COOKING, WASHING, TAMES

Man holding babyCooking, washing clothes, cleaning and childcare, tames men who once thought it was only the women’s job. Like most men, Jean Pierre 32 lives in Mwulire in Eastern Province in Rwanda and leaves domestic chores to his wife. Impatient, angry, demands perfection due to lack of awareness that a woman’s job is 24/7 so never ends day or night. He becomes aggressive if his wife did not meet the standards of his expectations so beats her. A grassroots intervention program trying to reduce domestic violence in Rwanda teaches men how to do household chores, and a recent study suggested it has a positive effect on communities. So Muhoza Jean Pierre used to beat his wife because he saw her as someone he married just to have children and and look after them. “I was following example of my father. My father did not do anything at home,” he said. “If ever I came home and found something not done yet I insult her. “I called her lazy, told her she was useless so must go back to her parent’s house.” But something changed after he learnt to cook and clean. It was all part of a grassroots intervention programme in Mwulire village in Eastern Province, Rwanda encouraging men’s domestic roles, including childcare. Jean Pierre says the project called, ‘Bandebereho’ or role model in Kinyarwanda helps tamed and transformed his behaviour. He took part in classes covering everything from cooking and cleaning and discuss how to challenge men’s traditional gender roles. “They asked, if a man can sweep the house, and we would say ‘he can’,” he said. “And then they would ask us: ‘Who among you does that?’ And there was no one.”Man cooking next to his wife

Real men shouldn’t cook

Facilitators from ‘Bandebereho’ taught Jean Pierre how to do tasks previously he believed his wife should do. He also added: “We would go home and try to put this into practice. “Then we would go back to training with witnesses who would testify they had observed some changes in us. “I know how to cook. I do laundry for the kids. I know how to peel plantains, I know how to pound dry cassava and sift the flour.” Jean Pierre and his wife have been married for 10 years and never helped her before. And making changes was not easy as Jean Pierre’s friends discouraged him from doing household tasks, telling him: ‘No real man should cook.’ “My family and friends said my wife bewitched me by giving me some magic drugs. They said no genuine man should carry a bundle of firewood in the street because that is for henpecked men,” he said. But Jean Pierre continued when he saw benefits to his family. He says his children feel closer to him and his wife now runs a banana business that has allowed them to improve their home. “The way my wife treats me now is different from the way she used to treat me,” he said. “She used to treat me badly because I was mistreating her too, but now we discuss and agree on things to do. “I set her free, now she is working and I am working too; whereas before I was convinced she had to stay home and be available whenever I would need her.” Fear and little freedom affected Jean Pierre’s wife Musabyimana Delphine who says she used to have little freedom and lived in fear. She said: “Sometimes I felt like a mere worker, and I would remember a worker has a salary. “I never thought a woman can ever have her own money, because I never even had time to think about any activity that generate money. “Now I have enough freedom in house, I go out and work for money like others. Start training young boys now so when they grow up they will help their wife and help look after the children. When both work, it’s a burden on the woman to care for the family or children alone.man washing a plateThe ‘Bandebereho’ project taught Jean Pierre to do tasks previously believed his wife should do. Delphine leaves at 5am to sell plantains at a market, while Jean Pierre stays at home and takes care of their four young children. “I come home relaxed and find food ready,” she said. The project’s curriculum originally developed in Latin America by global fatherhood campaign MenCare believes true equality will only be reached when men take on 50% of world’s childcare and domestic work. The research looks into changing men’s attitudes towards family care and traditional domestic. It was soon realised the good impact on men. A study looking at couples taking part in the project found two years after taking childcare lessons in Rwanda men were less likely to use violence against their female partners than those who did not attend the classes. But the study suggested one in three women whose partners took part in the programme still reported experiencing intimate partner violence. National Institute of Statistics of Rwanda, released a data in 2015, around 52% of men in the country were violent towards partners. Rwanda Men’s Resource Centre, which delivered the programme in the country, wants ‘Bandebereho’ to be widely adopted by communities and country’s government. Fidele Rutayisire the chairman of centre, said: “We still have negative social norms, negative masculinity perception cultural barriers as main factors of high violence against women in Rwanda. “Traditionally men don’t take care of children here but men control sex, resources, decision-making. “When men are actively involved in the home they realise sacrifices of women in childcare so their attitude on gender changes positively, they understand the value of gender equality.” Delphine and Jean Pierre said the program benefited their family and the whole community. “We are now on honeymoon, 10 years after our wedding,” said Jean Pierre. If there is conflict or security issue in our neighbourhood our opinion is respected because they see we don’t have problem in our household. Men appreciate and help their wives and not demand they do all the housework or take care of the family, business, Church alone without support of husbands. A happy wife is a happy life and the Bible says love your wife as Christ loved His bride Church and gave His life for you. Timothy says a husband must first look after his family and own household before serving the Church. Don’t neglect your wife and the children in the NAME OF GOD leisurely talking to single women while your wife and children at home suffer. Remember your wife is that same beautiful single woman you married and used her body to give birth to your children. And don’t abandon her for fresh young woman to give birth later to become abandoned as wife. This causes baby mama problems because men want to eat their cake and have it. So wants exclusive attention of wife at the expense of the children some are jealous of. Forget their parents took great care of them as done to children. Grow up and be father to the children to mature a responsible man not manchild depending on wife as mother. For even the Son of Man Jesus did not come to be served but to serve and give His life as a ransom for many says Mark 10:45.

  • 27 November 2018
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4 TYPES OF FRIENDS IN LIFE

15412728607271293330498.jpgAdd value to your life by including good friends to increase and multiply your love to build you up for support and to encourage you in life. Be there for each other in good and challenging times and avoid fake friends who pretend to love you but killing you at the same time as enemies who divide your life. Swap bad influence friends to change your life by replacing frenemies with good friends who add value to your life. Stick with friends who do help you to mature in a good way. Increase and multiply your life with positive people so your life will thrive and flourish, subtract from your life those who divide your life affecting other areas of your career and business, family or friends. It is important to be aware of the kind of friends you allow into your life. Take initiative to know if person is truly what they say or portray themselves to be. Check their motives or know whatever the reason is why they befriend you so do not judging a book by its cover. As soon as you begin to do analysis and reflect on actions, words or behaviours, over time you will discover whatever reasons why you are chosen to be around. This will help you know those really befriending for your best interest at heart or those using you in disguise because you will not tolerate them in your life when you really know them well. Those who add to your life often do not want to openly brag or get credit for adding value to your life so at times are anonymous. Others you know add to your life but do not like to come out boldly to receive praise. They add to your life, bless you, want only the best for your life, are there for you in time of need without asking them for help. This type of friends are rare, few and far in between and loyal for life. You feel good around them and trust them with your life because they are codependable and reliable. Even before you ask about the next thing they already figured it out so come to you to surprise you. They take the time to actively listen, observe and do the best they can without drawing attention to themselves. We all know a few people who consistently behind the scenes are the hidden driving force but never stand out in the crowd. Some are so discreet people are shocked as they find out their benefactors. Some are not necessarily rich or wealthy but love and do good with a compassionate heart to help people. It is in their nature to give, give, even the last shirt on their back to help other people. Nobody forces them to help others but feel joy of fulfillment when they help. People discover some actually spent their entire life as unsung heroes adding value to so many people. It is not done for adulation but genuine caring heart considering people they interact with throughout in life. Often families are surprised when a group of friends or beneficiaries turn up for “this is your life” celebration event occasion commemorating them. Then people see or discover the saint they are all along but humbly never let show throughout knowing them. Pin imageA friend can multiply your life or other areas of your life. In Ecclesiastes 11: 2 give a portion to seven, or even to eight, for you know not when disaster happen on earth. Bible in Acts 20:35 says people in all things work hard to help the weak remember Lord Jesus, said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ Giving includes: kindness, smiles, support, call, check on others eat meal together. What you do to others is done to Jesus so take note and be merciful in Jesus Name. In Acts 17:11 Jews more noble than those in Thessalonica received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so true. Studying help understand God’s words better because God is in HIS Word HE puts above HIMSELF. Isaiah 40:8 says the grass withers, flowers fade but the Word of our God stands forever so live by the word of God. Psalm 119:11 says store God’s word in your heart not sin against God. Be a friend who adds value to other’s lives to build up. As you come in contact with others feel good positive vibe reaching out through connecting with you. Things you struggle with to do to improve for years will turn around suddenly for good by entering your life. Such people carry the favour of God so sent to be Divine helpers. People say if you want to go very fast in life go alone but if you want to go very far you need people. There is only so much to achieve alone by yourself through your limited efforts. Good network friends enhance your life bringing established structures to multiply your life but not take it over to annihilate you. You do not have to be reinventing the wheel for others spent years perfecting what you are doing. It is their experience and maturity after a few errors they know what works best to save time, money, resources wasted in the process. The concept that if you do it all exclusively by yourself then you are patent owner really not true. There is a whole team of people behind scenes helping but as the boss you take credit and some do not acknowledge all those who helped them along the way. Fear of being seen as not doing it drives people conceal their helpers who work hard to make it happen. Bless multipliers and reward them because without an input you will not be where you are by your own efforts alone. 15412860692961293330498.jpgOther types of friends subtracts from your life so toxic since you knew or met them you regret allowing them in your life. All things fall apart around them but they do not take any responsibility for affecting your life in any way. In fact blames everyone else so never expects to help as it is beneath their status. So think too highly of themselves, demand to be always the centre of attention and first served, eat the last morsel of food available. They may not bring shopping in or contribute to chore but think life is only all about them. So have high flaky ego that crumbles in the least moments expected, emotionally drain the people but ungrateful to those helping them. It is the love of God that sustains people to have compassion to help them. So don’t appreciate sacrifices or the compromise people make to accommodate to help them. No matter all the resources put to together to good uses on their behalf to help, they subtract emotionally to take the upper hand by controlling spirits to dominate others. No matter how long you know them seem to be permanently complaining about others letting them down. They seem to take comfort in misery rather than want peace of mind solution due to negative attention given them. Negative attention is better than no attention and so deliberately look for need to cause a moment to drain others to feel better. They derive happiness in pain caused by them to subtract joy of others to cause stress so people around them feel a high-strung energy, on edge, tiptoeing on egg shells. First of all pray to God to touch the heart of those that think it’s by subtracting others from the lives of others they can sneak into your life. They do not value those around as a blessing but see them as a threat due to petty jealousy and lack of confidence in God and in themselves. Churches deals various characters categorised by Seven Churches in Revelations. A Church is a bit like a hospital where various people turn up with ailments. It is not a perfect place so be aware people are seeking a relief to help them cope with life. This means members support new people who are not familiar with the Bible or what God expects from them. Like the new-born baby must be nurtured and fed the word of God to grow spiritually. Pin imageActs 20:29 warns the Church after Jesus’ departure to heaven, fierce wolves will not spare flock. So Bible warns brothers and sisters to watch out for those who cause divisions in Church. Jesus’ warns us because satan’s divisive spirit makes people angry as their tool to manipulate others perpetually angry at themselves and the world. One look or a word sets them off explosively, triggered by even innocent comment, suggestion question of normal daily interactions between all people as their fellow human beings. So those watching, see them destroy lives despite great potential to accomplish good things in life. If only they can calm down enough to listen and take it all in. They never have “any time” so making excuses yet you never know exactly the time of day or night used for. They have grand visions and dreams to achieve if only they get the right friends, experts, funds, projects and right location. When challenged become offended and quote psychological terminologies memorised to project their divisive personality onto others. They never do anything wrong or make mistakes yet their track record shows trampling on others and wrecked lives left behind to pick up the pieces as the move to fertile grounds to repeat the egotistical disaster again. They are like a runaway train nobody can stop until a damage is done. They have a gift of the garb, charming, convincing it’s almost impossible to convince victims despite evidence of their damage. It starts with a few people they dismiss not mentally sound to further years of carnage due to their charismatic personality. The more divisions they cause destroying lives it’s the more they are celebrated having a hold over their friends. Despite glaring facts provided people turn on innocent victims to attack them as perpetrators to promote the cause of divisive people. The truth is no human being can handle or tackle a divisive person because their nature comes from satan their master using them. Only Almighty God can deal with them so no use trying to logically reason or talk to them. Those who dare confront them labeled enemies used by them for their dirty works punished. It’s a situation with divisive person of their way or no way though gullible, naive or inexperienced. Impulsive or compulsive abuse position of authority of trust their friends put in them and loyalty. Life is only about them though just one among billions of people on earth. Do not think anybody knows anything think so smart but incompetent. Insist on controlling of all things they do not know, understand but bully people into submission. Those not agreeing to their whims or caprices threatened with complacency and their non – compliance and nonconformity is excuse to ostracize, blacklist, blackmail them. The force in divisive character is satan so God can control their heart. Its growth like wildfire but ceases because in living history tyrants do not last long so their kingdoms fall. The everlasting Kingdom of God Stands Forever so be delivered and saved in Jesus Name.15413178444481293330498.jpg

A POSTPARTUM PSYCHOSIS

Singer Adele and Laura DockrillAdele spotted her friend’s postpartum psychosis illness after the birth of her Godson. Postpartum is also a postnatal depression changing the behaviour of the mother after birth so needs help and support of friends and family to recover. This is a serious illness and mothers struggle to look after the baby and themselves. Adele’s best friend says the singer was the first one to spot her postpartum psychosis. Laura Dockrill gave birth to a baby boy, Adele’s Godson in February this year. Recognised it in me, while on the phone FaceTiming her and she was the first one to detect what she had, Laura told Radio 1 Newsbeat. This serious mental illness affects one in one thousand mums and can lead to hallucinations after giving birth. Laura said: “The last six months can only be described as hell, it was the worst time of my life.” She says her symptoms were “insomnia, delusions, suspiciousness and paranoia” and written a blog post to share her experiences with mums who going through same thing. Adele shared Laura’s story, describedas “intimate and heartbreaking.” The singer says she and Laura friends since they were teenagers and her song My Same, from the album 19, is about her. Laura is a poet, author, illustrator and short story writer, and she went to the same school as Adele – the Brit School of Performing Arts in Croydon. In a blog post she talks about a “horrific” labour her doctor believes might have triggered the illness. After coming home with son, Laura describes feeling like “pushed out my personality as well as a baby.”Laura DockrillLaura and Adele are friends since they were teenagers. She says had suicidal thoughts. “I was begging my sister to let me go, I was begging my mum to let me go. “I have never had those thoughts before in my life and no history of mental illness, this completely took me by surprise and threw me against the rocks.” Laura says her skin went pale, she couldn’t eat or drink and she started getting severe anxiety attacks. As things got worse, Laura needed her partner Hugo to send her photos of herself with friends and family to remind her who she was. “Though postnatal depression and psychosis are treatable, even when my doctor said I would 100% recover I remember thinking, ‘Maybe others do but not me, this is me forever.”A mother holds a baby's handSymptoms of postpartum psychosis also includes delusions and hallucinations so Laura was hospitalised and spent two weeks away from her son. She describes herself as recovering more and more each day and is “happy, confident and strong” after getting support from family and a psychiatrist, as well as using medication. But she also says talking about her psychosis has been a “huge” part of her recovery. “I was constantly searching for any stories that offered me hope or salvation in this dark and testing time so that’s why I’ve shared this,” she says. Vivien Waterfield from the charity Home Start praised Laura for speaking up.“It’s very difficult for mums to talk about their difficulties they’re having,” she said. “Anyone in the public eye brave enough to talk about this publicly helps the mums to realise they are not alone.” A few years back, Kathryn Grant’s postpartum psychosis was an inspiration for an EastEnders storyline so Lacey Turner’s character Stacey had condition. She told Newsbeat that she had a horrendous birth and ended up not sleeping for ten nights.James And Kathryn togetherKathryn gave birth to James five years ago. “I knew I needed to go to the A&E because I had a feeling something was about to go terribly wrong. “By the time James was taken from me and cared for by the staff there, I descended into full blown psychosis.” Kathryn says during her psychotic episode she was seeing things that weren’t there and believing things that weren’t true. “I believed was being tortured and punished because I caused an apocalypse and killed most people in the world and the remaining survivors were torturing and trying to cremate me alive,” she said. “The reality was I was in an ambulance being taken from psychiatric hospital to a regular hospital to be treated for sepsis. To get help and support with postpartum psychosis, take a look at the NHS page on the condition.

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  • 14 August 2018

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  • This woman photographed her postpartum psychosis recovery
    20 August 2016

IT IS BLACK HISTORY MONTH

The American President Donald Trump explains statement against Africans: “If after 50 years of independence you did not build necessary infrastructure for people, are you humans? “If you sit on gold, diamond, oil, manganese, uranium and your people don’t have any food are you humans? “If in power, you buy weapons from strangers to kill your citizens, are you humans? “If your social project is stay in power for life, are you being human? “If you despise and shoot your own citizens like game, who will respect them? If you take all the resources for development of your country for your personal property are you humans? if you leave the country’s healthcare unattended to treat yourself abroad are you humans? “Until your leaders think less of themselves and more about your people. You are not human but animal.” These statements show lack of economic independence for African nations still suffering under cumbersome exploitation. Past slavery and colonial domination by generations by usurped rulers is responsible for the evils suffered. African resources are exchanged for the white man’s guns and products seen as superior to locally made goods and foods. Imbalance of trade means Africans not paid enough so get the IMF loans to buy more guns. Some whites now discover what their ancestors did to Africans in the name of being “merchants” and the “scientific explorers. Some are very shocked and horrified by their damage done to the Africans in history. One cannot inherit enmity and hatred because ALMIGHTY GOD IS ULTIMATE OWNER AND JUDGE to deal with injustice done to Africans. Its the reason God sent Jesus non white to sort out injustice on the earth at the right time. Christianity is from Iraq also known as Babylonia through Abraham from UR near Nineveh. Jesus is from the Middle East and a Jewish man who gave His Life to save those who BELIEVE BY FREEWILL CHOICE to love and accept Jesus as Saviour. So Caucasians are not the SOURCE of Christianity. If you read history missionaries are different from slave traders incited by Belgian king or other kings and queens who sponsored European merchants.IMG_20181024_105615.jpgBe wise and careful in your response to evil treatments meted out to Africans by other countries. Do not base your life or faith on hatred to spread fear, anger or discord. Love God and love people and it is best to agree to disagree. Anger and no amount of hatred stops evil people to change to do good but every knee shall bow and every tongue will confess Jesus is Lord. The evil people will face God in judgement as world events show Jesus is coming soon so be ready for Rapture not arguments. Christianity is based in FAITH IN GOD IN CHRIST not fights or arguments. God does not force people to follow HIS SON JESUS YET ALL RICHES, WEALTH BELONG TO GOD. And before feeling personally exclusively as owner to insult exploiters, remember a lack of spirit of unity among all Africans causes fights over resources to allow others to take it over. Divide and rule conquered Africa with factions led by the West and China. So will never apologise because it means they admit responsibility for underdevelopment of Africa. To admit they destroyed Africa means admitting guilt and responsiblity. So Africans will demand compensation for all the years duped to RETURN ALL GOODS to them. This will strip West naked so they will never do si because if Africans collect resources, artefacts, receive overdue compensation then the West will go bankrupt . This is why they remain as leeches sucking life out of Africa. They will not hand over Africa back to them on a silver platter. Neither do Africans have right to insult current generations in West not responsible for ancestor’s past actions. The best solution is that you celebrate your culture, value your life, do something good, farm, help old people, cook, sell the natural resources fairly to benefit Africa too. The best thing Africans can do is to HELP EACH OTHER. Do not wait for those enjoying your wealth to return it to you, they will never do so. Being angry and frustrated will not help you because they will not surrender to you so they starve. African leaders tried in the past to unite and to defeat them through Organisation Of African Unity (OAU) in vain. Nkrumah, Nelson Mandela, Patrick Lumumba and others were killed or jailed to suppress them. Based on Word of God Africans must humble themselves to seek God’s Face, repent so GOD WILL HEAL THE LAND, FORGIVE Africans and return wealth exploited to them. Exploiters do not care about well-being of Africans so do not try to fight spiritual wickedness in high places with guns. The African’s battle is the LORD’S so its not a human problem, it is satan’s root of LOVE OF MONEY WHICH IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL. WHAT WAS THE WORLD WARS ABOUT? WAS IT NOT OVER DISPUTED TERRITORIES, OTHER PEOPLE’S LANDS AND THEIR RESOURCES? Love pleasure more than LOVE God do not love fellow human beings. Travel the whole world to collect things, resources of everyone, waste it or bury perfectly good foods to deprive and starve other people using food as weapons of population controls. This is witchcraft, no guns or weapons can defeat such history. Anger, hatred, spewed vitriol destroys people, drains, emotionally, wastes time and energy. So do you really think usurpers will return goods when Jesus said the rich exploit others to be richer. Read Revelations 19:15-19 to see how GOD AND JESUS, OWNER OF ALL WEALTH WILL DEAL with them. Stop your anger or hatred and LOVE YOURSELVES even if anyone hates you, do not insult them to change their mind to love you. Two wrongs don’t make things right so call on God to save you.


👍🏿Think about this and share God loves you.

VALUE & CARE FOR ELDERS

God says value elders and care for them so you will live long and be blessed by God it will be well with you. This is the commandment God made and condition attached for those obeying word of God. There are three types of care provided for elders depending on their needs. 1. Medical Care for their health by doctors, pharmacists, nurses and auxiliary staff. 2. Personal Assistants: family, friends or employed to feed, wash, clean premises, personal hygiene, laundry, shop, outing and talking to them as human beings daily if able to communicate. If unable to talk suitable contact for awareness so not alone. 3. Financial Provisions by family if they can afford it or support from public funds. Examine your life and see which category of care needs is possibly provided by you. There are so many unsung heroes 24/7 doing all care needs alone without support or respite care or break to rest and recover from stress. God says HE judges the nations by care provided for “the least of these” in society which includes elders. Those unable to repay the cost of kindness and generosity towards them is important to Jesus who at times disguises Himself to test love for others. There is assumption as long as money is sent regularly to the elders, latest most expensive gadget and grandest designer homes provided, paid for agency staff taking care of them they will be fine. Genuine caring agencies have limited time per person from 15 minutes to hour because of shortage of staff. Quality care impossible to provide within such a limited time frame. They must spread their time between many patients and rush through care because it’s so expensive to pay for the services. Most elders are forced to sell the family homes to pay for medical care so have no inheritance left to pass on to loved ones. These elders sacrificed and fought wars to defend and protect the nation’s and resources taken for granted by the modern generations. Sadly, when elders are too old to work, earn or mobile they are considered useless by very society indulging in their labour, sweat or toils. cheerful african family at home using tablet pcRemember one day you too will grow old and must not forget the elders. Many have incomes that can provide for elders but choose to ignore them. Others lost contact so do not have awareness of their wellbeing whether they are even alive. Many live close by for many years unknown to each other until after death they discover how near each other they were. A misconception of Bible to “leave father and mother and cleave to wife” misinterpreted by some to mean ABANDON FAMILY. So they cut the family off, isolate themselves from a family that sacrifice everything to raise them into who they are. They prefer the company of their vibrant friends as the society promotes friendships above the family. Many do not realise they can set up funds to provide an elders needs and delegate assistant for the personal care PAY for their time and services and not taken for granted because relatives in the family. Gadget care is good idea but is limited in PRACTICAL FUNCTIONS so mechanised human care. People in their last stages of life need comforting touch of healing even from a hired wellbeing or death doula is better than complete isolation. Often an elder in “second childhood” of life is literally a helpless toddler unable to think, decide or care for themselves. This shocks the family who watch a strong parent turn into a helpless child. To many people they seem as acting to demand attention so may not be helped immediately. It is after years of trying in vain before the help required is ascertained for them. It is necessary to understand some cannot keep up with paper work, documents, online technology constantly changing, become forgetful and in extreme cases suffer from dementia. Dementia means they have no control over thoughts so can offend others, use perverted speech totally unlike them in the previous years. May eat but forget and say they have not eaten or not eat and say they have eaten. Those immobile are carried like baby, washed, fed or use commode wheelchair, zema frame. ideas_reuniones_familiares.destacadaActive elders can be slow in walking or going up and descending stairs as Mr Bean’s video experience shows. Some drive slower or misunderstand road signs so find themselves in the wrong lane. Its not attention seeking deliberate winding of modern generations. It is the lack of awareness due to peering society so seen as them versus us. It is worse if they cannot express themselves or they became dependent on the very people they raised. Some unfortunately resent them or are embarrassed due to their nature, illness or condition. Elders now live longer due to better health care but after pension some outlive their income and need top up from the family or the society as a whole. The amount of waste thrown away can be used to provide the care needed. So many unemployed can volunteer to help clean premises, shop and cook for those who want help. Pool of human resources available is ignored for the sophisticated expensive gadgets gulping limited resources. So society is responsible for all elders not privileged few whose needs are not compromised. It’s beyond belief how quickly resources are made available for some while the others are delayed or ignored because not regarded as human enough. Above all nobody brought anything into this world or will anyone take anything out. So GOD is the source of all human life and the material resources HE provides for the well-being of all. A competitive spirit wants to be seen as having the best and most expensive material things mislead some to not provide for elders. Take a look at past gadgets, you often ask yourself “what was I thinking?” You laugh at old useless past fads, fashions, bags, shoes, clothes, hairstyles, decors, gadgets, or phones, homes etc. prices paid for by starving elders abandoned. Some use coban excuse to give to God, church, other societies, organisations, charities, animal welfare but not give to human relatives. The irony is those abandoned elders celebrated after death by family members dressed like going to wedding. Changing funeral clothes to show off or partying into late hours, nights for days, weeks and some for months. The house painted, decorated to impress guests, plenty food or drinks provided to feed thousands. But if elder requested help for food or a medicine ignored as needy or greedy or too demanding. Fear of not burying in grand style overrules need to provide adequate care to celebrate life while alive. Needs of the elders must be compulsory academic subject taught in schools to put some sense into modern generations to teach them respect and value of senior citizens who built the nation’s they enjoy so take for granted. Volunteer must support professional medical teams and value each other. Befrienders can visit and talk to elders to keep them in their own homes than lump them together just for high profit margins at the expense of priceless lives now devalued and treated as worthless by those who do not understand God’s command with condition attached for the good of the blesser and the blessed. The government must stop punishing carers and mothers who provide 24/7 care often treated as unemployed. They provide care, manage home and work in addition but mistreated. Human life is priceless and children, women, elders pay the price for reckless policies that abandon those not considered worthy for equal treatment by privileged. Those working have limited time allowed off work to care for elders, forced, abandon them to work to pay for their rent, basic food without the essential human touch. Everyone has relative somewhere who is elderly and needs their attention and care. Others may not be aware a family extends beyond 2:4 structured family. It is not EASY to care but God’s command instructs all to value and care for elders who bear or sacrificed their life to help you. God did not say only care if they are perfect, so do it through negotiated family team appointed, well noted by all on board of care plan. Past cultures use to frown on stranger seeing ‘nakedness’ of elders but better than abandonment. If you do not provide care while elders are alive, spare yourself debt to impress your friends for grand funeral. God will not ask you how grand was their send off funeral party you organised. God will ask for souls you provided for alive, entrusted to you, believe it or not. God says your life and wellbeing depends on their care. Ethical medicine must treat them as humans not commodities for sale to lowest bid cheap services. Some carers punished “as not working” this must be reconciled to treat them well as foster carers paid for doing same jobs. Just because they are relatives or family members does not mean they do not provide excellent care. In fact the elders prefer loved ones in their last moment but work prevents them. So those who choose to fulfil God’s command to care for and value their loved ones must not be treated less than other professional carers. Elders and poor people must be valued and treated better everywhere in the whole world including deprived underprivileged in Western countries to obey God in Jesus Name.

ANOREXIA DAMAGES BODY

Lizzie Porter lived with anorexia throughout her teens. Now in late 20s, she’s been discovering that those years of starvation have left a lasting imprint on her body. “You have osteoporosis in your spine and osteopenia in your hip. I’m going to put you on calcium and vitamin D and I think you should take them forever. We need to prevent breaks and fractures.” It is May 2018, and my doctor’s words jolt me out of a long-standing state of denial. They come with a set of complicated graphs, which apparently show my low bone density. I don’t understand them. But I can read the words printed next to a fuzzy X-ray-like picture of my spine: “World Health Organization classification: osteoporosis. Fracture risk: high.” For years, I have muddled along, pretending to myself that I had pretty much made a full recovery from anorexia. Yes, I was told back in 2010 that I had osteoporosis. But over the next eight years I persuaded myself that things must have improved, that the holes in my spine must have healed.

Sadly, they haven’t.


Osteoporosis and osteopenia

  • Osteoporosis is a condition in which bones lose their strength and are more likely to break
  • If your bone density is between the lower end of the normal range and the osteoporosis range, you have osteopenia.

Source: National Osteoporosis Society


I was first diagnosed with anorexia at the age of 12, and soon experienced its unglamorous consequences. As summers grew hotter, I shivered: I was like a reptile, unable to generate my own body heat. In winter, my skin cracked and bled, but would not heal, for want of nutrition. I had constipation, bloating and my hair fell out in great clumps. My life revolved around avoiding food.  Over the past 15 years, I have had two in-patient stints in hospital and taken thousands of antidepressants – anorexia is often accompanied by a low mood, sometimes even a suicidal mood is one reason it has the highest mortality rate of all psychiatric disorders. I have seen more doctors than I can be bothered to remember. I have done my best to keep what my mother calls the “anorexic minx” in my mind in check, preventing it from doing a Jack-in-the-Box-style bounce back into my life. The desire to get on with things has spurred me to give up many of my anorexic behaviour patterns. Time was, I would spend hours weighing out salad components in the kitchen, using a different knife to chop each tomato, cucumber and lettuce leaf. I no longer want to waste time on my old routines. And, mostly, I do not.

Lizzie Porter and Muhammad EidoLizzie Porter with a friend – her teeth may look healthy but have required expensive treatment

Anorexia caused my body to age rapidly and I am struggling with the disorder’s longer-term consequences. Osteoporosis involves loss of bone density, and in later life may lead to painful breakages, curvature of the spine, and loss of height. Although it has many causes and often affects post-menopausal women, anorexics are also at risk, especially girls who develop the illness at puberty when the body is trying to build a strong skeleton. For a day or so, the bone scans shake me awake. I walk around the Lebanese capital Beirut, where I live, feeling a bit sick. What am I doing to myself? The thought rolls over in my mind. I remember one elderly woman in my home village in Hertfordshire, who used to walk bent double. Osteoporosis is an old ladies’ problem, I tell myself angrily. I am only 27. Yet all too soon I return to my state of calm apathy. I pretend that my bones aren’t really thin and weak. I’m strong and perfectly healthy, I tell myself, even though I am on calcium and Vitamin D supplements for life, I get dizzy when I stand up, and blood tests show I have been suffering badly from anaemia – a lack of red blood cells or haemoglobin in the blood. To improve my bone density I should eat more and gain a little weight. But my life is “too busy” to deal with the stress of challenging the last remnants of my anorexic behaviour. I still add up my daily calorie count on a calculator, and I am prone to lash out at anyone who forces to me to eat things I am scared of, such as cake, pastry and cream. This year I have at least allowed a friend to coax me into ordering salad with oil – this fills me with pride, though at the same time I feel ashamed of years I spent worrying over salad dressing. But I need to go further. Osteoporosis is not the only long-term effect of my anorexia. The loss of bone density has also affected my teeth, which ache and easily rot. Since the beginning of the year I have spent £4,200 ($5,500) on dental treatment, including eight fillings, root canal treatment, two crowns and an implant.

X-ray of Lizzie Porter's teeth
 X-ray of Lizzie Porter’s teeth

“The lack of calcium and vitamin D is definitely contributing to this,” says my doctor – a GP who happens to be a specialist in eating disorders. One upshot of my weak teeth and gums is that after years of being subject to psychological barriers that restricted my diet, I now have physical ones. Anything chewy, crunchy or cold is almost impossible to eat. Can you recover from anorexia?

  • A 2002 study found that 46% of patients made a full recovery, a third improved (but retained some eating disorder symptoms), and 20% remained chronically ill over the long term
  • The eating disorder charity, Beat, says recovery is always possible with the right help and support – but what recovery looks like is individual to the person
  • It adds that most medical complications arising from anorexia are reversible, but not all – for example, osteoporosis

It is difficult to predict how badly anorexia will affect each sufferer’s long-term health: bodies react in different ways. Other possible long-term effects can include infertility and difficulty conceiving, heart problems, and kidney and liver complications, according to the UK-based eating disorders charity, Beat. “I don’t think people realise the dangers of the illness and its physical and mental consequences, including the suicide risk. I know it frightens people, but we need to know the facts,” says Jane Smith, chief executive of the UK-registered charity Anorexia and Bulimia Care. The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence guidelines for treating anorexia instruct doctors to explain to sufferers that the main way of preventing and treating low bone density is “reaching and maintaining a healthy body weight or BMI for their age.”If I am entirely honest with myself, I know I have to try a little bit harder if I am to minimise the long-term consequences of anorexia. I certainly cannot go backwards. I have enough purpose in my life to want to live it. I have a job as a journalist that I love, friends I trust, and parents who support my every move. One morning this May, one of my closest friends, Leila, sent me a WhatsApp message in response to one of my many rants. I was tired and fed-up with life. “I’m not going to tell you a few kilos won’t make you fat, because that’s what’s in your head,” she wrote. “I’m going to tell you that you get to choose between being ‘fat’ and functioning, or thin and bed-bound. You get to be thin but your life is over. That’s all there is to it.”

What can I say? Most of me knows she is right.

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PLASTIC FREE PARTY CHOICE

Lindsay and Glen

Lindsay, 36, a writer from Kent, and her Australian husband Glen, 38, first tried living without plastic in 2012. It started out as a month-long challenge so turned into a way of life for the pair who live in Perth, Western Australia. “I’m more the driver than him but we got involved at the same time,” she says. “I’m the one that puts in more work but he agrees with all the values.” So going plastic free for their wedding, in 2014, was a no-brainer.Table decorationsPlastic finds way into weddings in many forms of food storage, drink packaging, decorations, flower delivery – that’s just the start. For Lindsay, who blogs about living without waste, trying to make her special day plastic free came first ahead of any other wishes. “We said we want to be plastic free ‘how can we do that,’ rather than saying, ‘We want roses, we want to have canapes, can we do plastic free memorable but not break the bank. Simplicity was key. To me simple means no fuss and devoting whole weekends to projects was out, says Lindsay.Food menuInvolving suppliers from outset was the most effective way of making a plastic-free event happen, she says. “It’s really about having conversations with people and explaining why you want to do it. People are willing.” But its about taking matters into you own hands. “If you get stuff delivered to you, that’s when it comes in packaging. It was making sure on the day we went to all the deli, the bakery et cetera so we could guarantee there was no packaging.” Eco Wedding Styles done includes recycled materials.Wedding decorations

  • Invitations: electronic, sent via email or Facebook
  • Flowers: freshly picked by family and friends from their gardens, arranged in old jam-jars
  • Decorations: borrowed lace bunting from old tablecloths and curtains • tins fished out of recycling bins and wrapped in twine and in hessian ribbon, which was also used for table runners • hired tablecloths and tea cups • bought beeswax candles in jars
  • Food: local businesses focused on locally sourced produce • hired pizza oven • cakes from a bakery that didn’t use plastic packaging • Indian snacks donated by a friend as a wedding gift
  • Drink: tap beer and cider • local wine • pre-made soft drinks served in jugs • loose tea and coffee • no straws
  • Tableware: venue’s own crockery and cutlery (although having pizza minimised amount needed) • borrowed glasses
  • Gifts: guests told not to buy presents – to avoid any waste and wrapping
  • Dress: rather than spend hours trawling charity shops, the bride bought a High-Street dress she wore again and then sold on eBay
  • Hair and make-up: used make-up bride had • washed hair with bicarbonate of soda and vinegar
  • Favours/confetti: did without it

Lindsay and Glen's weddingLindsay and Glen married local bowling club in Perth Lindsay accepts achieving a 100% plastic-free wedding also meant relying on other people. For wedding, they hired a pizza oven and used a local deli to provide fresh ingredients without plastic packaging but did they know what went on behind the scenes? “It’s possible some plastic that I didn’t see… whether he got a packet of salad in a plastic bag, I don’t know were counterbalanced by air miles required to fly her family albeit just four people to Australia. “In hindsight, I should have fallen in love with the guy in the village – but I didn’t,” Lindsay jokes. “I fell in love with a guy in Australia, so it’s one of those things you have to compromise. My parents, my sister and brother flying out for a wedding – it’s a one-off.” They did decide to have the wedding as local as possible in the city of Perth, rather than the countryside, to reduce driving distances. How difficult for Eugenie to achieve? Wedding planner Katrina Otter says working with the right people is key, as some of the more “old-school suppliers” are less keen to adapt. “Make sure you have the right team on board, work with a team willing to do it or one where it’s already part of their ethos.” She adds: Bride and groom might not know plastic involved cutlery wrapped in cling film. No royal wedding is complete without a vibrant floral display.The Duke and Duchess of Sussex leaving the chapelFlowers were a big part of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s wedding day And, traditionally, a key part of those has been the floral foam – the bricks of green, spongy foam that provide a foundation for floral arrangements, as well as a water source. Katrina says finding an alternative to the non-biodegradable plastic material has become a big issue for the industry and many florists are looking to do it another way. The florist who created the displays for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s wedding, Philippa Craddock, says she didn’t use any floral foam for their big day. The number of couples requesting plastic-free weddings is on the rise, says Katrina, although it remains a small proportion. Another issue to consider for any bride having live TV coverage is the hair and make-up. Kate Arnell, who blogged about her zero-waste wedding, in 2014, says she found it tricky to find plastic-free make-up and hair products. There are a lot more available and since swapped to plastic-free alternatives she says. Whether Princess Eugenie opts for Lindsay’s bicarbonate of soda, vinegar concoction on hair yet to be confirmed. Eugenie wedding wants plastic free on big day. In addition to venue, food and drink, music, the dress, hair and make-up, a bride’s checklist goes on. And also Princess Eugenie added another factor into equation her wedding to be plastic free. The Queen’s granddaughter, who is marrying Jack Brooksbank on 12 October, told British Vogue the couple’s house was anti-plastic and want our wedding to be like that as well.” So how realistic is it? Lindsay Miles discovered, there are quite a few things to take into consideration. If it is just one day, why bother? “A wedding is such a significant day that it’s even more important to be true to your values than on any other day,” says Lindsay. “You can’t go back on your values just because you’re getting married.”

  • Are you ready for another royal wedding?
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