ENGAGEMENT RING ANXIETY

wp-1578242598631.jpgEnengagement ring anxiety is the sad feelings experienced despite joy of receiving the beautiful diamond perfect size ring with perfect colour perfect engraving around the band. Loves the man and ring after surprised proposal in a favourite coffee shop in town two weeks before. So why feel sad, cry, cuddled between blanket, pillows in bedroom in the afternoon due to fear moving into new home after the wedding? Why so afraid, terrified wedding date set is a mistake? Why in bedroom with tears in eyes every night not feeling happy? Knows beyond the  shadow of a doubt Randy is man loved forever, faithful, constant, steady kind, giving, caring, loving thoughtful and strong. Was not afraid of him but afraid of marriage and moving out of parent’s home to be wife felt sad. Overwhelming, all consumingly sad. Three days before, sent invitations cried thinking about them told so many people wedding date by now…couldn’t change it. Couldn’t postpone wedding. Most of all, couldn’t tell Randy feeling these things would break his heart to think having doubts. They were not doubts but don’t know but didn’t hide emotions well. Every night for a week straight, greet Randy after work happily and by the end of our evening together, would be in tears. Randy sits and holds hands, rub back didn’t understand why sad with a ring on finger suddenly, life started moving at a rapid pace wanted it slowed down. Most of all wanted to stop crying, stop being sad about things with man like Randy as husband to be. Tried but could not stop being sad on late nights in bed on the iPhone googling: crying, scared, anxious about engagement, or postpone engagement, scared of marriage feeling overwhelmed and very sad, not happy.wp-1578242581447.jpgAnd by some miracle, stumbled upon two books that changed these feelings or thoughts. The books talked of similar experiences of the engaged people who overcame and married. Purchased both books as waited for arrival read forums, blog reviews of information to help deal with anxieties. Desperate to know and to understand, when books arrived took a day off work and sat in parent’s living room. Read it cover to cover so realized other brides out there experienced very same emotions ripping life apart. Turns out Experiencing grief, sadness while engaged is so normal. In Emotionally Engaged, Allison opened up eyes to life changes taking place. Before a diamond ring is on the finger lives as a daughter, first and foremost as a daughter parents are “covering” and now, is committed to becoming wife and leaving only identity known to become somebody new. With  the wife role knows nothing about it was not fear of house-cleaning, cooking, bill-paying, taking-out-the-garbage, sharing bed or closet, can handle those changes. It is went deeper than that. Its losing a part of self that is terrifying. So Sheryl in The Conscious Bride on engagement, as “rite of passage” in Western culture, few traditions signify a rite of passage and uncomfortable with grief. Spanish Quinceaneras, Jewish Bat Mitzvahs, Bar Mitzvahs, Native traditions of learning from tribe elders mark “rites of passage transitions. But if culture afraid to feel sadness then left to transition through life stages primarily on your own. wp-1578242598631.jpgEmotionally Engaged gives the keys to understanding emotions and to open up to fiancé Randy to communicate why so sad and grieving. He listened patiently, tried his hardest to understand and had great conversations about the transition headed towards marriage. Still cries in  low moments but these days things are much better!”The Emotionally Engaged book gives framework to work through grief. After a couple weeks of processing privately and aloud with Randy as well as journaling thoughts, started to open up to bridesmaids. Four are newlyweds in the last two years. Three out of four experienced same emotion. It was two weeks before her wedding day, in tears considered calling it all off. Honeymoon thoughts, anxiety and emotional about wedding so first few newlywed months, reality of “rest of married life” sets in. It is normal NEWLYWED WOMEN FEEL SAD DURING ENGAGEMENT tension in between happiest time in life, everything  changing wants to stop. Christmas time  one month after proposal was on way to understanding those emotions. Randy learning how to navigate new tensions and pressures of relationship. And with open lines of communication and trust allowed to share happy and the terrified thoughts. Enjoyed an engagement party and Christmas season and the rest of wedding planning months. Worked on wedding projects together, laughed at Pinterest fails and thought about March 28, 2014. The week of wedding was calm and happy, joyful at peace! Felt sadness thinking about the last week in parent’s home but smiled throug tears, knowing this was normal. Packed for honeymoon and prepped all individual decor boxes for each guest table with anticipation in heart. The night before wedding, after the rehearsal dinner, Randy kissed, and dropped off at parent’s home hugged him tight. Upstairs, found mom getting ready for bed in her bathroom  hugged her with tears in my eyes. “Excited for tomorrow but a little bit sad.” It’s going to be a great day.” Did not experience sadness, fear or anxiousness on the wedding day. Re-lives wedding week, day and honeymoon again and again in memory. Truly owes it all to knowledge Emotionally Engaged and The Conscious Bride shared. If struggling with emotion or know someone, recommend Allison Moir-Smith’s Emotionally Engaged to them. Thank God there is happy ending to story. Others let negative feelings or emotions overrule decisions turn to cold feet and abandon relationship. Think engagement is uphill ever after joy and happiness without sadness. Life is tough and a good companion is a bonus to enhance relationship but love alone is not enough. So couples adapt to each other and adjust to the extended family it is said the first seven years are most  crucial to make or break marriage. The real life adjustment can be painful but worth exploring, changing, adapting to grow together because life is dynamic. 

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