WOMEN & MEN FRIENDSHIPS

1033.gifWomen have intense close friendships, men tend not to have that according to Professor Dunbar, the Psychologist Professor at Oxford University. Professor Dunbar found women view best friend relationships in between sisters and soul mates. Men tend to see theirs purely in terms of the convenience. He came to this conclusion by exploring how people’s friendship circles changed when they left school for university. So what determined original friendships or whether they survived long-term? Did women make effort to talk more to each other on the phone as explored? And did “talking have any absolute effects on mens’ relationships at all? For men it was doing stuff together that held close friendships together. Doing activities like going to a football match or the pub for a drink, playing five a side was more meaningful to men. They made effort if was such an activity.” He looked at the differences between the sexes and said women clearly have much more intense close friendships than men. Men tend not to have that sort of relationship but they tend to have a group of four men they do such stuff with. So relationship is much more casual. With men it is out of sight out of mind. They just find four more guys to go drinking with.”The cast of Channel 4's university-themed sitcom Fresh Meat The cast of Channel 4’s university-themed sitcom Fresh Meat. This will be familiar to any woman who has had both the pleasure and disappointment of close male friend particularly in their twenties and thirties. At first, things are wonderful. Life is full of great catch ups, and laughter over pints of beer. They listen to your woes and you help them with their woman problems. It is the friendship neither knew needed. Only then, something changes. They start a new relationship. They move to a new postcode really not very far. They get a new job with a ready-made social life. They get a new flatmate. Whatever the change they suddenly have the new set of replacement ready and can’t seem to find the time to meet you for that coffee. You, naively, keep trying. You call them, you send jokey pictures and do exactly what you will do if that was a girlfriend growing distant: bombard her with the attention you wish she was showing you. Except with a male friend, it just does not work. Whether it is nature or nurture, most men simply do not view friendships in the same way as women. Gender is hardly the issue it is practical problem of how much time and effort they put into a platonic relationship. As the study says, there’s always another drinking buddy around the corner. Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in Friends with BenefitsJustin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in Friends with Benefits. Men reading this may feel unfairly judged. So I put it to a colleague and current male friend let’s be honest, the second we stop sharing a desk, I will never hear from him again. “Some of my best friends are women,” he says vaguely. When I ask if the effort he made with friends is comparable to that his girlfriend makes with hers, he begrudgingly accepts that he could not spend hours on the phone with his pals of either gender. He lost count of the male friends who have disappeared over the years. Often, it coincides with the arrival of a new girlfriend. But contrary to popular interpretation, it is rarely to do with that new girlfriend’s jealousy. As one former male friend charmingly told me: “I have to hear all my girlfriend’s emotional stresses now. I don’t have time for yours.” With male mates like that it is probably no surprise all efforts go into his female friendships. And now academics backed my choice.tmg-article_default_mobile

Steps To recover friends

  • Stop pre-empting: Sometimes we are anxious when we do not need to be and it creates conflicts with friends in our heads. Your friend may be sitting thinking the same thing; not think anything is wrong.
  • Do not be consumed by guilt: Often you feel guilty or embarrassed you did not make contact for a while. This is what is getting in the way, try not to hold onto these feelings.
  • Face conflicts that arise: If your friendships is worthwhile you should be willing to fix them, ask what has gone wrong, what their position may be to work  solution.
  • Set objectives: Once you have discussed the issues don’t let them drag on, make a decision to move forward and set practical ways of keeping in touch and letting the other know you care.
  • Find positive aspects: Friendship may take on a different form with distance allows space to see things objectively. You may be able to help each other more, to make use of the distance when you can.

HOLY SPIRIT FRUITS

 

 

 

 

 

 

In Galatians 5:22-24, ‘the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.’  These qualities are like orchard as they constitute evident sign of  growth, fruitfulness  multiplication and maturity in faith. God’s first fruit greatest quality love is His only Son Christ sent to save and restore us to God.

Bowl of fruits

Christ is First Fruit given as sacrificial offering first harvest from God’s agricultural produce of harvest of souls. Greater love has no man than Christ Who gave His life as ransom for many by unconditional love. So believers are to bear Christlike spiritual love fruits to impact the kingdom of God.

  

An understanding of Godly love is important because the Holy Spirit helps us to love supernaturally as God’s ultimate expression of love is Christ Jesus. Love is used to depict emotional feelings which change with the time. Godly love is manifested through the gift of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Fruits are grown, mature, ripe, firmly, has many colourful and desirable tastes appealing to be eaten, so does Godly Love attract people to God’s kingdom. 

       

The Bible is written to all the world by God as an incredible love letter that makes us thankful to God. As God loved us so believers love God and give first fruits as the duty and responsibility of a true disciple and loving one another. Agape love is affection for self,  based on God’s command to love and care first, for one self in a healthy way.

  

Godly joy shows through affection with clear boundaries for other more focused and passionate about life.  We develop a compassion in the heart for holiness which permeates things and people. We are joyfully involved in loyal commitments so able to marshal, direct our life wisely for good through Christ crucified.

Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance in a negative way or exhibiting anger. Those who belong to Christ have joy connected to Godly love  joy of the Lord our strength. So walk in perfect peace of God passing human understanding.

  

Kindness is behaviour marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern for others. It is known as a virtue and recognized as a value in Christianity. Kindness is generosity in spirit showing consideration for others to help make life easier or bearable. It includes resources and and time set aside on behalf of other in Jesus Name.

  

This state or quality of being good, with moral excellence; virtue and kindly feeling to show kindness; generosity. Such kindness is excellence quality of goodness of workmanship to strengthen others with integrity, honesty, uprightness, probity.  Goodness, morality, virtue refer to qualities of character, conduct so entitles possessor to approval esteem. Goodness isthe simple word for general quality recognized in acceptable behaviour.

Goodness is morality implies conformity to recognized standards of right conduct a citizen of the highest morality.  Virtue means goodness consciously or steadily maintained in spite of temptations. So overcomes other influences of unassailable virtue to remain firm and have an unwavering virtue, benevolence, benignity, humanity, worth and value.

Faithfulness is a strict or thorough in the performance of duty by a faithful worker true to one’s word, promises, vows, etc. and steady in allegiance or affection; constant loyalty. God is so faithful to us so sent Christ Jesus to restore us to Himself. Christian believers walk in faithfulness and loyalty to God.

Gentleness is number eight in the list of the fruit of the Holy Spirit also known as meekness or humility. A gentle person gives a soft answer even when provoked or under pressure so not aggressive. The power of the  Holy Spirits help and so teaches us to be gentle. Gentleness is not wellness but wisdom and strength of self -control. 

Selfcontrol is the ability to control one’s emotions, feelings, behaviour, desire, choices, actions, decisions in order to obtain some reward, or avoid consequences by pleasing God and finding Favour with God and people. The right thing is done by faith, grace and  mercy of God through Christ who strengthens us to bear good fruits in Jesus Name.

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stock-photo-apple-representing-the-fruit-of-the-holy-spirit-138967757

Wealth in Church

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Wealth and riches are a delicate sensitive subject often people prefer not to discuss or talk about. As it puts people in the spotlight  yet constantly in the news is the list of all latest rich list celebrating wealth. God is watching from heaven wondering do they not remember He created wealth so owns all silver, gold to sponsor his Kingdom for salvation of souls precious to Him. Some  feel guilty, embarrassed or blamed for heartlessly exploiting others. Such rich people with bigger mansions live further from contact with ordinary passers by. 51F16buLTrLIt takes miles to see into activities of such homes well hidden from view and prying eyes. Signs put all around warn trespassers to stay clear of vicinity. Security is tightened to ensure no one comes close by. All is an attempt to guarantee safety and preservation of wealth on earth. In Acts 2:44-46, all who believed were together and had all things in common. They were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. Daily attending temple together, breaking bread in their homes, they received food with glad and generous hearts.

ExodusPentecost created a Christian community the believers adapted to make room for all. Now the apostles had responsibility to cater for different needs in church. They gave all to follow Christ as  previously advised not to carry purse, extra garments or shoes so God provides through those who receive them. With extra mouths to feed use own resources, sell belongings, possessions, land, gold, business, generously support all. Egyptian wealth collected during exodus came in handy plus Solomon’s riches built God’s temple.

hez_wealthJesus miraculously provides on occasions by multiplying a few loaves of bread and some fishes from a child’s lunch is amazing. Apostles and disciples feed over 5000 saved by providing meals for those god added daily. So not job for faint-hearted. God faithfully provides to continue salvation. The church once in history was the richest on earth so provided for all needy in the community. Misguided plundered like Nebuchadnezzar and ransacked God’s riches, golden cups, altars, shared booty on themselves.

God severely punished Nebuchadnezzar so made him mad crawling on floor eating grass. The church urgently needs back its wealth transfer to look after all poor not greedy confiscators who destroyed God’s temples and took His riches. It is interesting early church provide for each other. It is commendable people willingly disposed of inheritance, asset wealth to help each other.

depositphotos_8065810-Gold-Letters-As-Symbol-For-Wealth-Or-RichesSome churches practice community lifestyle so possible realistically to recreate such similar caring, sharing and living arrangement to provide for all believers in church today in Jesus Name. Today’s world glorifies greed, selfishness, personal wealth, not looking out for others interest first. God still expects believers to keep generously helping sponsor God’s Kingdom beyond status quo. Selling property sharing with others awesome excellent gesture of kindness. God supplies needs not to be poor by generosity.

stock-photo-riches-gold-key-representing-wealth-and-treasure-91150718Today’s prosperity message beautifully fits into the early church’s bold decision for wealth transfer to save souls for God. It really possible today with abundant wealth to create inter-woven interdependence pattern among all Christian believers. God’s work goes forward in Jesus Name. A family recognizes the word of God is more precious than rubies, diamonds. So encourage members or relatives to share gold, diamond treasures.


Wealth is not needed in heaven so inheritance of piece of land on earth is freely given to build churches, Christian schools. God takes great notice so delight in all people who sacrifice riches to ensure His Kingdom receives all needed to move forward. A true story is told in the news about Muslim who read about Wigglesworth and how God used him to purchase a church about to be demolished for redevelopment.  God cares deeply about all His creation suffering on earth.

judean_mountains (1)In addition he prayed God must raise new prophets to continue such a ministry. God answered prayer and today that church is alive to God’s Glory. God will use anybody to further His Kingdom on earth. Jesus Christ and disciples who gave up businesses for full-time ministry work to spread the Gospel were all provided for and hosted by many people. God’s blessings come upon all who bless His work.

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