EXPRESS MARRIAGE TRENDS

Sophy on her wedding day in traditional attireWith Valentine day approaching people are looking for love and romance for a form relationships. So couples celebrate established meaningful, love fulfilling a family bond. Others also ready to settle down prepare and advertise for love in new ways using social media, Facebook post and was married six days later. The marriage took place quite quickly than the normal traditional longer process of a family searching and taking years for the marriage to be finalised. CHIDIMMA AMEDU, did exactly that advertising for love and marriage on Facebook. He found a beautiful wife who said, ‘he is the most handsome man I’ve ever met and I liked him instantly.” Those who use Facebook come across pretty strange posts in their time. But this time however the random friends requests, being added to groups you did not ask to join, and tags allows “friends” to marry. Others clog up timeline with posts or photos you don’t necessarily want. But a Nigerian man took it to a whole new level posted unusual advert. Chidimma Amedu put up a post on 30 December, asking women interested in being his wife to reply, he told the BBC.Chidimma Amedu on his wedding day

The proposal

“Am of age to and I am ready to say I do and am wasting no time. “Send in your applications – the most qualified will be married on January 6, 2018. Application closes 12 midnight 31/12/2017 he posted. He followed up with subsequent posts. ‘Am serious about this oh and don’t say you did not see it on time Good luck.’ He received a couple of responses, but one from Sophy Ijeoma is someone special who caught his attention. She wrote in her reply “Am interested, just DM me… lols,” her post read. At first, she thought it was a joke and she simply replied to keep thread flowing. A direct message from him to her inbox, followed by a Facebook call, would change her life’s trajectory. Chidimma placed the advert initially as a joke but became optimistic when Sophy said she was interested. So two days after their first conversation, he travelled some 500km (300 miles) from his home in the northern city of Abuja, to Enugu in the east where she lived. She had been waiting for him outside a retail store and in true fairy-tale style, “it was love at first sight”, she recalled. “He is the most handsome man I’ve ever met and I liked him instantly.”The couple on their wedding day in Igbo attire

After 2 hours of awkward conversation, he asked her to go to meet an uncle who incidentally is also resident in Enugu. So he asked what was going through her mind at the time, she said she thought it was all a bit of a joke but was excited about it and thought Chidimma was also quite an interesting character. “We got to the uncle’s house and he said: ‘Uncle, meet the woman I want to marry.'” Like Chidimma his family don’t seem to hang about when it comes to getting things done because uncle gave his approval. The couple are friends on Facebook for over a year but never spoken to each other before the advert. Getting family backing for your choice of spouse is an essential part of Igbo culture. Whereas picking your future wife from dozens of respondents to a Facebook marriage advert and marrying her in six days is decidedly not. At this point in their day-old relationship, it was beginning to dawn on Sophy that this fellow was not playing, but how do you commit to marrying someone you only just me. She would not comment on whether they had even shared as much as a kiss at that point, but maintained she was captivated by how focused, determined her new fiancé was. “When I saw him for the first time, I definitely found him attractive, but what I didn’t know was how serious he was about marrying me. “It was after we met the uncle and his wife, I realised that this could actually happen and I wanted it.”A family member felicitate with the couple

The engagement

It was now her turn to worry about how she was going to get the approval of her family to marry a guy she had just met on Facebook. But they had momentum going for them. Having met and fallen in love at first sight, or first message, if you like, and getting Chidimma’s uncle’s approval, couple decided to complete the cycle by visiting Sophy’s family the same day. Approval from the family is essential in Igbo tradition and Sophy recounted how she relayed information to her mother. Her dad passed away, and her mum said she did not have a final word in terms of giving approval for her to be married, so up to Sophy’s elder brother to give his blessings. It appears the odds firmly in their favour as Sophy’s brother gave his blessings too. So after a few questions from her brother it became official. Chidimma and Sophy were engaged to be married in six days.The happy couple cutting their cake

On the rebound?

Last year Chidimma was engaged to another woman and the wedding was scheduled for December, but then that relationship fell apart in March leaving him dejected. As December approached, the disappointment of not being able to fulfil his dream of getting married made him put up the post, he said. In wedding it was a blend of old and new “I had the desire to get married, had date in mind, but no bride, decided to place an advert as a joke, but I was open and up for it.”  Asked whether she knew about earlier engagement and her thoughts on how this seemingly rushed marriage might be seen as a rebound, Sophy dismissed any suggestions that her relationship was not well thought through. “I don’t care about that when you see what you want, you go for it.” They are friends on Facebook for more than a year, but had never met or spoken to each other until the advert. Am interested just DM me… lols” was all it took for the union to be formed. Sophy admitted her friends were sceptical about the whole thing, while some are still in disbelief, but as she said: “When you see the one, you will know he is the one.” And they got married on 6 January in a traditional Igbo ceremony, and posted photos of wedding day on Facebook of course to the amusement of the social media community. Chidimma put up a post saying people may have thought he had been joking but clearly wasn’t. And as expected there was mixed reactions, but mainly a lot of support for the couple. They hope to have a church wedding in April and honeymoon somewhere nice.

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DEPRESSED MUMS SINGING

Mum singing to babySinging speeds up’ recovery from post-natal depression. Singing helps mothers recover from post-natal or post partum depression more quickly study suggests. Researchers found women who took part in group singing sessions with their babies experienced much faster improvement in their symptoms than those who did not. The study, published in the British Journal of Psychiatry, looked at 134 mothers with post-natal depression. Early recovery is seen to be crucial to limit effects on mother and baby. Post-natal depression is estimated to affect one in eight new mothers. And previous studies have indicated singing can help improve the mental health of older people and those with dementia, but this is the first controlled study of its effect on post-natal depression. The women were placed into three groups:Mother and baby music group
  • one took part in group singing
  • another took part in in creative play sessions
  • a third group received their usual care, which could include family support, antidepressants or mindfulness

The singing workshops saw the mothers learning lullabies and songs from around the world with their babies and creating new songs together about motherhood. And those with moderate to severe symptoms of post-natal depression reported a much faster improvement than mothers in the usual care and play groups. All the groups improved over the 10 weeks, but in the first six weeks, singing group already reported an average 35% decrease in depressive symptoms. The Principal investigator Dr Rosie Perkins said the study, although small, was significant because it was important to tackle the symptoms as quickly as possible. “Post-natal depression is debilitating for the mothers and their families. As research indicates some women think accessible singing with their baby helps speed up recovery at one of the most vulnerable times of their lives,” she said. The lead author Dr Daisy Fancourt at University College London, said singing is another useful therapy to offer women. babies with musical instrumentsMany mothers have concerns about taking depression medication whilst breast-feeding and uptake of psychological therapies with new mothers is relatively low,” she said. “These results are really exciting as suggests something as simple as referring mothers to this community activities could support their recovery.” Dr Trudi Seneviratne, who chairs the Royal College of Psychiatrists’ Perinatal Faculty, said: “It’s exciting to hear about the growing evidence base for novel psychosocial interventions like singing to facilitate a more rapid recovery for women with post-natal depression. “I look forward to more work in this area in the future, as it will be enjoyed by both mothers and their babies.”Since the study, Breathe Arts Health Research has started running singing workshops in partnership with the Guy’s and St Thomas’ NHS Foundation Trust for women with post-natal depression across the south London boroughs of Lambeth and Southwark. Community and socialising helps overcome isolation and loneliness of new mothers. The feel good factor of singing with the babies is definitely a win- win situation lifting the mood and going out of the home helps to lift their spirit too. Isolated mothers can organise own singing sessions with friends in communities and their babies benefit too from a calm, happy, relaxed mother. If child raising is recognised or considered as a valid hardwork and to celebrate mothers and carers the world will become a better and safer place. So families must be prioritised and to help mother’s like Finland pays both parents to raise their children. Depression is caused by loneliness, pressure, stress of modern living without extended family support and children become depressed too. So it is good news to help mother’s and also to improve motherhood as an honourable collaboration with God’s idea to multiply to replenish the earth.

FOOD IS YOUR MEDICINE

A North Carolina Gospel Minister Sows Seeds of Hope in a Food Desert in USA. The Reverend Richard Joyner of Conetoe Chapel Missionary Baptist Church in Conetoe, NC, exhorts his congregants to strengthen their community. First, the Reverend Richard Joyner got mad. Then he got a trowel. Sick and tired of seeing his congregation suffer from poor nutrition, the North Carolina minister sowed seeds of hope in a food desert. ABOUT A DECADE AGO, the Reverend Richard Joyner of Conetoe Chapel Missionary Baptist Church realized he ministered to a congregation of people often hungry and living in poverty but never complained. He came up with an ingenious use of land that helped keep the young ones involved in learning about nature first hand. The Church members unfamiliar with farming in the city are educated on how to grow own good produce.  The pastor found it difficult to comfort grieving or contain his outrage: “How do you tell someone who’s just lost a child to poor nutrition that this was God’s plan when it was totally preventable? Who would hang out with that God?” Each Sunday, Joyner felt like a hypocrite, urging congregants to worship a deity he doubted. During the week, he was forced to confront the community’s health problems constantly as a hospital chaplain. After one particularly trying hospital shift, Joyner pulled his car over and began to pray. “I heard a voice saying, ‘Open your eyes and look around,’” the 64-year-old remembers. All he saw was farmland. His parents and grandparents had been share- croppers; his great-grandparents, slaves. That moment fields blanketing Edgecombe County represented not untapped opportunity but a painful reminder of the region’s racist past.

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Young people enjoy outdoors activity so this roadside epiphany directly inspired the church’s now-bustling nonprofit agriculture and education center might construct a tidy narrative. It would, however, be inaccurate. Back in 2005, when Joyner first equipped area youth with seeds and spades on a borrowed plot down the road, he simply hoped to engage kids at summer camp. The campers consumed their initial harvest, but the following year, they started delivering free boxes of ‘Hen Pecked’ mustard greens, ‘Puerto Rican Red’ sweet potatoes and the vegetables to local senior citizens. “One 97-year-old lady, she was so excited, she kissed the children,” Joyner says. “That was the first time in a long time I witnessed anybody speaking a blessing over our troubled children.” Not everyone welcomes bounty. Only a generation or two removed from sharecropping, some church elders questioned the wisdom of participating in any sort of agrarian pursuit. They remained uncomfortably familiar with Edgecombe County’s role in the South’s antebellum cotton economy. Henry Toole Clark, a Civil War–era governor of North Carolina, owned a vast plantation—and dozens of slaves here. Joyner explains prevailing concern: “Do we really want our kids going back to that?” He empathized. Then again, he’d witnessed satisfaction junior parishioners derived from the soil. Less encumbered by Conetoe’s complicated history, they were free to dig in the dirt. “They’re bringing food to people who need it,” Joyner says. “They enjoy the process. They’re playing out there.” Meanwhile, various activities on the farm like preparing beds, selecting seeds, tending crops, selling produce, tracking digital data impart valuable lessons in science, technology, exercise, economics, math, and nutrition.IMG_20180106_150511

ENJOYING NATURE DAILY

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Within the concrete jungles of cities is a whole new world to discovered and explore the flora and fauna. Take time to enjoy nature to smell the flowers and watch the birds no matter how busy you are. Go out with friends in a group as part of relaxation to clear your head and refresh your mind. A study recommends people take a break and observe nature in detail because of the health benefits gained. You should stop and smell the roses according to this study revealing a brief time spent outdoors enjoying walks or riding in nature really does improve mood. Cecile Borkhataria for Dailymail.com wrote online.  The demands of life have become so intense that some do not have the time or feel the need to enjoy their surroundings if possible.-c-michael_werlberger-9995

Those with paranomic views and a delightful beautiful views often miss out by being too busy to notice the view. The study shows spatial awareness and being in tune with nature is good for health and encourages walkabout exercise. Fresh air breathed in also promotes healthy heart and lungs. It is even more fulfilling when done by the family as part of routine and a time for relaxation. A stroll, power walk or riding bikes in fresh air is a simple and an effective way of spending quality family time together is rewarding. Take a picnic as a cost-effective way to enjoy quality family time.361f6935fd2ecc32bf3f82f866f63462

The study found nature helps by spending time outdoors to improve happiness. People who take the time to notice nature, increase their feelings of happiness and emotional well-being  Noticing a tree at a bus stop in the middle of a city can have a positive effect. Noticing nature impacts on prosocial orientation a willingness to share resources and place value on one’s community. New research shows that there’s truth to the idea that nature and spending time outdoors can improve happiness. The study showed if people simply take time to notice the nature around them, it will increase their general happiness and well-being.

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Even if it’s just birds flying in a crowded city or a tree at a bus stop, noticing nature can also improve ‘prosocial orientation’ – the willingness to share and place value on one’s community. If people simply take time to notice the nature around them, it will increase general happiness and well-being the new study has found. A University of British Columbia (UBC) study examined the effects of a two-week intervention involving nature. 395 Undergraduate students were asked to document how nature encountered affects their daily routine and made them feel.  They took photos of items that caught their attention and wrote down a short note about their feelings in response to it. Meanwhile, a second group of study participants tracked their reactions to human-made objects instead, again taking a photo and jotting down their feelings. A third control group did neither, continuing their everyday lives.unnamed

Researchers found that After the intervention, levels of positive emotions, elevating experiences and a general sense of connectedness to other people and nature and life as a whole, as well as prosocial orientation, were significantly higher in the nature group compared to the human-built and control groups. The University of British Columbia (UBC) examined the effects of a two-week intervention involving nature. Undergraduate students documented how nature they encountered in their daily routine made them feel. The photos of the item that caught their attention and wrote down a short note about their feelings in response to it revealed indepth reality of changes felt.IMG_20180105_121342

Paranomic views of the examples of nature could be anything not just about human built things so a house plant, a dandelion growing in a crack in a sidewalk, birds, or sun through a window. Meanwhile, a second group of study participants tracked their reactions to human-made objects instead, again taking a photo and jotting down their feelings.  A third control group did neither, continuing their everyday lives. Often association with nature is seen as primitive and unsophisticated. However, nature is rich with so much knowledge and relevant  information some miss out on. The push towards the virtual world is almost preventing reality check existence crucial for survival in life. It is even better if people begin to grow plants, flowers or simple foods on balcony gardens go keep in tune with nature.5761058

‘This wasn’t just about spending long hours outdoors or going for long walks in wilderness,’ says Holi-Anne Passmore, a PhD psychology student at UBC’s Okanagan campus and the lead author of the study.  ‘This is about paying attention to take in spatial knowledge and look at trees or plants in a meaningful way. Trees at a bus stop in the middle of a city has positive effects just one tree can have on people in the jungle.’ Passmore, who studies wellness, says she was ‘overwhelmed’ not just by the response of the 395 study participants – who submitted more than 2,500 photos and and descriptions of emotions – but also by the impact that noticing emotional responses to nearby nature had on well-being.

DIVERSITY AND MARRIAGE

uk-scotland-42510187Congratulations on celebration of inter marriage between different groups of people often seen as source of blending families. In the past was not considered able to do so even within same nation a tribe saw other tribes in the draconian age as enemies unable to relate in long term marriage of family members. And many people missed potential marriage of choice thwarted by feuding families of past generations. Today it is good to see the acceptance and tolerance after many years people recognise humans come from one race. Although some people do not really fully understand the challenges involved it is nice to see a successful couple overcome diversity. It is equally challenging to be married in a common social background because all marriages are hardwork, tolerance and forgiveness of each other. No matter the issues faced its good to see marriage on top of the agenda once again. So nation of Britain prepares to celebrate Prince Harry’s marriage to Meghan as Queen Charlotte of Portugal married in UK’s past history of a royal mixed marriage. According to PBS, Charlotte “directly descended from Margarita de Castro y Sousa, a black branch of the Portuguese Royal HoHouse. That distinction goes way back to the 18th century to Queen Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz. So a black woman in the royal family in the 1700s history nerds say turns out that, while many Englanders were in denial at the time, the wife of King George III, who was Queen from 1761 until her death in 1818, was of mixed race. According to PBSMmmm, Charlotte was “directly descended from Margarita de Castro y Sousa, a black branch of the Portuguese Royal House.” So not of unsavoury mixed-race origins, but actual black royalty. Her race mostly went under the radar over the course of history until decades later art historians began to take a closer look at distinctly black features in her portraits. Her regal nose, those full lips; as a mixed girl myself who can often spot a person with even a small amount of Black ancestry from a mile away, it’s pretty blatant from looking at her painting.

The fact that her black physical traits were visible in those paintings was, in itself noteworthy because as customary at the time for artists air brushed to “play down soften or even obliterate undesirable features in a subjects’ face,” also according to PBS. Even more controversial is the fact that the artist who depicted Queen Charlotte in all of her portraits was Sir Allan Ramsay, an anti-slavery advocate who went on to marry a black woman himself. All that being said, many historians believe the mere existence of Queen Charlotte and these portraits could have played a major role in the slavery abolition movement of the time. And that makes total sense. I mean, think about it: As we saw on The Crown, Queen Elizabeth II wouldn’t even allow her sister to marry a man who had once been divorced. And that was in the 1950s. Can you imagine the existence of a black queen back in the 18th century. Another major plot twis is Queen Charlotte, the actual first black and bi-racial member of royalty, happens to be Prince Harry’s great-great-great-great-great-grandmother. She’s Queen Victoria’s grandmother, which makes them relatives, several generations removed. So not only is it possible that Prince Harry’s 14th great-uncle may have beheaded one of Markle’s ancestors, but now, it’s looking like Prince Harry himself has some interracial genes. It   turns out Queen Charlotte might not be the lone mixed royal and potentially not the first, either. Philippa of Hainault, a fourteenth-century Queen of England, was also rumoured to have African ancestry. And in 2004, former sheep sheerer and builder Gary Lewis became the first Maori or aboriginal New Zealander to join the extended royal family by marrying Lady Davina Lewis, daughter of the Duke of Glouchester and 28th in line to the British throne. (I know, I know. Let me know if y’all need me to draw a family tree for all of this.)
Regardless, I think it’s long overdue (like, seven generations long) for Queen Charlotte to get some credit for being an early trailblazer among the royals. And even though the official title of the first black member of royalty technically taken a long time ago. Meghan Markle’s recent engagement reminds people that love heart matters for pure happiness.

RELAX & ENJOY CHRISTMAS

BanDtmdIAAAqQ9GRelax and enjoy Christmas as a time of year to recount your blessings and to celebrate Jesus. Remember to thank God for sustaining your life and providing for you throughout the years. Enjoy this time of year which puts much pressure on people to spend more than ever. It is a good time to reflect and take stock of the year to assess what worked well and how to improve life next year. christmas2Above all it is good to keep in mind that Christmas is about love and the birth of Jesus Christ to save mankind. The whole world takes time to celebrate Jesus and give thanks to God for our families and our friends. Enjoy without fussing over the perfectionist details and obsessing over materialistic image, instead value the joyful festive season and be grateful and thankful for life itself. As the world gets worse it is necessary to appreciate favour of God not just material details. Christmas Day can be very difficult day for young care-leavers,” Sissay says.“For some going home for Christmas, painful and there’s arguments and dysfunction. There are young people with nowhere to go feeling sad on their own that day so feel a greater sense of loss. “It’s about making people smile to let them know they matter especially on that day.”

1400975012648So many people are homeless, or live in squalor, poor, cannot afford privilege of safe environment, in dangerous region of war zones. Thank God for the Prince of Peace Jesus and do not hurt family or friends and colleagues over your selfish bizarre stubborn behaviours that ruins the festive season. The weather affects some so can trigger unusual reactions too. With abundant alcohol and substance use can get some situations out of hand. Yet the purpose of Chtistmas is to bring joy to the world, goodwill and peace on earth. Human relations are challenged as families out of touch assemble under one roof with many shenanigans. And emotions and feeling severely tested it is good to hold tongue for sake of comprise and peace. Woman-wrapping-gifts_cejaisFun-ways-to-wrap-gifts.jpgAsk for help or advise if not sure about presents or gifts to give each person as Jesus received gifts relating to his life, call and destiny. Gifts must be relevant and meaningful to the receiver not just what you insist on giving them whether they like or want it or not. Remember the golden rule of gifts to yourself and how it makes you feel. Be kind-hearted especially with the innocent children around do not to ruin the day for them. If physically present be a part of family or rather stay distant and send presents.Dear-Tired-Mama-Its-Time-to-Relax-and-Enjoy-Christmas-1 instead of stressing all. Some might cite Christmas as a cause of breakdown of a family and their marriage. By fighting each year over Christmas among other issues toxic relationships can reach the tipping point at that time. Yet those who listen, change, adapt to enjoy Christmas but the stubborn ones continue ruining it for loved ones. Without an awareness over behaviour that the obsession with achieving that one, symbolic or perfect family causes misery not merriment. In the Bible, Jesus said in Luke 12:15, Take care and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in abundance of possessions.

407d518n663One person described themselves as a tyrant in family festive season. Fretting over every last detail for weeks ahead in a bid to make it all extra special. And refusing to delegate anything even the decorating of the tree or laying the table since none else ever got things right in their opinion. Determined everything goes according to their plans only as the control freaks the atmosphere in family home is more fearful than festive. So it seems more like a dictator than a Father Christmas sharing love, joy, happiness and kindness. Looking back, realised its not worth fussing over nitty gritty silly unnecessary details so enjoy Christmas. 

FINDING TRUE LOVE AGAIN

BLOG-ARIS-CAVES-3Find true love again if your friends are all coupled up is possible. If one key New Year’s resolution is again find yourself a relationship, where to start can become daunting. We find ourselves deep in the party season, when even those who are antisocial rest of the year feel obliged to enter the fray. If at no other moment one is compelled to meet people so as to commune, converse often suggestion of intimacy hovers alluringly in the air as surely as mull and the pine. Christmas is time for encounters, social interaction opportunities for a stable romantic love.Valentines_beach_620

And I know of what I speak. Three years ago, at the age of 43, I met my beloved at a Christmas party after years of living solo dream, including writing a column about being single. Still thinks of myself  as ‘professionally single’, despite loved one’s protestations. ‘How,’ people often constantly ask me, ‘did you pull it off?’ given I defied conventional platitudes by relishing my lone life, having a ball, not being particularly bent on ending, it then meeting chap perfect other women refer to him as ‘illusion dream unicorn.’

To my mind, the answer is not only just mere luck but avoiding these platitudes in the first place. Smug I most certainly am not. My relationship hope embraces the new circumstances recommended. Neither do I believe coupledom is for everyone. Cue my first tip…

Work out if needs finding love

It’s not always self-evident as a lot of people assume merely because they are single they must desire partner. Yet the message of behaviour may be entirely the opposite. A friend once informed me I was ‘ideologically single’ so was right. My relationship status wasn’t going to change until this did. Relationships are hard work a different sort of hard work to keeping the show on the road on one’s tod. There can be an ease to single living: a briskness and knowing where one is with it. Despite ability to act as a salve to loneliness one is never more lonelir than in the most difficult flailing, relationship. There are many ways of having love, companionship, and/or sex in your life, and different approaches may be appropriate to different stages of existence. Consider whether it is a partner that you want if it is act on it.

Cultivate a dazzling social life

If you are determined to stay solo not to become conjoined your single or social life is your life; if seeking a relationship, socialising will be means of achieving it. In either case, new blood  is all. Plus, it’s terrific fun. The majority of my closest alliances were forged when  I became single in my mid-30s and I would take a bullet for each and every one of those friends. They are far more involved in my life than friends of yesteryear; what a pal refers to as‘heritage friends’ (like ‘heritage tomatoes’, only frequently  less palatable).Hannah snaps a selfie with her boyfriend, Terence Hannah snaps selfie with her boyfriend, Terence. A lawyer who unhappily single for 15 years, invariably barks, ‘I don’t need friends. I have enough friends. So what is needed is a boyfriend, wonders why she never meets someone, while spending time boring with the same two couples from her university days. The One, or even merely A.N. Other, is not going to appear on doorstep by way of some benevolent deus ex machina. If going to have to put the work in: meet people, risk vulnerability, put yourself out there. Falling back on the argument you ‘never meet anyone’ means you have only yourself to blame. What are you doing about it? Now? Tonight? I get it. I’m a closet introvert myself,  but introverts want to have intimacy. Take some responsibility and get off solo life.

Embrace change for partner

Not only do you have to work at it, you also have to work on yourself as we all do, single or enmeshed, at every age. In the main, single individuals know love is best if people considerably sane like coupled friends, active, self-sufficient, stay on their toes, without an ounce of co-dependency in them. In respect of a few situations, it is immediately obvious why someone is alone, despite repeated attempts to be otherwise. Personally, I needed to stop drinking after a lifetime of raucous carousing. I was 90 days sober the night I met my beloved, and he would have run a mile had this not been the case, as I would be in direction of the next inveterate party animal. So by removing drink blinkers allowed our eyes to meet mine in focus.Honeymoon-couple-romance-and-love-at-beach-1024x576

Finding myself non-plastered while all about me were revelling, I thought, ‘I’m going to talk to most handsome man in room,’ proceeded to do so. A friend said was ‘ideologically single’ so relationship status will not change until embraces compromise for change to include the partner in life. It turned out being hot, clever, kind, witty, generous, entirely sans baggage, and shared interest in literary theory. When another chap (my usual type, a lewd and lovable drunk) endeavoured to go home with me, I had wits to decline and to secure handsome ashing man’s number. Only by altering  the habits of a lifetime could this fateful encounter take place. Three chief single bleaters acquaintance driven away put frankly is exhausting maniac, a swivel-eyed neurotic, and a carping bitch. It’s difficult to be around them let alone as lover.  All badly need therapy; all refuse to countenance it. As it is often said, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.’ See yourself as others see you, consider doing things required differently to have good success.valentines-Image-by-Pexels-CC0

Don’t settle for less in life

As a woman, one is constantly being fed that bullshit about being more likely to be blown up in a terrorist attack than meet your partner over the age of 40 etc etc. And it is what it is. Moreover, later life has potential for far more satisfying relationships: you’ve been around the block, know who you are, and you’re 4,000 times more fascinating than you were at 25. Plus, 400,000 times better at sex. My ex-boyfriend and I could have settled not separated when in my 30s. Having the guts to call it a day meant both met people more compatible with. He got together with the love of his life shortly afterwards. Meanwhile, I got to have time of my life. By way of bonus we didn’t kill each other. When I was 40, met some bore at party, wine-fugged, unfaithful to his wife informed me I will only find someone broken as divorcé or some sort of failure’. I refer him to the hot Disney prince scored 3 fun-filled years later.shutterstock_105487772-557

Enjoy life daily though single!

For legions, going solo is a dream. Even those less enamoured will be forced to admit it has its moments. However,  the trouble with single life for those who aim to be out of it is that one never knows when it might end. If only it were akin to gardening leave: a few months’ dazzling hedonistic licence before getting stuck back into the old routine. I say ‘trouble’, but it is also its brilliance. For, really, there is nothing like setting  forth on a glacial December evening, not knowing where the night’s adventures will lead you, or with whom they will be hazarded. So, put your soul into it, to be sure, relax, uncoil, enjoy. If you happen to find love and entwined, single are the days you will look back on with nostalgia. So make the most of it and your life is not worth less because you are single. You are precious to God and Jesus Christ so love yourself first and other people until you find love.

Originally published in Telegraph