COOKING, WASHING, TAMES

Man holding babyCooking, washing clothes, cleaning and childcare, tames men who once thought it was only the women’s job. Like most men, Jean Pierre 32 lives in Mwulire in Eastern Province in Rwanda and leaves domestic chores to his wife. Impatient, angry, demands perfection due to lack of awareness that a woman’s job is 24/7 so never ends day or night. He becomes aggressive if his wife did not meet the standards of his expectations so beats her. A grassroots intervention program trying to reduce domestic violence in Rwanda teaches men how to do household chores, and a recent study suggested it has a positive effect on communities. So Muhoza Jean Pierre used to beat his wife because he saw her as someone he married just to have children and and look after them. “I was following example of my father. My father did not do anything at home,” he said. “If ever I came home and found something not done yet I insult her. “I called her lazy, told her she was useless so must go back to her parent’s house.” But something changed after he learnt to cook and clean. It was all part of a grassroots intervention programme in Mwulire village in Eastern Province, Rwanda encouraging men’s domestic roles, including childcare. Jean Pierre says the project called, ‘Bandebereho’ or role model in Kinyarwanda helps tamed and transformed his behaviour. He took part in classes covering everything from cooking and cleaning and discuss how to challenge men’s traditional gender roles. “They asked, if a man can sweep the house, and we would say ‘he can’,” he said. “And then they would ask us: ‘Who among you does that?’ And there was no one.”Man cooking next to his wife

Real men shouldn’t cook

Facilitators from ‘Bandebereho’ taught Jean Pierre how to do tasks previously he believed his wife should do. He also added: “We would go home and try to put this into practice. “Then we would go back to training with witnesses who would testify they had observed some changes in us. “I know how to cook. I do laundry for the kids. I know how to peel plantains, I know how to pound dry cassava and sift the flour.” Jean Pierre and his wife have been married for 10 years and never helped her before. And making changes was not easy as Jean Pierre’s friends discouraged him from doing household tasks, telling him: ‘No real man should cook.’ “My family and friends said my wife bewitched me by giving me some magic drugs. They said no genuine man should carry a bundle of firewood in the street because that is for henpecked men,” he said. But Jean Pierre continued when he saw benefits to his family. He says his children feel closer to him and his wife now runs a banana business that has allowed them to improve their home. “The way my wife treats me now is different from the way she used to treat me,” he said. “She used to treat me badly because I was mistreating her too, but now we discuss and agree on things to do. “I set her free, now she is working and I am working too; whereas before I was convinced she had to stay home and be available whenever I would need her.” Fear and little freedom affected Jean Pierre’s wife Musabyimana Delphine who says she used to have little freedom and lived in fear. She said: “Sometimes I felt like a mere worker, and I would remember a worker has a salary. “I never thought a woman can ever have her own money, because I never even had time to think about any activity that generate money. “Now I have enough freedom in house, I go out and work for money like others. Start training young boys now so when they grow up they will help their wife and help look after the children. When both work, it’s a burden on the woman to care for the family or children alone.man washing a plateThe ‘Bandebereho’ project taught Jean Pierre to do tasks previously believed his wife should do. Delphine leaves at 5am to sell plantains at a market, while Jean Pierre stays at home and takes care of their four young children. “I come home relaxed and find food ready,” she said. The project’s curriculum originally developed in Latin America by global fatherhood campaign MenCare believes true equality will only be reached when men take on 50% of world’s childcare and domestic work. The research looks into changing men’s attitudes towards family care and traditional domestic. It was soon realised the good impact on men. A study looking at couples taking part in the project found two years after taking childcare lessons in Rwanda men were less likely to use violence against their female partners than those who did not attend the classes. But the study suggested one in three women whose partners took part in the programme still reported experiencing intimate partner violence. National Institute of Statistics of Rwanda, released a data in 2015, around 52% of men in the country were violent towards partners. Rwanda Men’s Resource Centre, which delivered the programme in the country, wants ‘Bandebereho’ to be widely adopted by communities and country’s government. Fidele Rutayisire the chairman of centre, said: “We still have negative social norms, negative masculinity perception cultural barriers as main factors of high violence against women in Rwanda. “Traditionally men don’t take care of children here but men control sex, resources, decision-making. “When men are actively involved in the home they realise sacrifices of women in childcare so their attitude on gender changes positively, they understand the value of gender equality.” Delphine and Jean Pierre said the program benefited their family and the whole community. “We are now on honeymoon, 10 years after our wedding,” said Jean Pierre. If there is conflict or security issue in our neighbourhood our opinion is respected because they see we don’t have problem in our household. Men appreciate and help their wives and not demand they do all the housework or take care of the family, business, Church alone without support of husbands. A happy wife is a happy life and the Bible says love your wife as Christ loved His bride Church and gave His life for you. Timothy says a husband must first look after his family and own household before serving the Church. Don’t neglect your wife and the children in the NAME OF GOD leisurely talking to single women while your wife and children at home suffer. Remember your wife is that same beautiful single woman you married and used her body to give birth to your children. And don’t abandon her for fresh young woman to give birth later to become abandoned as wife. This causes baby mama problems because men want to eat their cake and have it. So wants exclusive attention of wife at the expense of the children some are jealous of. Forget their parents took great care of them as done to children. Grow up and be father to the children to mature a responsible man not manchild depending on wife as mother. For even the Son of Man Jesus did not come to be served but to serve and give His life as a ransom for many says Mark 10:45.

  • 27 November 2018
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WHEN WILL CLOCK CHANGE

When did the clocks go back?

This year’s clocks go back early hours of Sunday October 28; at 2am, UK reverts to Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) by goes back one hour, to 1am. This marks the official end of British summertime. A clever way to remember hour-change is “Spring forward, Fall back.” Relish extra 60 minutes in bed so mornings will be lighter for now, at least but the evenings will be darker. The event means making plans for the day despite prevalence of smartphones and other devices to alter time automatically, there is always one person who didn’t get the message.

When infernal darkness ends?

We won’t see lighter nights again until Sunday March 31st 2019, when clocks will wind forward at 1am and British Summer Time begins.

How dark UK gets in winter?

In the UK the maximum 16 hours and 50 minutes of daylight falls on longest day in June known as summer solstice. On shortest day, Thursday December 21, this dwindles to seven hours and 49 minutes when the sun rises at 8:03am and sets at 3:53pm in London.

Daylight Saving Idea Origin?

Edwardian builder William Willett introduced the idea of British Summer Time, also known as Daylight Saving Time, in 1907. Willett is a great-great-grandfather of Coldplay lead singer Chris Martin. A keen supporter of the outdoors, he noticed that during the summer people were still asleep when the sun had risen and wanted to stop Brits from wasting valuable daylight hours. Clocks were set to the Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) meaning light by 3am and dark at 9pm midsummer. So Willett published pamphlet called ‘The Waste of Daylight‘ to get people out of bed earlier by changing the nation’s clocks, arguing it will improve health and happiness so save country £2.5 million. He proposed the clocks be advanced by 80 minutes in four incremental steps during April and reversed same way during September. His idea was ridiculed and the Daylight Saving Bill got nowhere in Parliament but introduced in 1909. Willett, was not deterred. He spent the rest of his life trying to convince people his scheme was a good one. Sadly, he died of the flu in 1915 at the age of 58; a year before Germany adopted his clock-changing plan on April 30, 1916 when clocks were put forward at 11pm. Britain followed a month later on May 21 and Belgium, Denmark, France, Italy, Luxembourg, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Sweden, and Turkey all followed. William Willett laid outserious proposition for daylight saving scheme. Britain and Germany had been fighting each other in the First World War (1914-18), and a system that could take pressure off economy and conserve fuel worth trying. So Summer Time Act of 1916 was quickly passed by Parliament and the first day of British Summer Time, 21 May 1916, was widely reported in the press. Back then hands on some clocks can’t turn back without breaking mechanism. Owners put the clock forward by 11 hours as Summer Time came to an end on 1 October 1916.

The Home Office put out special posters telling people how to reset their clocks to GMT and national newspapers also gave advice. Willett, died at his home near Bromley in Kent,  commemorated for his efforts by a memorial sundial in nearby Petts Wood, set permanently to Daylight Saving Time. The Daylight Inn in Petts Wood is named in his honour and there’s a road there called Willett Way. Willett wasn’t alone in realising the potential of utilising wasted daylight hours. As far back as 1784, Benjamin Franklin, one of America’s Founding Fathers, wrote a letter to the Journal of Paris making fun of fact people sleeping through daylight and burning candles and fuel for light at night. Franklin even suggested tax on shuttered windows or public alarm clocks to solve problem.

Time changes body clock British Summer Time ends on SundayBritish Summer Time ends Sunday 28th October affects moods: SAD disorder is Seasonal Affective Disorder one of the most depressing days of the year. When clocks go back the British Summer Time ends evenings darker hour earlier. Does it make much difference? From 1968 to 1971, the UK experimented with British Standard Time the permanent summer time was used all year. Trevor Harley, a psychologist, in his book The Psychology of Weather recalls in native Scotland he felt like “it was perpetually dark. Its bad enough when sunrise around 9am, but 10am is grim prospect in winter.” It led to more traffic accidents during darker mornings, but fewer accidents in the evenings. Overall, about 2,500 fewer people were killed due to clock change.

Time difference of one hour?

Today clocks are almost always set one hour back or ahead, but in history there were several variations, half adjustment (30 minutes) or double adjustment (two hours), adjustments of 20 or 40 minutes used. A two-hour adjustment was used in several countries during 1940s and elsewhere at times. A half adjustment is used in New Zealand in the first half of the 20th century. Australia’s Lord Howe Island (UTC+10:30) of DST schedule in which clocks are moved 30 minutes forward to UTC+11, which is Australian Eastern Daylight Time (AEDT) during DST. In 1940 during the Second World War, the clocks in Britain were not put back by an hour at the end of Summer Time. Years, later clocks continued to be advanced by one hour each spring and put back by an hour each autumn until July 1945. During summers Britain was two hours ahead of GMT and operating on British Double Summer Time (BDST). The clocks were brought back in line with GMT at the end of summer in 1945. In 1947, due to fuel shortages, clocks were advanced by one hour on two occasions during the spring, and put back by one hour on two occasions during the autumn, means that Britain was back on BDST during that summer.

 

Ditching Daylight Saving Time?

Those who want change say it’s not clear if any energy savings are made, while there are also potential health risks. Critics claim the darker mornings are dangerous for children walking to school and the energy saving argument may be invalid if people switch on fans and air-conditioning units during the lighter, warmer evenings. But unlikely to bother people in the UK. In 2011, Tory MP Rebecca Harris floated a bill calling for year-round daylight savings but failed to complete passage through Parliament before the end of the session and was dropped. A YouGov poll same year found 53pc of Britons supported moving clocks an hour permanently while 32pc opposed the change. The proposals were met less warmly by the Scottish population; Alex Salmond called campaign to “plunge Scotland to morning darkness” and SNP colleague MP Angus MacNeil said any change has “massive implications for the safety and wellbeing of everyone living north of Manchester. “It is no secret Tories in the south want to leave Scotland in darkness but fixing clocks to British summertime means the dawn wouldn’t break in Scotland until nearly 9am,” he said. He had a point. Following a 1968 to 1971 trial, BST employed all year round northern Scotland saw a net increase in the number of people killed or seriously injured. The sun wouldn’t rise fully until 10am in parts of Scotland and the country’s 1,000-or-so dairy farmers, who wake up before 5am, would have to work for hours in the dark. Other farmers and construction workers, who need sunlight to perform their jobs, would end up having to work later into the evening. Some folks keen to reach a compromise have suggested the clocks change at Hadrian’s Wall and not at Calais. Philip Broom writing on the National Farmer’s Union website in 2011 said: “A definite no. Combining will not start until midday and then have to go on until 11 o’clock. Our day is long enough now.” ‘A Thomas’ writing on the NFU site, was worried “younger people having loud parties or barbecues in gardens and youths hanging around on streets make itnightmare for people getting up for work early mornings.”

A massive wind-up for some…

Spare a thought for the staff of the Royal Collection. They spend over 50 hours adjusting over 1000 clocks spread across the official residences of The Queen. Following months of planning, staff at Buckingham Palace, Windsor Castle and the Palace of Holyroodhouse in Edinburgh start work in the early hours of the morning to ensure that the time is set accurately. There are 379 timepieces at Windsor Castle, 500 at Buckingham Palace and 80 at the Palace of Holyroodhouse including organ clocks, astronomical clocks, musical clocks and mechanical clocks. 

Why keep Daylight Saving Time

There have been various trials over the decades from double summer time (GMT + 2 hours) during Second World War to permanent British Summer Time (GMT + 1 hour) during late 1960s but the current system of changing the clocks at the end of March and October has been in place since 1972. Those in favour say that it would reduce traffic accidents, save energy, boost tourism and encourage more people to exercise outdoors. In the 1980s, the golf industry estimated one extra month of daylight savings could generate up to $400 million (£246.6 million) a year in extra sales and fees. Daylight Savings Time “affects everything from terrorism to the attendance at London music halls, voter turnout to street crime, gardening to profits of radio stations,” said David Prerau, author of Saving the Daylight: Why We Put the Clocks Forward. This debate stretches years into the past, and the future of British time is still unclear.

Sandringham Time GMT/30mins

Added complication for Royal servants between the years 1901 to 1936 was the concept of ‘Sandringham Time’ which was introduced in by Albert, Prince of Wales, later King Edward VII. A keen fan of shooting, he wanted to make the most of winter daylight, so he ordered all clocks on the estate to be set half an hour fast. The tradition was continued by King George V after he acceded to the throne in 1925 but King Edward VIII abolished it in 1936 shortly before his abdication Sandringham House

Coping With The Time Changes

  1. When the clocks first go back, mornings are lighter so ensure bedrooms are kept dark with blinds or curtains.
  2. Alter bedtime by around 10 minutes over a few days beforehand to adjust to the new time.
  3. Maintain bedtime routines. Get ready for bed in the same order e.g pyjamas on, tooth brushing, bedtime story.
  4. Turn off all screens at least an hour before bedtime.
  5. Offer a milky, warm drink to encourage sleepiness and avoid stimulating food and drink just before sleep.
  6. Make sure all the clocks are correct.

TWOSIDED COIN LIFE/DEATH

Image

Gold solidus bust of Jesus with a cross behind His head holding a Bible minted in Constantinople now Istanbul, Turkey AD 705–711 in Britishmuseum.org. Jesus is Resurrection Life raised in eternity to Reign in infinity with hope of assurance to Christian believers in Christ Jesus of Nazareth for eternal life. This coin is from the reign of Byzantine Emperor Justinian II (685-711 AD) is the oldest known image. It’s a GOLD solidus, bust of Black Christ (Yeshua). With this coin facing you, notice short beard and most noticeably the hair wearing pallium and colobium, the Gospels in His left hand, cross behind His head. Side by side comparison of a front and back of coin shows Jesus gold bust.

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You’ll notice the difference between the two from facial makeup, to hair and size. Now look at the coin to the right. On the left of it is Justinian and Tiberius on the right. Note the dealer, author David R. Sear, DOES indeed provide a Certificate of Authenticity for this coin, with the explanation: “The Portrait on this coin was based on an ICON believed by people of a time to bear miraculous resemblance to Christ’s appearance.” So did Constantinople the Christian king’s gold bust testifies of his Christianity.

Constantine I, AD 307-337. Gold Solidus (4.2g) minted in Nicomedia. Two sided coin shows angel associated with death and life helping in grief afterlife passing of loved ones. Words used in grief helps for good to heal or hurt and succumb to overwhelming pain. And Proverb 18:21 says power of life and death in a tongue strengthens faith in God or weakens it. Two strong emotions surface by a death to mourn with hope in Christ in God for future reunion with loved ones.

Grief or total darkness of loss in without comfort of beloved husband of 15 years, died unexpectedly 8 months February 4, 2018 at 3 am after 5 days, watched him die had significant PTSD symptoms. The days and months were dark inky black despair of lonely rock bottom, lowest bottomless abyss of no way out, stayed alive for son so refused to succumb to suicide. A tiny small moment happiness came 3 or 4 months after death enjoying song on radio, looking at sun thinking its a beautiful when outside. Distinctly first time thought of Chad and nostalgic than dissolve into the massive puddle of tears, mourning loss. Kept waiting to be overcome by tears around 5 months but turning point after things got worse was linear climbing into happiness. Checked into  a mental hospital overwhelmed by grief.  Shortly after seeming acceptance, acts on spiraling grief to prevent it from becoming out of control. Before, simply swallowed up whole in early July. After 9 days in hospital felt much better. Had new perspective sorely lacked, stopped crying daily house sold moved to a new home adored didn’t cry anymore. Had new friends who truly understood loss. Later recalled, ‘Be happy after death not alone thrives in love as the best wife in entire world be in love again wants that for you. Never ever feel guilty or like a betrayal falling in love again. Promise you will date again. If you marry again, know will be so happy for you.Pin imageThose words echo in head for no reason totally suppressed in grief, wasn’t ready to think about new love until then. But a combination of feeling grounded after hospital stay at home crying over loss genuinely happy  his words rang in ears. Met via online dating, and it worked out rather well decided give it a try again. Took deep breath, answered questions on eHarmony, hoped for the best. Bob sent smile next day, “smiled” back to pink “pussy hat” in front of Washington Memorial in DC in midst of a massive crowd at the Women’s March intrigued! Had beard as into beards, like his at 54, age appropriate. Struck up a short conversation and agreed to meet for breakfast on date. Not impressed but flashed back on New Year’s Resolution included open mind not judgmental. He texted asking me on a second date less than 5 minutes after left the parking lot from first date. Decided liked that much means, chemistry there so said yes. The second date was much better and third better, fell deeply in love. Shocked now believes in life after grief unambiguous in a way Bobby is man needed, the man wanted, more amazingly, the man Chad wanted for me. Interestingly, Chad and Bobby different men. Both love fiercely, purely, deeply, without conditions, and go to the ends of the earth for love. And decided to get married. So why wait? Is it societal expectations? Fully believe in doing what makes happy by marrying Bobby as ridiculously happy. Its 8–1/2 months Chad died as widow would have judgmental secretly widow didn’t truly love deceased husband. Or making an impulsive, stupid decision will regret. A decision not based in reality. Learned over time ’till death do part’ free, gained new perspective and empathy to love by the permission of late husband. Some widows could not  date immediately and remarry or wait decades. Configuration in- between deep enduring happiness with another man 8 months happened, not ashamed of. Enduring deep love for Chad and to be husband tremendously respectful not threatened by the love of Chad. So 2018 is utterly, horrendously horrific in many ways with beautiful ending. Still cries or grieves at son’s first band competition  so bent over a fence sobbing Chad was not there to see son’s band competition, always at every single one not there hit very hard. Grief is sharp, acute, present but present love, tremendously blessed in love twice, deep love defying words of pain and grief so more grateful.

Henry-VIII-angel-coin

Henry VIII of England’s Angel gold coin measuring 29mm, with a weight of 5.12 grams. This was among the King’s first coinage struck at the Tower, Royal Mint.

The legend around the coin: HENRIC VIII DI GRA REX AGL Z FR around the image of the Archangel Michael slaying the Dragon.

PER CRVCE TVA SALVA NOS XPC REDE. A ship bearing the royal shield and cross, the letter “H” and rose flanking cross.

Elizabeth-I-angel-coin

Queen Elizabeth I’s gold angels differed little from Father’s her name positioned right of Archangel’s depiction minted between 1578 and 1581. At Kenilworth in 1575 Queen Elizabeth I often publicly prepared for healing ritual associated with Angel coins ‘prostrate on knees, body and soul rapt in prayer.’ Known to lay hands on subjects, and made sign of cross, with gold angel, over location of sore or affliction. The inscription on the reverse side of her Angel coins read in Latin: “This is the Lord’s doing and it is marvellous” for healing itself or words spoken by then-princess Elizabeth upon learning of death of older sister Queen Mary I to make her Queen of England!

angelot-France-coin

An angel example issued by King Henry VI as king of France. The coin weighed 2.34 grams and was struck between the years 1427-1449. The legend: HENRICVS: FRANCORV: AND: A(nglia): REX. Image of Archangel Gabriel over coats of arms of France and England. On reverse, the legend: XPE: VINCIT: XPE: REGNAT: XPE: IMPERAT’s simple cross flanked by a lily and leopard. People literally used death coins Chanol obol to pay the river crossing toll in afterlife. Others used the coins hold eyes shut during funerals. So yet again the expression of death has a function of duality just as life after grief is a double-sided. One remembers loved one’s memories but continues to live in the here and now simultaneously. And gratitude continues to increase in value  as study after study has found a robust association between higher gratitude and wellbeing. Protection from stress and depression, fulfilling relationships, better sleep and greater resilience.” It can be a simple spending part of every day for two weeks writing a list of three things for which grateful. “As pages in diary fills up with a scribbled gratitude started to find concept less vomitous, so Sarner wrote. After four weeks counting gratitude keeps doing it. Even in a midst of death and grief can find joyful ending of pain and suffering, gratitude of years spent together, privilege of medical care and ability to see and bury loved one as friends gather to support or help family, memorial service, giving thanks to God for the gift of eternal life IN CHRIST and worship God, sing songs praising God use Psalms and Bible verses to reinforce trust in God. Faith comes by hearing the word of God, do not let grief overwhelm you to destroy you. Commit family into God’s Hands to protect you from further evil destructions and to cover you with Jesus BLOOD in JESUS NAME.

Gary and his two childrenGary Andrews with daughter Lily (11) and son Ben (eight) unexpectedly death lost partner of 19 years. His 41-year-old wife Joy died suddenly about a year ago. Over the last 12 months discovered for him, the answer is doodling – a doodle a day to cope with grief. Gary, animator and illustrator worked on Fireman Sam and for Disney, began his doodle diary, shared on social media on 55th birthday in 2016. Uses digital media at night to do little sketch based on things happening daily.” Following her death, 27 October:Gary's first doodleImage copyrightGARY ANDREWSGary's second doodleImage copyrightGARY ANDREWSGary's third doodleImage copyrightGARY ANDREWSGary's fourth doodleImage copyrightGARY ANDREWS. His week started with wife waving him off at Heathrow Airport on a Monday for a work trip to Canada. A few days feeling ill with flu-like symptoms, Joy was taken to hospital on Thursday with suspected kidney infection, condition deteriorated rapidly. On the Friday at 03:15 she died from multiple organ failure caused by sepsis. Gary, in the departure lounge in Vancouver waiting for emergency flight home, was told when he landed back in the UK. He had lost the woman he had been married to for 13 years, the person he describes as his best friend, and the mother of his two children Lily, then 10, and Ben, seven. At times a rollercoaster up and down sadness or joy depending on triggers of a music, favourite foods, scents friends, activities. Despite the pain must remain to live for that person too who wishes a happy life for loved ones after passing. It’s important to try for their sake to pull through and smile again, eat, dress well and begin living again. First few days of bereavement of grief, worse; sudden change of direction by unexpected death forces one to make life without the loved ones. God’s angels surround us to help with the family sent from God the Comforter. The Holy Spirit helps grief to be borne in hope through assurance of eternal life in resurrection. There is no specific formula for grief or sorrow so people deal with pain in their own way meaningful to them. Do what you can, ask friends and family to help with any issues made complex by death. It’s not weakness to ask for help and do not wait for people to “offer” help first because they may feel like giving you a private space to grief. Talk about loved ones, laugh over their jokes, keep on in life do not stop living because they want you to be happy even grieving for them.An photo of George smiling while looking at Harriet

George Shelly on his sister’s death says “There are no rules when it comes to grief it’s about doing what feels right for you.” One thing that massively helped me is learning how vital exercise is for mental health. I started exercising when I started getting angry, towards the end of last year. I was punching walls in fits of rage and had load of broken knuckles and scabs, a mess taking frustration and force out on objects and on myself. So started doing meditation in my room, and went to yoga classes, a brother Will, who is a marine, taught me how to lift weights and it’s made me feel so much better mentally. I’d go into the gym with a knot of frustration, anger and turmoil in my stomach, and leave feeling it was untied. The documentary made about grief was trying to come to terms with Harriet’s death. When I started filming, I couldn’t say Harriet’s name out loud without breaking down. It was intense and so damn hard. But hearing other people’s stories of grief, and how they dealt with it, is part of learning how you deal with it yourself. And I learnt that it’s important to allow yourself to feel vulnerable, to accept the crutches that work for you or for antidepressants see a psychiatrist. There is no right way of dealing with this pain you need to know there is support out there, and to not be afraid to ask for it. GEORGE SHELLEY on BBC THREE shared his experience with mental health as it’s something I never thought in a billion years I had to deal with. Through shock, you question what life is a lot. When you have that much of a dramatic change in life, you change. You look in mirror and you’re faced with different person. Losing Harriet is something I am going to deal with for the rest of my life. I feel her smiling with me wherever I am. Her birthday is Christmas day so my future kids will know it’s Christmas, but that it’s also Auntie Harriet’s birthday. We’ll keep saying name keep to remember.Photographer Mandi Knepp surprised Jessica with a final picture side-by-side with her fianceMandi Knepp wanted to show strength so brave for self and others but knew Kendall will not come back after death. A photographer surprised Jessica with final picture side-by-side with fiance for wedding day as part of healing process for Jessica and family. In group is family and friends, some Kendall’s colleagues from a fire department he volunteered before killed attending an accident. 15408330385481483758900.jpg“I told them not to worry about coming. I know the guys usually late at wedding and so they don’t want be there. But got a surprise when all the guys were there standing in the spot where they would have been at the church. I was in shock they took time and they cared enough to do that for me. The images went viral when her photographer posted them on Facebook. Although that changed what Jessica had wanted to be that personal moment, it also brought extra meaning.Family and friends stood by Jessica“I got messages from grieving people I don’t know, telling me stories and how strong and brave I was. They said if I do it so can they. Photos highlighted many ways people grieve if they lost loved one particularly at a young age. After photos felt did something good, felt bit stronger but next day comes and brings back all the sad moments and emotions about him.” She says the photos made her feel closer to Kendall sees him now laughing at it going viral. He brought the strength to those pictures honestly felt presence.15408881248801483758900.jpgSpeaking to The Telegraph at Christmas Miss Lamplugh’s father opened up on how he wondered how his daughter’s life would have turn out. Mr Lamplugh, former solicitor aged 87, East Sheen south-west London does not dwell on the thought for long. Ever since his 25-year-old estate agent daughter Suzy disappeared, believed murdered, July 28 1986, he displays stoic dignity even though hers has been one of the most high-profile and enduring cases of a missing person in recent times. Thirty years on, Mr Lamplugh says: “Time passes. You move on. I don’t picture her or daydream about her. Diana and I brought it to an end when we held a press conference at Scotland Yard to announce that we felt we had done all we could to find her. “You can go on to destroy your life and other people’s lives,” he adds. “Take control over your life again, we imagined she would have said, ‘You have done enough,’ while it doesn’t stop you thinking don’t agonise.’ No trace of his daughter was ever found and no one has ever tried or convicted of her murder. He won’t say if he thinks Cannan or anyone else is to blame. “It was a good lead. It may be right, I don’t know. The fact is, she is never going to come back and that is the way it is,” he said. “My grandchildren may know they had an Aunt Susan who mysteriously vanished 30 years ago,” he admits, “but I have never talked to them about it. My wife Diana and I determined the lives of our other children Richard, 57, Tamsin, 54, and Lizzie, 47, would not suffer as a result of our loss. Suzy herself always believed life was for the living. It was one of the last things she said to Diana before she disappeared.

Shirley HellyarTerminally ill Miss Hellyar wants to stay in Newcastle where she has lots of her friends. This terminally ill woman who had hoped to raise £5,000 to pay for her funeral has smashed her target. Shirley Hellyar, 40, from Glasgow, thought she beat cancer travelled to Newcastle to celebrate her 40th birthday this month. However, while visiting friends suffered chest pains and scan revealed condition was terminal. An online fund has raised £5,570 so far. Ms Hellyar is in a hospice in Newcastle with weeks left to live. She was diagnosed with the lymphoblastic lymphoma in 2017 as a tumour detected in her lung. Early September this year, she said the tumour had shrunk and she was well enough to travel to Newcastle where she lived for years and used to work as a sexual health worker. Miss Hellyar is in St Oswald’s Hospice in Newcastle, where she wants to remain and be close to friends. She said: “The kindness people show is unbelievable so has reinstated my faith in humanity.” More than 250 people donated to the fund to help her parents Elizabeth and Gordon pay for her funeral, as well as travel costs. Message of support offered to provide services at funeral or places for her family to stay in Newcastle. Val Campbell called it a “tragic situation” so Martin Robson said he was moved to tears. He wrote to Miss Hellyar: “I can’t imagine what you are going through but I wish you love and more. Holding your hand from afar.” If you believe in God you know that in year King Uzziah died, Isaiah saw GOD Sitting ON HIS Throne in heaven, looking like a man in Isaiah 1:1 in Bible. Isaiah’s grief over the king’s death made him seek Face of God more than ever before. GOD Comforts people through Holy Spirit comforter so lifted above sin and sorrow into PRESENCE of the LORD. And King David encouraged himself in the LORD in time of adversity and sorrow. Grief is an occasion people run to God, churches are full if disaster strikes. People recognise their human limitations and need a Saviour so turn to God in pain. Its best time to maintain Covenant with God consistently not only in good times but vulnerable times too. Do not blame God and become angry to denounce reject God for not preventing death of a loved one. It’s not God’s fault so be realistic about circumstances of life and human decay. The devil comes to steals, kill and destroys but God gives eternal life more abundantly so GOD is still in the Throne despite death of loved ones. Eternal life brings reunion of the family and friends to live forever in eternity into infinity. A temporary loss by death is for only a short season in life, compared with joy believer have in Resurrection in Christ to live forever in Jesus Name. GLORY to God.

More on this story

  • Terminally ill cancer patient raising money for her funeral
    26 October 2018

By Georgina Rannard, UGC & Social news

HIGHLY EDUCATED STUPID?

051a9879c98b9715605584256aeb1a99c50c6a-wmThis outrageous statement is brought to our attention through debate by people discussing the direction of the world. It was argued George Orwell and Pascal, among great achievers and influencers never went to university yet successful. Some points made include these facts as follows: that education restricts natural wisdom and insists on compliance and conformity of students. One size fits all curriculum is not designed to promote natural skills, talents or abilities rather imposes views and propaganda agenda of a dominant culture. Regardless of the relevance of education to each student its compulsory to study pass assessed on league table to determine course of career. Generalised syllabus is market driven for sales and profit for lucrative exam boards which is another factor. So government funding based on category of subjects considered for grants means schools must present candidates for the courses without teachers and resources to qualify for allowance for the budget. Children’s subjects imposed on them for the sake of keeping up appearances but their certificates registered ‘failed’ even though hardly taught subjects. A school size matters too so their population size determines the amount school receives. Children incapable of reading, spelling, communicating by up to date academic standard copy subjects not taught so it seems performance is excellent in their school report. Teachers do performance related but struggle with children below average forced to learn. Exceptionally gifted talented children suffer because time for lessons too limited to motivate them at their level. Some are bored and lose interest or are homeschooled by a parent giving up career to teach them. It is the context of such extreme cases that frustrate students that they become an educated person. Hoping to get a job to earn income or take loans to continue higher and further education. Despite a life choice in either direction education is still not considered enough to meet all needs of everyone in society. The elite view is that education is the key to life to solve all problems. nelsonmandela1Get so cross when others don’t take such view of education as they do due to a sense of entitlement. People talk of culture of entitlement by those who live on benefits but the elite has its own entitlement culture. They think because they studied at particular University or a specific subject it means they understand the world better than a ‘plebeians.’ They think they are superior so their view should prevail. They also think they are morally superior because they hold views they are told, virtuous. Anyone who appears not to subscribe to these views considered a sinner or else appallingly misled by some other evil force. It is outrageous to elite works of “devil” should prevail against them. It is they who are virtuous so knows best as the chosen ones. Their views or ideas they impose on others they expect and intend to prevail whether society likes it or not. This basic fundamental belief is the construct of education as if every other culture is tabula rasa non-existent blank society waiting to be civilised. It is such condescending biased views some responses complained damages diverse cultures in society. Jefferson-education-768x476Forced, suppressed and the subdued by compulsory subjects to tow the line of only civilised society. History is always written by victors from their point of view portraying victims as perpetrators. Underlying fear is that subdued cultures will find way to overcome suppression to make new life for themselves without total dependence on dominant culture. Their economies will collapse because other cultures are the extension of their market place. Without selling good to such cultures will be limited in growth. Secondly, resources exploited from this cultures will not be available if they can process and sell it directly to each other without the middleman meddling with their minds and paying them with old rustic weapons to fight and kill each other. The study of some subjects never come up int classroom way down at the bottom of the curriculum. There is not enough weeks in the year to reach the subject deliberately fixed in the holiday months. Disparity of one-way education limits an appropriate knowledge of the dominant culture who despise and lack understanding “plebeians.” benjaminfranklin1-2xDerogatory attitude towards the other culture, insults treating them as inferior permeates society. Causes frustration of younger generations made to think they will improve their lot in life through an education. It is worse after education because theory does not match reality in life worst of all now heavily indebted without jobs. Irony is billionaires have free accommodations, free perks or free fares to fly globally to spend allowance given them in free hotels paid for. And the compulsory educated look on while it seems provisions are readily available for certain elites of society from their taxes paid. Worst of all the least treated are original owners of wealth misused and flaunted in their faces. How does an elite class indulging in luxury expect the starving hungry ‘plebeian’ servant class running up and down to fulfill all their egotistical demand and tantrum wishes to feel? Is too much to ask to live and let live to agree to disagree? Go to remotest hovel on planet earth and TV is there, fresh clean spring water rejected for the unhealthy fizzy sugary drink, packaged canned food preferred to a rich natural local nourishment in the name modern sophistication. Free milk ban in schools led to fizzy drink increasing allergies. ekhaya-ekasiWomen must consulted for an inclusive policy to benefit familes, disabled and all sectors of society. Education cannot be just to enrich a few powerful men in power to waste resources only on their wants at the expense of all people. The everyday reports shows people’s health damaged by junk food published in data and statistics by many nutrition boards. Environment is destroyed by persistent distorted belief a privilged few deserve the best in life. Others flabbergasted like cargo cult want imported things best to consume than grow their local produce. Unless agricultural students or a family business, farm producing poultry, cattle milk etc. most educated want to sit by computer all day. They sincerely believe educated people must never do the blue colour jobs. Billions all over the world are waiting and hoping for day things will automatically fall into place so they will become rich like those they aspire to be like. They do not realise the most successful people spend years on shop floor learning skills, doing odd jobs and perfecting crafts before breakthroughs. Many strongly think preposterous ideas, flaunted on a social media followed by a lots of people suddenly turns to millions dollars to make them rich. Look to a few making billions misguided and misled by online money scams. Rich offshore accounts of hidden wealth of the rich is grown by a pyramid scheme investors creating debts for the young who want such expensive things free too. alberteinstein1-2xSome think expensive products with the glamorous packaging thrown away is a better quality. This misnomer is driving society geared it towards AI robots and a driverless car creating unemployment due to fear middle classes will take over to control society. Perpetually subdue, stress put under pressure mental health sleepless nights on medication driven to suicide because of policies harassing citizens. What is good for the goose is not obviously good for the gander with low pay for the women doing equal jobs it seems education has a lot to learn from society to fix itself. It seems Jesus’ words of that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer is played right before our eyes. It is as if licence is given to the rich to go all the way out to exploit the poor to humiliate to fulfil the prophecy of Jesus. Jesus the OWNER of all wealth will hold educated elite rich to account for how they managed and shared HIS WEALTH.  Projects enrich wealthy who can afford to pay while people deemed less in society on scandalous zero hour contract or work hard but go to food banks for food. They deliberately kill off society softly keeping wealth for greedy privileged few. The world is soon going to be over elite need to reconsider their views towards God’s priceless humans created treated badly. Read Revelations 19:15-19 describing the consequences of mistreatment of plebeians by the highly educated who consistently maintain the structures that affects people. They may not value them but are Highly Valued by God their CREATOR. Fear of lacking resources drives many to deprive others but remember God Owns it all. Why will you gain the whole world and perish by losing your soul to material things that cannot be taken out of this world. Yet is going to be used by God to judge people for not sharing material things totally useless in heaven or hell depending on destination. Intelligence in not enough because education is one component of life among other factors: family matters, child or elderly care, health, neighbours and finances. More years are spend on education but untrained to handle long-term life issues concerning others.bertrandrussell1-2x

In 1999 in publication of David Dunning and Justin Kruger the psychologists had noticed in prior studies that areas like reading comprehension, playing chess, driving car, blissful ignorance is falsely confident more than a knowledgeable. Cornell University conducts experiment on effect showing less competent people overestimate their own skills and don’t recognize when other’s superior skills. It requires competent skills to produce a right answer to recognize right answers in life. Smart people listen attentively to consider argument before any decision.

3. Stupid people react by aggressive anger 

The smartest people do get angry from time to time but for the less intelligent people its go-to reaction if things aren’t going their way. Loss of control over a situation tends to use angry aggressive behavior to secure their view. Research by University of Michigan studying 600 participants with parents and children, over 22 years found distinct correlation between aggressive behaviour and the lower IQ-score. The researchers wrote in their elaboration: “We hypothesized low intelligence made learnt aggressive responses more likely at early age, and this aggressive behaviour continued so an intellectual development difficult.”750124-Neal-Stephenson-Quote-The-difference-between-stupid-and (1)

4. Stupid people ignore needs feelings of others  

Intelligent people tend to be very good at empathizing with others. This makes it easy for them to understand another person’s point of view. Russel James of the Texas Tech University conducted a representative study with thousands of Americans and found out that people with a higher IQ are more inclined to give without expecting anything in return. As it turns out, an intelligent person is better at assessing the needs of other people and also more likely to want to help them. “People with higher cognitive ability able to understand and fulfill needs of distant others.” People less smart have a hard time imagining people think differently than them so disagree with them. A concept of doing things for others without expecting a favour in return is foreign to them. It’s completely normal, human, important to keep balance between need to pursue our goals but consider other’s feelings.

5. Stupid people think better than all

Intelligent people motivate and help others because they are not afraid of being overshadowed. They have healthy level of confidence and smart enough to accurately assess own competence. The stupid people on the other hand tend to badmouth others in order to look better themselves. They believe they are above everyone else so always quick to judge. Prejudice is not a sign of intelligence. A Canadian “Psychological Science” study by two scientists at Brock University of Ontario found “those with low IQs tend more in favour of harsh punishments, more homophobic and more likely to be racist.” Many biologists believe human ability to cooperate is instrumental to our overall development. It means the most important signifier of intelligence is being good at working with others.

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David Dunning and Justin Kruger 1999 Psychologists, Smart and Stupid people, University of Michigan.

VALUE & CARE FOR ELDERS

God says value elders and care for them so you will live long and be blessed by God it will be well with you. This is the commandment God made and condition attached for those obeying word of God. There are three types of care provided for elders depending on their needs. 1. Medical Care for their health by doctors, pharmacists, nurses and auxiliary staff. 2. Personal Assistants: family, friends or employed to feed, wash, clean premises, personal hygiene, laundry, shop, outing and talking to them as human beings daily if able to communicate. If unable to talk suitable contact for awareness so not alone. 3. Financial Provisions by family if they can afford it or support from public funds. Examine your life and see which category of care needs is possibly provided by you. There are so many unsung heroes 24/7 doing all care needs alone without support or respite care or break to rest and recover from stress. God says HE judges the nations by care provided for “the least of these” in society which includes elders. Those unable to repay the cost of kindness and generosity towards them is important to Jesus who at times disguises Himself to test love for others. There is assumption as long as money is sent regularly to the elders, latest most expensive gadget and grandest designer homes provided, paid for agency staff taking care of them they will be fine. Genuine caring agencies have limited time per person from 15 minutes to hour because of shortage of staff. Quality care impossible to provide within such a limited time frame. They must spread their time between many patients and rush through care because it’s so expensive to pay for the services. Most elders are forced to sell the family homes to pay for medical care so have no inheritance left to pass on to loved ones. These elders sacrificed and fought wars to defend and protect the nation’s and resources taken for granted by the modern generations. Sadly, when elders are too old to work, earn or mobile they are considered useless by very society indulging in their labour, sweat or toils. cheerful african family at home using tablet pcRemember one day you too will grow old and must not forget the elders. Many have incomes that can provide for elders but choose to ignore them. Others lost contact so do not have awareness of their wellbeing whether they are even alive. Many live close by for many years unknown to each other until after death they discover how near each other they were. A misconception of Bible to “leave father and mother and cleave to wife” misinterpreted by some to mean ABANDON FAMILY. So they cut the family off, isolate themselves from a family that sacrifice everything to raise them into who they are. They prefer the company of their vibrant friends as the society promotes friendships above the family. Many do not realise they can set up funds to provide an elders needs and delegate assistant for the personal care PAY for their time and services and not taken for granted because relatives in the family. Gadget care is good idea but is limited in PRACTICAL FUNCTIONS so mechanised human care. People in their last stages of life need comforting touch of healing even from a hired wellbeing or death doula is better than complete isolation. Often an elder in “second childhood” of life is literally a helpless toddler unable to think, decide or care for themselves. This shocks the family who watch a strong parent turn into a helpless child. To many people they seem as acting to demand attention so may not be helped immediately. It is after years of trying in vain before the help required is ascertained for them. It is necessary to understand some cannot keep up with paper work, documents, online technology constantly changing, become forgetful and in extreme cases suffer from dementia. Dementia means they have no control over thoughts so can offend others, use perverted speech totally unlike them in the previous years. May eat but forget and say they have not eaten or not eat and say they have eaten. Those immobile are carried like baby, washed, fed or use commode wheelchair, zema frame. ideas_reuniones_familiares.destacadaActive elders can be slow in walking or going up and descending stairs as Mr Bean’s video experience shows. Some drive slower or misunderstand road signs so find themselves in the wrong lane. Its not attention seeking deliberate winding of modern generations. It is the lack of awareness due to peering society so seen as them versus us. It is worse if they cannot express themselves or they became dependent on the very people they raised. Some unfortunately resent them or are embarrassed due to their nature, illness or condition. Elders now live longer due to better health care but after pension some outlive their income and need top up from the family or the society as a whole. The amount of waste thrown away can be used to provide the care needed. So many unemployed can volunteer to help clean premises, shop and cook for those who want help. Pool of human resources available is ignored for the sophisticated expensive gadgets gulping limited resources. So society is responsible for all elders not privileged few whose needs are not compromised. It’s beyond belief how quickly resources are made available for some while the others are delayed or ignored because not regarded as human enough. Above all nobody brought anything into this world or will anyone take anything out. So GOD is the source of all human life and the material resources HE provides for the well-being of all. A competitive spirit wants to be seen as having the best and most expensive material things mislead some to not provide for elders. Take a look at past gadgets, you often ask yourself “what was I thinking?” You laugh at old useless past fads, fashions, bags, shoes, clothes, hairstyles, decors, gadgets, or phones, homes etc. prices paid for by starving elders abandoned. Some use coban excuse to give to God, church, other societies, organisations, charities, animal welfare but not give to human relatives. The irony is those abandoned elders celebrated after death by family members dressed like going to wedding. Changing funeral clothes to show off or partying into late hours, nights for days, weeks and some for months. The house painted, decorated to impress guests, plenty food or drinks provided to feed thousands. But if elder requested help for food or a medicine ignored as needy or greedy or too demanding. Fear of not burying in grand style overrules need to provide adequate care to celebrate life while alive. Needs of the elders must be compulsory academic subject taught in schools to put some sense into modern generations to teach them respect and value of senior citizens who built the nation’s they enjoy so take for granted. Volunteer must support professional medical teams and value each other. Befrienders can visit and talk to elders to keep them in their own homes than lump them together just for high profit margins at the expense of priceless lives now devalued and treated as worthless by those who do not understand God’s command with condition attached for the good of the blesser and the blessed. The government must stop punishing carers and mothers who provide 24/7 care often treated as unemployed. They provide care, manage home and work in addition but mistreated. Human life is priceless and children, women, elders pay the price for reckless policies that abandon those not considered worthy for equal treatment by privileged. Those working have limited time allowed off work to care for elders, forced, abandon them to work to pay for their rent, basic food without the essential human touch. Everyone has relative somewhere who is elderly and needs their attention and care. Others may not be aware a family extends beyond 2:4 structured family. It is not EASY to care but God’s command instructs all to value and care for elders who bear or sacrificed their life to help you. God did not say only care if they are perfect, so do it through negotiated family team appointed, well noted by all on board of care plan. Past cultures use to frown on stranger seeing ‘nakedness’ of elders but better than abandonment. If you do not provide care while elders are alive, spare yourself debt to impress your friends for grand funeral. God will not ask you how grand was their send off funeral party you organised. God will ask for souls you provided for alive, entrusted to you, believe it or not. God says your life and wellbeing depends on their care. Ethical medicine must treat them as humans not commodities for sale to lowest bid cheap services. Some carers punished “as not working” this must be reconciled to treat them well as foster carers paid for doing same jobs. Just because they are relatives or family members does not mean they do not provide excellent care. In fact the elders prefer loved ones in their last moment but work prevents them. So those who choose to fulfil God’s command to care for and value their loved ones must not be treated less than other professional carers. Elders and poor people must be valued and treated better everywhere in the whole world including deprived underprivileged in Western countries to obey God in Jesus Name.

ANOREXIA DAMAGES BODY

Lizzie Porter lived with anorexia throughout her teens. Now in late 20s, she’s been discovering that those years of starvation have left a lasting imprint on her body. “You have osteoporosis in your spine and osteopenia in your hip. I’m going to put you on calcium and vitamin D and I think you should take them forever. We need to prevent breaks and fractures.” It is May 2018, and my doctor’s words jolt me out of a long-standing state of denial. They come with a set of complicated graphs, which apparently show my low bone density. I don’t understand them. But I can read the words printed next to a fuzzy X-ray-like picture of my spine: “World Health Organization classification: osteoporosis. Fracture risk: high.” For years, I have muddled along, pretending to myself that I had pretty much made a full recovery from anorexia. Yes, I was told back in 2010 that I had osteoporosis. But over the next eight years I persuaded myself that things must have improved, that the holes in my spine must have healed.

Sadly, they haven’t.


Osteoporosis and osteopenia

  • Osteoporosis is a condition in which bones lose their strength and are more likely to break
  • If your bone density is between the lower end of the normal range and the osteoporosis range, you have osteopenia.

Source: National Osteoporosis Society


I was first diagnosed with anorexia at the age of 12, and soon experienced its unglamorous consequences. As summers grew hotter, I shivered: I was like a reptile, unable to generate my own body heat. In winter, my skin cracked and bled, but would not heal, for want of nutrition. I had constipation, bloating and my hair fell out in great clumps. My life revolved around avoiding food.  Over the past 15 years, I have had two in-patient stints in hospital and taken thousands of antidepressants – anorexia is often accompanied by a low mood, sometimes even a suicidal mood is one reason it has the highest mortality rate of all psychiatric disorders. I have seen more doctors than I can be bothered to remember. I have done my best to keep what my mother calls the “anorexic minx” in my mind in check, preventing it from doing a Jack-in-the-Box-style bounce back into my life. The desire to get on with things has spurred me to give up many of my anorexic behaviour patterns. Time was, I would spend hours weighing out salad components in the kitchen, using a different knife to chop each tomato, cucumber and lettuce leaf. I no longer want to waste time on my old routines. And, mostly, I do not.

Lizzie Porter and Muhammad EidoLizzie Porter with a friend – her teeth may look healthy but have required expensive treatment

Anorexia caused my body to age rapidly and I am struggling with the disorder’s longer-term consequences. Osteoporosis involves loss of bone density, and in later life may lead to painful breakages, curvature of the spine, and loss of height. Although it has many causes and often affects post-menopausal women, anorexics are also at risk, especially girls who develop the illness at puberty when the body is trying to build a strong skeleton. For a day or so, the bone scans shake me awake. I walk around the Lebanese capital Beirut, where I live, feeling a bit sick. What am I doing to myself? The thought rolls over in my mind. I remember one elderly woman in my home village in Hertfordshire, who used to walk bent double. Osteoporosis is an old ladies’ problem, I tell myself angrily. I am only 27. Yet all too soon I return to my state of calm apathy. I pretend that my bones aren’t really thin and weak. I’m strong and perfectly healthy, I tell myself, even though I am on calcium and Vitamin D supplements for life, I get dizzy when I stand up, and blood tests show I have been suffering badly from anaemia – a lack of red blood cells or haemoglobin in the blood. To improve my bone density I should eat more and gain a little weight. But my life is “too busy” to deal with the stress of challenging the last remnants of my anorexic behaviour. I still add up my daily calorie count on a calculator, and I am prone to lash out at anyone who forces to me to eat things I am scared of, such as cake, pastry and cream. This year I have at least allowed a friend to coax me into ordering salad with oil – this fills me with pride, though at the same time I feel ashamed of years I spent worrying over salad dressing. But I need to go further. Osteoporosis is not the only long-term effect of my anorexia. The loss of bone density has also affected my teeth, which ache and easily rot. Since the beginning of the year I have spent £4,200 ($5,500) on dental treatment, including eight fillings, root canal treatment, two crowns and an implant.

X-ray of Lizzie Porter's teeth
 X-ray of Lizzie Porter’s teeth

“The lack of calcium and vitamin D is definitely contributing to this,” says my doctor – a GP who happens to be a specialist in eating disorders. One upshot of my weak teeth and gums is that after years of being subject to psychological barriers that restricted my diet, I now have physical ones. Anything chewy, crunchy or cold is almost impossible to eat. Can you recover from anorexia?

  • A 2002 study found that 46% of patients made a full recovery, a third improved (but retained some eating disorder symptoms), and 20% remained chronically ill over the long term
  • The eating disorder charity, Beat, says recovery is always possible with the right help and support – but what recovery looks like is individual to the person
  • It adds that most medical complications arising from anorexia are reversible, but not all – for example, osteoporosis

It is difficult to predict how badly anorexia will affect each sufferer’s long-term health: bodies react in different ways. Other possible long-term effects can include infertility and difficulty conceiving, heart problems, and kidney and liver complications, according to the UK-based eating disorders charity, Beat. “I don’t think people realise the dangers of the illness and its physical and mental consequences, including the suicide risk. I know it frightens people, but we need to know the facts,” says Jane Smith, chief executive of the UK-registered charity Anorexia and Bulimia Care. The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence guidelines for treating anorexia instruct doctors to explain to sufferers that the main way of preventing and treating low bone density is “reaching and maintaining a healthy body weight or BMI for their age.”If I am entirely honest with myself, I know I have to try a little bit harder if I am to minimise the long-term consequences of anorexia. I certainly cannot go backwards. I have enough purpose in my life to want to live it. I have a job as a journalist that I love, friends I trust, and parents who support my every move. One morning this May, one of my closest friends, Leila, sent me a WhatsApp message in response to one of my many rants. I was tired and fed-up with life. “I’m not going to tell you a few kilos won’t make you fat, because that’s what’s in your head,” she wrote. “I’m going to tell you that you get to choose between being ‘fat’ and functioning, or thin and bed-bound. You get to be thin but your life is over. That’s all there is to it.”

What can I say? Most of me knows she is right.

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Family & Education

  • 4 October 2018