Starting a family can be tricky business so you need to know when the time is right and if your partner is ready, and whether you can cope. Not all families are planned but more often than not, parents have given some thought to it. The best age to become a mother or dad is often a decision many have to make at some point in their lives. Now a new research by scientists point to ideal age 35 years. Thanks to science and media, according to Mirror Newspaper, signs, pressure and constant discourse about fertility seem to point to “sooner rather than later time as previously thought. A new research discovered the benefits of motherhood contrary the conventional wisdom. This new study conducted at the University of Southern California found out having a baby after age 35 improves mental abilities of the mother. Serena Williams played tennis during pregnancy and won with baby Alexis Jr. A sound preparation towards family life helps both parents to nurture the child better. The Guinness Book of Records the new mothers existing beyond age 60 as the geriatric mothers. Evidence of having baby after 35 years can increase life expectancy as research shows. This research of 830 postmenopausal women did several tests performed as part of research revealing participants tested on planning, visual perception, verbal memory, concentration and attention performed better. Women who had a first baby after 24 performed better on the mental acuity tests, problem solving, and verbal skills compared to mothers between the ages of 15 and 24. Mothers who had last baby after 35 had the better verbal memory and cognition results. Their increased mental clarity is thought to be related to oestrogen surge and progesterone in pregnancy. And the hormones are believed to improve their brain chemistry and functions if their pregnancy occurred later. Whether or not this informs a woman’s decision to have a child is up to them and should always consult your doctor about any worries but it’s still refreshing to hear having a baby at age 35 or onwards is not all bad news. So there is hope for many single women worried about their body clock. Since frontal cortex brain does not form before age 25 on average it makes sense to grow up first before trying to have a child. Often the world is full of children having children and struggling with shock and reality of caring for children and the pressures of motherhood in general. A 35 year old matured and experienced woman can perhaps handle pressures of sleepless nights better than 15 year old. Research confirms need to grow up first before taking on a responsibility requiring life commitment of financial burdens of taking care of children. Support is also necessary whether one has the children earlier or later in life. Most men really do not fully mature until about 45 years so worth noting that impacts their life. A family life requires hardwork, quality time and lifelong commitment so a child is for life no matter the age of parents.
Thank God that the long-expected good news happened concerning some Chibok girls, turned women’s return. Some freed or escaped back in education. But one had amputated limb and was walking with crutches, an injury sustained, according to what Mr Mustapha was told, during the Nigerian military air strikes against Boko Haram. The girls all ran with joy when told, “You are free today,” said Mr Mustapha to the 82 women after all the names were called out. They all smiled he said, despite a subdued reaction as a result of the presence of the militants all armed with guns or in army camouflage uniforms and boots. Mr Mustapha took some photographs with the women. The militant’s video camera recorded events and ICRC vehicles eventually arrived. So told to go to cars they ran, Mr Mustapha said. Immediately they entered vehicles, they started singing for joy. Some shed tears.” Mr Mustapha received a number of accolades for his work with Future Prowess School. He was a finalist for the 2016 Robert Burns humanitarian award given to those who save, improve enrich the lives of others or society as a whole, through self-sacrifice, selfless service, hands-on charitable or volunteer work, or other acts”. He was also given a 2017 Aurora Prize Modern Day Hero award for those whose “life actions guarantees the safe existence of others.” He said handing over the 82 freed girls to Nigerian government is “the highest point in my life felt he did something worth saying to the world that I have done this,” he said. But in the series of letters from African journalist Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani this happiness is tainted with the sadness as some Chibok women are yet to return, or refuse to return or even go back after being freed. Looking at why some Nigerian women have gone back to the militant Islamists who abducted them is very complex and puzzling to many people. When news emerged that some Chibok schoolgirls, abducted by Boko Haram in 2014, had declined to return home with the batch of 82 freed in May, the world found it difficult to believe. Not even the release of a Boko Haram video showing some hijab-clad, Kalashnikov wielding girls saying they were happy in their new lives, was enough to convince the people. “They must have been coerced,” some said. “It is Stockholm syndrome,” others said. What else explains why any girl or woman, would choose to remain with such horrible men? Yet, some of the women rescued by the Nigerian military from captivity are willingly returning to Boko Haram’s Sambisa forest hideout in north-eastern Nigeria to be with these same horrible men.
In January, I met Aisha Yerima, 25, who was kidnapped by Boko Haram more than four years ago. While in captivity, she got married to a commander who showered her with romance, expensive gifts and Arabic love songs. A fairytale life in the Sambisa forest she described was suddenly cut short by appearance of the Nigerian military in early 2016, at a time her husband went off to battle with other commanders. When she first interviewed Aisha, in the government custody for eight months she completed a de-radicalisation programme run by psychologist Fatima Akilu, the executive director of the Neem Foundation and founder of the Nigerian government’s de-radicalisation programme. “I now see that all the things Boko Haram told us were lies,” Aisha said. “Now, when I listen to them on the radio, I laugh.”
The pull of power?
Image copyrightEPA Image caption The past five years, Dr Akilu worked with former Boko Haram members including some commanders, their wives and children and with hundreds of women who were rescued from captivity. “How women were treated when in Boko Haram captivity depends on which camp a woman was exposed to. It depends on the commander running the camp,” she said. “Those who were treated better were ones who willingly married Boko Haram members or who joined the group voluntarily and that’s not the majority. Most women did not have the same treatment.” Aisha had boasted about the number of slaves she had while in the Sambisa forest, the respect she received from other Boko Haram commanders, and the strong influence she had over her husband. She even accompanied him to battle once. “These were women who for the most part had never worked, had no power, no voice in the communities, and all of a sudden they were in charge of between 30 to 100 women who were now completely under their control and at their beck and call,” Dr Akilu said. “It is difficult to know what to replace it with when you return to society because most of the women are returning to societies where they are not going to be able to wield that kind of power.”
Still in shock
Apart from loss of power, other reasons Dr Akilu believes could lead women to willingly return to Boko Haram include stigmatization from a community which treats them like pariahs because of their association with militants, and tough economic conditions. “De-radicalisation is just one part of it. Reintegration is a part of it. Some have no livelihood or a support built around them, Dr Akilu said. The kind of support in de-radicalisation programmes does not follow them up when they leave. So come out successful in de-radicalisation programmes but struggle in community and it is that struggle that leads them to go back. Recently, visited Aisha’s family, still in shock at her departure, worried about her wellbeing. Image copyrightREUTERSImagecaption. Her mother, Ashe, recalls at least seven former Boko Haram “wives” she knew, all friends of her daughter, who had returned to the Sambisa forest long before her daughter did. “Each time one of them disappeared, her family came to our house to ask Aisha if she heard from their daughter,” she said. That’s how I knew. Some women kept in touch with Aisha after they returned to Boko Haram. Her younger sister, Bintu, was present during at least two phone calls. “They told her to come and join them but she refused,” Bintu said. “She told them she didn’t want to go back.”
Life on track?
Unlike some of the former Boko Haram “wives” met, who are either struggling to survive harsh economic conditions or dealing with stigma, Aisha’s life seemed to be on track. She was earning money by buying and selling fabric, regularly attending social events and then posting photos of herself all primped up on the social media, and had a string of suitors. “At least five different men wanted to marry her,” her mother said, pointing out that there could be no greater form of acceptance shown to a woman, and presenting this as evidence that her daughter faced no stigma whatsoever from the community. “One of the men lives in Lagos. She was thinking of marrying him,” she said.But, everything went awry when Aisha received yet another phone call from the women who had returned to the forest, informing her that her Boko Haram “husband” was now with a woman who had been her rival. From that day, the vivacious and gregarious Aisha became a recluse. “She stopped going out or talking or eating,” Bintu said. “She was always sad.” Two weeks later, she left home and did not return. Some of her clothes were missing. Her phones were switched off. She took the 2 year-old son fathered by commander in the Sambisa forest, but left the older one she had with husband she divorced before her abduction. “De-radicalisation is complicated by the fact that we have an active, ongoing insurgency. In cases where a group has reached settlement with the government and laid down their arms, it is easier,” Dr Akilu said. “But, when you have fathers, husbands, sons still in the movement, they want to be reunited, especially women.” Asta, another former Boko Haram “wife”, told me that she has heard of many women returning to the group, but has no plans to do so herself. However, the 19-year-old described how terribly she misses her husband, and how keen she is to hear from him and to be reunited with him. She insisted that she would not return to the forest, not even if he were to ask her. “I will tell him to come and stay here with us and live a normal life,” she said. But as with Aisha, the desire to be with the man she yearns for may turn out to be more compelling for Asta than the aversion to a group responsible for the deaths of thousands of people in north-east Nigeria, and for the displacement of millions who are struggling to survive in refugee camps.
More from Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani:Image ADAOBI TRICIA NWAUBANI
Image caption into the Goldman Sachs building on London’s Fleet Street and you’re greeted by wall to wall marble, a bank of receptionists and a water feature in the London City. But wind your way past lifts through an anonymous fire door and you enter a world that couldn’t be less corporate. The sounds, colours and laughter of a nursery. The Goldman Sachs Children’s Centre is both incongruous anomaly as the only on site childcare facility in the Square Mile. Started in 2003 to offer back up provision for staff, it takes kids between the ages of three months and 12 years old. The expense or regulatory requirements for such a facility are the main reasons why it is unique – and peculiar to a bank with deep pockets. This is part of a day of BBC coverage looking at the cost of holiday childcare. Find out at bbc.co.uk/business or follow conversation on social media using the hashtag #Childcare. According to latest figures from the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development, only 5% of businesses in the UK offer childcare in workplace. Anecdotally, this is almost exclusively made up of large employers because they have the money and space to allow for it. They include government departments, Royal Mail, a variety of universities, Microsoft and Toyota. There are tax breaks for those companies that do.
mployers who include their childcare costs as the part of employee remuneration package, attract tax and National Insurance and obligations. But employers that offer in-workplace nurseries do not and they get relief for the day-to-day running and capital costs of providing the service, for example heating and lighting, and premises.
It might be seen as a perk but an onsite childcare flourished in the immediate post-war years out of necessity. A labour shortage meant women were needed to work and factories and mills started to offer the creches that allowed them to. Dr Laura Paterson of Oxford University, who specialises in history of women’s employment, says childcare provision by businesses died away in the 1950s as the need for women became less acute and the way they worked changed. The. “Part-time and flexible working hours reduced need for workplace nurseries to some extent,” she says, “Women who worked from the 1950s to the 70s tell us they did part-time jobs when children were young to fit around school hours. They worked in the evening so their partner could care for their children. But what about the people working full-time at Goldman? For Amanda Wong, who project manages new trades for the firm and is a mum to 12-month-old Naomi, children’s centre has been a lifesaver. Ms Wong put her daughter into nursery same day she returned to work, shortly after Naomi turned nine months. “It has made me feel a lot more relaxed and mentally ready to come back to work a lot earlier than I would have and I think it helps new mums with separation guilt or anxieties about returning to work,” she says. Though she admits it is not ideal to take a one-year-old on the Tube through central London each day. Yet it makes a great difference child is within reach in vicinity giving parents peace of mind. Assured the child is in safe hands, well taken care of by employer pecks.
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Ishmeet Rayit, who manages Goldman Sachs Children’s Centre, tells me they have a higher staff ratio than Ofsted regulations require (one-to-two in the baby room rather than one-to-three), because they need to make children who might not be familiar with them, settle in quickly. Of the 5,500 people who work in the office, about a quarter are registered users. Each parent at the bank gets 20 free “back-up” days to use the centre, renewed each year. The most coveted facility in the centre is the after-school and holiday programme where the 5-12 year olds come. It’s stuffed full of bilingual books and toys, showing just how multicultural the bank is. “The kids call it an office day,” Ms Rayit says. “They get taken out for lunch by their parents and they make friends here.” Parents are only allowed to book 10 days of this holiday service at a time, the room can accommodate 12, and the waiting list to get in is long.
ally Boyle, the international head of human resources at Goldman, says it is a “significant cost” to the firm – but it is worth it. We are definitely seen it have an impact on retention of a smallish group of women but important women who wouldn’t have stayed I suspect if they hadn’t been able to manage that childcare in a way that they can here,” she says. The centre is run by Bright Horizons, largest provider of workplace nurseries in the UK. Goldman pays it a monthly management fee, and parents who need childcare beyond that paid for by the bank, deal directly with the nursery. A spokesperson for company says demand for onsite care increasing. “In today’s competitive talent market, recruiting and retaining exceptional people is high priority for organisations. “On site childcare has been identified as a key factor in encouraging parents to return to work and, in turn, helping organisations to thrive”.
But Rohan Silva, whose Second Home drop-in work spaces are planning in-house creches, says the barriers to entry today of setting up onsite childcare are enormous. “The Ofsted accreditation process takes at least three months, and costs hundreds of pounds in registration costs and consultancy fees. In addition, there are multiple additional inspections each year, plus a chronic shortage of trained staff,” he says.Another challenge is the fact that so few architects and designers have ever designed childcare facilities, because so few are created by property developers. That means thinking from scratch the issues around access and child-friendly materials,” Mr Silva says. He believes it’s a vital way of allowing more parents to work. “The UK’s rate of maternal employment is 27% lower than other Western countries making childcare more accessible will make a big difference. “This is especially true of single parents – who are much more likely to be unemployed, and for whom access to childcare is the biggest barrier to finding work” Mr Silva adds. A recent Institute of Directors survey backs this up. It found over half of its members think that the cost of childcare hurts careers – particularly those of women. It is currently consulting on whether to open a creche for its members. For now, though unlike those women working in factories after the war, the option of taking your child to work is offered at a company’s largesse rather than out of compulsion. And it’s reserved for a privileged few.
The LORD God Almighty corrects those HE LOVES as a father or parents correct the children in whom they delight says the Bible in Proverbs 3:12. God reveals to HIS Children error by love to point out mistakes to reveal the correct way to change for good. Correction is done by God directly or through Jesus Christ the Eraser to wipe out errors to restart correctly to show a person unaware of a mistake due to lack of knowledge. This helps learn from mistakes to improve lives to please God. By doing so the lives transformed grow in righteousness and improves in faith, active listening skills in obedience to God. The person gains useful information previously unknown before. Hebrews 12:6-11 says the LORD chastens, disciplines, scourges all HE LOVES to receive correction to endure to gain better experience in life. God deals with people as individual, family or on corporate basis as required.Correction of Bart Simpson is a classic example of the line writing exercise on the classroom board to highlight point of correction. Years ago, schools gave pupils correction exercise books for rewriting misspelt words. Of course, as children unaware of exact right words intended word teachers point mistake to teach learners to write many times in exercise books to help remember the correct words in future. The brain coordinates hand movements with eyes to record words. Repetition of the words written many times forever registers so etched in minds of pupils to remember better. But along came a contemporary educational theory it constitutes abuse to ask children to use repetition method to write lines for correction so avoided
So spell checker was born so people did not memorize words for rote learning for recall. Computers correct the words obviously misspelt but words like “cap” and “cup”or “hat” and “hut” for example though correct, if not in context can be incorrect. Drinking milk in “cap” does not show on spellchecker so the reader must know word “cup” in the first place to edit it. This affects spelling error not dealt still with by computer in modern times. Therefore it is important to teach correct words in academia for life as a whole. The Bible says if you correct wise people and they become wiser and love you but correct mockers and they hate you. Choose correction carefully at right time in right way to help improve lives. Purpose of correction is not to shame a person in a negative way for vengeance to hurt them. People who love and care about you help with any issues affecting you to deal with it by Godly correction, compassion, support, understanding as God disciplines us.
Godly discipline is for good so it is not punishment though unpleasant because one is compelled to conform or comply against own rebellious ideas. Proverbs 9:8 warns not to attempt to correct fools because they are offended so hate you. Adapting to change is uncomfortable so may seem harsh to recipient until they benefit when they correct the error. So Correction requires determination by the teacher to help ‘wise’ to be ‘wiser’ as challenge to one doing correction. Their unpredictable nature, response reaction to correction depends on the persona at receiving end. Element of risk means a teacher helps learners to avoid mistakes to help correct them through a training experience. Criticising a person affects correction as attack on ego or pride may refuse help or reject correction. In the long run, over a period of time, people realise an insolent person’s ignorance is caused by fear of change. So help stop the devices of mistakes damaging them. Lack of Frontal Cortex means those in crises do not know how mistakes can impact lives. Sadly, some learn the hard way by self-destruction that could be avoided if only they listened. Through arguments a stiff neck refuses to take instructions so does not realise the errors done to themselves or to their family. Blinded by error mindset, causes havoc by process of fear rebuff or reject correction so avoid a pointed out error altogether for improvement. The theory that correction discourages children in the early years from learning affects the attitude to correction in general. Left to figure things out for themselves, many people are unaware of their mistakes. So it becomes problems affecting their performance if the person is allowed to be left to their own devices. In terms of future career the person carries on into other areas of life. Anyone who points out errors to them other than own ideas is not well received. Although a trainer from experience knows exactly what they are talking about, so foresees error, the learner does not accept help, refuses correction. Yet correction is specifically for their good, well-being of the whole family or work place, community and world in general.If a stubborn person resists wisdom at all cost to defy authority in the name of freedom to do as they please, they miss out on the Spirit of excellence. Realise boundaries of correction helps to learn better ways to protect them from a long winding road of mistakes. Like prodigal son, God forgives and restores the ways of error to rescue the lost or misdirected by the wrong choices they made. Proper correction helps to avoid, prevent worse case scenarios. A person corrected must be educated to visualise or understand benefits of the correction in advance. So learners must be taught advantages of correction to instill value of flexibility, humility to bring changes in learning methods. Correction is not to inflict pain or suffering but guidance to give correct information to the person taught. The teacher must be patient and tolerant because learners do not immediately see what they teachers know. Important to understand a soft stick bends because it is malleable than a hard dry stick. The concept that learners grow up to correct themselves is not always the wise move. As they continue in set ways without an understanding of the impact of previous years without correction. Many adults get offended when genuine people try to guide them to correct errors. Some explode in anger and rage so take anger on others. This even spills over into the others aspects of life treating anyone’s suggestions in good faith as an attack on their character or personality.
Reprove not a scorner lest he hates you, rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man so he will be still wiser, teach a righteous man and he will thank you and apply correction in their lives. Correct fools and they take offence. Do not despise chastening of the LORD God; neither be weary of HIS correction. So accept correction for your own good. Accept correction of God by Grace and wisdom of the Holy Spirit to lead you into all truth and teach you. A personal Bible study as a faithful Child of God is part of growth and maturity in the LORD. Start correction of children as early as possible from 2 years old to correct them in love at their level not by anger. Teach children by pointing out correct manner of behaviour as part of life for all to learn. It is imperative to carefully train a child to get rewards for their good behaviour to help reinforce correction. Follow up with apology and hug so child learns to accept teachers doing well to teach child to accept critique of work performance. Children with trained good sense accept correction and even recognise error by admitting error if unnoticed by teacher. A child can politely point out error to a teacher because all are human, so make mistakes in life. The secret is to get up immediately for good success not to feel disheartened by correction. Correction is good as it builds a person up to thrive.
All children are blessings from God to bring joy to the family to replenish the earth. The Bible describes all children as gift reward from God according to Psalm 127:3-5. So pray each day for each child throughout their lives and dedicate them to God. Speak blessings upon their lives through Jesus Christ as Christian believers. At the same time although the couple’s life may forever change throughout conception to birth, it is worth it as they enrich life. Children grow up very quickly so be well organised and prepared in advance before their arrival. Enjoy and accept as gifts from God as stewards entrusted with children.A woman’s career may also be often affected as hospital appointments, maternity leave and child care usually takes it toll on marriage relationship. Some women may be brought up to care for children with the support of other women. Family chores previously done by one may shared accordingly as required. Consult together in prayer with wisdom in Proverbs 13:10. Apply Bible advice in raising children for good effect on family as children draw best in parents to be less self-centred. The changes brought about by children are for a season even if it feels sharp and intense. Capacity to cope in career is applied as a new dimension of progression promotion from God. Children teach unconditional love, acceptance, forgiveness, mercy and compassion.
To bring more loving and understanding changes in a marriage. The child brings joy and also commitment responsibility of hard work. A child is for life so think carefully of indulging the hormones. Having children can seem as trophy to some but requires sacrifices, training and good upbringing with joy. With extended family not around as in previous years, the couple may be the sole carer of their child. It means centre of attention shifts from husband or bride to the infant. Some babies are quiet so easy to handle without bringing any major changes or long term stress on the couple. Simple sleeping patterns of the family may change to suit the child. Others may require extra attention and long-term care. Real maturity is needed to raise children to deny self.
Both parents may take turn during the night to feed the baby. Also it is important the husband must recognize pregnancy takes a toll on his wife physically and emotionally. A new baby can consume time and energy so affect intimacy remain emotionally. The couple can ensure a helpless, lovable baby is not a wedge to drives them apart but enrich the family. A new baby can consume a mother’s time to feel fulfilled because maternal instincts kicks in. This deep sense of emotional caring for baby overwhelms her. The husband may feel neglected by shift of focus from him to the baby so needs to change no matter how difficult it is to accept. From two people a sudden inclusion of the baby may cause upheaval. This transition is very hard to preconceive or fully understand before it happens. However, the husband rises to challenge child to be the loving father to the child if is it acceptable to do so in their community. Some women may be brought up to care for children with the support of other women. Family chores previously done by one couple may need to be shared accordingly as required. Consult together prayerfully with wisdom in Proverbs 13:10. Apply Bible advice in raising children for a good effect on the family.Having children may seem trophy to some but requires sacrifice, training and good upbringing. Flexibility depends on community if men are depended upon as the sole income earners. So go out to work while the women may remain home full-time. If codependent the woman who gives up career may risk loss of earning, own source of income, pensions and insurance. So it is necessary to prepare for the children’s future financially. If blessed to have a sound finance, the ensure children’s future education is saved for in bonds or stable safe secured investments. Also, teach children to Fear and Love God and fellow humans above all in their lives. To study hard in school but to know eternal life university is limitless and endless.
Therefore, the woman becomes worse of after bereavement or divorce. There needs to be moral ethical clarity on economic and financial preparation without assuming marriage automatically provides for future security. Many women and some men have their lives completely ruined for lack of advance preparation. The Bible says no man builds a tower without first considering the costs involved. Love alone is not enough as statistics show the highest cause of divorce is arguments of finance. All children are blessings from God to be raised with great opportunities. Be transparent about debts before marriage and so not create undue debts during dating, courtship and marriage.
Some traditional families expect marriage exclusively to meet needs of the man as the head of household. So women may run the family, see to matters of cooking, cleaning, childcare as a team. In-laws or extended family may live nearby to help the couple. On the other hand, the couple may pay child minder, nannies, house keepers to look after child. Rather than designer gear from head to toe equip child to have good foundation in childhood. Remember each stage of child growth is dynamic. Discipline methods in childhood may not always work in teenage years. Therefore, work with each child in the family to help child understand the choices and consequences of all actions. Children copy adults and enact their behaviour than what they told to do.
Children draw the best in parents to be less self-centred. To bring more loving and understanding changes in a marriage. The child brings joy and also commitment responsibility of hard work. Children are part of the couples future so teach them to respect authority to honour adults. What a person sows is what they will reap. Couples must be there for young children to bond with them for adult children to care about them as elderly parents. Get help from experienced parents if struggling and unsure. There are no perfect parents no matter how good enough one may be so let God take control of your household. Jesus is a great example in obedience of earthly family and God Almighty. A child is for life so think carefully before indulging hormones. Jesus loves children so call upon Jesus to help.
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Projection means seeing life through others to blame them for all life’s problems. So defends self against unpleasant impulses denying existence in themselves. So totally refuses to accept any responsibility of any part played in own life. Projection attributes own repressed thoughts to someone else so all problems blamed on parents, teachers, neighbours, spouse, friends and colleagues. Such ego defence mechanism projects and blames thoughts, impulses and feelings onto others. So transfers and also counter transfers past and present situation onto the dearest and nearest. Therefore loved ones bear most the brunt of projection as closest to the projector. Projector’s automatic mental behaviour is under girded by preconceived traditional standards so set in own ways. Feels strongly angry so uses defence mechanisms to repress, deny and project trouble onto others. All their frustrations, difficulties, failures, are somebody’s fault. Living in delusion of grandeur sets heights too high above their station in life so thinks too highly of themselves. They do not care what damage or hurt they cause others. Life basically only revolves around them. They must always be the centre of focus or feel dehumanized. This pattern of unhealthy behaviour starts innocently from terrible 2 years running family around. So carries on into adulthood with warped worldview. Addicted to having own way not nibbed in bud in early years. So married unleashes to blame spouse for all their life problems. Each day, they find something wrong with those intimate with them. They may complain the spouse is too thin so must eat to avoid being seen as their child. So the spouses gains some weight they approve of. However, any extra weight is seen as fat so nagged to lose weight. So one is never sure where one stand with them though supposed to care about. Next they are told they are too short, so start wearing platform shows to increase height. Although, the spouse is forced to wear heels at all times to please them, they soon find the next thing wrong with the partner. On and on the go comparing their cooking with their mothers, house keeping with their mothers. It is as if they would have liked to marry their mother. forgetting their wife is not their mother. Eventually as spouse bears children so he must rise to the task to do his bit as a loving father. Instead he feels abandoned, displaced angry and jealous of attention given to his own child. Sulking, complaining of poor housekeeping soon finds comfort elsewhere. So justifies his terrible betrayal by blaming the wife. In some primitive societies, wife is lashed with stick for not fulfilling intimate duties commitment whether she wants it or not. Feels sense of entitlement to whatever wanted whenever irrespective of impractical reality of demands so generally anxious. This projection behaviour extends to finances whereby all his personal needs are met but the family may lack food, electric, clothing, shoes, yet he is immaculately dressed. To the outside world he is a saint and a good role model. Yet the wife and children are suffering under his yoke of bondage too ashamed and too embarrassed to get help. Those who dare tom report him to the family or friends are not believed. Or he denies and undermines her more telling them she is a bitter jealous woman who hates his interaction with them. This continues until bruises appear on the woman and children with cover story not to expose him. He may threaten to treat them worse or will seek divorce and take away the children. So this takes place for years. The wife succumbs to his disrespectful relationship, bullying and his abusive ways for the sake of the peace.Meanwhile, spouse’s behaviour gets worse with unpredictable outburst constant arguments. So a terror at home who picks on the children. He may resort to violence by beating or punishing unreasonably for slightest perceived irritation. Forgetting children need to play to have innocent fun freely at home. So goes on attacking family wrongly believing entire life happiness depends on perfect performance of wife. After years tormenting wife may gamble, drink or do drugs to numb disappointments so cannot keep work schedules. Finance is affected because he has an insecure world view.
Without rent, bills unpaid, debt piling begins to fight threats from creditors amid debt collectors. Instead of seeking help to address the situation picks on the wife more. So builds resentment towards wife and plots to poison, maim, electrocute, kill wife. So begins secret preparation to plot her demise. Forgetting in the moment of anger and madness the consequences and effects of destruction upon himself. Does not think clearly ahead of impact on his future or where he will spend the rest of his life. So carries out such actions heard constantly in the news of a husband killing wife, electrocuting for only bearing daughters or hacking by chopping head off for a row. Do not recognise child’s gender is from both make and female chromosomes so not wife’s fault. Or acid attacks, gunshot wounds , strangling. Life is first own personal responsibility to God. Each must have direct connection with God first as a Christian believer. Then encourage partner to lead life in same way accountable to God first. Both must remain connected strongly to God with the first love in Christ Jesus. Then both will realise God is their source of ultimate fulfilment so stop demanding impossible from partner to meet all their emotional, physical and material needs. No man can save another except God through Christ so must learn to do the right thing acceptable for personal well being relationship. The man is the head of woman and Christ is Head of man and the church. Both must look up to Christ Jesus the perfect Bridegrooms example love and leadership. Not to copy romance from novels, TV drama reality shows. Some may be useful during dating but true reality of marriage is give and take, compromise, forgiveness and building each other up. Though married with children in the home insists on keeping house spotless as show room. Neither keep it unkempt because the children untrained to tidy up after themselves. The husband must help the so stop comparing her to his mother. Some mothers were full-time so had time to clean and polish the silver ware. Do not insist your wife works full-time and must runs the home full-time as if unemployed. Neither sit reading papers or watch football full-time and leave her alone to fend for the children as a married single parent. God is able to keep both if the marriage is entrusted to God to make perfect all that concern both in Jesus Name with thanks to God. Confide dark thoughts to trusted people to seek help before too late to act wrongly. Develop talents, music, art, drama, dancing, painting, cooking, coaching, volunteer, preaching, teaching etc. Personal development interest in a team helps although married.
Free expression sense of humour is directed at self, to take mickey out of self to diffuse tension, to take a sting out of conflict to amuse, to calm a situation to make people feel comfortable in company. It highlights one’s own body part like Will Smith tells jokes about his best most distinguished assets, his ears in the Prince of Bell Air. But some dark sense of humour, sarcasm jokes does not translate well with billions of majority of people in other cultural contexts. Poking fun at various traits in people, spots, birth marks, unique tribal features, physique, height, little or extra tall people, large nose, all these highlight God’s Majestic beautiful creation, marvelous wonders. God says Christian believers greet, speak words of God in Bible, Psalms, hymns, good report to build people up. God chose not to create 7+ billion identical clone feature of a particular kind of creation deemed better than all others. Diversity of different facial types, skin tones, head shapes are all part of God’s Bigger Picture to complement God’s Creation. The Bible says nobody can tell God how to design His variety creation. The world needs to realise, value, equal rights and opportunities of diverse people to stop ageism elderly abuse by young bullies. To conform, comply, agree with God’s Wisdom of diversity. It is extremely important, necessary to teach, train children on God’s diversity. Remember God in youth to give elders due respect and honour as youth too will grow old.
In the Bible in 2 Kings:2 – 25, Elisha a prophet of God went to Bethel to minister often. As he went by the way, young people came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, “Go up, you bald head; go up, you bald head!”Elisha regularly passed through to Bethel so had to put up with teasing for years of ridicule from some uncouth children. The elderly Elisha was stressed and exhausted from double responsibility left behind by Elijah in heaven who abandoned work due to torment of Jezebel. A toupe would have solved Elisha’s looks so the children probably would leave him alone or pick on another imperfection. Elisha was hoping for change but things got worse. Extremely tired on circuit from one place to another, would prefer a cup of tea, tumbler of water to quench thirst and bread to stop hunger. Instead he looked behind him and saw them mocking so cursed them in the name of the LORD. So 2 female bears came out of the woods and tore up 42 of them. 25 Elisha went from there to Mount Carmel and returned to Samaria. This action seems extremely harsh in liberal society. The youth children attacked God’s wisdom of creation design to query human form according to God’s will, purpose and plans. God permitted youths of Bethel destroyed for damaging Elisha’s character as God’s prophet. The youth mocked and ridiculed Elisha to go up like Elijah into heaven. The prophet was shocked by rude insolence of children brought up in Torah and Tanakh to honour elders so it is well to live long. Some feel punishment was too great for offence so consider mocking proceeded from great malignity. Disobedient rebellious children are corrected so taught to do the right thing if parents become aware.Possibly Elisha complained to parents and leaders in vain to taunting of the children on his way each time. Elisha felt children faced consequences by challenging God’s Power like devil asked Jesus in wilderness to turn stones to bread to perform miracle at devil’s command. Whole families, towns and cities gain through preaching of gospel. So wicked evil bullies change to be good citizens, bearing excellent fruits of righteousness through Christ to the praise and glory of God. Fear of God is instilled in believer converts to respect, honour God’s servants not making fun of others. Families, adults, young people, little children and infants are taught to reverence God and His prophets. This is crucial and important because not to mock, ridicule God’s leaders. This is a serious matter with the Living God Almighty Jehovah as things different for a reason. God’s discipline is strict for disciple’s own good. God’s prophet, man of God belongs to God, responsible for calling, choosing leaders. Bible teaches children to know their place to respect authority. As future leaders children must live by golden rule to treat all with equal respect. God personally intervened on behalf of rebellion against Moses and Aaron led by Korah. God considers it serious offence directly against God to mock God’s creation by head shape, look, size, ethnic tribe, colour in Miriam’s leprosy punishment on Moses’ wife Zipporah.Jesus loves all children but God is not mocked by free liberal views on free expression at the expense of God’s servants as the matter is an offence provocation against God. In Western society some children think they are above correction, as the majesty the child served by adults. So Elisha’s Divine action seems strange and extreme in comparison. God permits Elisha’s reaction to stop rude malicious behaviour. In most cultures respect due honour is given to hierarchy of elders. Some kings and queens prostrate flat on the floor to greet others above them in authority. God is Glorified and Highly Esteemed as a Righteous God who hates sin so adults lead by example to honour authority. And young people are trained to be afraid of speaking wicked words against elders or leaders. They are severely punished with extreme discipline to correct them. God notices all said and done, recorded in Book of Life so detests mockery of defects in mind, body, peril scorn of those minding own business. Parents must train children and do the best to drive out foolishness in children’s hearts. Children grow to become parents so influence the next generation. So if undealt with, leads to everlasting condemnation in hell due to careless bad example of wicked teaching of adults. In Matthew 26:51, Mark 14:47, John 18:10, Peter in defence of Jesus during arrest in the garden of Gethsemane was rebuked. Jesus forgave Peter who drew sword and smote Malchus; servant soldier of high priest, whose right ear was cut off. Jesus forgave enemy and made Peter head of church. Jesus taught Peter it was not Peter’s business to defend God’s Mighty Power. God defends His Name, Plans, Purposes through His Son Jesus for God’s servants. Those who insist on teasing others have opportunity in a town in Brong Ahafo, Ghana to participate in a festival each year, approved to freely hail insults at each other without fights breaking out in revenge.
Courtesy: Image Credit
The Prophet Elisha curses the children who mocked him, by Willem van Bundel
The Children of Bethel mourned by their mothers (Laurent de La Hire, 1653