ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?

Last night, as we snuggled up to read your bedtime story, you asked me the question Daddy and I have been half expecting. With a slight ripple across your brow and your blue eyes wide, you said: ‘Mummy, why don’t I have a brother or sister?’

Are you an only child and did you know why you became one literally? Perhaps it is a health or a financial circumstance beyond parent’s control or unfortunate situation of loss of parent making it not possible to have siblings. The parents of an only son have written a letter to him explaining their choice and decision to him alone. The letter stated that mother found out ‘last night, as we snuggled up to read your bedtime story, you asked a question Daddy and was half expecting. With slight ripple across your brow and your blue eyes wide, you said: ‘Mummy, why don’t I have a brother or sister?’ I kissed the top of your head, squeezed you closer and momentarily panicked about how on earth to answer. At four years and four months, you are clearly starting to notice many of friends at nursery talk of siblings or babies. And thankfully this time, you gave me a reprieve turning your attention straight to dinosaur story read to you.’ Last night, as we snuggled up to read your bedtime story, you asked me the question Daddy and I half expected. With a slight ripple across your brow and blue eyes wide, you said: ‘Mummy, why don’t I have a brother or sister? But I know one day the ‘why’ will become more persistent. Daddy and I are far from alone in deciding to stop at one child. Apparently by 7years, half of all families in this country will only have one offspring. Not that it stops me from feeling occasional pang of guilt. I know there will be many positives to decision like our undivided attention for starters so you never know a prickly adjustment period when a new baby arrives. How about sibling rough and tumble you’ll miss out on? A constant companionship for better or worse? I cannot pretend it hasn’t been a real dilemma. Yes, there have been moments when my resolve wobbled particularly as you get closer to starting school so baby no more. Who doesn’t get broody when they see a tiny newborn enfolded in a mother’s arms. But deep down, I know we’ve made the most responsible choice. I just hope, as you grow older, you agree. The truth is Daddy and I would loved another child but quite simply are too old. We liked the idea of two or maybe more, Daddy even hoped for twins! We imagined you all together and nobody ever short of a playmate, bundling you all into the bath after a day at the beach or the park. Sometimes I do wonder if we left it too late to start our little family. After all, we’ve been together for 19 years. Will you wonder what we were doing all that time? know many positives to our decision of undivided attention, helps you thrive. But I turned 44 last year, a day you and Daddy helped me devour the birthday cake I’d made. ‘That’s REALLY old!’ you exclaimed. In terms of having another baby, you were right. More women are have babies well into 40s and beyond but risks proven to be grater for mum and baby not least Down’s Syndrome or other birth defects. I wonder if we left it too late to start family. After all, we’ve been together for 19 years so wondering what we were doing all this time? We met through mutual friends in our mid-20s, drawn together by similarities: we’re both driven, determined, sociable and aspire to wring the most from life. But like many of our generation, chose naively it turned out to let time slip by. Distracted by careers, Daddy as a chartered surveyor and board director, and me as a journalist, we saved like mad for our future, bought property, played hard and enjoyed exciting holidays all over the world. Sometimes I do wonder if we left it too late to start our little family. For 19 years prepared in advance for your arrival. Family and friends badgered us about settling down but we felt buying a home together was the greatest commitment. I know there will be many positives to our decision — all that undivided attention, for starters, and you’ll never know that prickly adjustment period when a new baby arrives There were the more important things paying off a mortgage, for example than a wedding to spend money on. As for having a family, conscious of getting older, of course, honestly didn’t think leaving it to late 30s was a problem. After all, many friends in a similar situation. And in February 2011 of 12 years together, finally married at a beautiful country house in North Yorkshire. By then we were financially secure, happy, had bought a spacious barn conversion and wanted nothing more than to have a little family. But three months after our wedding, early one cool, grey May morning, my own beautiful, adoring mummy your granny died. She’d had cancer for four agonising years, and in the end the doctors and nurses couldn’t do anything more to save her. If I had just one wish in life it was that Granny had lived to meet you. She would have been besotted by your mischievousness, love of being silly and making people smile traits you share with her. Losing her made me all the more desperate to become a mum. I wanted to love and nurture another little person the way she’d always loved my brother and me. I longed to watch her warmth, wisdom and trademark cheerfulness live on in her grandchild. Grief stricken, I barely ate or slept for months.Grief stricken, I barely ate or slept for months. I ran for miles at a time as a coping mechanism and lost a lot of weight despite being slim anyway 

I ran for miles at a time as a coping mechanism and lost a lot of weight despite being slim anyway. Perhaps we shouldn’t have been surprised when, after almost two years of trying to have a baby, doctors confirmed that the shock of losing Granny had caused my body to shut down. I was almost 40 by so we referred for IVF. That’s when something magical happened against all the odds. In late January 2013, I went to fertility clinic in outskirt of Nottingham for some initial scans before starting a treatment. After minutes, sonographer took off her glasses, wiped a tear from her eye and said: ‘You’re not going to believe this you are already pregnant!’ I was around five weeks, but there you were on the sonographer’s screen, a microscopic dot. I cried, and couldn’t wait to tell Daddy. We were elated you arrived in September that year by a planned Caesarean section. I adored you in an instant with your cute little face and love of a cuddle. When I delve into my handbag for a lipstick and instead pull out a toy car or a dirty twig from the park that you’ve put there, it makes me smile 

But I admit I struggled emotionally for a long time. Within a space of under two and a half years went through the two significant events in a woman’s life losing my mum and having a baby of my own. Not having Granny around at that time was heart-wrenching. During the three days that you and I were in hospital, I longed for my mum to walk in, beaming and saying: ‘Aren’t you a clever girl? He’s absolutely gorgeous!’ When Gramps came alone to meet you for the first time, he hadn’t seemed more solitary since Granny’s death. In the months that followed, I’d take you for seven-mile walks in pram along the canal paths and country trails close to our home and tears would roll down my cheeks as I daydreamed about Mum walking by my side. When I delve into my handbag for a lipstick and instead pull out a toy car or a dirty twig from the park that you’ve put there, it makes me smile  What I’d give to have just one photograph of her cuddled up cheek-to-cheek with you. Daddy was wonderfully sensitive and supportive. But at times I felt very alone, as many women do after having a baby. The impossible sadness was juxtaposed by the unrivalled joy you brought to Daddy and me.I know that watching you with a little brother or sister would be a delight. But another baby now? I was 40 by the time I had you. We quickly decided it was more important to enjoy you, rather than focus on trying for another simply because the clock was ticking 

You make us laugh uncontrollably often every day with your funny little ways and your constant chatter and wonder at the world around us. I was 40 by the time I had you. You’re as affectionate and loving as you are boisterous and wilful, destined to be strong-willed given our own personalities! And even when you’re throwing a tantrum we wouldn’t want it any other way. I know watching you with a little brother or sister would be a delight. But another baby now? I was 40 by the time I had you. We quickly decided it was more important to enjoy you, rather than focus on trying for another simply because the clock was ticking. After all, there are so many couples who’d give anything to have just one child. And who’s to say it would have happened a second time, given how long it took us to have you? Plus, at what point do you draw a line under the disappointment of trying and failing? Besides, we’d found being a family of three suits all of us. I am still able to do a job I love while you’re at nursery three days a week. More importantly, Daddy and I are able to focus our attention on you rather than feeling torn between more than one child. Your energy knows no bounds and I have to run you like a dog every day to expend it. I’m not sure I could cope with another little one fizzing with such effervescence. You have always loved your sleep, too: And imagine if you had a sibling who wailed all night for months. That said, I can’t deny the occasional well of sadness: the ‘what ifs’ and fear you’ll miss out on the fun of having a sibling. If I had just one wish in life it would be that Granny had lived to meet you. She would have been besotted by your mischievousness, love of being silly and making people smile — traits you share with her Since I’ve always been so close to my own little brother your uncle Robbie, 42, who loves to tickle and dangle you upside down. Daddy and I have often looked wistfully at our friends with four kids: they’re never without a ready-made playmate. On the other hand, we know siblings who fought terribly as children and barely speak as adults. We know lots of gloriously happy, and well grounded, sociable, selfless children including your brilliant cousin, Saffron, who’s five years older than you. It was adorable watching you playing together on the beach and in the pool on a recent family holiday in Spain. How I chuckled listening to the two of you animatedly discussing favourite or not vegetables in back of car. Nobody ever questioned our decision although there are friends who still tell us: ‘Go on, have another!’ Some people assume things of an only child that they are spoilt because they don’t learn to share. Or they miss out on so much. But Daddy and I will ensure you never feel isolated or become spoilt. Bracing ourselves to hosting lots of play dates sleepovers. We’ll do everything to encourage you to continue to be sociable caring confident little boy you already are. What I’ve realised more than anything is there is actuala much shorter answer to your question. Quite simply, Daddy and I feel enormously fortunate to have one healthy, happy, hilarious little boy who fills our lives with magic every day. We have never been left wanting more.

 

Advertisements

EXPRESS MARRIAGE TRENDS

Sophy on her wedding day in traditional attireWith Valentine day approaching people are looking for love and romance for a form relationships. So couples celebrate established meaningful, love fulfilling a family bond. Others also ready to settle down prepare and advertise for love in new ways using social media, Facebook post and was married six days later. The marriage took place quite quickly than the normal traditional longer process of a family searching and taking years for the marriage to be finalised. CHIDIMMA AMEDU, did exactly that advertising for love and marriage on Facebook. He found a beautiful wife who said, ‘he is the most handsome man I’ve ever met and I liked him instantly.” Those who use Facebook come across pretty strange posts in their time. But this time however the random friends requests, being added to groups you did not ask to join, and tags allows “friends” to marry. Others clog up timeline with posts or photos you don’t necessarily want. But a Nigerian man took it to a whole new level posted unusual advert. Chidimma Amedu put up a post on 30 December, asking women interested in being his wife to reply, he told the BBC.Chidimma Amedu on his wedding day

The proposal

“Am of age to and I am ready to say I do and am wasting no time. “Send in your applications – the most qualified will be married on January 6, 2018. Application closes 12 midnight 31/12/2017 he posted. He followed up with subsequent posts. ‘Am serious about this oh and don’t say you did not see it on time Good luck.’ He received a couple of responses, but one from Sophy Ijeoma is someone special who caught his attention. She wrote in her reply “Am interested, just DM me… lols,” her post read. At first, she thought it was a joke and she simply replied to keep thread flowing. A direct message from him to her inbox, followed by a Facebook call, would change her life’s trajectory. Chidimma placed the advert initially as a joke but became optimistic when Sophy said she was interested. So two days after their first conversation, he travelled some 500km (300 miles) from his home in the northern city of Abuja, to Enugu in the east where she lived. She had been waiting for him outside a retail store and in true fairy-tale style, “it was love at first sight”, she recalled. “He is the most handsome man I’ve ever met and I liked him instantly.”The couple on their wedding day in Igbo attire

After 2 hours of awkward conversation, he asked her to go to meet an uncle who incidentally is also resident in Enugu. So he asked what was going through her mind at the time, she said she thought it was all a bit of a joke but was excited about it and thought Chidimma was also quite an interesting character. “We got to the uncle’s house and he said: ‘Uncle, meet the woman I want to marry.'” Like Chidimma his family don’t seem to hang about when it comes to getting things done because uncle gave his approval. The couple are friends on Facebook for over a year but never spoken to each other before the advert. Getting family backing for your choice of spouse is an essential part of Igbo culture. Whereas picking your future wife from dozens of respondents to a Facebook marriage advert and marrying her in six days is decidedly not. At this point in their day-old relationship, it was beginning to dawn on Sophy that this fellow was not playing, but how do you commit to marrying someone you only just me. She would not comment on whether they had even shared as much as a kiss at that point, but maintained she was captivated by how focused, determined her new fiancé was. “When I saw him for the first time, I definitely found him attractive, but what I didn’t know was how serious he was about marrying me. “It was after we met the uncle and his wife, I realised that this could actually happen and I wanted it.”A family member felicitate with the couple

The engagement

It was now her turn to worry about how she was going to get the approval of her family to marry a guy she had just met on Facebook. But they had momentum going for them. Having met and fallen in love at first sight, or first message, if you like, and getting Chidimma’s uncle’s approval, couple decided to complete the cycle by visiting Sophy’s family the same day. Approval from the family is essential in Igbo tradition and Sophy recounted how she relayed information to her mother. Her dad passed away, and her mum said she did not have a final word in terms of giving approval for her to be married, so up to Sophy’s elder brother to give his blessings. It appears the odds firmly in their favour as Sophy’s brother gave his blessings too. So after a few questions from her brother it became official. Chidimma and Sophy were engaged to be married in six days.The happy couple cutting their cake

On the rebound?

Last year Chidimma was engaged to another woman and the wedding was scheduled for December, but then that relationship fell apart in March leaving him dejected. As December approached, the disappointment of not being able to fulfil his dream of getting married made him put up the post, he said. In wedding it was a blend of old and new “I had the desire to get married, had date in mind, but no bride, decided to place an advert as a joke, but I was open and up for it.”  Asked whether she knew about earlier engagement and her thoughts on how this seemingly rushed marriage might be seen as a rebound, Sophy dismissed any suggestions that her relationship was not well thought through. “I don’t care about that when you see what you want, you go for it.” They are friends on Facebook for more than a year, but had never met or spoken to each other until the advert. Am interested just DM me… lols” was all it took for the union to be formed. Sophy admitted her friends were sceptical about the whole thing, while some are still in disbelief, but as she said: “When you see the one, you will know he is the one.” And they got married on 6 January in a traditional Igbo ceremony, and posted photos of wedding day on Facebook of course to the amusement of the social media community. Chidimma put up a post saying people may have thought he had been joking but clearly wasn’t. And as expected there was mixed reactions, but mainly a lot of support for the couple. They hope to have a church wedding in April and honeymoon somewhere nice.

MEN DON’T WANT KIDS?

Men don’t want to repeat mistakes

The biggest reason I don't want to be a father is because I don't want to be a failure as a dad to the child the same way my dad was to me

Lots of patience some men don’t have

I tell everyone I don't want to be a dad because I can't afford it. Truth is, I've been a surrogate father before, and I had really bad anger issues. I'm afraid that I'd be an abusive father.

Some men have different life plans.

I feel like all the girls my age who are into me, already have kids. I feel bad but I can't date someone with a child because I don't want to be a father figure. It's just not for me.
WAS ADOPTED SO FELT UNWANTED 
I never want kids because I'm  adopted and I know how hard it is to feel unwanted. I wouldn't make a good father.ABANDONED SO NOT WANT KIDS
I don't want to be a father because I think I'll end up hating it and abandoning my kids.

Apples not fall far away from trees.

My partner doesn't understand I never want kids because I never want to end up turning out like my father.

NOT REALLY A FAN OF CHILDREN

I'm glad I'm gay because i hate children. i really hate children and i don't want to be a dad.

MAY RAISE KIDS AS WAS RAISED

I'm thinking about getting a vasectomy when I'm older because I don't want to be a dad and wouldn't want to raise kids like the way my father did to me
AFRAID MIGHT HURT CHILDREN 
The reason I don't want to be a father is because I'm afraid I'll hurt my child.

You don’t want to take this chance.

I secretly don't want to be a father because I'm scared I will be a horrible one.

Kids aren’t everyone’s cup of tea.

I never want kids..  Because to be honest, I don't even like kids.

Not everyone wants to be like parents

I tell people I never want kids because I don't like them. Truth is I am afraid a part of my father will come out and I will be cursed to be a terrible dad.

Has Real fears so avoids children.

I never want to be a father because mine was a complete failure, like his father, and probably his father.

 A Person’s Individuality is important

I never want kids because I don't want my whole identity to become "daddy." Among other reasons of course.

LIKES HAVING TIME TO HIMSELF

I'm a 25 year old man and I never want kids because I love having time to myself.

Some couples do not want kids

I never want kids because I've basically raised my siblings and I'm over it

Raising children lot of responsibility.

I tell people I never want kids because I hate them. The truth is that I don't want to be responsible for ruining their childhood. I couldn't live with myself knowing I screwed up

Health issues are a serious thing.

I never want kids, because I don't want to pass down my mental illness

Child pain lifelong commitment gain

I never want kids because they hold you back. As a dad you have to watch family movies, eat up at your money, don't let you travel and that's only the beginning...

Some couples do not want kids which is fair if they can afford to pay others to care for them in old age. However, deliberately refusing to bear children due to inconvenience they cause then get support from those who sacrificed to have children is interesting. This is a lifelong commitment. The real reasons men these days do not want kids are given as to why they do no want kids and others want children. Everyone has own reasons so men are opening up about why they do not want children. Not every man has a paternal instinct and desire to start a family as some men show. So not holding back in the honest confessions about why they don’t want kids in life.

Comments:-

It is good to talk to the men again in the future to reassess their current mindset. Talk to other men to discuss if they had such feelings or any regrets later in old age when it was too late. Do their real fears merit not enjoying being a parent? How about needing loved ones to look after them when older? Do they know people who live without children and managed to be alright in life? Certain decisions made precortex may not be always reversible years later.
Haven Alexander Kincaid
Not everyone NEEDS to have children to be fulfilled. Children are not the sole purpose for existing, thanks.
Like · Reply · Mark as spam · 5 · Dec 12, 2017 5:15pm
Haven Alexander Kincaid
Plus if you’re only having kids to have someone to “look after you” when you’re old, you’re having kids for the wrong damn reason.
Like · Reply · Mark as spam · 5 · Dec 12, 2017 5:16pm
Menno van Oosten
Haven Alexander Kincaid Actually, from a biological standpoint, it is. All animals except humans die as soon as they reach the age where they cannot reproduce anymore.
Like · Reply · Mark as spam · Dec 14, 2017 6:37am

There’s a lot of patience involved that some men don’t have.

2

I tell everyone I don't want to be a dad because I can't afford it. Truth is, I've been a surrogate father before, and I had really bad anger issues. I'm afraid that I'd be an abusive father.

Some men have different life plans.

3

I feel like all the girls my age who are into me, already have kids. I feel bad but I can't date someone with a child because I don't want to be a father figure. It's just not for me.

He’s experienced pain.

4

I never want kids because I'm  adopted and I know how hard it is to feel unwanted. I wouldn't make a good father.

Whoah.

5

I don't want to be a father because I think I'll end up hating it and abandoning my kids.

This apple wants to fall far away from the tree.

6

My partner doesn't understand I never want kids because I never want to end up turning out like my father.

Fatherhood isn

HAVE CONFIDENCE IN GOD

291754852_640

Confidence in God is inbuilt in the brain to receive information, process, to take an action, store, apply or discard based on relevance. So scientists successfully have mapped parts of brain enhancing positive thinking to enable reinforcing good thoughts. When we think about ourselves positively, we are stimulating parts of our brains involved in reward, motivation, pleasure, says Dr Stacie Grossman Bloom. According to Dr Stacie Grossman Bloom a neuroscientist who has three daughters who also has a successful career at the NYU Langone Medical Center in New York. She has examined the role neuroscience plays in boosting confidence. This is particularly useful to many people who need exactly that, she writes as part of this year’s 100 Women Challenge. As primary carers or nurtures the mother’s confidence rubs on a child in the formative years of growing up. A happy mother is a happy child and happy family so is important to ensure the confidence of the mother is especially enhanced and supported. It takes a whole village to raise a child so the woman’s confidence is essential for the happiness of the spouse and vice versa. Confidence radiates in a person so is felt by those around that person so necessary to promote positive thinking. The world is so full of negative news it may seem impossible to think or to feel positive at any given moment. However confidence in God is the anchor of hope and joy in spite of adversity.images

confidence-in-the-lord2Confidence in God is unshaken by those circumstances of life having assurance God is still on the throne. Confidence is something many people want but do not know how to get. We need to embrace our abilities, our values and have a self-esteem to be successful. Without it, we are less likely to seek promotion, speak up in meetings and rise into leadership positions. This ultimately has enormous impact as various studies after studies shows having confident people at work in position of power correlates with the profitability collaborative environment and improved problem solving. So with some practice, we can use neuroscience to help to be more confident. The most influential or the inspirational names around the world every year are full of confidence. In 2017, challenging people to tackle the 4 biggest problems facing people today like glass ceiling, female illiteracy, harassment in public spaces and sexism in sport. With the help of all hopefully can be coming up with many real-life solutions and so we want you to get involved with your ideas. 8aa3408d68e32286c91a4aeea3380fd6 CONFIDENCE-IN-GOD+copy

Thinking positively we know enhances self-confidence like all other personality traits reside within our brains. Alhough a large part of architecture of the brain is predetermined yet experiences and the choices we make continue to shape us. Over the course of life we acquire new knowledge, abilities by modulating the intricate and malleable connections between the cells and circuits in brains. We can utilise neuroscience to silence our negative inner voices and boost our confidence. These strategies work by engaging “value areas” of the brain. When we think about ourselves more positively, we are able to stimulate the parts of our brains that are involved in reward, motivation, and pleasure. One output of this pattern of neurological activation is we literally feel good when confident, we hold our heads high.Dr. Bloom with her three daughtersDr. Bloom with her three daughters

A healthy positive feeling is contagious so promotes those around us to be more engaged with us, whether its colleagues, our friends, or troops. The reinforcing reactions we see and feel in response to our confidence feedbacks to our brains to encourage more activity. So the first step is to push back against obstacles we know stand in our way being mindful of situations and deciding to be confident. Making complex decision is a multi-step process that taps into our emotions and engages many other parts of the brain.

Train your brain

brainWhen we have made the decision to be confident, we have to start training our brains. The Above brain scan details by DR. GYORGY BUZSAKI, NEUROSCIENCE INSTITUTE, shows the orange structure here as one of billions of neurons that is often stretching out to make connection (synapses) you see in yellow (more than 75,000). Those connections are what we are tweaking when we learn to choose confidence Just like mastering any other talent, gaining self-assurance requires repetition and time. Every time we do or learn something new, our brains adjust to store our new skill or bit of knowledge. This happens because parts of our brains are plastic and synapses that connect our brain cells, called the neurons, to each other can be modified, strengthened, and even newly created to store what we have acquired in this case confidence boost communication. From a scientific perspective people can blame both nature nurture for stacking the odds against them when it comes to valuing themselves. A biological reality is that women secrete different levels of hormones than men so react differently to the same world around us.brainThis brain scan shows “value areas” of the brain. DR PAUL GLIMCHER AND IFAT LEVY’s image caption reveal the areas of the brain in these images that are coloured to show they are activated “value areas” of the brain. Women tend to have a desire to please others, to seek acceptance, inclusion and avoid conflict. The way women respond to a stressful situations is different to men. While the men tend to take more risk when under pressure, the women look for the surer solutions and reach out to connect with others to manage stress. These genetic differences are compounded by the fact that we are socialized differently from the moment we are born and a pink hat is placed upon our heads.

Cartoon shows arrows coming out of woman's head

Boys and girls

As we grow up, young women are not necessarily taught to exhibit any self-confidence, and if we do, we are often criticized for being “snobby” or “stuck-up” or “bitchy” words seldom associated with men. We hear damaging terms like “women’s intuition” suggesting that we aren’t making strategic analyses, but basing our decisions on some ethereal gut feeling but study after study shows women and men equally data driven. And the relentless emphasis placed on how we look erodes our self-image and for most of us, gets worse over time. As a mother of 3 young girls, this resonates every time daughters receive another impossibly-proportioned doll designed for dress up, caregiving, or primping.

Some women in a perceived masculine job are treated with ridicule finding it hard to convince men they are as good and competent as required to do the job even with their identical qualifications trained by exact same Institute. These bias comes in underhand tactics, jokes derogatory of performance and hurtful comments that can affect confidence. It is sometimes deliberately done hoping it drives away unwanted females from an all male exclusive zone. These can be do traumatic for women that it is very necessary to educate men on how to act, behave or talk to women. Especially the women of diversity background raised in serious environments teach respect of the emotional feeling others. Healthy interactions are required in a civilised  society that prides itself on equal rights or equal opportunities. Women are still facing hitting a glass ceiling if they also desire promotion by climbing a broken ladder. It is well-documented we way we raise girls and women has a lasting impact on way they view themselves and their abilities. Negative messages will engender self-doubt and lead us to underestimate ourselves. The result is not only a nearly universal feeling of imposter syndrome but fear of making mistakes, suspicion of underperforming unattainable quest for perfection. This is what is shutting down when making a decision to be more confident.confidence-blog-Jan1-1

Practice, practice, practice

It doesn’t matter what level of self-assurance you start at, the more time and effort you dedicate to practicing being more confident, the faster your brain will change and the faster you’ll master it. So it is important to remove ourselves from situations and people who make you feel bad because confidence largely comes from being in supportive environment. Environment comprises people around us and what we choose to focus our attention on. It is beneficial to concentrate on things that are empowering and to steer clear of exposure to images and contents that make us feel bad about ourselves. The way we choose to hold and to conduct ourselves is another factor. The mental simulations help envisioning ourselves finishing a race, speaking in public to a standing ovation, mastering job, getting a degree can all help build ourselves up. Just as a coach gives encouraging pep talk to the team before taking the field, we can give ourselves a confidence lift. Notably, these practices have an impact on our overall health and wellbeing, serving as buffer to stress, depression, and fostering good mental and physical health. When we choose confidence, we are rewiring our brains and we are able to change ourselves and our world, for the better. So how would you feel if you can become more confident, happier go influence people in a more confident manner. With God all things are possible.

Reblogged and updated

100 women BBC season logo

Dr Stacie Grossman Bloom is Assistant Vice-President, Policy & Administration, and Associate Professor at Department of Neuroscience & Physiology, NYU Langone Health.

BIBLE EDUCATION: ORAL SEX

Couple smiling under the covers at home in bedThe Bible talks of sexual conduct within God’s laws, regulations to enjoy loving each other intimately. God created sex so accepts and recommends the mutual sex consent agreement in Bible between married couples in 1 Corinthians 7:5. Its important to read God’s laws on sex in Bible not assume if church recommends oral sex its alright to do so. Often issues of harmful infections of STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) spread by spouse knowingly or unknowingly affects the married partner too. So it is important to discuss diseases transmitted by oral sex because people think it is the safest way to prevent pregnancy. Most people have the Actinomyces species bacteria israelii and bovis in lining of the mouth, throat, digestive tract, urinary tract and in the female genital tract. Practising of oral sex can be infected by contracting it without an immediate effect for years. This can develop into other diseases if the carrier passes it on through mutual sex. Most couples do not necessarily do tests as part of the marriage process. So anyone with the bacteria harmlessly in the body becomes dangerous if a person develops a disease, or if there is damage to the tissue lining causing the bacteria to spread out of normal environment. Actinomyces bacteria are anaerobic, which means they flourish deep inside body tissues where oxygen levels are very low. Bacteria living within deeper tissues are harder to diagnose, and they often take longer to treat. The disease can be triggered when internal body tissues are pierced, for example, by something sharp in the esophagus, or through tooth decay or gum diseaseAs disease progresses, painful abscesses can form and grow in size, usually over a period of months. Some can be severe surrounding bone, muscle penetrated. The infections can be large enough skin breaks open, leaking large amounts of pus. Be safe even if you agree mutually to engage in oral sex use condoms and do not use excuse it creates barriers to prevent natural penetration contact. A lot of couples get throat diseases, host of complex illnesses caused by oral sex.5fc5b207d20602a7d6798a62ad3b25dc

Types of actinomycosis

Actinomycosis can occur in virtually any part of the human body, but certain parts are more commonly affected. Half of all cases affect head, neck area, and the rest occur in areas such as the chest and the gastrointestinal tract. There are four main types:

Orocervicofacial actinomycosis

Orocervicofacial actinomycosis affects the mouth, jaw or neck, and it usually stems from dental problems, often caused by dental decay and poor oral hygiene. Actinomycosis cause abscess  after some dental procedures. Bacteria lives in dental plaque. Trauma to mouth or face also trigger it, including particles that injure mucous membrane. It can develop after some dental procedures. The infection may be obvious at once, or within one to several weeks of the trauma occurring. The person notices a hard, painful swelling in cutaneous or soft tissue, known as “woody” fibrosis, or they may develop an abscess. It is the most common form, and it accounts for 50 percent of all cases.

Thoracic actinomycosis

Thoracic actinomycosis infection can develop in the airways and lungs. It often happens when bacteria from the mouth and throat are unintentionally inhaled and enter the lungs. Symptoms affect lungs to start with but can extend to the area around lungs, chest cavity and vertebrae of the upper trunk. The person experiences weakness, fever, a productive cough or severe weight loss.

Abdominal actinomycosis

Abdominal actinomycosis infection occurs in the abdomen but it can affect other parts of digestive system, from the esophagus to anorectal area. It happens after somes case of appendicitis person develops abscess persistent fever and pain. Actinomyces in abdominal cavity can lead to infection in pericardium sac around the heart, or within the liver or spleen. Sometimes, a secondary pelvic infection may result.1200px-Actinomyces_israelii

Pelvic actinomycosis

Pelvic actinomycosis occurs within the pelvis as infection can spread from the vagina. It used to be thought that the women who use an intrauterine device (IUD) for contraception had the higher chance of developing this infection with extended use, but risk is now estimated to be very low, around 0.001 percent. A gynecological procedure can make it make it likely for women to develop pelvic actinomycosis. The bacteria can cause abscesses in ovaries and fallopian tubes and lead to complications with other organs within the abdomen and pelvis. Actinomycosis rarely affects a central nervous system (CNS). This can happen directly due to neck lesion or face or spread from elsewhere. It can lead to brain abscess causing headaches and neurological symptoms. Other rare type affects skin, bones, usually when infection spreads from deeper tissues.

Actinomycosis symptoms

Actinomycosis can take variety of forms mimicks other infections or neoplasms. It is important to check a private sexual act to see if it is causing health issues as pointed by medical journals referred to. This article informs people to become more aware of sexually related illnesses than can be connected to oral sex, they may not think is affected by oral sex. It good to be in know if sexual activities is contributing to complex health issues. It is vital to remember Actinomycosis as a bacterial infection also spreads through body tissues. Disease features a number of small interlinked abscesses. People have gems on hands even after washing hands. Multitudes of bacteria on hands mixed with bacteria in mouth, throat, digestive tract, vaginal walls is a toxic combination of hybrid gems evolving to complex infections of health problems.

IMG_20170823_114826

Symptoms differ according to the type of actinomycosis, but they may include:

  • Swelling and inflammation at the site of the infection
  • Tissue damage and scar tissue
  • Abscesses, or pus-filled lumps
  • Small holes or tunnels in tissue called fistulas that can leak a kind of lumpy pus.

The severity of symptoms depends on area of the body affected by infection. There may be pain and fever with body aches fatigue and generally feeling not well. It is estimated 75 percent to 95 % of actinomycosis lesions and infections involve other bacteria. Actinomycoses does not act alone so infections: group-B streptococcus, E. coli and a range of sexually transmitted infections affect babies at birth. Bible in 1 Corinthians 11:30 says for this cause many are weak and sickly among you and many sleep (die). Profaning of body and Blood of Lord Jesus through sexual immorality as prevalent in Sodom and Gomorrah killed people for their lack of knowledge and understanding of God’s Words. God says HIS PEOPLE perish for their lack of knowledge. Fear of God is beginning of wisdom for preservation into eternal life. A period of abstention every month forces a couple to build a non-sexual bond and sexual one. Helps build couple’s desire for each other making intercourse in the remaining two weeks more special. Gives partners chance to rest not feeling sexually inadequate. So emphasises self-discipline fundamental to high moral value sexual drive.

The-Marriage-of-Intimacy-C1

Diagnosis and treatment

Laboratory investigations to diagnose actinomycosis include microscopic examination of a culture of sputum or pus, or tissue taken in a biopsy. Pus or tissue typically contain yellow sulfur granules. Actinomycosis can be chronic condition so long-term treatment with antibiotics is common. Patients may need treatment ranging from 6 weeks to 12 months. In some cases, surgery is performed to drain an abscess or to remove an infected part, after which a 3-month course of antibiotics may be needed to resolve problem. To decrease the chance of developing actinomycosis, people should avoid any alcohol abuse, maintain good health and keep chronic medical conditions under control and practice good dental hygiene. Countries with good access to antibiotics or dental services, the incidence of actinomycosis tends to be lower. Increasingly young people told “oral sex is not really sex,” so promoted safe no risk pregnancy no risk of catching a sexually transmitted disease alternative to intercourse. The Bible in Leviticus 18 gives a long list of the sexual dos and don’ts acceptable to God. As the creator and originator of sex God has very high interest in body His Holy temple so gives instructions in Bible. Ephesians 5:3 says to believers, among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality or impurity because these are improper for God’s Holy people.” Bible says “immorality” is forms sexual contact outside marriage. In Hebrews 13:4 the “marriage bed” is pure and undefiled according to Bible, sex is to be reserved for only marriage. Oral sex is sin if done before or outside marriage as the contraception method. Natural rhythm based on the monthly cycle of a woman is the safest method. A few days of 3-5 days before or after her ovulation the sperm can still live on for gestation. The rest of the month is free for natural safe sex. Discipline and self control is required to check her body temperature measured by thermometer to signal safest days for intercourse. The problem is lack of alertness to record a monthly cycle. Impulsive sex fuelled by drugs or alcohol can blur memory. It is necessary to be in tune with one’s body fully so to know exact days of ovulation of peak time for conception. The cervix accompanied by mucous helps to know exact day of ovulation. And men must be trained to have mutual agreement as Bible requires. Sex on demand anytime because you are his wife with threats to seek comfort elsewhere lacks accurate knowledge. God wants a couple to enjoy intimacy and be safe as well. Be careful if pastors and ministers approve of oral sex because it is your body that suffers  consequences of a reckless behaviour.intimacy4.jpgIs oral sex a sin within a marriage?

Christian married couples ask question and Bible disallows oral sex between a husband and wife or any sexual activity involving other people like swapping, threesomes, etc. or lusting after another person and pornography. So restrictions principle of “mutual consent” applies to 1 Corinthians 7:5 text requiring couples to abstain from frequency by “mutual consent” within marriage. This agrees perfectly with rhythm method as God killed Onan for wasting precious seed in the Bible. To fully agree between wife and husband it is good to space sex and enjoy comforting embraces. Depending on fasting total abstinence by spouses is highly recommended. So do not force or coerce into oral sex in marriage in the spirit of good mutual consent. There is a biblical case for declaring coercion sin. It can lead to the complex health issues of health caused by oral sex. Marriage or sex is God’s gift for affection intimacy so moral duty for practising believers to please God in the bedroom. So biblically acceptable for sexual intercourse for a married couple to follow joy of rhythm method. God is not wicked wizard of the West denying pleasure within confines of marriage. It is to ensure that sexual interaction must not cause  curses of the disease of Bible in Deuteronomy 28 to come upon those disobeying God’s Commands. Oral sex is not free from sin by mutual consent if a partner becomes infected with diseases. This costs high medical insurance premiums and life savings to treat lifetime consequence of fleeting moments of passion. So people must know the connection between oral sex and their lifestyle choices. Oral sex is not as “safe” as promoted alternative sexual intercourse, sexually transmitted diseases published by medical journals shows it is definitely not as safe as it is often suggested. Chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, HIV/AIDS, and other STDs can be transmitted through oral sex. So be aware and take great care of your Holy precious Temple if you choose to please God.  In some cultures it is a taboo for a reason because infection spreads to the innocent victims.How-is-it-weve-managed-to-stay-together-Christ-1024x682STORY TO ALL MEN EVERYWHERE:

A man who lived abroad now 64 years old lived in the US for 35 years with his family. Throughout life with family did live ‘happily.’ Had a wonderful wife by his side but took her for granted, didn’t pay much attention to her always had a vision of going back to others. So had affairs she knew and made her feel very sad but never apologised only told to get over it as not first man to be unfaithful. She was depressed for weeks eventually recovers but said she was unhappy. He never went on family holidays with his family all the years. Occasionally travels alone and sleeps with ex girlfriends or a short-term girlfriends to fulfil fantasy, on return wife wasn’t attractive to him for weeks. So effected sex life not great as always thinking of other women. He left his wife and family, thinking grass is greener for a ‘better life’ elsewhere. It was trying to settle alone on retirement idea left family to set up business. They protested but went against wife’s word and daughter stopped talking to him but thought life led without them was best. It seemed plan worked so took all his retirement money and selfishly left wife and daughter, hoping can cope as she’s still working. Promised will be visiting the US often. It was exciting at first and had a beautiful girlfriend who flattered him. Within a year all his money was finished while business was not fully set up, confronted with too many set backs. Hit with brain tumour, prostate cancer had to come to US again for treatment. The wife and daughter did well to take care of him but did not feel love passion from them. Was very depressed because he needed them but realised wife and daughter moved on emotionally having a good life. Wife reinvented herself, lost weight, dressed smarter and suspecting seeing someone because she too happy.Making_the_Hard_Choice-4Within a year in America his health was better so returned to complete so-called business. Went back but sad without wife beside him as she has moved on emotionally after years of neglect. So impotent after cancer and not willing to embarrass himself has no woman so he is very lonely. If he was loyal to his wife and made her happy in marriage his story will be different. Please young men out there, read this story to avoid stupid mistakes he made. His life is in an utter state of confusion and cannot even discuss anything with wife. Now depressed and lonely, husbands make future plans with your wives, stay faithful and love her fully and make her feel special because you have only one chance and one life. Do things so your wife will bless you. Be careful of your plans of setting up businesses back in your old age. It is often fantasy so does not work. All the money goes down the drain. And spoken to so many men stuck in the rut with the same mistake. He had a good life in America but failed to see it. So not saying do not come back to where you are from. Men should not do this alone enjoy your life and wife as life is too short. The cancer spread and has months to live so advised not to bother going back to America because nothing can be done. His wife and daughter are coming to see him before his end and demise. Know the Bible in Matthew 28:18-20 says that Jesus came and said, “All Power and Authority in heaven and earth id given to me. So go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold I am with you always to the end of the age. Amen

PLEASE SHARE STORY IT MIGHT SAVE SOMEONE TO LEAD A BETTER LIFE 🙏🏽

5 FREE GIFTS FOR SPOUSES

wife1. Giving hugs is essential to keep love flame alive so give your spouse hugs daily. Hugs are fast disappearing in marriages today. It has been researched hugging is one of the emotional needs of all human being. It is scarcity of spousal hug that makes many men hug ladies not their wives indiscriminately. Many women crave for hugs and they allow every Tom Dick and Harry to hug them because their husbands are not giving them hugs. In the morning or at night, let no day pass without hugging your spouse. It is a valuable you must give your spouse. It could be welcoming hug, a goodbye hug, appreciation hug, affirmative hug. Hugging is non-verbal means of communication so use it well. Do not let your husband or wife crave hug from strangers when you are alive. Hug passionately! Hug romantically. A married couple is generous to all except their spouses​. These 5 things you should give your spouse daily. These are not weekly, monthly, annual giving. They are things you must give spouse daily. Let us see them. Give your spouse a touch: One of the ways to bond with spouse is touch of encouragement, affirmation touch, healing touch, apology touch and sexual intimacy touch. Study your partners and know what touch to give at a particular time. If you want God to touch your marriage, touch your spouse. Do not let day without kissing your partner.

83f6ebfa0be41f0f20e5dd93e6e1adaabacfaad82. Give your spouse a smile: God smiles on a home when couples smile at each other. A smile is a way of telling your spouse, ‘You delight me’, ‘Your presence amuses me,’ ‘I am pleased with you’. Frowning at your spouse is not a thing that should last a whole day. One of the way to know your marriage is cold is when you are not SMILING with each other. Smile. It is one of the best gifts you can give your spouse in a day. I love to smile a lot and I love to see my Queen smile. I do not like people who are not generous with their smile. It is free. You do not need to pay for smiles. Just relax your muscles and smile. Couples, smile, keep smiling! To prevent your marriage going cold keep smiling with spouse.Picture-23. Give your spouse a call/ chat: Some people can chat with all the contacts on their phones & all the friends on their friends list on Facebook. But they never chat or call their spouse throughout​ the day. Chatting or calling your spouse in a day at work is a way of saying, ‘Dear, despite my busy schedule, I have you in mind. I am thinking about you’. Make sure you send a chat, or give a call to your spouse today. Make it a daily thing. Nobody is tired of receiving a caring chat or a call from someone they love.

publication_249679_img54c52dafa3b0e7fb78709e5ce3a9b394.png4: Give your spouse the gift of Peace of mind. A home is the end-point of every thing we do daily. Let me explain it this way. If a doctor you cannot sleep in the hospital all the days of your life. You will need to come home. If you are an engineer, you cannot sleep in the site all days. If a lawyer you cannot sleep in the bar all days. As a pastor, you cannot be in the Church 24/7. We all must go back home. Home is the end point. So, if your spouse is excited to come home, it must be a peaceful home. So stop the nagging, fighting, insulting, abuse, threatening, behaviour and humiliating your spouse. Give him rest of mind. Give your wife rest of mind. Be the head of your wife not the headache of your wife. Madam, be wife and not ‘knife’ to your husband. Blessed are the couples that give each other peace of mind daily! Give your spouse Space. As much as you need to bond with spouse together for intimacy communication, affection, planning, etc. you need to give your spouse space. So make time for couple’s prayers, time for couples bonding, time for own personal prayer, personal meditation, personal rest, personal planing, etc. Do not be too close for comfort to choke your spouse. Do not be over possessive and also over demanding to spouse. Stop unnecessary policing and monitoring. Give spouse a space they need when they need it.4718801-friday-prayer-quotes5: Give your spouse prayer no matter how wealthy or highly connected you are, there are things you can not do for your spouse. You are limited. One of the ways to show love to your spouse is to commit him/her to the unlimited God. Say word of prayer for your spouse daily. Other things may fail and may not work. But no force withstands power of prayer. You cannot heal your spouse, only God can heal him/her. You cannot lengthen the days of your spouse. Only God can do that. You cannot save your spouse. You cannot take away addiction and evil habits from your spouse , only God can do that for him/her. Pray to God. Mention name of your husband / wife to God. As a man, you are the priest of your family, lay your hands on your wife or hold her hands and say a word of prayer to her life. It is a major gift couples have to give each other. Blessed is the wife whose husband gives a gift of prayer daily and vice versa. Pray for your spouse if you do not want him/her to become a prey in the hand of devil. All these 5 things you must give your spouse daily are very easy, simple, free and important. Put them on your ‘to-do-list’. Do not forget to give it. Remember, givers never lack any good thing. If you give your spouse all these, I can assure you that, there is a high assurance that you will get it back in return to make your joy full. Love your marriage as joy of your family is your priority. Bless all family members and thank God daily in Jesus Name through the Holy Spirit.

Written by :

© Ebenezer Diyaolu

CHILDREN ARE NOT DOLLS

vlfdcToday’s news report is full of children harmed or killed by many tragic accidents purposefully orchestrated or unintended by someone seething due to jealousy of affection given the children. Such people forget infant’s life requires sacrifices of parents, loved ones, carers who endure to ensure children thrive in life. Their parents went without basic necessities in life, food so they survived. After growing up they feel reluctant to do the same for their own children or step children. There are many blended families doing a great job looking after children and fantastic at it. They deserve recognition and congratulations though not seeking praise for excellent job done daily. Against the backdrop of great parenting is trend of children seen and treated as inconvenient intrusion into ‘perfect happiness’ of dysfunctional families. 980d9a8dac0ead3b5cb8e562bc98d80bSuch people, playing superficial happy family fantasize about having children to ‘seal their love’ but discover shock of changes to their relationship after birth of children. This adds on to stress of an already disorganized family affected at times by influence of drugs or computer games. Such parents blame each other or shift the responsibility of caring and discipline styles, cause more stress and infighting. Meanwhile the children internalize effects of chaos caused by immature people in toxic relationships unfit to raise children. Resentful with regret of their decision to have children cannot opt out. Children caught up in the middle of strife endure life worse at times due to alcohol or selfish actions of parents vying for affection at the cost of children’s lives. Some children cry for hours and given calpol for headaches but parents offended if the child laughs. It seems the parents feel satisfied when the child cries but tells child off if seen as happy and cheerful. Modern living isolates couple further without support network required for respite care of children to give the parents a break. The parent not from poor background, well-brought up can be victim of success if over indulged without consideration for others or own children and family. May grow up with sense of entitlement so receive attention without giving back to others. Demand more attention as grown up in charge of own family. Competes with children for attention so never emotionally secure.wayne-dyer_children-erichuber-comSurprisingly, such parents lack awareness or previous experience of babysitting children 24/7. Totally unprepared  for childcare needs of children they bear or take care of. In the past, schools designed practical living skills of housekeeping, cooking, sewing, cleaning, ironing, childcare as part of curriculum in education. So the young people were trained in hands on real life practical experience life skills to equip them for family life. In addition, extended family in the vicinity living together enhance family experiences of children. Despite family hardships or lack of material trappings of modern living children are nurtured to live in a healthy way. Issues of paedophiles or abuse may exist but at least there was someone in the family who children genuinely rely on in time of emotional need for their support. The attitude of some parents is they think they ‘own’ their children so cause pain to child. And those helping giving real happiness to their children viewed as encroaching, undermining, overriding, imposing threat to them. Additionally, children without FRONTAL CORTEX do not wilfully intend to cause an offence deliberately to hurt parents. Children’s BRAIN NOT FULLY grown or developed do not fully UNDERSTAND adult world.quote-Charlotte-Davis-Kasl-a-life-long-blessing-for-children-is-to-21784Creating good and happy memories in children is treasured in the heart for life of the children. Mimicking adults seems they understand issues but incapable of the maturity of adults. This is the reason why God entrusts the children into the safe adult hands as parents or stewards to look after them. Adult is REPONSIBLE to ensure child’s needs are met, well-fed healthy foods, trained to make sense of environment, given a spatial awareness to relate to others in interactive ways to build up confidence. A child cannot be blamed or accused of being responsible for coming into world to ruin parent’s life. If adult not ready to sacrifice their life at least 30 years to raise children, use protection to prevent conception. Children are for life and not only for Christmas displays. Some think children will enhance them by having them for wrong reasons. A fractured, disjointed society today focus on external material things at the expense of healthy organic nurturing safe atmosphere surrounded by family and friends. Yet nature and nurture are both vital components to accomplish a balanced upbringing of children’s lives. The shift of emphasis on gadgets, technology, high-tech and high strung high-maintenance intense stress, pressure and atmosphere is not really conducive for children. Attention on the external shoe costs and designer labels to wear and expensive clothes or toys above emotional needs of the children. Damage or loss of items becomes bone of contention in anger beats the child to pulp and causing tragic death. The other children are killed by computer gamers who feel distracted from their addictive games by the children requiring nappy change or food. Again tensions of credit crunch play role in frustrating parents stuck with children without proper jobs. Recent rate of fatalities of the children’s death toll is needlessly rising.5c50ba8d0995fc2295ff172d6eccfa6fUnacceptable levels further exasperated by children having children without the FRONTAL CORTEX BRAIN themselves to UNDERSTAND risk and consequences of their actions on delicate tender body of babies and children. Dangerous attacks of children by jealous lovers or parents fester without dealing with the build up of uncalled for anger towards innocent children. Unfortunately some children become victims destroyed by the naive immature jealous partner who in turn destroys own lives in the process. It is sad the family is ruined by adults who wants to raise children as little soldiers. They DO NOT ALLOW CHILDREN TO BE THE HAPPY LITTLE CHILDREN HAVING FUN, LAUGHING, PLAYING WITHOUT A CARE in the world. It is a right of every child to be allowed a proper discipline and corrected in a safe manner within their age range meaningful to the child. A child cannot be treated as a grown up adult in terms of relating deep thoughts to a child. Of course precocious children display maturity, genius beyond some adults but is exception than the norm. God ordained mothers to carry babies as first natural teachers of children so more tolerant and patient than some men. Going against nature to demand mothers abandon children to wo/men INCAPABLE of raising their children contributes to damage of children. Some parents feel ashamed and embarrassed to EXPRESS dark emotions or thoughts to others to get help to deal with their own childhood issues projected on that innocent child. Anger is major cause of such parents who vent on the innocent children bearing brunt of frustrations in their life. Such parents act like if they did not have a happy childhood then the child cannot have one. Of course they cannot give what they do not have so get help to allow children to enjoy their innocent years. Build up good memory and stop tyrants scarring children for life to damage them. A lot of children of this generation have a lot of superficial material needs met but hurting deeply by the lack of proper attention required. Oxytocin hormone CALMS children by hugging the child so gains parental love much more priceless than a temporary material joy happiness. Oxytocin is very necessary for the child’s development so healthy contact of a child is essential. Issue of paedophiles is ruining genuine affection for children treated as robot machines. Hugging the child is viewed with suspicion so many steer clear from it but do not hesitate to inflict pain on same child in moment of madness due to anger. A child is for life so before you have the child think twice of long-term time sacrifices of not going to parties, pubs, discos, travelling alone, sleepless nights for feeding or nappy changes. Get help from trusted family members, and friends, loved ones or good neighbours. children-are-not-dolls-they-are-not-toys-to-dress-up-and-show-off-theyre-real-people--95047Talk to GP to arrange talking therapy or with people in parent’s and child groups to learn how to cope better, ask friends to support you. Do not dump anger or rage on your innocent loving children. Children cannot express their internal damage to organs from assaults by the adults. Modern dolls have a computer link to reveal manhandling by a person entrusted with the doll. Unfortunately children do not have such mechanisms displaying internal bleeding by bashing against walls, shaking babies, fractures broken bone, internal bleeding swelling go unnoticed until final straw ends in a fatality. Yet millions desperately want children but cannot have them due to many reasons. So count your blessings, invest TIME to train child so they grow up and not depart from it. Routine is essential to raising children so set up a flexible dynamic time schedule for the children. Time to sleep and wake up is necessary for toddlers for brain growth and development. Lunch at 12 noon and naps between 1pm to 3 pm for toddlers. The adults quickly prepares supper and dry laundry, clean up ready for children to wake up. Children play, eat at 5-6pm, bath at 7p.m ready for bed after reading at 8 pm. Adults between 8:30pm till 12 midnight have enough hours to wind down, date in home, set up romantic meal, eat, talk, watch TV, play computer games, get someone trusted and reliable to watch children to go to cinema, meal, and sleep by 1 am latest. A disciplined routine helps children to settle down better. It is good to maintain the routine even during holidays because it is harder to get back established routine after mixed messages confuse children. Children always remember those who genuinely love and care for them. And discuss with partner if you feel left out or displaced by children at appropriate time. Set up routine for both to continue to date, be in love after marriage and children. Do not go on an autopilot identifying with one child and pitching against each other as opposing teams. Children grow so fast you can do anything in your life after they fly the nest. It is never too late to learn to take up any unfinished business later after children come along into your life. You can relearn and adapt to use new skills online for web jobs, create blog, give hope to others, encourage and support others in similar situations. For God Sake never blame children for ruining your life or future because you are the ones who chose not to use the appropriate contraception. Even if child unexpected accept, love child unconditionally. Use playful interaction like Sound of Music film to help appreciate the children and they remember you when you are old. Remember you are accountable to God WHO records in BOOK of life treatment of children’s lives.