ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?

Last night, as we snuggled up to read your bedtime story, you asked me the question Daddy and I have been half expecting. With a slight ripple across your brow and your blue eyes wide, you said: ‘Mummy, why don’t I have a brother or sister?’

Are you an only child and did you know why you became one literally? Perhaps it is a health or a financial circumstance beyond parent’s control or unfortunate situation of loss of parent making it not possible to have siblings. The parents of an only son have written a letter to him explaining their choice and decision to him alone. The letter stated that mother found out ‘last night, as we snuggled up to read your bedtime story, you asked a question Daddy and was half expecting. With slight ripple across your brow and your blue eyes wide, you said: ‘Mummy, why don’t I have a brother or sister?’ I kissed the top of your head, squeezed you closer and momentarily panicked about how on earth to answer. At four years and four months, you are clearly starting to notice many of friends at nursery talk of siblings or babies. And thankfully this time, you gave me a reprieve turning your attention straight to dinosaur story read to you.’ Last night, as we snuggled up to read your bedtime story, you asked me the question Daddy and I half expected. With a slight ripple across your brow and blue eyes wide, you said: ‘Mummy, why don’t I have a brother or sister? But I know one day the ‘why’ will become more persistent. Daddy and I are far from alone in deciding to stop at one child. Apparently by 7years, half of all families in this country will only have one offspring. Not that it stops me from feeling occasional pang of guilt. I know there will be many positives to decision like our undivided attention for starters so you never know a prickly adjustment period when a new baby arrives. How about sibling rough and tumble you’ll miss out on? A constant companionship for better or worse? I cannot pretend it hasn’t been a real dilemma. Yes, there have been moments when my resolve wobbled particularly as you get closer to starting school so baby no more. Who doesn’t get broody when they see a tiny newborn enfolded in a mother’s arms. But deep down, I know we’ve made the most responsible choice. I just hope, as you grow older, you agree. The truth is Daddy and I would loved another child but quite simply are too old. We liked the idea of two or maybe more, Daddy even hoped for twins! We imagined you all together and nobody ever short of a playmate, bundling you all into the bath after a day at the beach or the park. Sometimes I do wonder if we left it too late to start our little family. After all, we’ve been together for 19 years. Will you wonder what we were doing all that time? know many positives to our decision of undivided attention, helps you thrive. But I turned 44 last year, a day you and Daddy helped me devour the birthday cake I’d made. ‘That’s REALLY old!’ you exclaimed. In terms of having another baby, you were right. More women are have babies well into 40s and beyond but risks proven to be grater for mum and baby not least Down’s Syndrome or other birth defects. I wonder if we left it too late to start family. After all, we’ve been together for 19 years so wondering what we were doing all this time? We met through mutual friends in our mid-20s, drawn together by similarities: we’re both driven, determined, sociable and aspire to wring the most from life. But like many of our generation, chose naively it turned out to let time slip by. Distracted by careers, Daddy as a chartered surveyor and board director, and me as a journalist, we saved like mad for our future, bought property, played hard and enjoyed exciting holidays all over the world. Sometimes I do wonder if we left it too late to start our little family. For 19 years prepared in advance for your arrival. Family and friends badgered us about settling down but we felt buying a home together was the greatest commitment. I know there will be many positives to our decision — all that undivided attention, for starters, and you’ll never know that prickly adjustment period when a new baby arrives There were the more important things paying off a mortgage, for example than a wedding to spend money on. As for having a family, conscious of getting older, of course, honestly didn’t think leaving it to late 30s was a problem. After all, many friends in a similar situation. And in February 2011 of 12 years together, finally married at a beautiful country house in North Yorkshire. By then we were financially secure, happy, had bought a spacious barn conversion and wanted nothing more than to have a little family. But three months after our wedding, early one cool, grey May morning, my own beautiful, adoring mummy your granny died. She’d had cancer for four agonising years, and in the end the doctors and nurses couldn’t do anything more to save her. If I had just one wish in life it was that Granny had lived to meet you. She would have been besotted by your mischievousness, love of being silly and making people smile traits you share with her. Losing her made me all the more desperate to become a mum. I wanted to love and nurture another little person the way she’d always loved my brother and me. I longed to watch her warmth, wisdom and trademark cheerfulness live on in her grandchild. Grief stricken, I barely ate or slept for months.Grief stricken, I barely ate or slept for months. I ran for miles at a time as a coping mechanism and lost a lot of weight despite being slim anyway 

I ran for miles at a time as a coping mechanism and lost a lot of weight despite being slim anyway. Perhaps we shouldn’t have been surprised when, after almost two years of trying to have a baby, doctors confirmed that the shock of losing Granny had caused my body to shut down. I was almost 40 by so we referred for IVF. That’s when something magical happened against all the odds. In late January 2013, I went to fertility clinic in outskirt of Nottingham for some initial scans before starting a treatment. After minutes, sonographer took off her glasses, wiped a tear from her eye and said: ‘You’re not going to believe this you are already pregnant!’ I was around five weeks, but there you were on the sonographer’s screen, a microscopic dot. I cried, and couldn’t wait to tell Daddy. We were elated you arrived in September that year by a planned Caesarean section. I adored you in an instant with your cute little face and love of a cuddle. When I delve into my handbag for a lipstick and instead pull out a toy car or a dirty twig from the park that you’ve put there, it makes me smile 

But I admit I struggled emotionally for a long time. Within a space of under two and a half years went through the two significant events in a woman’s life losing my mum and having a baby of my own. Not having Granny around at that time was heart-wrenching. During the three days that you and I were in hospital, I longed for my mum to walk in, beaming and saying: ‘Aren’t you a clever girl? He’s absolutely gorgeous!’ When Gramps came alone to meet you for the first time, he hadn’t seemed more solitary since Granny’s death. In the months that followed, I’d take you for seven-mile walks in pram along the canal paths and country trails close to our home and tears would roll down my cheeks as I daydreamed about Mum walking by my side. When I delve into my handbag for a lipstick and instead pull out a toy car or a dirty twig from the park that you’ve put there, it makes me smile  What I’d give to have just one photograph of her cuddled up cheek-to-cheek with you. Daddy was wonderfully sensitive and supportive. But at times I felt very alone, as many women do after having a baby. The impossible sadness was juxtaposed by the unrivalled joy you brought to Daddy and me.I know that watching you with a little brother or sister would be a delight. But another baby now? I was 40 by the time I had you. We quickly decided it was more important to enjoy you, rather than focus on trying for another simply because the clock was ticking 

You make us laugh uncontrollably often every day with your funny little ways and your constant chatter and wonder at the world around us. I was 40 by the time I had you. You’re as affectionate and loving as you are boisterous and wilful, destined to be strong-willed given our own personalities! And even when you’re throwing a tantrum we wouldn’t want it any other way. I know watching you with a little brother or sister would be a delight. But another baby now? I was 40 by the time I had you. We quickly decided it was more important to enjoy you, rather than focus on trying for another simply because the clock was ticking. After all, there are so many couples who’d give anything to have just one child. And who’s to say it would have happened a second time, given how long it took us to have you? Plus, at what point do you draw a line under the disappointment of trying and failing? Besides, we’d found being a family of three suits all of us. I am still able to do a job I love while you’re at nursery three days a week. More importantly, Daddy and I are able to focus our attention on you rather than feeling torn between more than one child. Your energy knows no bounds and I have to run you like a dog every day to expend it. I’m not sure I could cope with another little one fizzing with such effervescence. You have always loved your sleep, too: And imagine if you had a sibling who wailed all night for months. That said, I can’t deny the occasional well of sadness: the ‘what ifs’ and fear you’ll miss out on the fun of having a sibling. If I had just one wish in life it would be that Granny had lived to meet you. She would have been besotted by your mischievousness, love of being silly and making people smile — traits you share with her Since I’ve always been so close to my own little brother your uncle Robbie, 42, who loves to tickle and dangle you upside down. Daddy and I have often looked wistfully at our friends with four kids: they’re never without a ready-made playmate. On the other hand, we know siblings who fought terribly as children and barely speak as adults. We know lots of gloriously happy, and well grounded, sociable, selfless children including your brilliant cousin, Saffron, who’s five years older than you. It was adorable watching you playing together on the beach and in the pool on a recent family holiday in Spain. How I chuckled listening to the two of you animatedly discussing favourite or not vegetables in back of car. Nobody ever questioned our decision although there are friends who still tell us: ‘Go on, have another!’ Some people assume things of an only child that they are spoilt because they don’t learn to share. Or they miss out on so much. But Daddy and I will ensure you never feel isolated or become spoilt. Bracing ourselves to hosting lots of play dates sleepovers. We’ll do everything to encourage you to continue to be sociable caring confident little boy you already are. What I’ve realised more than anything is there is actuala much shorter answer to your question. Quite simply, Daddy and I feel enormously fortunate to have one healthy, happy, hilarious little boy who fills our lives with magic every day. We have never been left wanting more.

 

Advertisements

COCONUT OIL SUPER FOOD?

CoconutsCoconut oil classified is considered a superfood according toCoconut oil is high in saturated fatSales of coconut oil are rocketing, propelled by celebrity endorsements and claims that drinking the stuff will cure everything from halitosis to digestive disorders. Actress Angelina Jolie-Pitt is said to have a tablespoon or so with breakfast most mornings, while model Miranda Kerr says she not only adds it to salads and smoothies, but she cooks with it and splashes it on her skin as well. The health claims that swirl around coconut oil are treated with a great deal of scepticism by scientists. Coconut oil is seen, in the scientific community, as an unhealthy fat. It is very high in saturated fat (86%), even more so than butter (51%) or lard (39%). The reason that foods rich in saturated fats are frowned on is because eating them causes a rise in blood levels of LDL (low density lipoprotein). LDL is known as “bad cholesterol” because high levels are linked with increased risk of heart disease. On the other hand, saturated fats – which are particularly bad for you – also tend to raise HDL, “good” cholesterol, which has the opposite effect. It is possible that a particular food can raise overall cholesterol levels, yet still be heart-friendly.

Cholesterol check

So is coconut oil a cholesterol-busting wonder food, as some claim, or is this all dangerous hype? Despite all the sound and fury that surrounds coconut oil there have been surprisingly few human studies carried out to test specific health claims. So for the current BBC2 series of Trust Me I’m a Doctor, we thought we should help organise a trial. The Trust Me team started by contacting Prof Kay-Tee Khaw and Prof Nita Forouhi, both eminent Cambridge academics. With their help we recruited 94 volunteers, aged 50-75 and with no history of diabetes or heart disease, and designed a study to assess what effect eating different types of fat would have on their cholesterol levels. We began by randomly allocating our volunteers to one of three groups. Every day for four weeks, the first was asked to eat 50g of extra virgin coconut oil – that’s about three tablespoons full.

Type of oil or fat Polyunsaturated (%) Monounsaturated (%) Saturated (%)
Coconut oil 2 6 86
Butter 3 21 51
Lard 11 45 39
Goose fat 11 56 27
Olive oil 10 76 14
Rapeseed oil 28 63 7
Sesame oil 41 40 14
Corn oil 54 27 12
Sunflower oil 65 20 10

The second group was asked to consume the same amount of extra virgin olive oil. Olive oil is a key element of the Mediterranean diet, which is widely seen as being extremely healthy. And the third was asked to eat 50g of unsalted butter a day. Again, that adds up to just over three tablespoons. The volunteers were told that they could consume these fats in whatever way they pleased, as long as they did so every day for the whole four weeks. On the other hand others think that Coconut oil ‘as unhealthy as beef fat and butter’ so the Diet debate: Is butter back and is sat fat good? They were also warned that, because they were consuming an extra 450 calories a day, they might well put on some weight. Before our volunteers started on their new high-fat regime we took blood samples to get baseline measurements, focusing mainly on their levels of LDL (the “bad” cholesterol) and HDL (the “good” cholesterol) The importance of these two measures is that your heart attack risk is best calculated, not by looking at your total cholesterol score, but your total cholesterol divided by your HDL score. NHS Choices suggests that this figure should be below four. So what happened? As expected the butter eaters saw an average rise in their LDL levels of about 10%, which was almost matched by a 5% rise in their HDL levels Those consuming olive oil saw a small reduction, albeit a non-significant drop, in LDL cholesterol, and a 5% rise in HDL. So olive oil lived up to its heart-friendly reputation.Olive oil

Early Stages of Studies

But the big surprise was the coconut oil. Not only was there no rise in LDL levels, which was what we were expecting, but there was a particularly large rise in HDL, the “good” cholesterol, up by 15. On the face of it that would suggest that the people consuming the coconut oil had actually reduced their risk of developing heart disease or stroke. Olive oil is a key element of the Mediterranean diet, which is seen as particularly healthy. I asked Prof Khaw, who was clearly surprised by these results, why she thought it had happened. “I have no real idea,” she candidly replied. “Perhaps it is because the main saturated fat in coconut oil is lauric acid and lauric acid may have different biological impacts on blood lipids to other fatty acids. The evidence for that comes mainly from animals, so it was fascinating to see this effect in free-living humans.” So should we be hailing coconut oil as a health food? “I think decisions to eat particular oils depend on more than just the health effects” she said. “This is just one study and it would be irresponsible to suggest changing dietary advice based on one study, however well conducted.” This was a very short-term study and compared to olive oil, research on coconut oil is at an early stage. So the claims about coconut oil being a superfood are premature. But if, like me, you enjoy putting coconut in your curries, there seems no very good reason to stop.

The new series of Trust Me I’m a Doctorcontinues on BBC2 at 20:30 GMT on Wednesday 10 January and will be available on iPlayer afterwards.

DIVERSITY AND MARRIAGE

uk-scotland-42510187Congratulations on celebration of inter marriage between different groups of people often seen as source of blending families. In the past was not considered able to do so even within same nation a tribe saw other tribes in the draconian age as enemies unable to relate in long term marriage of family members. And many people missed potential marriage of choice thwarted by feuding families of past generations. Today it is good to see the acceptance and tolerance after many years people recognise humans come from one race. Although some people do not really fully understand the challenges involved it is nice to see a successful couple overcome diversity. It is equally challenging to be married in a common social background because all marriages are hardwork, tolerance and forgiveness of each other. No matter the issues faced its good to see marriage on top of the agenda once again. So nation of Britain prepares to celebrate Prince Harry’s marriage to Meghan as Queen Charlotte of Portugal married in UK’s past history of a royal mixed marriage. According to PBS, Charlotte “directly descended from Margarita de Castro y Sousa, a black branch of the Portuguese Royal HoHouse. That distinction goes way back to the 18th century to Queen Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz. So a black woman in the royal family in the 1700s history nerds say turns out that, while many Englanders were in denial at the time, the wife of King George III, who was Queen from 1761 until her death in 1818, was of mixed race. According to PBSMmmm, Charlotte was “directly descended from Margarita de Castro y Sousa, a black branch of the Portuguese Royal House.” So not of unsavoury mixed-race origins, but actual black royalty. Her race mostly went under the radar over the course of history until decades later art historians began to take a closer look at distinctly black features in her portraits. Her regal nose, those full lips; as a mixed girl myself who can often spot a person with even a small amount of Black ancestry from a mile away, it’s pretty blatant from looking at her painting.

The fact that her black physical traits were visible in those paintings was, in itself noteworthy because as customary at the time for artists air brushed to “play down soften or even obliterate undesirable features in a subjects’ face,” also according to PBS. Even more controversial is the fact that the artist who depicted Queen Charlotte in all of her portraits was Sir Allan Ramsay, an anti-slavery advocate who went on to marry a black woman himself. All that being said, many historians believe the mere existence of Queen Charlotte and these portraits could have played a major role in the slavery abolition movement of the time. And that makes total sense. I mean, think about it: As we saw on The Crown, Queen Elizabeth II wouldn’t even allow her sister to marry a man who had once been divorced. And that was in the 1950s. Can you imagine the existence of a black queen back in the 18th century. Another major plot twis is Queen Charlotte, the actual first black and bi-racial member of royalty, happens to be Prince Harry’s great-great-great-great-great-grandmother. She’s Queen Victoria’s grandmother, which makes them relatives, several generations removed. So not only is it possible that Prince Harry’s 14th great-uncle may have beheaded one of Markle’s ancestors, but now, it’s looking like Prince Harry himself has some interracial genes. It   turns out Queen Charlotte might not be the lone mixed royal and potentially not the first, either. Philippa of Hainault, a fourteenth-century Queen of England, was also rumoured to have African ancestry. And in 2004, former sheep sheerer and builder Gary Lewis became the first Maori or aboriginal New Zealander to join the extended royal family by marrying Lady Davina Lewis, daughter of the Duke of Glouchester and 28th in line to the British throne. (I know, I know. Let me know if y’all need me to draw a family tree for all of this.)
Regardless, I think it’s long overdue (like, seven generations long) for Queen Charlotte to get some credit for being an early trailblazer among the royals. And even though the official title of the first black member of royalty technically taken a long time ago. Meghan Markle’s recent engagement reminds people that love heart matters for pure happiness.

THE BEST & WORST GIFTS

bad_gifts_m_(416x288)Jesus received gold, frankincense myrrh gifts from three wise Maggi kings from the East setting pace to exchange gifts at Christmas. The local shepherds brought sheep so family and friends give gifts to contribute to cost of raising baby Jesus. The giving of gifts is popular in so many cultures including gifts of clothes, shoes, fabrics, foodstuffs, some donate time and money to help out. Others visit the family to bring unique gifts from exotic places to bring awareness of the world. 5508df5cd97c0-girl-unhappy-with-present-s3Gifts have become a part and parcel of Christmas celebration season so many scramble to finish the holiday shopping before big day. While some put thought into finding the perfect gift others leave it last-minute by grabbing whatever is available. This means those looking for gifts often try to find out the best items suitable to each person to surprise them. Others do last-minute holiday gifts, than find the inspiration from gift guides or the mall displays. The 4 types of gifts according to science best given this year and three you should not give.Sad-Child-Christmas.jpg

Don’t how off flashy gifts

Most admit giving gift based on person’s interest from clearance sales research suggests it’s the item so not the price tag that matters. Other gift-givers say their choices are better if more expensive but research published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology did not back that. No clear correlation between present price and recipient satisfaction.

Don’t Give Gift for others

Giving a charitable donation for friends or family member’s seem like a perfect gift: Spending goes to a worthy cause so recipient gets gift they feel good about. A 2015 study published in the journal: Organizational Behavior and Human Decisions, disputes that theory. Close friends, family members appreciate a responsible gift, researchers find casual acquaintances feel slighted because the selection focuses “on symbolic meaning of gift,” rather than on the recipient.sad_child_empty_stocking_medium

Don’t: Dress Up Bad Gift.

If a gift is unsuitable it may be tempting to overcompensate with big bows, fancy wrapping paper but data from Yale’s Association for Consumer Research says strategy may backfire. When people get a gift liked, researchers find attractive trappings slightly enhanced experience. If gift is unsatisfactory science research documentary says purposes wrapping worsened recipients’ perception of the gift because expectations didn’t match reality. It is even worse when the giver can afford the most luxurious presents for themselves and scraps for others.

Give Gifts People want

A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found gift-givers overestimate the impact of a surprise gift. The study showed people appreciate the gifts specifically asked for than unsolicited presents. So make your life easy to stick to their list.

Do: Pick a gift card.

Gift cards surveys have found they’re actually popular among gift recipients. A survey conducted by the National Retail Federation, they were the most requested gift. So some keep it simple as other research has found people are perfectly happy to receive cash as a gift.

Give Appropriate Gifts 134127111

A series of studies published in Journal of Experimental Social Psychology found recipients prefer gifts that reflect own interests and hobbies. Researchers found “givers and receivers report greater feelings of closeness to a giver when gift reflects giver’s and receiver’s mutual deep interests. Among favourite gifts are Sharing favorite book garment or keepsake with a loved one, makes strongest impact in the long run.

Give gifts that last longer

Quality long-lasting gift items that meet needs like kitchen gadgets or wardrobe, staples, gifts shows in a study published in Current Directions in Psychological Science people prefer present to use for months and years than gifts that makes statement right away but useless.MAIN-Christmas-gifts

What To Do With Unwanted Gifts

If possible, smile kindly and politely and remember it is the thought that counts. Wait a few days and quietly pass gift on to others. Do not to look at annoying gift in misery. Negotiate with store if there is a receipt and the packaging intact for refund or exchange with another item. Buy a similar or exact item if too small or too big then give gift away to charity. Do not offend giver by letting them know it is another item you paid for yourself. If an understanding person first thank them, appreciate gift before complaining about shape or size if gift is unsuitable or useless to you.celebrate-the-gift-of-jesus-christmas-presentation-for-congregation-3-728Jesus-Perfect-Gift6439651153_347574b8e7_bIMG_20171227_0016048df7b55e0d62ef4d40583dc2fef94b6f--christmas-poems-christmas-things102d3ca895dd94e9c1ab973ce2778325--christmas-quotes-christmas-time

If not a meaningful gift to you let giver explain intention and reason for a gift. At times, you may not immediately see a value of a gift until years later when you understand life better. So let giver explain choice, size, colour, preference, if already owns too many, swap item together in a shop. It is not necessary to blame or take offence to put anger on a giver for your disappointment. It is also important to realise nobody is perfect. People may not fully know you well enough to read your mind so tell them or write down gift to understand you better. If a person cannot afford a gift you like do not use it to blackmail them. Realise it is not good to live above your means in debt for the rest of your life for moments happiness. A person’s life, real true identity, innerself strength comes from within as Jesus said. Do not measure your standard of living by gifts you receive or give to others. the-best-gift-at-christmas-is-easy-to-see-its-not-wrapped-in-paper-or-under-the-tree-cos-the-best-gift-at-christmas-and-all-the-year-through-is-having-someone-as-special-as-youYou are the best Christmas present from God so be happy and reason for giving gifts is to bring happiness, joy and love, help to others not for selfish reasons. So remember Jesus said it is better to give than to receive. The most sentimental gifts are unique, one of a kind, made by you so do not necessarily cost money. Think of gifts to help ease the burdens of others like helping them shop, clean, do laundry if unwell or unable to do so due to health, disability. Regift the gifts to other people through online freebies in Gumtree by sharing or exchanging them. If giving food gift ensure dietary needs, allergies taken into consideration to understand religious restrictions not to cause offence by good intentions. And vegans or some vegetarians do not eat food containing animal products leather or pork so be aware when giving gifts. Above all do remember that Christmas is about love of God to celebrate Jesus Christ not just swapping material gifts. Love and appreciate your gift in Christ.

STOP CHRISTMAS ARGUMENT

This Christmas season be jolly to enjoy the moment. After months of hard work and sacrifices it is good to let your hair down and celebrate the festive parties. It is good to reward yourself and others in your family with the frantic presents bought and protracted during shopping. With possiblity of overeating, many are over-tired so argumentative by the time the big day itself is reached. Therefore it is easy to overeact and be hyper strung over insignificant issues. So thrown into the mix is a handful of the family feuds, with a dash of strong alcohol sprinkled with overtired children are ingredients for an explosive recipe row. A recent survey found the average British family has at least 5 arguments on a Christmas Day. Keep focus on peace, goodwill to prevent fights breaking out by following the top, tension-diffusing tips:

1. Make a seating plan

Arrange and label place if the potential exists for toxic reaction of people based on past history. If you know Uncle Bob is going to press buttons over dinner, moaning about the fox-hunting ban and poor choice of plonk, position yourself opposite end of the table. A seating plan can prevent unnecessary friction during the Christmas meal. It is just a case of knowing who to keep away from who to prevent and stop arguments in advance.

2. Lay off the eggnog

Do not say things to regret after one too many mulled wines. Remember alcohol causes chemical changes in the brain if even it initially makes you feel relaxed, but reduce your ability to think straight. Professor McMurran, a psychologist at the University of Nottingham, explains if provoked under influence of alcohol, people tend to disregard “consequences of rising to the bait. This leads to violent reactions from people who would shrug things off. If tensions are rising, swap a cocktail for a mocktail and encourage others to do the same.

3. Share the cooking

Preparing the festive feast is a huge job. Leave it up to one person and it’s likely that tempers will become frayed and sprouts will be thrown. One way of getting around this is to have different people taking responsibility for each course. Offer to take care of the cheese board, dessert or nibbles and take the strain off the head chef.

4. Budget for presents

With so many outgoings, money can be tight at Christmas so financial pressure can be big source of stress and tension. To ease the pressure on everyone, agree on set budget for presents. Encourage homemade gift-giving options including jams and chutneys, a day of babysitting, orguided pub walk around a local area.

5. Be grateful for gifts

Be diplomatic when you’re unwrapping your presents. Be it a fish steamer, or a shoehorn or Star Wars bath mat, smile and say “its just what I always wanted.” It sets a brilliant example to all the kids. And remember, you can always re-gift it next year to other people so investment.

6. Embrace daytime Nap

If feeling more grumpy and irritable or tired and exhausted that is also because sleep-deprived so amygdala bit of brain control of emotions becomes overactive causing prefrontal cortex brain, the bit in charge of logic and decision-making switched off. The result is more erratic, emotional and likely to lose it over the Christmas pudding. So stay in control, try to get a good night’s sleep before the big day and if you feel yourself nodding off in the Queen’s speech, don’t fight it. You can listen to again later.

7. Channel the innerself

Do something helpful so offer to do the driving, walk the dog, take the kids for a run around, or distribute canapés. By mucking in and lending a hand you’re setting the bar for everyone else, and lightening the load for the people you care about. There is always something required to be done at all times. Doing so helps to distract you and you feel fulfilled by helping others.

8. Learn to let things go

Pick your battles carefully so you do not want to win arguments as and have no friends in life. Do you really care how parsnips are prepared? Or what’s in the box? Grit your teeth and turn blind eye for sake of the peace. Do not be control freak rubbing people wrong way. Avoid controversial topics of football, politics, or who eats last After Eight chocolate.

9. Take a breather

If things are getting a bit much, step in to the garden for some fresh air. Oxygen and sunlight are thought to increase the levels of serotonin released in the body, and more serotonin means lighter mood and more relaxed you. If getting outside isn’t an option, take a cup of tea and the paper to cupboard under stairs, or have a ten-minute phone rant with a friend.

10. Avoid Pictionary gaff

It’s fun playing Monopoly or a game of charades, but there a fine line between competitive spirit, outright aggression. Don’t embark on a board game unless you’re convinced everyone will be able to get to end without crying, fighting or both. Compromise so agree to disagree.

11. Christmas times hard

Christmas time unrealistic expectations or excessive self-reflection create issues in our lives coming starkly into focus. It can be really hard time of year for those who lost the loved ones or experiencing financial hardship, illness, depression. A study by Samaritans revealed, amid pressures to be “merry”, nearly half of men admit they actually feel depressed or sad at Christmas. Be aware of needs of people around you, be patient, and if you feel stressed or anxious yourself too reach out to someone.

Reblogged with courtesy:

Christmas from Radio 4

MEN DON’T WANT KIDS?

Men don’t want to repeat mistakes

The biggest reason I don't want to be a father is because I don't want to be a failure as a dad to the child the same way my dad was to me

Lots of patience some men don’t have

I tell everyone I don't want to be a dad because I can't afford it. Truth is, I've been a surrogate father before, and I had really bad anger issues. I'm afraid that I'd be an abusive father.

Some men have different life plans.

I feel like all the girls my age who are into me, already have kids. I feel bad but I can't date someone with a child because I don't want to be a father figure. It's just not for me.
WAS ADOPTED SO FELT UNWANTED 
I never want kids because I'm  adopted and I know how hard it is to feel unwanted. I wouldn't make a good father.ABANDONED SO NOT WANT KIDS
I don't want to be a father because I think I'll end up hating it and abandoning my kids.

Apples not fall far away from trees.

My partner doesn't understand I never want kids because I never want to end up turning out like my father.

NOT REALLY A FAN OF CHILDREN

I'm glad I'm gay because i hate children. i really hate children and i don't want to be a dad.

MAY RAISE KIDS AS WAS RAISED

I'm thinking about getting a vasectomy when I'm older because I don't want to be a dad and wouldn't want to raise kids like the way my father did to me
AFRAID MIGHT HURT CHILDREN 
The reason I don't want to be a father is because I'm afraid I'll hurt my child.

You don’t want to take this chance.

I secretly don't want to be a father because I'm scared I will be a horrible one.

Kids aren’t everyone’s cup of tea.

I never want kids..  Because to be honest, I don't even like kids.

Not everyone wants to be like parents

I tell people I never want kids because I don't like them. Truth is I am afraid a part of my father will come out and I will be cursed to be a terrible dad.

Has Real fears so avoids children.

I never want to be a father because mine was a complete failure, like his father, and probably his father.

 A Person’s Individuality is important

I never want kids because I don't want my whole identity to become "daddy." Among other reasons of course.

LIKES HAVING TIME TO HIMSELF

I'm a 25 year old man and I never want kids because I love having time to myself.

Some couples do not want kids

I never want kids because I've basically raised my siblings and I'm over it

Raising children lot of responsibility.

I tell people I never want kids because I hate them. The truth is that I don't want to be responsible for ruining their childhood. I couldn't live with myself knowing I screwed up

Health issues are a serious thing.

I never want kids, because I don't want to pass down my mental illness

Child pain lifelong commitment gain

I never want kids because they hold you back. As a dad you have to watch family movies, eat up at your money, don't let you travel and that's only the beginning...

Some couples do not want kids which is fair if they can afford to pay others to care for them in old age. However, deliberately refusing to bear children due to inconvenience they cause then get support from those who sacrificed to have children is interesting. This is a lifelong commitment. The real reasons men these days do not want kids are given as to why they do no want kids and others want children. Everyone has own reasons so men are opening up about why they do not want children. Not every man has a paternal instinct and desire to start a family as some men show. So not holding back in the honest confessions about why they don’t want kids in life.

Comments:-

It is good to talk to the men again in the future to reassess their current mindset. Talk to other men to discuss if they had such feelings or any regrets later in old age when it was too late. Do their real fears merit not enjoying being a parent? How about needing loved ones to look after them when older? Do they know people who live without children and managed to be alright in life? Certain decisions made precortex may not be always reversible years later.
Haven Alexander Kincaid
Not everyone NEEDS to have children to be fulfilled. Children are not the sole purpose for existing, thanks.
Like · Reply · Mark as spam · 5 · Dec 12, 2017 5:15pm
Haven Alexander Kincaid
Plus if you’re only having kids to have someone to “look after you” when you’re old, you’re having kids for the wrong damn reason.
Like · Reply · Mark as spam · 5 · Dec 12, 2017 5:16pm
Menno van Oosten
Haven Alexander Kincaid Actually, from a biological standpoint, it is. All animals except humans die as soon as they reach the age where they cannot reproduce anymore.
Like · Reply · Mark as spam · Dec 14, 2017 6:37am

There’s a lot of patience involved that some men don’t have.

2

I tell everyone I don't want to be a dad because I can't afford it. Truth is, I've been a surrogate father before, and I had really bad anger issues. I'm afraid that I'd be an abusive father.

Some men have different life plans.

3

I feel like all the girls my age who are into me, already have kids. I feel bad but I can't date someone with a child because I don't want to be a father figure. It's just not for me.

He’s experienced pain.

4

I never want kids because I'm  adopted and I know how hard it is to feel unwanted. I wouldn't make a good father.

Whoah.

5

I don't want to be a father because I think I'll end up hating it and abandoning my kids.

This apple wants to fall far away from the tree.

6

My partner doesn't understand I never want kids because I never want to end up turning out like my father.

Fatherhood isn

BIBLE EDUCATION: ORAL SEX

Couple smiling under the covers at home in bedThe Bible talks of sexual conduct within God’s laws, regulations to enjoy loving each other intimately. God created sex so accepts and recommends the mutual sex consent agreement in Bible between married couples in 1 Corinthians 7:5. Its important to read God’s laws on sex in Bible not assume if church recommends oral sex its alright to do so. Often issues of harmful infections of STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) spread by spouse knowingly or unknowingly affects the married partner too. So it is important to discuss diseases transmitted by oral sex because people think it is the safest way to prevent pregnancy. Most people have the Actinomyces species bacteria israelii and bovis in lining of the mouth, throat, digestive tract, urinary tract and in the female genital tract. Practising of oral sex can be infected by contracting it without an immediate effect for years. This can develop into other diseases if the carrier passes it on through mutual sex. Most couples do not necessarily do tests as part of the marriage process. So anyone with the bacteria harmlessly in the body becomes dangerous if a person develops a disease, or if there is damage to the tissue lining causing the bacteria to spread out of normal environment. Actinomyces bacteria are anaerobic, which means they flourish deep inside body tissues where oxygen levels are very low. Bacteria living within deeper tissues are harder to diagnose, and they often take longer to treat. The disease can be triggered when internal body tissues are pierced, for example, by something sharp in the esophagus, or through tooth decay or gum diseaseAs disease progresses, painful abscesses can form and grow in size, usually over a period of months. Some can be severe surrounding bone, muscle penetrated. The infections can be large enough skin breaks open, leaking large amounts of pus. Be safe even if you agree mutually to engage in oral sex use condoms and do not use excuse it creates barriers to prevent natural penetration contact. A lot of couples get throat diseases, host of complex illnesses caused by oral sex.5fc5b207d20602a7d6798a62ad3b25dc

Types of actinomycosis

Actinomycosis can occur in virtually any part of the human body, but certain parts are more commonly affected. Half of all cases affect head, neck area, and the rest occur in areas such as the chest and the gastrointestinal tract. There are four main types:

Orocervicofacial actinomycosis

Orocervicofacial actinomycosis affects the mouth, jaw or neck, and it usually stems from dental problems, often caused by dental decay and poor oral hygiene. Actinomycosis cause abscess  after some dental procedures. Bacteria lives in dental plaque. Trauma to mouth or face also trigger it, including particles that injure mucous membrane. It can develop after some dental procedures. The infection may be obvious at once, or within one to several weeks of the trauma occurring. The person notices a hard, painful swelling in cutaneous or soft tissue, known as “woody” fibrosis, or they may develop an abscess. It is the most common form, and it accounts for 50 percent of all cases.

Thoracic actinomycosis

Thoracic actinomycosis infection can develop in the airways and lungs. It often happens when bacteria from the mouth and throat are unintentionally inhaled and enter the lungs. Symptoms affect lungs to start with but can extend to the area around lungs, chest cavity and vertebrae of the upper trunk. The person experiences weakness, fever, a productive cough or severe weight loss.

Abdominal actinomycosis

Abdominal actinomycosis infection occurs in the abdomen but it can affect other parts of digestive system, from the esophagus to anorectal area. It happens after somes case of appendicitis person develops abscess persistent fever and pain. Actinomyces in abdominal cavity can lead to infection in pericardium sac around the heart, or within the liver or spleen. Sometimes, a secondary pelvic infection may result.1200px-Actinomyces_israelii

Pelvic actinomycosis

Pelvic actinomycosis occurs within the pelvis as infection can spread from the vagina. It used to be thought that the women who use an intrauterine device (IUD) for contraception had the higher chance of developing this infection with extended use, but risk is now estimated to be very low, around 0.001 percent. A gynecological procedure can make it make it likely for women to develop pelvic actinomycosis. The bacteria can cause abscesses in ovaries and fallopian tubes and lead to complications with other organs within the abdomen and pelvis. Actinomycosis rarely affects a central nervous system (CNS). This can happen directly due to neck lesion or face or spread from elsewhere. It can lead to brain abscess causing headaches and neurological symptoms. Other rare type affects skin, bones, usually when infection spreads from deeper tissues.

Actinomycosis symptoms

Actinomycosis can take variety of forms mimicks other infections or neoplasms. It is important to check a private sexual act to see if it is causing health issues as pointed by medical journals referred to. This article informs people to become more aware of sexually related illnesses than can be connected to oral sex, they may not think is affected by oral sex. It good to be in know if sexual activities is contributing to complex health issues. It is vital to remember Actinomycosis as a bacterial infection also spreads through body tissues. Disease features a number of small interlinked abscesses. People have gems on hands even after washing hands. Multitudes of bacteria on hands mixed with bacteria in mouth, throat, digestive tract, vaginal walls is a toxic combination of hybrid gems evolving to complex infections of health problems.

IMG_20170823_114826

Symptoms differ according to the type of actinomycosis, but they may include:

  • Swelling and inflammation at the site of the infection
  • Tissue damage and scar tissue
  • Abscesses, or pus-filled lumps
  • Small holes or tunnels in tissue called fistulas that can leak a kind of lumpy pus.

The severity of symptoms depends on area of the body affected by infection. There may be pain and fever with body aches fatigue and generally feeling not well. It is estimated 75 percent to 95 % of actinomycosis lesions and infections involve other bacteria. Actinomycoses does not act alone so infections: group-B streptococcus, E. coli and a range of sexually transmitted infections affect babies at birth. Bible in 1 Corinthians 11:30 says for this cause many are weak and sickly among you and many sleep (die). Profaning of body and Blood of Lord Jesus through sexual immorality as prevalent in Sodom and Gomorrah killed people for their lack of knowledge and understanding of God’s Words. God says HIS PEOPLE perish for their lack of knowledge. Fear of God is beginning of wisdom for preservation into eternal life. A period of abstention every month forces a couple to build a non-sexual bond and sexual one. Helps build couple’s desire for each other making intercourse in the remaining two weeks more special. Gives partners chance to rest not feeling sexually inadequate. So emphasises self-discipline fundamental to high moral value sexual drive.

The-Marriage-of-Intimacy-C1

Diagnosis and treatment

Laboratory investigations to diagnose actinomycosis include microscopic examination of a culture of sputum or pus, or tissue taken in a biopsy. Pus or tissue typically contain yellow sulfur granules. Actinomycosis can be chronic condition so long-term treatment with antibiotics is common. Patients may need treatment ranging from 6 weeks to 12 months. In some cases, surgery is performed to drain an abscess or to remove an infected part, after which a 3-month course of antibiotics may be needed to resolve problem. To decrease the chance of developing actinomycosis, people should avoid any alcohol abuse, maintain good health and keep chronic medical conditions under control and practice good dental hygiene. Countries with good access to antibiotics or dental services, the incidence of actinomycosis tends to be lower. Increasingly young people told “oral sex is not really sex,” so promoted safe no risk pregnancy no risk of catching a sexually transmitted disease alternative to intercourse. The Bible in Leviticus 18 gives a long list of the sexual dos and don’ts acceptable to God. As the creator and originator of sex God has very high interest in body His Holy temple so gives instructions in Bible. Ephesians 5:3 says to believers, among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality or impurity because these are improper for God’s Holy people.” Bible says “immorality” is forms sexual contact outside marriage. In Hebrews 13:4 the “marriage bed” is pure and undefiled according to Bible, sex is to be reserved for only marriage. Oral sex is sin if done before or outside marriage as the contraception method. Natural rhythm based on the monthly cycle of a woman is the safest method. A few days of 3-5 days before or after her ovulation the sperm can still live on for gestation. The rest of the month is free for natural safe sex. Discipline and self control is required to check her body temperature measured by thermometer to signal safest days for intercourse. The problem is lack of alertness to record a monthly cycle. Impulsive sex fuelled by drugs or alcohol can blur memory. It is necessary to be in tune with one’s body fully so to know exact days of ovulation of peak time for conception. The cervix accompanied by mucous helps to know exact day of ovulation. And men must be trained to have mutual agreement as Bible requires. Sex on demand anytime because you are his wife with threats to seek comfort elsewhere lacks accurate knowledge. God wants a couple to enjoy intimacy and be safe as well. Be careful if pastors and ministers approve of oral sex because it is your body that suffers  consequences of a reckless behaviour.intimacy4.jpgIs oral sex a sin within a marriage?

Christian married couples ask question and Bible disallows oral sex between a husband and wife or any sexual activity involving other people like swapping, threesomes, etc. or lusting after another person and pornography. So restrictions principle of “mutual consent” applies to 1 Corinthians 7:5 text requiring couples to abstain from frequency by “mutual consent” within marriage. This agrees perfectly with rhythm method as God killed Onan for wasting precious seed in the Bible. To fully agree between wife and husband it is good to space sex and enjoy comforting embraces. Depending on fasting total abstinence by spouses is highly recommended. So do not force or coerce into oral sex in marriage in the spirit of good mutual consent. There is a biblical case for declaring coercion sin. It can lead to the complex health issues of health caused by oral sex. Marriage or sex is God’s gift for affection intimacy so moral duty for practising believers to please God in the bedroom. So biblically acceptable for sexual intercourse for a married couple to follow joy of rhythm method. God is not wicked wizard of the West denying pleasure within confines of marriage. It is to ensure that sexual interaction must not cause  curses of the disease of Bible in Deuteronomy 28 to come upon those disobeying God’s Commands. Oral sex is not free from sin by mutual consent if a partner becomes infected with diseases. This costs high medical insurance premiums and life savings to treat lifetime consequence of fleeting moments of passion. So people must know the connection between oral sex and their lifestyle choices. Oral sex is not as “safe” as promoted alternative sexual intercourse, sexually transmitted diseases published by medical journals shows it is definitely not as safe as it is often suggested. Chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, HIV/AIDS, and other STDs can be transmitted through oral sex. So be aware and take great care of your Holy precious Temple if you choose to please God.  In some cultures it is a taboo for a reason because infection spreads to the innocent victims.How-is-it-weve-managed-to-stay-together-Christ-1024x682STORY TO ALL MEN EVERYWHERE:

A man who lived abroad now 64 years old lived in the US for 35 years with his family. Throughout life with family did live ‘happily.’ Had a wonderful wife by his side but took her for granted, didn’t pay much attention to her always had a vision of going back to others. So had affairs she knew and made her feel very sad but never apologised only told to get over it as not first man to be unfaithful. She was depressed for weeks eventually recovers but said she was unhappy. He never went on family holidays with his family all the years. Occasionally travels alone and sleeps with ex girlfriends or a short-term girlfriends to fulfil fantasy, on return wife wasn’t attractive to him for weeks. So effected sex life not great as always thinking of other women. He left his wife and family, thinking grass is greener for a ‘better life’ elsewhere. It was trying to settle alone on retirement idea left family to set up business. They protested but went against wife’s word and daughter stopped talking to him but thought life led without them was best. It seemed plan worked so took all his retirement money and selfishly left wife and daughter, hoping can cope as she’s still working. Promised will be visiting the US often. It was exciting at first and had a beautiful girlfriend who flattered him. Within a year all his money was finished while business was not fully set up, confronted with too many set backs. Hit with brain tumour, prostate cancer had to come to US again for treatment. The wife and daughter did well to take care of him but did not feel love passion from them. Was very depressed because he needed them but realised wife and daughter moved on emotionally having a good life. Wife reinvented herself, lost weight, dressed smarter and suspecting seeing someone because she too happy.Making_the_Hard_Choice-4Within a year in America his health was better so returned to complete so-called business. Went back but sad without wife beside him as she has moved on emotionally after years of neglect. So impotent after cancer and not willing to embarrass himself has no woman so he is very lonely. If he was loyal to his wife and made her happy in marriage his story will be different. Please young men out there, read this story to avoid stupid mistakes he made. His life is in an utter state of confusion and cannot even discuss anything with wife. Now depressed and lonely, husbands make future plans with your wives, stay faithful and love her fully and make her feel special because you have only one chance and one life. Do things so your wife will bless you. Be careful of your plans of setting up businesses back in your old age. It is often fantasy so does not work. All the money goes down the drain. And spoken to so many men stuck in the rut with the same mistake. He had a good life in America but failed to see it. So not saying do not come back to where you are from. Men should not do this alone enjoy your life and wife as life is too short. The cancer spread and has months to live so advised not to bother going back to America because nothing can be done. His wife and daughter are coming to see him before his end and demise. Know the Bible in Matthew 28:18-20 says that Jesus came and said, “All Power and Authority in heaven and earth id given to me. So go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold I am with you always to the end of the age. Amen

PLEASE SHARE STORY IT MIGHT SAVE SOMEONE TO LEAD A BETTER LIFE 🙏🏽