FATHER/SON DEPRESSION

Unhappy father and sonDepresssion in fathers and mothers, has an impact on children despite mothers often of focus when treating adolescent depression, a study suggests. University College London (UCL) report looked at 14,000 families in the UK and Ireland. It said both parents had a role to play in preventing teenage depression. The researchers encouraged more fathers to seek help for depressive symptoms by speaking to their doctor. Dr Gemma Lewis from UCL, who led the study, said because mothers tended to spend more time with their children, there was often a tradition of “mother-blaming” when treating mental health issues in offspring. But she said the research showed that “we should be bringing fathers into the picture more.” Dr Lewis added: “If you’re a father who hasn’t sought treatment for your depression, it could have an impact on your child. We hope our findings could encourage men who experience depression to speak to their doctor about it.”Men should seek treatment if they are experiencing symptoms of depression, researchers said.Father hugging his son

The study is based on two large samples of the general population 6,000 families from Ireland and nearly 8,000 from the UK – in which parents and children, at the ages of seven, nine and 13-14, filled in questionnaires about their feelings. Children were asked about emotional symptoms and parents also answered questions on their feelings, which were measured against a depression scale. The results showed a link between depressive symptoms in fathers and similar symptoms in their adolescent children that was similar in size to the effect of a mother’s depression. Many mental health problems, including depression, start at about age of 13, the researchers said although depression in mothers was already known to increase the risk, influence of fathers’ wellbeing was a new finding.

‘Negative thinking’

In the home, depressive symptoms can make mothers and fathers more prone to fatigue, more irritable likely to argue with their children. “Children see the way their parents behave and act and could bring negative ways of thinking, which could lead to depression,” Dr Lewis said. The study concluded that fathers as well as mothers should be involved in tackling the problem of adolescent depression at an early stage. It highlighted the importance of treating depression in both parents.

Symptoms of depression

  • They can vary widely but often you will feel sad, hopeless and lose interest in the thing you enjoy.
  • Normally, it becomes bad enough to affect your work, social life and family relationships.
  • Psychological symptoms can include low self-esteem, no motivation and feeling tearful.
  • Physical symptoms can include changes in appetite, lack of energy and disturbed sleep.
  • Social symptoms may include avoiding contact with friends and withdrawing from social activities.

How to seek help

  • Go and see your GP if you experience symptoms of depression every day for more than two weeks.
  • Treatment usually involves a combination of self-help, talking therapies and medicines, depending on the type of depression you have.

Jo Hardy, head of parents services at charity YoungMinds, said parents often wanted to hide their own mental health problems so as not to burden children but she said it was better “to be honest, open, and give children a chance to ask questions.” “It’s important to remember that having depression does not need to stop you from being a great parent. You and your family can support your child, provide reassurance and love, and help them to do things they enjoy.

 

 

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SAD WINTER DEPRESSION

171629_20140102_170028_timeSeasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) used to affect me so badly at times I was in bed for days. Also known as the ‘winter depression’ is exacerbated by loss and grief, pain to become unfit and unwell not very actively doing any work for all such reasons or no particular reasons. I did not feel like bubbly self but wanted the curtains drawn during the daytime. I became unwell at times bed ridden for days. It happened consistently for years until my doctor told me about SAD as a condition that affects people during the cold months of transition from summer to winter. The body feels changes in the weather so responds in a different way making people feel sad, down, anxious and depressed. These changes happen so some people dread winter months of returning to work, school in September. Autumn to Winter shorter, colder days seem like a gloomy prospect. Autumn can worsen anxiety and depression as experts say, so why does it affect us and can we beat the blues. I discovered the reason was less Sunshine means less light affects brain parts that control mood swings when it is colder too. Some few people manage to escape into hot zones during winter months for a while. But few people are privileged to escape harsh cold winter. It affects people if too busy to take care of self in a healthy way. Being too busy doing too many things to manage own personal life due to the other demands on time and attention given others often seen as more urgent than own personal needs for quality time. Any yes person understands that trying to help others mostly in crises after waiting too long drains the mind and sometimes too late to seek help. During such times can feel obliged to jump in at deep end to rescue others until one has a burn out.01_Silent_signs_seasonal_depression_disorder_SAD_good_zzs_yanyong Realise doing so for years means hardly any time left to meet personal needs. Its really SAD that awoke me to change my lifestyle to be able to stay healthy to overcome SAD moments consistently. I discovered solutions that help deal with SAD by increasing light, strong light is helpful to provide similar effects of the Sunshine light. Special halogen lamp helps body to adapt to mood changes and mood swings as the light and heat combined transforms the brain. It is important to open the curtains to get Sunlight and fresh air. To wear a winter clothing suitable for the weather rather than about fashion and image. It is necessary to wear good soled shoes with foot warmer insoles to protect the feet from cold affecting brains neurons connected to the feet. A warm feet and hands, face equals good moods so cover up well in winter clothing. Although the Sun seems bright it is not really hot as in the summer months. If indoors and getting up to dress for the outdoors remember indoor room temperature is warmer so do not dress by indoor warm temperatures. Carry a spare clothings for any unpredictable changes in the weather to be safe than sorry. Be aware of the fabrics best for winter clothing and wear them earlier in Autumn than wait for coldest winter. This changed my life as body preserves summer heat throughout into winter not waiting for freezing cold months to put on warm clothes. My body and feet even sweat in winter as if still summer days. I am active in winter again eating healthier hot foods to keep my body temperature up. I ensure my sleep improves by time routine structure. My sleep pattern gets better by a set room conditions adapted to let body wind down to sleep better. insomnia2-1038x576If not mind becomes fogged by lack of sleep, red eyes, inability to focus. Extra effort is required make changes to get better results, rest, rest, rest from exhaustion, tiredness, fatigue, stress, pressure, noise pollution, fuels SAD. Distract yourself by playing crosswords, puzzles to improve brain muscles. If not on any emergency standby call of duty it is wise to switch phone off at night. Tell all people to call you only at certain times unless it is an urgent call, cut down the online time to give your brain rest. If the work entails online duties cut down on the personal browsing for “fun” as mind overworked does not get rest to replenish brain cells and the tissues vital for your well-being. Resist urge to stay sloppy, unkempt unwashed, not getting out of bed with the curtains drawn in your comfort zone. Even if cannot afford hot bath daily, top and tail and change clothes. Do not let yourself drift into an oblivion by pity party feeling sorry for yourself. Invite people over to force you to make effort to do something, ask for help, maintain your home and ask any friends to bring meals to share. Bake or buy good meals to share, charities are serving food and food banks are helping help yourself. So important not to let life overwhelm you. A good friend surprised the depressed friend with this homemade cake though not valentine day to cheer friend up. IMG_20170701_214235340

Do not be so private or proud to isolate yourself and hide because you do not feel good, it only gets worse until some cannot leave the house for years. Go out frequently and spend quality time at home to rest. Its these combinations of outdoors and indoors that helps you to get better. Volunteer, if you have no job at the moment, offer to help neighbours to run errands for them, etc and get joy of building others up its a great healer of mood swings. As you step outside self to focus on others you bring joy to them and yourself. In turn, no more isolated, so belong to a choir, music group other community support project help change moods. Take good quality vitamins to boost body’s energy level performance in winter months especially. Rest is very important to continue feeling better and emotionally stronger. Tell your friends and family about these changes asking them to help you keep up with the new plans you put in place. Exercise helps and keeping healthy friends to support you maintain changes is wonderful. You may help some improve their mood too. In extreme cases of clinically depressed people, doctors help with medication to lift the moods. So do not tough it out by yourself alone, seek help as I did years ago to share the results with you. If you have underlying deep-rooted causes of depression talking therapy or cognitive behaviour therapy required depending on issues dealt with. Remember to give place to God in Christ in life as it makes life easier to bear assured of eternal life.today-is-the-right-timeAs the weather is here to stay you must prepare to be able to function without blaming the weather. In fact changes in the weather is essential for carbon cycle regeneration so work with the weather not against it. “Every year I tell myself this is the last winter I can do in the UK,” says Cal Strode, 25, who lives in London and has seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a condition can bring on low moods and depression during autumn and winter. “It’s already starting to look darker and colder, and is when I tend to feel low and lack energy.” SAD affects about one in 15 people in UK between the months of September and April, according to the NHS. For more serious sufferers, it can prevent people from functioning normally during the autumn and winter months and is thought to be caused by lack of light, as well as other factors such as colder temperatures and the return to normal routines. Anxiety UK, a mental health charity, also says it expects to receive more calls to its helpline in September saying far fewer people contact the charity about anxiety and depression when the sun is shining.

‘My mood dropped’

Cal, who works for the Mental Health Foundation charity, was diagnosed with SAD six years ago when he was studying abroad in the US. “I was in San Diego and went home for Christmas, when suddenly my mood dropped and it felt like I had no energy to do anything,” he says. “It was supposed to be a happy time with my family and celebrations but I was staying in bed until the late afternoon.” With SAD, the lack of light is thought to affect the part of the brain that rules sleep and energy levels. As September looms, Cal plans to spend 45 minutes a day next to a light box to alleviate his symptoms, but admits finding the time can be uphill struggle. “Even on the way to work this week I thought this is such a beautiful day and my mood was so uplifted by it,” he says.A lunch on a pile of notepads, back to school

Back to school

Even for people without the disorder, September can be a difficult time as school starts and workplaces get busier. Added to this, the weather worsens, days get shorter, and it is a long wait until the next bank holiday over Christmas. “We see it every year; summer really does impact people’s moods,” says Nicky Lidbetter, chief executive of Anxiety UK. “People feel more resilient and able to cope when the sun is shining,” says Ms Lidbetter. “Summer is a time when it’s a more relaxed atmosphere in general, there is less traffic on the roads, it’s not as structured.” Autumn can leave us “pining that summer is gone”, she says, especially if any grand plans failed to materialise. “Even if we left school a long time ago, September feels like a time to be more serious and that can instil a sense of anxiety,” she says. But it is not all bad psychologists say we thrive on routine since it brings about structure and offers us a chance to be around people. “After a period of relaxation there’s the stress of a new academic year, or work getting busy, but also healthy routines and habits,” says Dr Sherylin Thompson, a counselling psychologist. “It can be worse if you’re feeling stuck in the routine, and haven’t got a choice, but it can be a chance to change things.” She suggests preparing for September by picking a new challenge or vowing not to give up on a hobby or activity you did during summer. “Keep up health habits, keep up socialising that would usually revive you in good company,” she says. Clinical psychologist Dr Camilla Rosan from Mental Health Foundation adds: “Over the summer people go on lots of holidays and they aren’t always around, now’s an opportunity to see friends.” She recommends planning days in advance, including going to the gym and seeing people. “When the days are shorter, it is important to make a clear routine about when we’re going to fit in exercise, get to the gym, see our friends,” she says. “The weather and light might be stopping us from going outdoors, but stuck at home when it’s dark and dismal into opportunity.” Cal makes an effort to eat well and avoid comfort food during the autumn and winter months. “Some days I don’t feel like I have the energy to cook, and you can crave fast foods high in fat and carbohydrates,” he says. “I’ll try to spend time over the weekends making something like a big bean stew that will last throughout week it is not sunshine but it helps.” Recognise features of this condition affects extreme behaviours or perfectionist tendencies from childhood so deal with the root causes of anxiety. Woman in a forest with autumnal treesListen to advise from the therapist to clarify thoughts in yout head. Not eating properly means losing weight which is very low for any healthy size suitable for you. Do not be angry if people say you are thin and be offended. Check if daily performances gets worse and worse and more more isolated to a point you identify not ok and not yourself anymore to completely lose yourself. Admitting issues helps to solves problems before it gets worse. Do not hide away and refuse to see anybody and stay in the bedroom thinking people are ashamed of you. Even in the depths of struggles set life goals to qualify and achieve a better you. Do not spent years trying to avoid to speaking anyone or be fluctuating in thought so not happy in yourself. Get a therapist at any point and start working through older issues that you may not realise exist affecting you. Deeper issues will be unravelled so things you never knew existed in your head to overcome anxiety depression. Clear your head and do not be forever angry and bitter, hot tempered, easily offended, narcissistic control freak, highstrung, uptight and explosive, raging inconsiderate temper tantrums, hysterical negative temperament anxiously living in fear and confused in thought. Do not be hyper alert feeling like being judged, on trial, scrutinized etc even fof helpful advise and support that enhances your welbeing. It is important not to project hurts or pain to those around because you blame all except yourself for all problems. Set long term and short life goals to achieve, be committed, disciplined, firm, filled with confidence. Understand the fickleness of human relationship require personal selfcontrol and tolerance. Search the meaning of your life to understand life on deeper level. Enjoy life, stay humble, encourage yourself in the Lord like King David did in his most formative years whether a young man or woman or adult. Remember, that the most permanent influences shaping your worldview is priceless quality time growing up in family. Do not become paranoid, shattered in the maelstrom of vengeful anger. Do not humiliate those who care or help you be strong when criticised. It is good to learn to survive on wits to develop emotional toughness not victim mentality but independence of thought. Reflect on ability to listen to other points of view without necessarily bowing to all of them. Learn to enjoy errors pointed out but not swayed too much by that. God corrects those HE LOVES so stand corrected and do not be obsessive about being always right. Just because so-and-so says something does not start weighing cost and benefit to lose appetite over it. Give in to good helpful advise to build you up. The Bible says give advise to a wise person and they thank you and become wiser. Give advise to a fool and he will hate you so choose your words carefully knowing when to apply golden rule in life at all times show kindness to even those who misunderstand your motives because you do things unto the LORD.

Rebloged and Updated

2 RINGS AROUND 2 CARROTS

_97412737_ecefbc06-1a7f-4912-9886-967dab2594d3A Canadian woman got an extra carrot with her diamond ring when it was found in her vegetable patch 13 years after she lost it. Mary Grams, 84, was devastated when she lost the ring while weeding on the family farm in Alberta in 2004. She had kept the ring’s loss a secret from all but her son for more than a decade. On Monday, daughter-in-law discovered the secret and the ring when she pulled up a lumpy carrot. The carrot had grown straight through the ring, enabling it to be plucked out after many years hiding in the soil. She had decided not to tell her husband when she lost it, out of embarrassment, but she told her son. She went and bought a slightly cheaper replacement ring, and carried on as if nothing had happened. “Maybe I did the wrong thing, but you get so worked up,” she said, no one was wiser. This week her daughter-in-law Colleen Daley decided she wanted some carrots for supper.Mary Grams with her diamond ring-carrotImage caption Mary Grams with her diamond ring-carrot. Ms Daley, lives on the farm where Mrs Grams used to live, went to harvest some vegetables in the garden. Lo and behold, she spotted the ring while washing a rather lumpy carrot. Her son instantly knew who ring belongs to and called his mother. And looking back, Mrs Grams said she wishes she had told her husband, who died five years ago. He was a joker, she said, and probably would have found this whole situation pretty funny. Now that she has it back, she said she will be more careful. “If I am going outside or anything I am going to put it in a safe space. That is what I should have done,” she said. This is not first time someone found a diamond ring on a carrot. In 2011, a Swedish woman found her wedding ring 16 years after she lost it. _57636476_57636475 (2)A Swedish woman has discovered her wedding ring on a carrot growing in her garden, 16 years after she lost it, says a newspaper. Lena Paahlsson had long ago lost hope of finding the ring, which she designed herself, reports Dagens Nyheter. The white-gold band, set with seven small diamonds, went missing in her kitchen in 1995 she told the paper. Although the ring no longer fits, she hopes to have it enlarged so she can wear it again. Mrs Paahlsson and her family live on a farm near Mora in central Sweden. She took the ring off to do some Christmas baking with her daughters, but it disappeared from the work surface where it had been left, she explained to Dagens Nyheter. The family searched everywhere and years later took up the tiling on the floor during renovations, in the hope of finding the ring. It was not until 16 years later when Mrs Paahlsson was pulling up carrots in her garden that she noticed one with the gold band fastened tightly around it. The carrot was sprouting in the middle of the ring. It is quite incredible,” her husband Ola said to the newspaper. Lena Paahlsson and her husband, Ola Image caption Lena Paahlsson and her husband Ola say it is incredible the ring was found. The couple believe the ring fell into a sink back in 1995 and was lost in vegetable peelings that were turned into compost or fed to their sheep. “I had given up hope,” Mrs Paahlsson told Dagens Nyheter, adding she wanted to have the ring adjusted to fit her. “Now that I have found the ring again I want to be able to use it,” she said. Jesus says there is great joy shared when lost coin or treasure is found. Often the owner is looking for a ring, coin or lost sheep and persists until it is found. Similarly, God keeps on looking forward to ‘finding’ all HIS Children no matter how many years it takes to return to God, Rightful Owner reunited with their beloved treasured prodigal children in Christ Jesus Name.   

 

THE WORKPLACE NURSERIES

n-ikuboss-a-20160509With the long vacation approaching fast many working parents are faced with a dilemma of childcare. The high cost of childcare means some parents are better off at home caring for children. It is impossible to afford cost of hiring child minders or nannies like the few privileged. Parents must work at the same time looking after their children or their income support is cut off. This is because 24/7 full-time care of children is not legally recognised as paid work in Britain among many countries. Children go to nursery part-time paid for parents and it seems almost punitive to have a child in modern times. Children miss out on such expensive nursery places they cannot afford. Many parents are in debt and policy makers, often males, do not understand the depth of nurturing needs of babies and children. Wages are too meagre to pay rent, buy food and pay bills for most in these advanced wealthy countries throwing away tons of perfectly good food and material things everyday. Bankno_photo_4 balance seems to take precedence over priceless human lives. Worst of all in these countries the parents who leave children home alone are arrested and jailed but children are allowed free to roam the streets among paedophile predators and drug dealers. So with summer holidays parents are worried about safety of children and looking for relatives, family or friends to help look after children. The hardest job in the world is caring for children because they require 24/7 supervision. Anyone who cares for their, children, cooking, feeding, teaching, bathing, hospital appointments, doing laundry, garden, shopping, chores, running errands each day etc, plus looking after family other needs knows it is not easy or simple as often dismissed as unemployed person. 6a00d8341c4eab53ef01b7c7f5bfef970b-800wiHuman life of parents seems further displaced by machines yet unemployed must still pay their nursery fees, bills and mortgages through no fault of their own. So wonder what will happen if all the women in the world refused to have children due to attitude of government towards parents. There will be shortage of wives for men as happens in China and Japan. Germany and Russia after the war had to devise better maternity packages to entice women to repopulate the nation. With longer living of the elderly due to better medical care governments must address birthrate provisions with long-term vision into the future. Children and young people will be leaders and the carers in the future. So a great investment to nurture them today to help prepare them for their future roles. Treating children as unwanted nuisance draining state Resources is the greatest mistake every nation. Ignoring them as not an urgent issue keeps many out of schools and illiterate. Over 11 million children are out of school in Nigeria the highest record in the world. Most parents pay for education, buy books and pay exam fees so do not enjoy the privilege few. nursery3Yet education is taken for granted by the ones given their right to in education. In order not to lose vital front line staff it is essential to build company nursery to be included in building design by their architects. Employers can adapt their buildings to meet nursery standard to solve complex issues addressed by some compassionate companies. Their highly valued staff are retained for their input them after childbirth so children from 3-12 months provided for in workplace. Those not able to gain place must work from home to supervise children. These countries do not allow children to be left at home alone unsupervised like many other countries in other parts of the world. It is against the law and a nightmare for the majority of working parents without the flexible working hours to solve childcare cost problems. Affected by credit crunch and austerity budget cuts, that does not seem to dent the pockets of a privileged few. Holiday season makes childcare major problem for families. So recently, 20th July 2017 wrote on workplace child care facility in a bank in London.Amanda Wong, Goldman Sachs

Image caption Amanda Wong and her daughter Naomi use the Goldman Sachs nursery. So Head into nursery into the Goldman Sachs building on London’s Fleet Street and you’re greeted by wall to wall marble, a bank of receptionists and a water feature in the London City. But wind your way past lifts through an anonymous fire door and you enter a world that couldn’t be less corporate. The sounds, colours and laughter of a nursery. The Goldman Sachs Children’s Centre is both incongruous anomaly as the only on site childcare facility in the Square Mile. Started in 2003 to offer back up provision for staff, it takes kids between the ages of three months and 12 years old. The expense or regulatory requirements for such a facility are the main reasons why it is unique – and peculiar to a bank with deep pockets. This is part of a day of BBC coverage looking at the cost of holiday childcare. Find out at bbc.co.uk/business or follow conversation on social media using the hashtag #Childcare. According to latest figures from the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development, only 5% of businesses in the UK offer childcare in workplace. Anecdotally, this is almost exclusively made up of large employers because they have the money and space to allow for it. They include government departments, Royal Mail, a variety of universities, Microsoft and Toyota. There are tax breaks for those companies that do.Goldman Sachs Children's Centre

Childcare facility at the Goldman Sachs takes children from three months to 12 years old. Employers who include their childcare costs as the part of employee remuneration package, attract tax and National Insurance and obligations. But employers that offer in-workplace nurseries do not and they get relief for the day-to-day running and capital costs of providing the service, for example heating and lighting, and premises.

Flexible work

It might be seen as a perk but an onsite childcare flourished in the immediate post-war years out of necessity. A labour shortage meant women were needed to work and factories and mills started to offer the creches that allowed them to. Dr Laura Paterson of Oxford University, who specialises in history of women’s employment, says childcare provision by businesses died away in the 1950s as the need for women became less acute and the way they worked changed. The. “Part-time and flexible working hours reduced need for workplace nurseries to some extent,” she says, “Women who worked from the 1950s to the 70s tell us they did part-time jobs when children were young to fit around school hours. They worked in the evening so their Goldman Sachs Children's Centrepartner could care for their children. Goldman Sachs are allowed 20 days of emergency childcare a year. But what about the people working full-time at Goldman? For Amanda Wong, who project manages new trades for the firm and is a mum to 12-month-old Naomi, children’s centre has been a lifesaver. Ms Wong put her daughter into nursery same day she returned to work, shortly after Naomi turned nine months. “It has made me feel a lot more relaxed and mentally ready to come back to work a lot earlier than I would have and I think it helps new mums with separation guilt or anxieties about returning to work,” she says. Though she admits it is not ideal to take a one-year-old on the Tube through central London each day. Yet it makes a great difference child is within reach in vicinity giving parents peace of mind. Assured the child is in safe hands, well taken care of by employer pecks.6295314-3x2-940x627

Ishmeet Rayit, who manages Goldman Sachs Children’s Centre, tells me they have a higher staff ratio than Ofsted regulations require (one-to-two in the baby room rather than one-to-three), because they need to make children who might not be familiar with them, settle in quickly. Of the 5,500 people who work in the office, about a quarter are registered users. Each parent at the bank gets 20 free “back-up” days to use the centre, renewed each year. The most coveted facility in the centre is the after-school and holiday programme where the 5-12 year olds come. It’s stuffed full of bilingual books and toys, showing just how multicultural the bank is. “The kids call it an office day,” Ms Rayit says. “They get taken out for lunch by their parents and they make friends here.” Parents are only allowed to book 10 days of this holiday service at a time, the room can accommodate 12, and the waiting list to get in is long.Goldman Sachs office in London

Goldman Sachs is in two old newspaper offices on London’s Fleet Street. Sally Boyle, the international head of human resources at Goldman, says it is a “significant cost” to the firm – but it is worth it. We are definitely seen it have an impact on retention of a smallish group of women but important women who wouldn’t have stayed I suspect if they hadn’t been able to manage that childcare in a way that they can here,” she says. The centre is run by Bright Horizons, largest provider of workplace nurseries in the UK. Goldman pays it a monthly management fee, and parents who need childcare beyond that paid for by the bank, deal directly with the nursery. A spokesperson for company says demand for onsite care increasing. “In today’s competitive talent market, recruiting and retaining exceptional people is high priority for organisations. “On site childcare has been identified as a key factor in encouraging parents to return to work and, in turn, helping organisations to thrive”.

‘Chronic shortage’

But Rohan Silva, whose Second Home drop-in work spaces are planning in-house creches, says the barriers to entry today of setting up onsite childcare are enormous. “The Ofsted accreditation process takes at least three months, and costs hundreds of pounds in registration costs and consultancy fees. In addition, there are multiple additional inspections each year, plus a chronic shortage of trained staff,” he says.Second Home nursery plansSecond Home found designing its onsite creches difficultAnother challenge is the fact that so few architects and designers have ever designed childcare facilities, because so few are created by property developers. That means thinking from scratch the issues around access and child-friendly materials,” Mr Silva says. He believes it’s a vital way of allowing more parents to work. “The UK’s rate of maternal employment is 27% lower than other Western countries making childcare more accessible will make a big difference. “This is especially true of single parents – who are much more likely to be unemployed, and for whom access to childcare is the biggest barrier to finding work” Mr Silva adds. A recent Institute of Directors survey backs this up. It found over half of its members think that the cost of childcare hurts careers – particularly those of women. It is currently consulting on whether to open a creche for its members. For now, though unlike those women working in factories after the war, the option of taking your child to work is offered at a company’s largesse rather than out of compulsion. And it’s reserved for a privileged few.

CELEBRATING LIVING DEAD

The living dead are celebrated in great style with pomp in funeral ceremony so no expense is spared in a send off party. The people alive strongly believe they must do whatever is necessary to bury the departed in a grand style. A list is provided to include their future needs in next life because of fear they watch over those alive left behind. But some express concern that the dead seems more celebrated than the living. A true story recently happened after John fell ill and sought care from a private clinic when the local hospital did not provide the urgent care he needed because of the waiting list queue. His course of treatment was prolonged as required for his full recovery.  Later, as John did not work so affected by his health, he sent a message to his place of work but his wages was not enough to cover his medical expenses. Eventually, John approached his family in vain. The delay took so long John became resident patient. The doctor took care of John’s needs beyond the professional duty of care. After several attempts to get help from the family in vain, John’s doctor sent a message to his family he was dead. But it did not take long for John’s family to charter a hearse and a bus full of John’s relatives to travel over to claim his body at the clinic. To their shock and horror John was alive and well and released to his family who really thought he died. It was an interesting story as some people thought it was unethical for a doctor to trick John’s relatives to recover his cost. Whatever people felt about the doctor’s actions, it reveals attitude towards dead people who seem to be revered more at times than the living in some cases. This incident highlights concerns especially about the extent to which funerals are invested in more than taking care of a person to the same extent when alive. It is an issue that confronts some nations concerning fear of the dead haunting them if not properly sent off by proper funeral rites and ceremonies. This is also a matter of big business for the event planners sometimes funerals are bigger than weddings. The fabulously rich and wealthy can afford the costs of funerals. Yet still the generous culture of giving means people still give freely to the family as part of their culture. As, the credit crunch affects most people, rising funeral costs means people cover costs by donations, selling land, assets, investments, in other cases taking loans to contribute to costs of the funerals at hand. At times families or communities have five or more funerals to attend at the weekends. This means contributions are distributed among the bereaved or in certain cases, so one has to prioritize closest ones to their family. This trend is so serious now funerals are postponed from 6 months to 10 years in extreme cases to prepare for the celebrations. Meanwhile the family pays exorbitant mortuary fees for embalming body kept for months or years until fixed time for burial ceremonies. Planning takes place for months and years until the suitable time is arranged for all necessary dignitaries to attend. Meanwhile, food is ordered, costumes organised for changing garbs of dead person many times over. The family members, friends and relatives choose fabrics to accordingly to wear if a joyful funeral of white representing a long life or the sad loss of mourning in red and black.

The cost of expenses is making some to query whether it is the best approach to life in general. Some people feel such a huge amount spent could be used on the living rather than the dead. The dead are given farewell parties in grand style surpassing the previous ones done. It is almost like competition to outdo and be the talk of the town. Video recordings are made for perpetual memory of the event. Sometimes accompanied by fun, laughter, sense of humour, dancing in formations and music performers from the different groups invited or hired. To outsiders, it may seem like a waste of resources and hard-earned cash that could save lives than bury them with riches. This matter is partly due to the fact that people want to show the best side of a family to the guests. They are fed free foods, drinks, accommodation as long they stay with the family. The people travel from all over the world through connections with their family directly or in-laws or work colleagues. It is considered the highest filial loyalty or honour to bury the dead in dignity. The belief exists those not buried properly cannot qualify to be living ancestors. A deceased is not considered totally dead because their Spirit from God lives on. So they know the departed, though passed on into the next is conscious and interested in the lives of those they left behind. Due to dignified life, such burial is deemed a great status symbol, respect and qualification to be remembered as elder in community. The ones who do not meet such honourable burials are disposed of privately quietly at dawn without permission to cry for their loss or grand style public ceremony.  It is an issue affecting all the citizens in that community and the family contributes on behalf of all members throughout life. Often people own land, large farms and cattle so able to use resources for the funerals which lasted for months on end. Then memorial service was held a year later to complete mourning and to celebrate by changing from mourning black clothes worn for one year into the white garments for another year. At the end of that second year, the property and assets of the deceased are openly distributed among relatives. If there is a will made belongings are share as the owner wanted. If not, elders meet and deliberate for fair share to those most in need of the material goods or resources. Often family members are surprised by little Gifts saved over the years to be given to them by the deceased. With modern education, most people do the white-collar jobs so traditions changed. The contribution of funds support all the families in mourning. Each member of the community know they will have similar funeral when it is their turn but not necessarily in grandstyle depending on their status. When it comes to such a funeral the person of high standing in society or parents of someone of status in the society is definitely celebrated in grand style. Elders who live long and supported many family members and relatives, are appreciated by the people they raised over the years paying their last respects. The sadness of funeral is counter balanced by occasion of long-lost families gathering together after many years of living apart. The family chooses an appropriate coffin based on the person’s profession, career path, job, hobbies, interests, status, belief in God. A miniature replica of actual coffin made adds to remembrance token collection of family tree living history._50223727_helicoptercoffin90383461.optim123557496-15648fae-224b-4c69-82c0-212e6928453fOpportunity presents itself to showcase unique capentery skills, talents or look for a suitable partner although that is not the primary motive of attending the funeral in the first place. Families play a major role in also their birth, weddings marriage and funerals so it most likely the same group of people will be met at this events. With changes in culture and Christianity the church helps with funeral by cutting the time of endless wake keeping for weeks or months in the past to keep it simple. The community as a whole participates therefore the burden of cost is shared among those people involved. The issue of costly funeral budget is complex but simplified in terms of sharing each other’s burden. However, the ethics and humanitarian issue is that of those in danger of abandonment if uncared for while alive in times of need like John. The moral thing to do is organise the same people willing to contribute to funeral costs to set up budgets for the living in need to celebrate them alive like ‘This is your life program on TV.’ To bring together all loved ones in lifetime to enjoy life at least on many possible occasions. This will acknowledge people especially if birthdays and honour days are not celebrated. At least such funeral gives time to gather together as a family and to admire the beautiful types of the coffins on display at such funerals. It is nice to see young adults participating in the display of coffins and special treats of dances to entertain the community to ease the pain and tension of loss caused by death. Above all, whatever method is chosen for burial, life extends beyond funerals into eternity so the destination into heaven is what counts most. And all the dead in Christ in God will arise and live reunited with family eternally in heaven and in the Kingdom of God on the earth eventually, forever Ruled by Christ Jesus from Jerusalem Israel.

CHILDREN ARE NOT DOLLS

vlfdcToday’s news report is full of children harmed or killed by many tragic accidents purposefully orchestrated or unintended by someone seething due to jealousy of affection given the children. Such people forget infant’s life requires sacrifices of parents, loved ones, carers who endure to ensure children thrive in life. Their parents went without basic necessities in life, food so they survived. After growing up they feel reluctant to do the same for their own children or step children. There are many blended families doing a great job looking after children and fantastic at it. They deserve recognition and congratulations though not seeking praise for excellent job done daily. Against the backdrop of great parenting is trend of children seen and treated as inconvenient intrusion into ‘perfect happiness’ of dysfunctional families. 980d9a8dac0ead3b5cb8e562bc98d80bSuch people, playing superficial happy family fantasize about having children to ‘seal their love’ but discover shock of changes to their relationship after birth of children. This adds on to stress of an already disorganized family affected at times by influence of drugs or computer games. Such parents blame each other or shift the responsibility of caring and discipline styles, cause more stress and infighting. Meanwhile the children internalize effects of chaos caused by immature people in toxic relationships unfit to raise children. Resentful with regret of their decision to have children cannot opt out. Children caught up in the middle of strife endure life worse at times due to alcohol or selfish actions of parents vying for affection at the cost of children’s lives. Some children cry for hours and given calpol for headaches but parents offended if the child laughs. It seems the parents feel satisfied when the child cries but tells child off if seen as happy and cheerful. Modern living isolates couple further without support network required for respite care of children to give the parents a break. The parent not from poor background, well-brought up can be victim of success if over indulged without consideration for others or own children and family. May grow up with sense of entitlement so receive attention without giving back to others. Demand more attention as grown up in charge of own family. Competes with children for attention so never emotionally secure.wayne-dyer_children-erichuber-comSurprisingly, such parents lack awareness or previous experience of babysitting children 24/7. Totally unprepared  for childcare needs of children they bear or take care of. In the past, schools designed practical living skills of housekeeping, cooking, sewing, cleaning, ironing, childcare as part of curriculum in education. So the young people were trained in hands on real life practical experience life skills to equip them for family life. In addition, extended family in the vicinity living together enhance family experiences of children. Despite family hardships or lack of material trappings of modern living children are nurtured to live in a healthy way. Issues of paedophiles or abuse may exist but at least there was someone in the family who children genuinely rely on in time of emotional need for their support. The attitude of some parents is they think they ‘own’ their children so cause pain to child. And those helping giving real happiness to their children viewed as encroaching, undermining, overriding, imposing threat to them. Additionally, children without FRONTAL CORTEX do not wilfully intend to cause an offence deliberately to hurt parents. Children’s BRAIN NOT FULLY grown or developed do not fully UNDERSTAND adult world.quote-Charlotte-Davis-Kasl-a-life-long-blessing-for-children-is-to-21784Creating good and happy memories in children is treasured in the heart for life of the children. Mimicking adults seems they understand issues but incapable of the maturity of adults. This is the reason why God entrusts the children into the safe adult hands as parents or stewards to look after them. Adult is REPONSIBLE to ensure child’s needs are met, well-fed healthy foods, trained to make sense of environment, given a spatial awareness to relate to others in interactive ways to build up confidence. A child cannot be blamed or accused of being responsible for coming into world to ruin parent’s life. If adult not ready to sacrifice their life at least 30 years to raise children, use protection to prevent conception. Children are for life and not only for Christmas displays. Some think children will enhance them by having them for wrong reasons. A fractured, disjointed society today focus on external material things at the expense of healthy organic nurturing safe atmosphere surrounded by family and friends. Yet nature and nurture are both vital components to accomplish a balanced upbringing of children’s lives. The shift of emphasis on gadgets, technology, high-tech and high strung high-maintenance intense stress, pressure and atmosphere is not really conducive for children. Attention on the external shoe costs and designer labels to wear and expensive clothes or toys above emotional needs of the children. Damage or loss of items becomes bone of contention in anger beats the child to pulp and causing tragic death. The other children are killed by computer gamers who feel distracted from their addictive games by the children requiring nappy change or food. Again tensions of credit crunch play role in frustrating parents stuck with children without proper jobs. Recent rate of fatalities of the children’s death toll is needlessly rising.5c50ba8d0995fc2295ff172d6eccfa6fUnacceptable levels further exasperated by children having children without the FRONTAL CORTEX BRAIN themselves to UNDERSTAND risk and consequences of their actions on delicate tender body of babies and children. Dangerous attacks of children by jealous lovers or parents fester without dealing with the build up of uncalled for anger towards innocent children. Unfortunately some children become victims destroyed by the naive immature jealous partner who in turn destroys own lives in the process. It is sad the family is ruined by adults who wants to raise children as little soldiers. They DO NOT ALLOW CHILDREN TO BE THE HAPPY LITTLE CHILDREN HAVING FUN, LAUGHING, PLAYING WITHOUT A CARE in the world. It is a right of every child to be allowed a proper discipline and corrected in a safe manner within their age range meaningful to the child. A child cannot be treated as a grown up adult in terms of relating deep thoughts to a child. Of course precocious children display maturity, genius beyond some adults but is exception than the norm. God ordained mothers to carry babies as first natural teachers of children so more tolerant and patient than some men. Going against nature to demand mothers abandon children to wo/men INCAPABLE of raising their children contributes to damage of children. Some parents feel ashamed and embarrassed to EXPRESS dark emotions or thoughts to others to get help to deal with their own childhood issues projected on that innocent child. Anger is major cause of such parents who vent on the innocent children bearing brunt of frustrations in their life. Such parents act like if they did not have a happy childhood then the child cannot have one. Of course they cannot give what they do not have so get help to allow children to enjoy their innocent years. Build up good memory and stop tyrants scarring children for life to damage them. A lot of children of this generation have a lot of superficial material needs met but hurting deeply by the lack of proper attention required. Oxytocin hormone CALMS children by hugging the child so gains parental love much more priceless than a temporary material joy happiness. Oxytocin is very necessary for the child’s development so healthy contact of a child is essential. Issue of paedophiles is ruining genuine affection for children treated as robot machines. Hugging the child is viewed with suspicion so many steer clear from it but do not hesitate to inflict pain on same child in moment of madness due to anger. A child is for life so before you have the child think twice of long-term time sacrifices of not going to parties, pubs, discos, travelling alone, sleepless nights for feeding or nappy changes. Get help from trusted family members, and friends, loved ones or good neighbours. children-are-not-dolls-they-are-not-toys-to-dress-up-and-show-off-theyre-real-people--95047Talk to GP to arrange talking therapy or with people in parent’s and child groups to learn how to cope better, ask friends to support you. Do not dump anger or rage on your innocent loving children. Children cannot express their internal damage to organs from assaults by the adults. Modern dolls have a computer link to reveal manhandling by a person entrusted with the doll. Unfortunately children do not have such mechanisms displaying internal bleeding by bashing against walls, shaking babies, fractures broken bone, internal bleeding swelling go unnoticed until final straw ends in a fatality. Yet millions desperately want children but cannot have them due to many reasons. So count your blessings, invest TIME to train child so they grow up and not depart from it. Routine is essential to raising children so set up a flexible dynamic time schedule for the children. Time to sleep and wake up is necessary for toddlers for brain growth and development. Lunch at 12 noon and naps between 1pm to 3 pm for toddlers. The adults quickly prepares supper and dry laundry, clean up ready for children to wake up. Children play, eat at 5-6pm, bath at 7p.m ready for bed after reading at 8 pm. Adults between 8:30pm till 12 midnight have enough hours to wind down, date in home, set up romantic meal, eat, talk, watch TV, play computer games, get someone trusted and reliable to watch children to go to cinema, meal, and sleep by 1 am latest. A disciplined routine helps children to settle down better. It is good to maintain the routine even during holidays because it is harder to get back established routine after mixed messages confuse children. Children always remember those who genuinely love and care for them. And discuss with partner if you feel left out or displaced by children at appropriate time. Set up routine for both to continue to date, be in love after marriage and children. Do not go on an autopilot identifying with one child and pitching against each other as opposing teams. Children grow so fast you can do anything in your life after they fly the nest. It is never too late to learn to take up any unfinished business later after children come along into your life. You can relearn and adapt to use new skills online for web jobs, create blog, give hope to others, encourage and support others in similar situations. For God Sake never blame children for ruining your life or future because you are the ones who chose not to use the appropriate contraception. Even if child unexpected accept, love child unconditionally. Use playful interaction like Sound of Music film to help appreciate the children and they remember you when you are old. Remember you are accountable to God WHO records in BOOK of life treatment of children’s lives.

WOMEN & MEN FRIENDSHIPS

1033.gifWomen have intense close friendships, men tend not to have that according to Professor Dunbar, the Psychologist Professor at Oxford University. Professor Dunbar found women view best friend relationships in between sisters and soul mates. Men tend to see theirs purely in terms of the convenience. He came to this conclusion by exploring how people’s friendship circles changed when they left school for university. So what determined original friendships or whether they survived long-term? Did women make effort to talk more to each other on the phone as explored? And did “talking have any absolute effects on mens’ relationships at all? For men it was doing stuff together that held close friendships together. Doing activities like going to a football match or the pub for a drink, playing five a side was more meaningful to men. They made effort if was such an activity.” He looked at the differences between the sexes and said women clearly have much more intense close friendships than men. Men tend not to have that sort of relationship but they tend to have a group of four men they do such stuff with. So relationship is much more casual. With men it is out of sight out of mind. They just find four more guys to go drinking with.”The cast of Channel 4's university-themed sitcom Fresh Meat The cast of Channel 4’s university-themed sitcom Fresh Meat. This will be familiar to any woman who has had both the pleasure and disappointment of close male friend particularly in their twenties and thirties. At first, things are wonderful. Life is full of great catch ups, and laughter over pints of beer. They listen to your woes and you help them with their woman problems. It is the friendship neither knew needed. Only then, something changes. They start a new relationship. They move to a new postcode really not very far. They get a new job with a ready-made social life. They get a new flatmate. Whatever the change they suddenly have the new set of replacement ready and can’t seem to find the time to meet you for that coffee. You, naively, keep trying. You call them, you send jokey pictures and do exactly what you will do if that was a girlfriend growing distant: bombard her with the attention you wish she was showing you. Except with a male friend, it just does not work. Whether it is nature or nurture, most men simply do not view friendships in the same way as women. Gender is hardly the issue it is practical problem of how much time and effort they put into a platonic relationship. As the study says, there’s always another drinking buddy around the corner. Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in Friends with BenefitsJustin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in Friends with Benefits. Men reading this may feel unfairly judged. So I put it to a colleague and current male friend let’s be honest, the second we stop sharing a desk, I will never hear from him again. “Some of my best friends are women,” he says vaguely. When I ask if the effort he made with friends is comparable to that his girlfriend makes with hers, he begrudgingly accepts that he could not spend hours on the phone with his pals of either gender. He lost count of the male friends who have disappeared over the years. Often, it coincides with the arrival of a new girlfriend. But contrary to popular interpretation, it is rarely to do with that new girlfriend’s jealousy. As one former male friend charmingly told me: “I have to hear all my girlfriend’s emotional stresses now. I don’t have time for yours.” With male mates like that it is probably no surprise all efforts go into his female friendships. And now academics backed my choice.tmg-article_default_mobile

Steps To recover friends

  • Stop pre-empting: Sometimes we are anxious when we do not need to be and it creates conflicts with friends in our heads. Your friend may be sitting thinking the same thing; not think anything is wrong.
  • Do not be consumed by guilt: Often you feel guilty or embarrassed you did not make contact for a while. This is what is getting in the way, try not to hold onto these feelings.
  • Face conflicts that arise: If your friendships is worthwhile you should be willing to fix them, ask what has gone wrong, what their position may be to work  solution.
  • Set objectives: Once you have discussed the issues don’t let them drag on, make a decision to move forward and set practical ways of keeping in touch and letting the other know you care.
  • Find positive aspects: Friendship may take on a different form with distance allows space to see things objectively. You may be able to help each other more, to make use of the distance when you can.