give each other. Blessed is the wife whose husband gives a gift of prayer daily and vice versa. Pray for your spouse if you do not want him/her to become a prey in the hand of devil. All these 5 things you must give your spouse daily are very easy, simple, free and important. Put them on your ‘to-do-list’. Do not forget to give it. Remember, givers never lack any good thing. If you give your spouse all these, I can assure you that, there is a high assurance that you will get it back in return to make your joy full. Love your marriage as joy of your family is your priority. Bless all family members and thank God daily in Jesus Name through the Holy Spirit.

Written by :

© Ebenezer Diyaolu

CHILDREN ARE NOT DOLLS

vlfdcToday’s news report is full of children harmed or killed by many tragic accidents purposefully orchestrated or unintended by someone seething due to jealousy of affection given the children. Such people forget infant’s life requires sacrifices of parents, loved ones, carers who endure to ensure children thrive in life. Their parents went without basic necessities in life, food so they survived. After growing up they feel reluctant to do the same for their own children or step children. There are many blended families doing a great job looking after children and fantastic at it. They deserve recognition and congratulations though not seeking praise for excellent job done daily. Against the backdrop of great parenting is trend of children seen and treated as inconvenient intrusion into ‘perfect happiness’ of dysfunctional families. 980d9a8dac0ead3b5cb8e562bc98d80bSuch people, playing superficial happy family fantasize about having children to ‘seal their love’ but discover shock of changes to their relationship after birth of children. This adds on to stress of an already disorganized family affected at times by influence of drugs or computer games. Such parents blame each other or shift the responsibility of caring and discipline styles, cause more stress and infighting. Meanwhile the children internalize effects of chaos caused by immature people in toxic relationships unfit to raise children. Resentful with regret of their decision to have children cannot opt out. Children caught up in the middle of strife endure life worse at times due to alcohol or selfish actions of parents vying for affection at the cost of children’s lives. Some children cry for hours and given calpol for headaches but parents offended if the child laughs. It seems the parents feel satisfied when the child cries but tells child off if seen as happy and cheerful. Modern living isolates couple further without support network required for respite care of children to give the parents a break. The parent not from poor background, well-brought up can be victim of success if over indulged without consideration for others or own children and family. May grow up with sense of entitlement so receive attention without giving back to others. Demand more attention as grown up in charge of own family. Competes with children for attention so never emotionally secure.wayne-dyer_children-erichuber-comSurprisingly, such parents lack awareness or previous experience of babysitting children 24/7. Totally unprepared  for childcare needs of children they bear or take care of. In the past, schools designed practical living skills of housekeeping, cooking, sewing, cleaning, ironing, childcare as part of curriculum in education. So the young people were trained in hands on real life practical experience life skills to equip them for family life. In addition, extended family in the vicinity living together enhance family experiences of children. Despite family hardships or lack of material trappings of modern living children are nurtured to live in a healthy way. Issues of paedophiles or abuse may exist but at least there was someone in the family who children genuinely rely on in time of emotional need for their support. The attitude of some parents is they think they ‘own’ their children so cause pain to child. And those helping giving real happiness to their children viewed as encroaching, undermining, overriding, imposing threat to them. Additionally, children without FRONTAL CORTEX do not wilfully intend to cause an offence deliberately to hurt parents. Children’s BRAIN NOT FULLY grown or developed do not fully UNDERSTAND adult world.quote-Charlotte-Davis-Kasl-a-life-long-blessing-for-children-is-to-21784Creating good and happy memories in children is treasured in the heart for life of the children. Mimicking adults seems they understand issues but incapable of the maturity of adults. This is the reason why God entrusts the children into the safe adult hands as parents or stewards to look after them. Adult is REPONSIBLE to ensure child’s needs are met, well-fed healthy foods, trained to make sense of environment, given a spatial awareness to relate to others in interactive ways to build up confidence. A child cannot be blamed or accused of being responsible for coming into world to ruin parent’s life. If adult not ready to sacrifice their life at least 30 years to raise children, use protection to prevent conception. Children are for life and not only for Christmas displays. Some think children will enhance them by having them for wrong reasons. A fractured, disjointed society today focus on external material things at the expense of healthy organic nurturing safe atmosphere surrounded by family and friends. Yet nature and nurture are both vital components to accomplish a balanced upbringing of children’s lives. The shift of emphasis on gadgets, technology, high-tech and high strung high-maintenance intense stress, pressure and atmosphere is not really conducive for children. Attention on the external shoe costs and designer labels to wear and expensive clothes or toys above emotional needs of the children. Damage or loss of items becomes bone of contention in anger beats the child to pulp and causing tragic death. The other children are killed by computer gamers who feel distracted from their addictive games by the children requiring nappy change or food. Again tensions of credit crunch play role in frustrating parents stuck with children without proper jobs. Recent rate of fatalities of the children’s death toll is needlessly rising.5c50ba8d0995fc2295ff172d6eccfa6fUnacceptable levels further exasperated by children having children without the FRONTAL CORTEX BRAIN themselves to UNDERSTAND risk and consequences of their actions on delicate tender body of babies and children. Dangerous attacks of children by jealous lovers or parents fester without dealing with the build up of uncalled for anger towards innocent children. Unfortunately some children become victims destroyed by the naive immature jealous partner who in turn destroys own lives in the process. It is sad the family is ruined by adults who wants to raise children as little soldiers. They DO NOT ALLOW CHILDREN TO BE THE HAPPY LITTLE CHILDREN HAVING FUN, LAUGHING, PLAYING WITHOUT A CARE in the world. It is a right of every child to be allowed a proper discipline and corrected in a safe manner within their age range meaningful to the child. A child cannot be treated as a grown up adult in terms of relating deep thoughts to a child. Of course precocious children display maturity, genius beyond some adults but is exception than the norm. God ordained mothers to carry babies as first natural teachers of children so more tolerant and patient than some men. Going against nature to demand mothers abandon children to wo/men INCAPABLE of raising their children contributes to damage of children. Some parents feel ashamed and embarrassed to EXPRESS dark emotions or thoughts to others to get help to deal with their own childhood issues projected on that innocent child. Anger is major cause of such parents who vent on the innocent children bearing brunt of frustrations in their life. Such parents act like if they did not have a happy childhood then the child cannot have one. Of course they cannot give what they do not have so get help to allow children to enjoy their innocent years. Build up good memory and stop tyrants scarring children for life to damage them. A lot of children of this generation have a lot of superficial material needs met but hurting deeply by the lack of proper attention required. Oxytocin hormone CALMS children by hugging the child so gains parental love much more priceless than a temporary material joy happiness. Oxytocin is very necessary for the child’s development so healthy contact of a child is essential. Issue of paedophiles is ruining genuine affection for children treated as robot machines. Hugging the child is viewed with suspicion so many steer clear from it but do not hesitate to inflict pain on same child in moment of madness due to anger. A child is for life so before you have the child think twice of long-term time sacrifices of not going to parties, pubs, discos, travelling alone, sleepless nights for feeding or nappy changes. Get help from trusted family members, and friends, loved ones or good neighbours. children-are-not-dolls-they-are-not-toys-to-dress-up-and-show-off-theyre-real-people--95047Talk to GP to arrange talking therapy or with people in parent’s and child groups to learn how to cope better, ask friends to support you. Do not dump anger or rage on your innocent loving children. Children cannot express their internal damage to organs from assaults by the adults. Modern dolls have a computer link to reveal manhandling by a person entrusted with the doll. Unfortunately children do not have such mechanisms displaying internal bleeding by bashing against walls, shaking babies, fractures broken bone, internal bleeding swelling go unnoticed until final straw ends in a fatality. Yet millions desperately want children but cannot have them due to many reasons. So count your blessings, invest TIME to train child so they grow up and not depart from it. Routine is essential to raising children so set up a flexible dynamic time schedule for the children. Time to sleep and wake up is necessary for toddlers for brain growth and development. Lunch at 12 noon and naps between 1pm to 3 pm for toddlers. The adults quickly prepares supper and dry laundry, clean up ready for children to wake up. Children play, eat at 5-6pm, bath at 7p.m ready for bed after reading at 8 pm. Adults between 8:30pm till 12 midnight have enough hours to wind down, date in home, set up romantic meal, eat, talk, watch TV, play computer games, get someone trusted and reliable to watch children to go to cinema, meal, and sleep by 1 am latest. A disciplined routine helps children to settle down better. It is good to maintain the routine even during holidays because it is harder to get back established routine after mixed messages confuse children. Children always remember those who genuinely love and care for them. And discuss with partner if you feel left out or displaced by children at appropriate time. Set up routine for both to continue to date, be in love after marriage and children. Do not go on an autopilot identifying with one child and pitching against each other as opposing teams. Children grow so fast you can do anything in your life after they fly the nest. It is never too late to learn to take up any unfinished business later after children come along into your life. You can relearn and adapt to use new skills online for web jobs, create blog, give hope to others, encourage and support others in similar situations. For God Sake never blame children for ruining your life or future because you are the ones who chose not to use the appropriate contraception. Even if child unexpected accept, love child unconditionally. Use playful interaction like Sound of Music film to help appreciate the children and they remember you when you are old. Remember you are accountable to God WHO records in BOOK of life treatment of children’s lives.

BE HAPPY IN YOURSELF

Be happy in yourself and do not blame others because life is not only about you exclusively to demand always a 24hour self-centred attention from others who love you. A trend of right to entitlement to be happy at expense of others causes problems in families, society of online. The happiness demanding attention is ruining relationships. Some demand a nonstop unrealistic pressure from loved ones all moments be spent only with them day or night. So time taken to do things or working to provide for them is considered ‘dehumanizing neglect’ for not catering always for them only. Onus of their life is always shifted to others to become totally responsible for them. So like emotional babies, do not realise that growing up means taking a full responsibility for actions. Therefore permanently blame others for problems of their lives or for being born in wrong the environment to undesired parents whose fault made them as they are. Do not put all the anger, and bitterness on those who care about you most. As long as they receive help from everyone at all times without need to help others they feel fine.58216d1a9df4cedf435f5d8a037d7cc4 Dare others ask them to be patient or to wait for their turn often become angry or agitated throwing things at people or breaking things to hurt owners. These behaviour often starts from tantrums of terrible twos not corrected by their innocence not to offend them. Some sulk and cry for hours on end or, develop headaches from crying so cycle is repeated over and over again. A bad upbringing ranges from the spectrum of lack of discipline, correction, ADHD or autism not diagnosed early taking its toll into adulthood. Pride, ego, defiance, anti establishment becomes the norm so used to getting own ways for too long. A genuine effort to support and help them seen as intrusion although often naive of the outcome of their actions. Most of the time the very family considered not good enough for them end up picking up the pieces of their trail of damage to others. Always in denial of reality never aware of effects of their behaviour on a family, relatives, friends or children. In extreme cases traumatize or hurt others incapable of understanding risks or the consequences of an action in advance before it happens. Constantly operate in high-strung emotion demand that those around them always walk on egg shells. Unaware792e6019ecd1c629c0ad3c773ee524ca of social rules etiquette unable to tolerate if attention or a conversation is not only about them. So emotionally draining others yet complaining about lack of attention from those doing their best to live with them. Underlying this state of mind is influence of the liberal views of deception that they are their own self-made people unaccountable to nobody so must depend exclusively only on their own ideas, feelings choices egos without recognising impact effect of damage in hurting others. If not dealt with grow into megalomania, tyrants in extreme cases never content with their lot in life. Always want more and more beyond realistic expectations or available resources in life. Suck others dry but still moan about not being given enough attention. Emotionally draining accurately described ‘manic behaviour of such a person does not understand brain function process of information or instructions properly in the interest of the good of all others. be-happyUnhappiness causes bile toxic chemicals to affect mood swing, sugar withdrawal symptoms, substance abuses affecting genetics of children from some parents, alcohol, poor communication skills, lack of maturity, background experience that intrude into adult years if unchecked. Other times consequence of their sheer pathological wickedness stems from the habitual actions since childhood. Sadly, in schools, emphasis is more on a head knowledge more than personal growth development and emotional maturity required for a longterm living. Another factor is the attitude of certain men seen as powerful if they are rebellious to authority. Some ‘success’ sometimes equated to a bully who tramples over all others bulldozed their way to achieve their goal, be it on corporate ladder, or in family, church, abusers manipulate or attack those who stand up to them. 57c69b8d9a2cff284ba95ed892061acaIt is predicted in Bible by Jesus during the end time lawlessness will abound as such people become more haughty, and disobedient to authority hate discipline, lovers of self more than Lovers of God, high minded ever learning but unable to grasp truth. So cannot understand basic rules, respect, consideration for others. Always insists on their way or no way, self-destruct snapping because they refuse to help or correction to save them from themselves. Truth hurts but God says His people are destroyed for lack of proper Godly knowledge and proper understanding of daily roles in relation to others on Earth. Confusion today in society and wars come from inability to compromise or to put others first. Some insist their way is only way manipulate or force others put under pressure but indulge without listening or valuing others due to greed, love of money, fear. Worse of all undergirding greed motives spur them on to destroy others for their selfish gains. It is well-known in  living history many lives destroyer by not living and let live lifestyle agreement to agree to disagree to live in peace chucked out of window.