THE PROCESS OF DIVORCE

The majority of the arguments centre around the division of assetsDivorce is an unpleasant process more awful when separating couples cannot reach agreement, engage in litigation. Suddenly the love of your life becomes opponent and contributions to marriage is pored over by lawyers and potentially judges. Divorce can become gendered family lawyers will be acutely aware of the unfortunate tendency to refer to the ‘breadwinning husband’ homemaking wife’ This does not reflect the reality of many modern marriages but often it is the wife who undertakes most childcare and domestic duties, while the husband has created most of the wealth for the family. Most people think of the actual divorce as the most stressful element but is resolved fairly swiftly. For most married couples this reflects the basic principle of their union: you are a team, you share responsibilities and funds, and make joint decisions. So what happens if not on the same side? It was a question posed by most cases.workdivorcecomp-medium_trans_NvBQzQNjv4BqqVzuuqpFlyLIwiB6NTmJwfSVWeZ_vEN7c6bHu2jJnT8

Millionaire businessman Mr Work was ordered to pay his wife half his £140m fortune in 2015, but fought the court’s decision, saying his wife ‘stayed home’ during 2 decades long marriage, during which she raised their two children. He argued he made all the family’s money and claimed to posses quality of genius enabled him to do this without support of his wife. Court of Appeal disagreed so dismissed Mr Work’s appeal. He must pay half of his fortune to ex wife, after judge accepts she is a ‘good homemaker and good mother,’ adding it was down to her willingness to move to Japan the husband was able to amass his wealth.78630843.jpg

The important decision for stay-at-home mothers raises questions of how judges should consider the spouses’ respective contributions in ‘big money’ divorce cases. Most people think actual divorce most stressful element but is usually resolved fairly swiftly. Majority of the arguments centre around division of assets or some technicalities or division of everything couple collectively own and earned during marriage. England and Wales is known to be one of the most generous jurisdictions there is. London is the divorce capital of world for fairness is central to process and in cases each party’s financial needs are met by the assets available, the starting point for division is 50:50. The Court has wide discretion when making financial orders and considers a range of factors. One factor is the contribution that both the husband and wife made. Thanks to new verdict, it is now settled law there should be no discrimination between breadwinner and homemaker. Staying at home, cooking, cleaning, reading to children is as important as working 12 hours a day on trading floor earning £1m a year. Mothers feel they make special contribution of ‘exceptional quality’ every day. Over the years various arguments used by mostly wealthy husbands to convince courts is award to their spouse to be less than 50 per cent. The favourite known as special contribution involves arguing financial input to marriage was significant award should be increased in their favour. To be successful need to amass significant wealth and show they used ‘exceptional quality’ or ‘genius’ to achieve this.divorce-370559.jpg

What about homemakers? How does this not discriminate against the wife, at home with the children every day? The wife quietly supporting her husband in his endeavours? What about spouse who sacrificed own successful career? Or those who are juggling both a career and childcare? Many mothers no doubt feel they make a special contribution of ‘exceptional quality’ daily. The Court of Appeal has confirmed this principle still stands though many hope it will in due course either limited or abolished by the Supreme Court. Litigation is bad enough without having to rummage into the detail of who did what and when to justify their contribution. In addition to cases where wife receives a substantial lump sum settlement such as Mandy Gray will get. In England and Wales one of the attractive forums in the world is for the financially weaker spouse paid maintenance for life. This concept is alien to nearby jurisdictions. Just across the border in Scotland, the maximum maintenance term is three years. However, this ‘meal ticket for life’ is becoming rarer. The Court looks at each spouse’s income and earning capacity. Consideration is given to whether or not having a qualification worked recently or assumes childcare responsibilities. The test is whether, in light of all these circumstances payee adjust to their financial independence without undue hardship. Judges want to see hard evidence of efforts of receiving party to maximise earning capacity.Family.jpg
Some wives may think its unfair if was agreed during the marriage that they would be supported financially and made sacrifices to this effect. Others may welcome opportunity to re-enter the working world; potentially a new lease of life after divorce. Although returning to work, for women, is unduly tough – despite the glut of ‘returnships’ now on offer from big companies. What is clear is society moves on so does the family law. Undoubtedly the problem is focus continues to be trying to achieve fairness for both husbands and wives. One imagines Ms Gray would agree that this has been achieved.

5 things about divorce Ayesha Vardag

1. It takes longer and be more harrowing than you think.

If everything can be agreed then it is possible for a case to be resolved in a few weeks but more likely exchanging disclosure, attending court hammering out a settlement will take around a year, and often more, and it can really wear you down. It is a marathon endeavour so important to keep your spirits up.

2. Ending marriage and finance issues are completely separate.

The reasons for the marriage ending will almost never affect the financial outcome and the court will not punish a spouse for marital indiscretions.

3. Courts less glamorous than you imagine.

Most English courts mahogany-panelled Victorian masterpieces, but most poorly maintained post-war monstrosities with hot, airless waiting rooms and windows that do not open, where you wait for hours on end, the tension is unbearable. Arbitration or a private family dispute resolution offers chance to move case to salubrious surroundings to settle it.

4. Nothing is “off the record”.

You are required to be fully frank about finances so lawyers are not allowed to help hide assets or lie to partner. To courts, honesty really is the best policy.

5. Can be cathartic experience.

Many people assume that divorce is an upsetting business. While it is never easy to bring a marriage to an end, for many the chance to move forward and build a new chapter of their life can be a rejuvenating experience. Usually the clients get happier, stronger and visibly empowered as process goes forward. Above all during the divorce ongoing conflict between parents can affect the children’s mental health, development of social and emotional skills, academic attainment and can impact their ability to form future relationships. It can also damage physical health, lasting through their adult lives into next generation as it starts early. Agreeing to disagree for the sake of the children is very helpful.

 

Alexandra Hirst is a solicitor specialising in family law at Boodle Hatfield

MOTHER’S LOVE ALPHABETS

A=Appreciate Mothers
B=Blessings to all Mums
C=Creator’s Giver of Life
D=Dedicated to Family
E=Excellent Spirit
F=Favourite Food Maker
G=Gratitude to God
H=Hopes For the Best
I=Impressive Inspiration
J=Joyful at all times
K=Knowledge giver
L=Lovely and Loyal

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 M=Maximises Resources

N=Nurtures Family
O=Opportunity giver
P=Passion for Peace
Q=Quality Family Time
R=Restoration of Hope
S=Success in Life
T=Thankful for Family
U=Unconditional Love
V=Vision Encourager
W=Wisdom for Living
X=Xenia Hospitality
Y=Youthful & Beautiful
Z=Zenith zeal for Life

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CHILDBIRTH LONELINESS

_93856458_img_3770Childbirth loneliness transition affects mothers in isolation without extended family support. As many experience, Molly Forbes is a sociable person but became very lonely when she had a baby
A commission started by murdered MP Jo Cox is investigating loneliness in the UK, which is an epidemic affecting people of all ages and backgrounds. Here, two young women share their stories. In 2010 Molly Forbes had her first child, Freya. But after the birth she was confronted with something she had not prepared for: loneliness. A “sociable person”, Molly – then 26 – was one of the first of her friends to have a baby. Her husband was out at work all day and she did not have close family living by. The loneliness of being a new mother was a real surprise for me. It just hit me,” she said. You are suddenly at home with a baby. You feel safer there so you stay home but it makes you more isolated. “When you go out, you want to be seen to be doing a good job and being happy. If you admit you’re lonely, you might be labelled as not coping. Molly Forbes says you want to be seen to be doing a good job and being happy says Molly. The commission planned by West Yorkshire Labour MP Jo Cox before she was murdered last June – says a fifth of the population privately admit they are “always or often lonely.”_93856435_photo-17
But two-thirds of those would never confess to having a problem in public, it says Molly, from Devon, said that rather than being honest about how she was feeling, she had “put a brave face on – and that can make you more lonely”.
“Looking back, I was definitely feeling quite anxious. “I was worrying about money, about whether I’d go back to my job – and when you don’t have someone to talk to, these worries can spiral out of control.” Molly had lots of friends, but found she couldn’t talk to them about her post-baby concerns. She started writing a blog and made connections with other mums online, and from there I started meeting up with people and found friends that way. The commission says three-quarters of people who are lonely on a regular basis do not know where to turn for support. It is looking for practical solutions to beat loneliness. Molly’s advice for new mums? “Spend time making friends with pregnant women, so you have a support network ready to go once the baby is born.” Find other mums to provide support network Molly said._93885386_ornstein

Who is feeling lonely? Parents – Action for Children found 24% of parents surveyed were always or often lonely. Teenagers – 62% are ‘sometimes lonely’ and one in 20 never spend time with friends at weekends. Carers – 8 out of 10 carers feel lonely or isolated as a result of looking after loved ones. Refugees and migrants 58% of those surveyed in London cited loneliness and isolation as their biggest challenge. The elderly 1 in 3 people aged 75 and over say feelings of loneliness are out of their control. The deafblind charity Sense has said that up to half of disabled people will be lonely on any given day. Have you experienced loneliness? Do you have advice or tips about how to deal with feeling isolated? Talking is key says Michelle so avoid ‘Bottling’ it up. For Michelle Ornstein who has a learning disability, there is nothing worse than being alone. “When Iam here on my own, I feel really down and anxious,” she said. The 22-year-old, from Essex, said her anxieties had got worse in recent years, leading her to leave college. There was an incident on school bus where Michelle was wearing her hearing aids close to a group of people being loud. “I just burst out in tears on the bus. I got myself so worked up and thought this is it. I cannot do this Michelle said. At one point I couldn’t be left on my own at all, I would not let [my parents] out the door. Spending time out of the house and with friends is key to countering loneliness but, Rossanna Trudgian, the Head of Campaigns at Mencap explained, a third of youngsters with learning disabilities spend less than an hour outside their homes on a Saturday. “Social isolation and fear of negative attitudes can remain huge barriers towards feeling welcome and included in society,” she said. But things have got better for Michelle. Talking things through with her family helps and this week she starts a new course. Michelle’s advice is talk she said: “If you keep it to yourself, you will bottle it up to build up anxieties so not go out.”‘Few admit it.’ Michelle is not the only young person experiencing loneliness. _93856429_photo-2

The Mix is an online support service for under-25s. This year, it has seen a 26% rise in the numbers of those accessing loneliness support service, compared to the previous year. Jo Cox begun setting up the commission before murdered in her constituency last June. Community manager James Pickstone said loneliness was an underlying issue shared by many people who visit the service though it was “rarely discussed openly.” He said: We see a lot of young people feeling very isolated at college and university, living away from home, not having the social life expected associated with university experience.” Younger people experience loneliness differently from how older adults do. Prof Graham Davey from the University of Sussex explained “Younger people appear to be focused on the friendship networks and number of relationships they have and experience loneliness as a function of the fewer friends they have.” In today’s society, friendship networks represented nowhere more obviously than on social media. Whether perceived to be a successful user of social media is with many followers one is likely to have impact on feelings of loneliness, anxiety, paranoia and mental health generally,” the psychology professor said. But you won’t find too many status updates about feeling lonely because ultimately Prof Davey argued loneliness has a stigma and few people want to admit they’re lonely. Have you experienced loneliness? Do you have advice or tips about how to deal with feeling isolated? Email your comments to haveyoursay@bbc.co.uk

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WIFE NOT WORK?

womansworkcollage.jpgConversation between a Husband (H) and a Psychologist (P):

P : What do you do for a living Mr. Bandy?
H : I work as an Accountant in a Bank.

P : Your Wife ?
H : She doesn’t work. She’s a Housewife only.My Wife DOES NOT WORK !!!.jpg

P : Who makes breakfast for your family in the morning?
H : My Wife, because she doesn’t work.

P : At what time does your wife wake up for making breakfast?
H : She wakes up at around 5 am because she cleans the house first before making breakfast. She runs my bath and cleans the bathroom after me. She prepares my lunch and ensures I remember to eat it.

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P : How do your kids go to school?
H : My wife takes them to school, because she doesn’t work.

P : After taking your kids to school, what does she do?
H : She goes to the market, then goes back home for cooking and laundry. You know, she doesn’t work.

P : In the evening, after you go back home from office, what do you do?
H : Take rest, because i’m tired due to all day works.

P : What does your wife do then?
H : She prepares meals, serving our kids, preparing meals for me and cleaning the dishes, cleaning the house then taking kids to bed.tumblr_o3e8p8Ndub1qghthno1_500.jpg

Whom do you think works more, from the story above???

The daily routines of your wives commence from early morning to late night. That is called ‘DOESN’T WORK’??!!

Yes, Being Housewives do not need Certificate of Study, even High Position, but their ROLE/PART is very important!

Appreciate your wives. Because their sacrifices are uncountable. This should be a reminder and reflection for all of us to understand and appreciate each of the other roles she actively plays in life.