BEST AGE TO START FAMILY

DIqlGRVUwAASjVlStarting a family can be tricky business so you need to know when the time is right and if your partner is ready, and whether you can cope. Not all families are planned but more often than not, parents have given some thought to it. The best age to become a mother or dad is often a decision many have to make at some point in their lives. Now a new research by scientists point to ideal age 35 years. Thanks to science and media, according to Mirror Newspaper, signs, pressure and constant discourse about fertility seem to point to “sooner rather than later time as previously thought. A new research discovered the benefits of motherhood contrary the conventional wisdom. This new study conducted at the University of Southern California found out having a baby after age 35 improves mental abilities of the mother. _97789987_serenawilliamsSerena Williams played tennis during pregnancy and won with baby Alexis Jr. A sound preparation towards family life helps both parents to nurture the child better. The Guinness Book of Records the new mothers existing beyond age 60 as the geriatric mothers. Evidence of having baby after 35 years can increase life expectancy as research shows. This research of 830 postmenopausal women did several tests performed as part of research revealing participants tested on planning, visual perception, verbal memory, concentration and attention performed better. Women who had a first baby after 24 performed better on the mental acuity tests, problem solving, and verbal skills compared to mothers between the ages of 15 and 24. Mothers who had last baby after 35 had the better verbal memory and cognition results. Their increased mental clarity is thought to be related to oestrogen surge and progesterone in pregnancy. And the hormones are believed to improve their brain chemistry and functions if their pregnancy occurred later. Whether or not this informs a woman’s decision to have a child is up to them and should always consult your doctor about any worries but it’s still refreshing to hear having a baby at age 35 or onwards is not all bad news. So there is hope for many single women worried about their body clock. Since frontal cortex brain does not form before age 25 on average it makes sense to grow up first before trying to have a child. Often the world is full of children having children and struggling with shock and reality of caring for children and the pressures of motherhood in general. A 35 year old matured and experienced woman can perhaps handle pressures of sleepless nights better than 15 year old. Research confirms need to grow up first before taking on a responsibility requiring life commitment of financial burdens of taking care of children. Support is also necessary whether one has the children earlier or later in life. Most men really do not fully mature until about 45 years so worth noting that impacts their life. A family life requires hardwork, quality time and lifelong commitment so a child is for life no matter the age of parents.

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2 RINGS AROUND 2 CARROTS

_97412737_ecefbc06-1a7f-4912-9886-967dab2594d3A Canadian woman got an extra carrot with her diamond ring when it was found in her vegetable patch 13 years after she lost it. Mary Grams, 84, was devastated when she lost the ring while weeding on the family farm in Alberta in 2004. She had kept the ring’s loss a secret from all but her son for more than a decade. On Monday, daughter-in-law discovered the secret and the ring when she pulled up a lumpy carrot. The carrot had grown straight through the ring, enabling it to be plucked out after many years hiding in the soil. She had decided not to tell her husband when she lost it, out of embarrassment, but she told her son. She went and bought a slightly cheaper replacement ring, and carried on as if nothing had happened. “Maybe I did the wrong thing, but you get so worked up,” she said, no one was wiser. This week her daughter-in-law Colleen Daley decided she wanted some carrots for supper.Mary Grams with her diamond ring-carrotImage caption Mary Grams with her diamond ring-carrot. Ms Daley, lives on the farm where Mrs Grams used to live, went to harvest some vegetables in the garden. Lo and behold, she spotted the ring while washing a rather lumpy carrot. Her son instantly knew who ring belongs to and called his mother. And looking back, Mrs Grams said she wishes she had told her husband, who died five years ago. He was a joker, she said, and probably would have found this whole situation pretty funny. Now that she has it back, she said she will be more careful. “If I am going outside or anything I am going to put it in a safe space. That is what I should have done,” she said. This is not first time someone found a diamond ring on a carrot. In 2011, a Swedish woman found her wedding ring 16 years after she lost it. _57636476_57636475 (2)A Swedish woman has discovered her wedding ring on a carrot growing in her garden, 16 years after she lost it, says a newspaper. Lena Paahlsson had long ago lost hope of finding the ring, which she designed herself, reports Dagens Nyheter. The white-gold band, set with seven small diamonds, went missing in her kitchen in 1995 she told the paper. Although the ring no longer fits, she hopes to have it enlarged so she can wear it again. Mrs Paahlsson and her family live on a farm near Mora in central Sweden. She took the ring off to do some Christmas baking with her daughters, but it disappeared from the work surface where it had been left, she explained to Dagens Nyheter. The family searched everywhere and years later took up the tiling on the floor during renovations, in the hope of finding the ring. It was not until 16 years later when Mrs Paahlsson was pulling up carrots in her garden that she noticed one with the gold band fastened tightly around it. The carrot was sprouting in the middle of the ring. It is quite incredible,” her husband Ola said to the newspaper. Lena Paahlsson and her husband, Ola Image caption Lena Paahlsson and her husband Ola say it is incredible the ring was found. The couple believe the ring fell into a sink back in 1995 and was lost in vegetable peelings that were turned into compost or fed to their sheep. “I had given up hope,” Mrs Paahlsson told Dagens Nyheter, adding she wanted to have the ring adjusted to fit her. “Now that I have found the ring again I want to be able to use it,” she said. Jesus says there is great joy shared when lost coin or treasure is found. Often the owner is looking for a ring, coin or lost sheep and persists until it is found. Similarly, God keeps on looking forward to ‘finding’ all HIS Children no matter how many years it takes to return to God, Rightful Owner reunited with their beloved treasured prodigal children in Christ Jesus Name.   

 

RETURNED CHIBOK WOMEN

_92117174_yola_afpThank God that the long-expected good news happened concerning some Chibok girls, turned women’s return. Some freed or escaped back in education. But one had amputated limb and was walking with crutches, an injury sustained, according to what Mr Mustapha was told, during the Nigerian military air strikes against Boko Haram. The girls all ran with joy when told, “You are free today,” said Mr Mustapha to the 82 women after all the names were called out. They all smiled he said, despite a subdued reaction as a result of the presence of the militants all armed with guns or in army camouflage uniforms and boots. Mr Mustapha took some photographs with the women._96078257_chibokhi039356204 The militant’s video camera recorded events and ICRC vehicles eventually arrived. So told to go to cars they ran, Mr Mustapha said. Immediately they entered vehicles, they started singing for joy. Some shed tears.” Mr Mustapha received a number of accolades for his work with Future Prowess School. He was a finalist for the 2016 Robert Burns humanitarian award given to those who save, improve enrich the lives of others or society as a whole, through self-sacrifice, selfless service, hands-on charitable or volunteer work, or other acts”. He was also given a 2017 Aurora Prize Modern Day Hero award for those whose “life actions guarantees the safe existence of others.” _96078650_chibokhi039356085He said handing over the 82 freed girls to Nigerian government is “the highest point in my life felt he did something worth saying to the world that I have done this,” he said. But in the series of letters from African journalist Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani this happiness is tainted with the sadness as some Chibok women are yet to return, or refuse to return or even go back after being freed. Looking at why some Nigerian women have gone back to the militant Islamists who abducted them is very complex and puzzling to many people. _92110166_reutersWhen news emerged that some Chibok schoolgirls, abducted by Boko Haram in 2014, had declined to return home with the batch of 82 freed in May, the world found it difficult to believe. Not even the release of a Boko Haram video showing some hijab-clad, Kalashnikov wielding girls saying they were happy in their new lives, was enough to convince the people. “They must have been coerced,” some said. “It is Stockholm syndrome,” others said. What else explains why any girl or woman, would choose to remain with such horrible men? Yet, some of the women rescued by the Nigerian military from captivity are willingly returning to Boko Haram’s Sambisa forest hideout in north-eastern Nigeria to be with these same horrible men.map

‘Fairytale life’

In January, I met Aisha Yerima, 25, who was kidnapped by Boko Haram more than four years ago. While in captivity, she got married to a commander who showered her with romance, expensive gifts and Arabic love songs. A fairytale life in the Sambisa forest she described was suddenly cut short by appearance of the Nigerian military in early 2016, at a time her husband went off to battle with other commanders. When she first interviewed Aisha, in the government custody for eight months she completed a de-radicalisation programme run by psychologist Fatima Akilu, the executive director of the Neem Foundation and founder of the Nigerian government’s de-radicalisation programme. “I now see that all the things Boko Haram told us were lies,” Aisha said. “Now, when I listen to them on the radio, I laugh.”

The pull of power?

A handout picture released by the Nigerian Army shows an insurgents' camp being destroyed by Nigerian military in the Sambisa forest (archive pic)Image copyrightEPA Image captionThe Nigerian military have been battling Boko Haram since 2009. But, in May, less than five months after being released into the care of her family in north-eastern Maiduguri city, she returned to the forest hideout of Boko Haram. The past five years, Dr Akilu worked with former Boko Haram members including some commanders, their wives and children and with hundreds of women who were rescued from captivity. “How women were treated when in Boko Haram captivity depends on which camp a woman was exposed to. It depends on the commander running the camp,” she said. “Those who were treated better were ones who willingly married Boko Haram members or who joined the group voluntarily and that’s not the majority. Most women did not have the same treatment.” _97056835_blurredAisha had boasted about the number of slaves she had while in the Sambisa forest, the respect she received from other Boko Haram commanders, and the strong influence she had over her husband. She even accompanied him to battle once. “These were women who for the most part had never worked, had no power, no voice in the communities, and all of a sudden they were in charge of between 30 to 100 women who were now completely under their control and at their beck and call,” Dr Akilu said. “It is difficult to know what to replace it with when you return to society because most of the women are returning to societies where they are not going to be able to wield that kind of power.”_96080364_mediaitem96080363

Still in shock

Apart from loss of power, other reasons Dr Akilu believes could lead women to willingly return to Boko Haram include stigmatization from a community which treats them like pariahs because of their association with militants, and tough economic conditions. Dealing with the aftermath of release is a struggle for some of those who were abducted. The “De-radicalisation is just one part of it. Reintegration is a part of it. Some have no livelihood or a support built around them, Dr Akilu said. The kind of support in de-radicalisation programmes does not follow them up when they leave. So come out successful in de-radicalisation programmes but struggle in community and it is that struggle that leads them to go back. Recently, visited Aisha’s family, still in shock at her departure, worried about her wellbeing.Chibok schoolgirls are reunited with their families in Abuja20/05/2017 Image copyrightREUTERSImagecaption. Her mother, Ashe, recalls at least seven former Boko Haram “wives” she knew, all friends of her daughter, who had returned to the Sambisa forest long before her daughter did. “Each time one of them disappeared, her family came to our house to ask Aisha if she heard from their daughter,” she said. That’s how I knew. Some women kept in touch with Aisha after they returned to Boko Haram. Her younger sister, Bintu, was present during at least two phone calls. “They told her to come and join them but she refused,” Bintu said. “She told them she didn’t want to go back.”

Life on track?

Unlike some of the former Boko Haram “wives” met, who are either struggling to survive harsh economic conditions or dealing with stigma, Aisha’s life seemed to be on track. She was earning money by buying and selling fabric, regularly attending social events and then posting photos of herself all primped up on the social media, and had a string of suitors. “At least five different men wanted to marry her,” her mother said, pointing out that there could be no greater form of acceptance shown to a woman, and presenting this as evidence that her daughter faced no stigma whatsoever from the community. “One of the men lives in Lagos. She was thinking of marrying him,” she said._90811551_nigeria_portharcourt_adamawa_borno464But, everything went awry when Aisha received yet another phone call from the women who had returned to the forest, informing her that her Boko Haram “husband” was now with a woman who had been her rival. From that day, the vivacious and gregarious Aisha became a recluse. “She stopped going out or talking or eating,” Bintu said. “She was always sad.” Two weeks later, she left home and did not return. Some of her clothes were missing. Her phones were switched off. She took the 2 year-old son fathered by commander in the Sambisa forest, but left the older one she had with husband she divorced before her abduction. “De-radicalisation is complicated by the fact that we have an active, ongoing insurgency. In cases where a group has reached settlement with the government and laid down their arms, it is easier,” Dr Akilu said. “But, when you have fathers, husbands, sons still in the movement, they want to be reunited, especially women.” Asta, another former Boko Haram “wife”, told me that she has heard of many women returning to the group, but has no plans to do so herself. However, the 19-year-old described how terribly she misses her husband, and how keen she is to hear from him and to be reunited with him. She insisted that she would not return to the forest, not even if he were to ask her. “I will tell him to come and stay here with us and live a normal life,” she said. But as with Aisha, the desire to be with the man she yearns for may turn out to be more compelling for Asta than the aversion to a group responsible for the deaths of thousands of people in north-east Nigeria, and for the displacement of millions who are struggling to survive in refugee camps.


More from Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani:Adaobi Tricia NwaubaniImage ADAOBI TRICIA NWAUBANI


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THOSE DISFELLOWSHIPPED

maxresdefault.jpgSome of the former Jehovah’s Witnesses, live a disfellowshipped shunned life, leaving the religion is seen as a mark of losing faith. It can also mean losing loved ones, in many cases, friends and family are told to cut all ties with ex-believers, leaving them isolated and sometimes suicidal. “I do not speak to any of my family,” Sarah, not her real name tells BBC’s Victoria Derbyshire programme. Being “disfellowshipped” is exclusion from Jehovah’s witness and so no contact is allowed.” Last year, Sarah in her 20s was excluded by Jehovah’s Witnesses in this process known as the “disfellowshipped” members. She says it was sparked by her refusal to live in an abusive relationship. She claims her partner at the time was violent towards her at one stage leaving her with broken ribs.Alone.jpg

Removing the ‘wicked?’

Going to the police and involving those from outside the religion is heavily discouraged by Jehovah’s Witnesses, she says, claiming that elders within the faith refused to punish her ex-partner’s behaviour. It was when work colleagues noticed the bruising, and convinced her not to put up with the abuse, she says she fled the relationship. Sarah claims she was consequently disfellowshipped by the religion, and that her friends and family cut all ties with her. This is due to the fact that the Jehovah’s Witnesses think those outside their religion can be of detriment to their faith. In another statement, the religious group told the BBC:”If a baptised Witness makes the practice of breaking the Bible’s moral code and does not give evidence of stopping the practice, he or she will be shunned or disfellowshipped. “When it comes to shunning, Witnesses take their instructions from Bible on this subject as their Bible clearly states, ‘Remove the ‘wicked’ from among you.’ On the night she was disfellowshipped, Sarah said her mother refused to talk to her. Her father woke her up at 07:00 to kick her out of the home. Responding to Sarah’s claims, Jehovah’s Witnesses said while it could not comment on individual cases, “but violence, physical or emotional, is strongly condemned in Bible with no place in Christian family.”Sarah and JohnImage caption: Sarah and John (front of shot) told Victoria Derbyshire they were shunned by their family and friends. So is John, not his real name who became a Jehovah’s Witness as a young boy when his parents decided to join the religious group. However, two years ago, he was disfellowshipped as he missed Jehovah’s Witness memorial service seen in that religion as an important event. He had also begun to privately have doubts about some of the religion’s teachings, questioning the faith’s assertion that the end of the world is imminent, and that only 144,000 human beings will go to heaven. The 144,000 they consider as synonymous with “little flock” of Luke 12:32 serve with Christ as king-priests for a thousand years the other people accepted by God as “other sheep” of John 10:16 “great crowd” in Revelation 7:9,14 as the resurrected righteous and exclusively serve Jehovah on earth.Who-are-the-144000-Witness-of-Revelation-7-explainedBible clearly states specifically 144,000 are from 12 tribes of Israel sealed from all tribes in Revelation 7:4.” Nothing in this passage leads to interpreting the 144,000 as the Jehovah’s Witnesses. The literal number of Jews 12,000 are taken from tribe of the “sons of Israel.” The New Testament DID NOT replace Israel with any church on earth. 144,000 adds up from 12,000 from tribe of Judah sealed, 12,000 from tribe of Reuben and 12,000 from tribe of Gad, from tribe of Asher 12,000, tribe of Naphtali 12,000, the tribe of Manasseh 12,000, from tribe of Simeon 12,000, the tribe of Levi 12,000, tribe of Issachar 12,000, from the tribe of Zebulun 12,000, from tribe of Joseph 12,000, from the tribe of Benjamin 12,000. These total 12 tribes multiplied by 12,000 people equals the 144,000 who constitute the children of Jacob called Israel. Ancient history of Israel shows 12 tribes settled according to their names on their land as recorded in the political maps of Israel. Old maps show the names of 12 tribes written on ancient original Jewish maps in living history and world Geography.tribal-boundaries.jpg
The 144,000 Jews are ‘sealed’ for special protection of God from wrath of Divine judgment punishment and Antichrist to perform God’s mission in the tribulation period in Revelation 6:17. So withstand wrath to come in tribulation period of seven-years when God will enact Divine judgment against those who reject HIM and will complete HIS plan of salvation for the nation of Israel. This is according to God’s revelation to prophet Daniel 9:24-27. The 144,000 Jews are ‘firstfruits’ in Revelation 14:4 from redeemed Israel as prophesied in Zechariah 12:10 and in Romans 11:25-27 and their mission is evangelize the post-rapture world and proclaim the Gospel during tribulation period. As a result of their ministry, billions “of great multitude no one can count from every nation, tribe, people and language says Revelation 7:9, come to faith in Christ and saved. In James 1:17-18 every good gift and perfect gift from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of HIS OWN WILL HE brought us forth by the Word of truth so we believers are a kind of firstfruits of HIS creatures and become the Children of God in Christ.

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SEALED BY 144,000 FROM ISRAELThe confusion of 144,000 is the result of the false doctrine of Jehovah Witnesses. The Jehovah’s Witnesses claim 144,000 limited number of people only reign with Christ in heaven to spend eternity with God. These, the 144,000 Jehovah’s Witnesses call the heavenly hope. Those who are not among the 144,000 will enjoy what they call the earthly hope paradise on earth ruled by Christ and the 144,000. Jehovah’s Witness teach a caste society in afterlife with a ruling class 144,000 to rule. The Bible DOES NOT teach a “dual class” doctrine. The people ruling in millennium with Christ consist of the church believers in Jesus Christ in Bible in 1 Corinthians 6:2. The Old Testament saint believers who died before Christ’s first advent in Daniel 7:27, tribulation saints those who accept Christ during tribulation in Revelation 20:4. The Bible DOES NOT put a limited place in heaven so includes countless multitudes from all nations, tribes, and languages standing with palm branches before God’s Throne in Heaven. After the millennium life is in eternal state at the completion of the millennial period. At that time, God will dwell with us in New Jerusalem in Israel. Yahweh Our God and HIS people Revelation 21:3 dwell in perfect peace on earth Forever, inherit promise to us in Christ sealed by the Holy Spirit in Ephesians 1:13-14 as Co-Heirs with Christ in Romans 8:17. So 144,000 Jews handpicked exclusively by God from 12 tribes of Israel evangelise post Rapture world are not chosen by Jehovah Witnesses as they teach. And in addition already exists many Messianic Jews from the time of Jesus including the 12 Apostles, disciples and the Jews saved from all nations under heaven.

VIEWS ON BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS1

Jehovah-WitnessJehovah’s Witness religious view on the blood transfusions of people is affected and tarnished after John’s friends died, when a blood transfusion which is not allowed in the faith might save him. “It was a waste of a life,” he says. John says he later discovered his wife testified against him during the process that led to his disfellowship, which he believes placed great strain on their relationship. He left family home living temporarily in tents and caravans. “It was a very isolating time. I didn’t have anyone, I felt quite suicidal,” he says. He has now lost contact with his two adult children and siblings. “Sometimes I send them a message saying, ‘I love you, I’m still thinking of you.’ But usually there’s no response,” he says.Terri O'SullivanImage caption of Terri O’Sullivan kicked out of her home by her mother based on belief. According to Jehovah’s Witnesses faith of more than 138,000 members in UK and more than their eight million followers internationally. Similarly, Terri O’Sullivan left the religion 17 years ago, aged 21, and was kicked out of her home by her mother. She now runs a support network for those who leave or are excluded from it. She says she is yet to find a former Jehovah’s Witness who has not experienced any depression, alcoholism, suicidal feelings or self-harm. She adds going through a formal disfellowship when they leave, the relationships become affected. With some ex-Witnesses,” she says, some of their families will still talk to them but it is always strained. Jehovah’s Witnesses recruit by door to door evangelism and friendly volunteers are people centred.alone_in_crowd_8486Recruitment drive in Twickenham, London 1966Image copyright GETTY IMAGES Image caption Jehovah’s Witness recruitment drive in London in 1966. Founded in US towards end of the 19th Century, under leadership of Charles Taze Russell. The Headquarters in New York. They think traditional Christian Churches deviated from the true teachings of the Bible, and do not work in full harmony with God. Traditional Christian Churches do not regard the movement as a mainstream Christian denomination because rejects Christian doctrine’s Trinity: LORD GOD ALMIGHTY the Father and Lord God Almighty the Son Jesus and God Holy Spirit. As heirs to a throne are revered at same level of Kings and Queens so KING OF Kings Yahweh represented by Jesus deserves Glory and Honour. The Jehovah’s Witnesses do not believe that Jesus will come back to earth to Rule in the flesh. The Bible says anyone who does not believe Jesus came on earth in the flesh is anti-Christ and anyone who does not believe Jesus will return in the flesh to be seen by the whole world is an anti-Christ too. They lie Jesus already returned in 1911 to earth as an Invisible Spirit and Jehovah’s Witnesses say Jesus dematerialised into Archangel so they will rule the earth replacing Jesus. So believe humanity in “last day’s”  final battle between good evil happenings.shunning-300x256573905-2984-22

Sarah says loss of her closest family ties is “very, very difficult” to cope with. She is engaged and aware she is “having to plan a wedding where your parents won’t attend.” “I would class myself as an orphan, which is quite sad,” she says. Her support network comes the friends at work. When she left the faith, they “rallied around” her in contrast to what she expected. Jehovah’s Witness people are told non members are awful, so bad association and so God is going to smite them all during Armageddon. To Sarah’s surprise people opened up their homes to her and support her.

Lasting Good Memories

Sarah is still, however, complimentary about most of the people in her former faith. “There are good people in that religion, who believe they are saving people’s lives by spreading the faith’s message,” she says. “I look back with some happy memories, because they were the last memories I have with my family and siblings. “But then I do have to look back and feel a lot of heartbreak that I’m never going to be able to sit down with them for a Sunday meal again. “When they die, I probably won’t be invited to the funeral either.”

Watch Victoria Derbyshire programme on weekdays between 09:00 and 11:00 on BBC Two and BBC News channel.

WOMEN & MEN FRIENDSHIPS

1033.gifWomen have intense close friendships, men tend not to have that according to Professor Dunbar, the Psychologist Professor at Oxford University. Professor Dunbar found women view best friend relationships in between sisters and soul mates. Men tend to see theirs purely in terms of the convenience. He came to this conclusion by exploring how people’s friendship circles changed when they left school for university. So what determined original friendships or whether they survived long-term? Did women make effort to talk more to each other on the phone as explored? And did “talking have any absolute effects on mens’ relationships at all? For men it was doing stuff together that held close friendships together. Doing activities like going to a football match or the pub for a drink, playing five a side was more meaningful to men. They made effort if was such an activity.” He looked at the differences between the sexes and said women clearly have much more intense close friendships than men. Men tend not to have that sort of relationship but they tend to have a group of four men they do such stuff with. So relationship is much more casual. With men it is out of sight out of mind. They just find four more guys to go drinking with.”The cast of Channel 4's university-themed sitcom Fresh Meat The cast of Channel 4’s university-themed sitcom Fresh Meat. This will be familiar to any woman who has had both the pleasure and disappointment of close male friend particularly in their twenties and thirties. At first, things are wonderful. Life is full of great catch ups, and laughter over pints of beer. They listen to your woes and you help them with their woman problems. It is the friendship neither knew needed. Only then, something changes. They start a new relationship. They move to a new postcode really not very far. They get a new job with a ready-made social life. They get a new flatmate. Whatever the change they suddenly have the new set of replacement ready and can’t seem to find the time to meet you for that coffee. You, naively, keep trying. You call them, you send jokey pictures and do exactly what you will do if that was a girlfriend growing distant: bombard her with the attention you wish she was showing you. Except with a male friend, it just does not work. Whether it is nature or nurture, most men simply do not view friendships in the same way as women. Gender is hardly the issue it is practical problem of how much time and effort they put into a platonic relationship. As the study says, there’s always another drinking buddy around the corner. Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in Friends with BenefitsJustin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in Friends with Benefits. Men reading this may feel unfairly judged. So I put it to a colleague and current male friend let’s be honest, the second we stop sharing a desk, I will never hear from him again. “Some of my best friends are women,” he says vaguely. When I ask if the effort he made with friends is comparable to that his girlfriend makes with hers, he begrudgingly accepts that he could not spend hours on the phone with his pals of either gender. He lost count of the male friends who have disappeared over the years. Often, it coincides with the arrival of a new girlfriend. But contrary to popular interpretation, it is rarely to do with that new girlfriend’s jealousy. As one former male friend charmingly told me: “I have to hear all my girlfriend’s emotional stresses now. I don’t have time for yours.” With male mates like that it is probably no surprise all efforts go into his female friendships. And now academics backed my choice.tmg-article_default_mobile

Steps To recover friends

  • Stop pre-empting: Sometimes we are anxious when we do not need to be and it creates conflicts with friends in our heads. Your friend may be sitting thinking the same thing; not think anything is wrong.
  • Do not be consumed by guilt: Often you feel guilty or embarrassed you did not make contact for a while. This is what is getting in the way, try not to hold onto these feelings.
  • Face conflicts that arise: If your friendships is worthwhile you should be willing to fix them, ask what has gone wrong, what their position may be to work  solution.
  • Set objectives: Once you have discussed the issues don’t let them drag on, make a decision to move forward and set practical ways of keeping in touch and letting the other know you care.
  • Find positive aspects: Friendship may take on a different form with distance allows space to see things objectively. You may be able to help each other more, to make use of the distance when you can.

GIFTS OF HOLY SPIRIT

Jesus taught about using gifts given by God wisely and appropriately as it is important and necessary to ensure Holy Spirit resources are fairly distributed well to meet needs. The spiritual gifts are found in three passages in 1 Corinthians 12:8-10, Ephesians 4:11 and Roman’s 12:6-8. What does it mean to use gifts of the Holy Spirit how do we as Christians differentiate between gifts? God’s Words through the Holy Spirit inspires and reveals His Truth to us. In I Corinthians In Romans 12:6-8 gifts of Holy Spirit are given for good use in church verse 7.  In I Corinthians 12:8-10, God gives gifts as He sees fit for best use for God’s Glory. Gifts desired can be receive through the Holy Spirit to fulfill desires of our hearts. Yet still fulfill God‘s purpose so these gifts are used to Glorify God to edify the church.

1. The Gift of Spirit Word of Wisdom (8) is seen in King Solomon’s  life when he asked God for the gift of wisdom. He was the wisest man in history. In 7 Chronicles 7:5 King Solomon offered sacrifice of 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep. Again in 1 King 3:4 King Solomon in Gibeon an  important place of worship sacrificed 1,000 burnt offerings on altar. God visited Solomon so asked him to make a request so Solomon asked for wisdom. So to fear God is beginning of wisdom.2) Gift of Word of Knowledge(v 8) This gift of the Spirit of knowledge . Some people have such a gift of remembering scriptures and the gift of knowledge to know to speak particular words given to edify the church. This gift speaks to fulfill true knowledge from God. Gift of  knowledge to utter Word of God is inspired by the Holy Spirit. So publicly speaking the Word of God is gift is associated with teachers or pastors in church to teach or preach. God knows future so Sovereign God directs apostles in church commissioned by Risen Christ by Holy Spirit Presence with authority. God designates all true apostles of God because God is the same yesterday, today and forever to speak forth knowledge from God.

3) The Gift of Faith (v 9) This gift helps to see things in faith with amazing supernatural confidence in God beyond natural realities in all situations.

4)The Gift of Healing (v 9) The gift of healing has been a controversial one . Jesus Christ’s name had power and that God was working in the church. I am not saying that people are still not healed today but the days of having someone’s shadow passing over them and they are instantly healed is over. The gift of healing may be in relations to power of prayer to know that the effectual prayer of a righteous man or woman can accomplish miracles in James 5:16.5) The Gift of Working Miracles (10) The gift of “miraculous powers“ is another gift of the Spirit that appears to be unique to the New Testament church .The greatest miracles that occur today are, for the most part, the miracle of salvation. The greatest miracle of Spirit is Word of God is revealing to us Who Jesus Christ  in John 6:44, Matt 16:17.

6) The Gift of Speaking Prophecy (v 10) Prophecy in church is the gift of teaching or speaking events for the future. The birth of Jesus, was prophesied thousands of years before He was born Prophecy is still being fulfilled in world events including waiting for Christ return.

7) The Gift of Discernment (10) The gift of “distinguishing between spirits” is having the gift of discernment. It is able to discern scriptures and their application to believers in the church.

8) Divers different kinds of Tongues (v 10) is ability to speak in different tongues. During the outpouring of Holy Spirit on Pentecost, the disciples who speak Galilean now speak in native languages of Parthians, Medes and Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya near Cyrene; visitors from Rome both Jews and converts to Judaism; Cretans and Arabs—we hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues.” God still pours out the Holy Spirit to strengthen the church.9) The Gift of Interpretation of Tongues (v 10). This gift is interpretation tongue or a known language as a witness to unbelievers. If speaking in tongues in the church, God absolutely ensures someone interprets message to His people. God’s Divine Nature is also revealed by the Holy Spirit through believers in Jesus Name. This strengthens Christians to do God’s work and live in love, walk by faith, dwell in hope, live in righteousness and holiness, make right judgment, gain knowledge and wisdom of God. Gifts make excellent teachers, deacons, elders, pastors, leaders and the whole church to humble themselves and walk in spirit and in truth of God’s word and power of  Holy Spirit. As believers, God’s Divine Nature refines like pure gold and diamonds to remove dross to shine to God’s Glory. Many more Gifts of Holy Spirit are for all members of Christ Church Body in Romans 12:7-8. Additional gifts are serving, teaching, encouragement; giving generously; leadership skills diligently showing mercy cheerfully.  Those gifted at teaching, do work of God with unusual forgiveness because of hurts by flock or wrong attitudes of some led. Ephesians 4:11 reveals gifts of apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, teachers. Teachers and evangelists are gifted in sharing gospel with the lost, pastors and prophets proclaim gospel. All church members as body of Christ in God in the church are apostles, prophets, teachers, miracles, healing, helping, guidance, tongues. Some leaders operate in all gifts at varying times depending on the assignment required by God.

Paul emphasizes respect and honour for each office department so asks, Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? Now eagerly desire the greater gifts“ in I Corinthians 12:28-31. Paul says not to seek to discover gifts but utilize them to strengthen Body of Christ. Christ Church members are His bride, His Body living into eternity. Spiritual gifts are usually generally speaking : 1. administrative – knowledge  2. Apostles – Gospel proclaimers, leaders, discerning spiritual truth, mercy, 3. Miracles -evangelism 4. Pastors / shepherds- guidance, support, encouragement, 5. Prophecy – faith, teaching/ ministering 6. Giving- hospitality, serving 7. Healing- teaching, 8. Tongues – interpretation 9. Wisdom – Godly Insight. These offices are not set in concrete so each remains fixed but dynamic flow blending in harmony for God’s work. Paul makes it clear all gifts are necessary for the completeness of the Body of Christ in I Corinthians 12:12-23, “Now if the foot should say, ‘Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,’ it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? God  placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. So the ministry gifts of the Holy Spirit are used in harmony and spirit of unity to build Body of Christ.

GOD’S CHILD STARS

ImageJesus the star child is in the news as we hear about other little children who do great and impossible things according to their age. They do feats considered beyond level of maturity, knowledge understanding as 2 year old saved mother’s life. By navigating his way through mother’s sophisticated phone, pressed emergency button to alert father when mother collapsed on floor. Such miracle is expected through adult appropriate technology yet child star take centre stage of life to deliver great line messages forever remembered. In John 7:14-31, during feast celebration, Jesus impressed learned scribes and rabbi’s with his excellent knowledge of the word of God in the synagogue. ImageThe message delivered by Christ 3 days engrossed people so much he continued teaching until his parents had to go looking for him. They realised Jesus did not follow them behind in the crowd while returning from Jerusalem but found Jesus busy teaching in temple. When asked why Jesus said He had to do His Father’s business. God uses child stars because the talent and abilities in them is created by God. So God uses a child star to bless like young girl maid servant child star whose advise led Naaman to Israel prophet to be healed. When Aramaen mercenaries captured this Israeli girl in 2 Kings 5 and sold her into slavery, her new master was that powerful army captain. She was not bitter for her lot in life but showed kindness to master and did good and what is right. Similarly the Sound of music tells the story of child stars who confronted danger from the Nazis. ImageThis true life story in cinemas and theaters, tells their victory in popular film called Sound of music lovely child star’s in living history. Endearing to audience this little children overcome adversity by bravely performing music in the face of Nazi threats to entertain people. They were healing and thriving from loss of their mother so triumphed over Nazis who took over their home and wealth. Such is the impact of small children on people as they become center of focus, attention and hope to many children facing danger and adversity.Image They can also be used by God to deliver important messages to the nations. The information can be good like Christ sent to save all who accept Him. In Matthew 14:13-21 another little child star also willingly to let go of his packed lunch to share his food with others so was kind to others hungry. In John 6, a boy shared his lunch with the Saviour Who is able to feed a multitude. Several versions of this child star’s generosity is told in the Bible again and again. Account is slightly varied because no mechanized data registered precise numbers like calculators so different eye witness accounts is expected in such situations. images (28)Christ blessed and multiplied it to feed more than 5000 multitude counting women and children who followed Jesus to listen to messages shared. In any case Jesus feeds the multitudes using a child star’s packed lunch as an example to do miracles beyond expectation with extra surplus taken home by all.  They collected 12 baskets extra surplus food more abundantly multiplied so took the rest home. In Jeremiah 1:6 God called a young man to serve as a prophet and he told God he was ‘a child,’ so felt too young to do God’s work. God touched his lips so strengthened him to do God’s work. One is never too young to serve as God called Samuel a little boy to deliver message to the nation in 1 Samuel 2 : 12 -17. God spoke directly to him while asleep so God woke him up 3 times to talk to him.copley-john-singleton-samuel-reading-to-eli-the-judgments-of-god-upon-elis-house The little boy thought it was the prophet who called him so the prophet Eli taught him to answer ‘Yes Lord Speak for your servant is listening.’ God spoke to this prophet child in training to deliver a hefty punishment message for the nation because God was very angry and fed up with 2 greedy men in the temple. For their arrogance and disrespect shown to God and worshipers was appalling. As children of privileged high society disregarded God so behaved badly towards their father the High Priest, worshipers, priests and the nation.burnt-offering-11

They felt so proud and thought they were above God and temple protocol. Their aged blind father the prophet Eli could not control his sons Hophni and Phinehas who were rebellious, so showed no respect for their father’s office. They were very greedy and selfish so gluttony caused them to first serve themselves from largest best portions of the meat sacrificed to God even before God’s portion was dedicated on altar by the worshipers. These adults priests are supposed to protect God’s sanctuary and set a good example but all too often, some prey on worshipers. 741 They practiced temple prostitution by copying the heathen nations. So they took advantage of the women dedicated and vowed to serve God in the temple by defiling and sexually abusing them. The leaders of the theocratic nation did nothing to stop them so God was very angry and disappointed so let the whole nation be defeated in war. These two priests were killed and shock of their death killed pregnant wives and Eli their father the High priest. This little boy Samuel understood consequences of God’s judgment so at first hesitated to tell Eli yet bravely faced them. So prophet Eli prompted him to deliver the sad news. Instead of Eli calling nation to repent and fast like Nineveh to plead God’s mercy and forgiveness Eli gave up. Hophni and Phinehas had wives yet strayed without self – control.story5Yet, in Genesis 39:1-12, a child star Joseph who heard God’s voice clearly through dreams, respected and honoured God by refusing Portipher’s wife’s advances, saying he ‘will not sin against God.’ Joseph realized his body was God’s Holy Temple so did not defile himself or destroy his destiny to damage God’s call on his life if compromised with sin. Joseph had no father, mother or siblings and was a slave so the perfect candidate desperate for love, affection and comfort for relief. Joseph would have ended up like Hophni and Phinehas when devil tried to tempt him in his most vulnerable moment in life. Joseph was young, handsome, single, yet pure so walked in holiness to Glorify God.

Jesus did and used to save mankind from sin to restore people to God. So did the little boy share his lunch happily and got extra reward surplus God gave back. The boy Samuel heard God clearly and perfectly in evident manifested consequences in the history of the nation. God uses a child star to bless, heal, deliver and protect a nation that trains them to obey, love and follow God. A child star is still used by God to save nations today so listen to them. Honour and teach them correct way of God through Christ Jesus,  Best and Greatest example of a child star ever- living. So did Miriam a young girl risk her life to be willingly used by God to protect her baby brother Moses hidden on a river.Princess Finds The Basket As a child star in the Bible is in Exodus 2, Mariam kept a watchful eye on her baby brother hidden inside a reed basket coated with tar on the river Nile. Miriam boldly talked to Pharaoh’s daughter the princess who found baby Moses and rescued him from drowning from the Nile river. Miriam’s bravery and quick thinking saved Moses so his mother was allowed to be nanny living in palace to raise baby Moses. Again God used the young boy David, who bravely faced the giant Goliath in 1 Samuel 17 and defeated Philistines. God’s spirit strengthened David to fight when the veteran seasoned warriors cowered in fear for their lives. In Mark 14, God used a young girl watching Peter warm himself by a fire to prompt Peter about the promise he made to Jesus never to forget or let Him down. She identified Peter, having seen and heard Peter preach and minister there at times. She boldly faced to challenge him, “You were with Nazarene, Jesus!” Peter denied Jesus as cock crow signal confirmed prophecy of Jesus. An outstanding story is loyalty friendship covenant is Jonathan and David’s love for each other closer than brotherly love. Unlike Peter, Jonathan denied himself to acknowledge God ordained anointing upon David to be King. So Jonathan willingly swapped royal garments with David to promote God’s work. This infuriated King Saul, Jonathan’s father who accused him of condoning with the enemy to self destruct the kingdom due him for inheritance. Jonathan’s action of loyalty became a generational blessing to Jonathan’s son years later. Accidentally disabled as child, Mephibosheth was remembered by the powerful King David who sent convoy with chariots to save from Lodebar into a privileged position to seat and eat with King David for the rest of his life. So one good turn deserves another as Jonathan helped the child star David become future king so help build nation of Israel. Similarly God used a young girl Joan of Arc in France to build nation as shown here . Joan of Arc was a young girl used by God in living history to win victories expected from adults yet sacrificed. Other women like judge Deborah, Yaa Asantewaa of Ghana in Ashanti Gold Coast times, Queen Nanny of Maroons in 1685 – 1755, a Jamaican National well-known leader origin from West Africa, contributed tremendously in history. Young girls or boys play active roles in nation’s victory remembered in yearly commemoration celebrate their sacrifice for the peace of the nation. Lots of unsung heroes sacrifice lives still today like these child stars to protect the nations globally. It is worth thanking God for such lives acknowledging their families who pay costly price to preserve other lives. Jephthah’s daughter is such child star. This child star virgin girl welcomes with father Jephthah as shown above from 1858, oil on canvas, bequest of Charles Knox Smith. Jephthah’s daughter in Judges 11:34 agreed with father’s rash vow thank offering given to God after victory in battle. Running to welcome father to find she was vowed as sacrifice for nation’s victory. Jephthah met on return by only child tore his clothes and cried my daughter brought victory with sorrow.

It was common practice to sacrifice virgins as God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. God required animal sacrifices to provide a temporary covering of sins and to foreshadow the perfect and complete sacrifice of Jesus Christ in Leviticus 4:35. Animal sacrifice was important in Scripture because “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins in Hebrews 9:22. When Adam and Eve sinned, animals were killed by God to provide clothing for them in Genesis 3:21. Cain and Abel brought sacrifices to God yet Cain’s unacceptable because he brought fruit, while Abel’s was accepted as it was “firstborn of his flock” in Genesis 4:4-5. After flood, Noah sacrificed animals to God in Genesis 8:20-21 thanksgiving. Others sacrificed before battle to seek help or during adversity to stop it. So it cost Jephthah daughters life by father’s pledge to honour God after victory. Others replace a human sacrifice with sheep and scapegoats but in Hebrews 10:4, it is written “it is not possible the blood of bulls and of goats to take away sins so the ultimate blood sacrifice for salvation is Jesus Christ the greatest child star of them all. Animal sacrifices stopped with Jesus Christ the ultimate sacrificial substitute once for all time in Hebrews 7:27 so now Christ is the only mediator between God and people in 1 Timothy 2:5. So the greatest gospel privilege is Christ is punished instead of sinner so the remission of sin takes the weight and guilt of shame from the sinner. Christ removes every handwriting of ordinances and laws out of the saved person and nails it to the cross never to be condemned. This gives direct access to God’s forgiveness of sins through our Lord Jesus. Christ paid the price for all sin as The High Priest so made reconciliation for forgiveness of all people. Christ the High Priest made Sacrifice Atonement Reconciliation to God.

Read more:http://www.gotquestions.org/animal-sacrifices.html