Christmas grief is a really intense pain of traumatic loss of loved ones. It is a feeling only those who lost loved ones know and understand. I lost my father as a child in December a few days before Christmas. For many years despite the deep genuine love of my mother, siblings, family or loved ones my Christmas was celebrated with a mixed feeling. My father’s loss was so immerse so stayed with me throughout my life. I felt numb, floated in haze not quite in the moment. Despite the gifts exchanged, joy, laughter, numerous conversations, snacks, food, tinsel decorations everywhere. I felt sad and ‘lonely’ in spite of gifts or wonderful family or friends or loved ones. I cried endlessly and frustrated by missing things my father did to help enhance my life. My loss affected me so I was cautious of deeply connecting in case I loved anyone too deeply and lost the anchored love again. For years, I did not fully enjoy Christmas season reminding me of grief, sorrow, pain, loss of father.
Yesterday, on my way to a meeting, I heard deep and intense sobbing behind me. So I stopped, turned around and it was a beautiful young woman. I hugged her, wiped tears from eyes, asked her to sit down and tell me why she cried. For next 5 minutes tears choked her words so she could not talk clearly. I asked her to breathe then heard a first few words “fiance” miscarriage.” I asked her to tell me what she meant. She continued, fiance left her, she felt alone and lost. But by caring for her dead sister’s 5 children she unexpectedly inherited, she never has her own natural child. I prayed with her, ressured her she is not alone because God the Father, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are with her. I promised to visit after attending meeting to talk more in depth with her.
After my meeting I carried on with the details of traumatic events unfolding in her life. It turned out she had to give up a successful career as travel rep abroad. She was well trained and has ambitions and goals for her future. She also loves music and recorded albums and sang with a few local celebrities. To my surprise, she calmed down enough at this point, so offered to sing for me. I was impressed by her great voice and talent. So I asked her why she stopped singing. It turned out the fiancé did not approve so little by little she gave up all to be at his beck and call. Despite her sacrifices and the loss of 2 miscarried babies he dumped her. She is concerned she may never marry or find someone special willing enough to commit to her with her beautiful, respectful children. She loves her inherited children but felt overwhelmed she may not fulfil desire to marry and have own children. This is why she was weeping openly on street when I met her because she felt lonely and sad. We realistically reviewed her situation so she felt God was letting her rediscover herself and talents again.
She agreed to take good care of herself as no.1 and record her music again. This time she agrees to find a good husband the Godly way who will understand her sacrifices of love. I reassured her the greatest job on earth is to nurture God’s creation. She is raising these wonderful children who were surprised of her grief and sorrow. They too grieve loss of their mother too but assume all is well with her. She is a great home maker so lives in clean well decorated home. I pointed to her strength input of building others up many years as unsung hero without looking to anyone for help. We agreed it is never too late to marry and have own children or regain skills to record music while caring for special needs child. So loves to enjoy maternal experience too.
Wait for God’s timing which is the best. So many people hurt during Christmas with various stories. Yet no matter the pain, loss tears on pillow, heartache, tragedy or traumatic events God is Still on the Throne as the Sovereign King of the universe. So it is alright to cry out and not hide or bottle sad feelings. At times we feel grieg sadness experienced is too intense, unique or above our capability. God does not let anything happen to us without giving strength to go through. Because Jesus lives we face tomorrow with confidence. Father God Emmanuel is always with us to Comfort us. The Holy Spirit and Jesus bear us up in such low moments in life by intercession or groaning on our behalf as we hurt too much to express our feelings. So do cry if necessary and talk to someone. Pray constantly for God to heal your heart. Go through Christmas grief with hope.