What is worse than an emotional woman? An emotional man. And having to deal with an emotional woman is already a hard enough task. How can you recognize an emotional man? Here goes five signs, among many others:

  1. On the first or second date, he will already tell you some sad story about his childhood. Emotional men love to play the victim. That is why he will quickly share everything he’s been through, so you will see him as “poor little guy.”
  2. You cell phone will ring, vibrate, flicker and beep every 15 seconds. Yes, it is him again. At times, just to tell you how he misses you since you left for work 10 minutes ago. At other times, to argue because you did not reply to the 358 messages he sent you before noon. (Emotional men, for some reason, are avid keyboard lovers.)
  3. He gets into a bad mood faster than you can read this sentence. From out of nowhere. Everything was fine and then, suddenly it wasn’t. For no apparent reason. You even feel like looking into his eyes and saying, “I cast you out from this body!” You don’t understand what’s going on and you ask yourself, “What have I done this time?” Don’t worry, you haven’t done a thing. He is probably going through male PMS.
  4. It is always your fault. Always. He lied, but it was because you would argue with him if he had told you the truth. He cheated, but it was because you rejected him first. He spent all the money, but only because he was so stressed out and really needed that new smartphone (to allow him to text you with double speed). If you had been calmer, more loving, friendlier, more understanding, and richer, he would not have acted like that. After all, “I love you very much” he will make sure to remind you of that.
  5. His speeches make you think you married Aristotle. When an emotional man is truly inspired he can go for hours on end philosophizing, lecturing, complaining about everything from the evils of humanity to the colour of your nail polish and woe is you if he notices you are not paying attention. Just because of that you get extra 2 hour earful because he is rude, impatient and unwilling to accept that you cannot bend over backwards to meet his every whim. So needs to grow up, learn to mature and perhaps combat his sense of entitlement to respect and value you more.

If you are an emotional man, you must acknowledge the disadvantages of being that way and how hard it makes having to deal with you. I am not saying that there is no positive aspects to that, nor that you are a bad person. I am only pointing out that there are people around who observe you and relate with you somehow. If you recognize where you are forcing it, you’re up to a good start.

Leaving the humour aside, all these signs are true, especially if more than one is present. Here, I am discussing more about the problem than the solution. That is because every solution starts with the recognition that there is a problem. If you are a woman in a relationship with an emotional man, you must also acknowledge the problem in order to figure out what you are going to do about it. If you’re not married yet, the first and safest tip is: Get out while you still can! If you are single and you are wondering if you should date a man like that, why on Earth would you bring that upon yourself?

Now, if you are married to one, fast and pray, dear friend. Any other tip that I may find out, I promise I’ll let you know. The man is the head of the home, so if insecure and emotionally unhealthy attention seeking, can he really lead the family? We all need to express emotions appropriately so this article is talking about self-confidence and emotional maturity.

Reblogged Renato Cardoso


Call for help to reclaim joy of parenthood hood because focus and full attention shifts imperatively from the couple to the new infant at the centre of the family. This means guests are calling, family and friends visiting with presents, church leaders, loved ones, friends, colleagues, etc. Within these few days the family endures stress of sleepless nights despite pressure to go to work regardless. Soon, heaps of laundry pile up unwashed laundry not ironed, the house no longer pristine like a show room, home not cleaned, food not made properly any more. With constant crying of the baby or babies, and siblings tagging at parents skirts and trousers for affection, hugs, nappy changes, meals and playing with them. The home becomes so chaotic to see the little ones running riot as the parents blame and resent each other for incompetence and inefficiency. The couple let themselves get into rows due to the tensions and the sometimes the overwhelmed mother lets her looks and shape slide down hill. This is because the last on her mind is her appearance. When this happens she may be busy feeding baby on call as baby demands and expressing milk for help in the night to get a few hours sleep. The woman’s delightful looks may go out the window as she is barely able to contain milk flow soaking constantly her garments. Join a mother’s or father’s toddler group when a new baby is born.Marriage changes a woman’s career and she ends up with children more of as extra baggage so has more to lose. Therefore there is no need to rush into marriage as women now live longer so prepare for the future first by establishing a career. Life is not a competition even if all your mates already have children and you feel left out. Many secretly wish they could undo their lives and do things better. So the couple may be in shock with regard to the intense hectic demands they find themselves in. Seemingly controlled by small children now wonder how to make the marriage or the family last. Even at the worst times remember there are people who cannot have children and see how blessed one is to have children. At each stage, even though there are many challenges, remind yourselves that children are blessings from God. Family life is a dynamic journey of one great big adventure so embrace with thankfulness to God. The pressure continues to mount if they do not recognise need to call for help without guilty feelings of failure. The couple cannot live as if still single before having children. Life changes drastically with child care, cooking, cleaning, laundry not solely woman’s job. Single life partying is over without friends or work colleagues to talk to at home all day long with infant totally dependent on you.No more addiction to interactive computer games competitions on-line. You cannot expect the child to conform to your previous  single lifestyle. By saying I do, it means adiós to selfishness, sacrifice and taking on extra responsibility for their lives. You do not have a child to make you happy because your life in unfilled. Real hands on child raising is intense responsibility to provide for yourself and your family. Transitions into a father or mother coupled with hormones imbalances affects mood swings. So do not expect to recover after birth as if you are still the single childless person you use to be. Do frustrate yourself for inability to keep on top of life as before having children. Having family brings drastic physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, career changes affecting the couple. Things get worse with underlying financial issues so both parents may suffer paternal and maternal post partum depression affecting the children’s development and marital relationship. Some new mothers are suffering in silence from postnatal depression with many not speaking up for fear of having their children taken away. A responsible single man maintains own home and does chores before marriage yet works full – time. Therefore, it is not exclusive job of his wife to be expected to take over looking after the husband. Even if his mother perhaps left of nannying him as an adult son, grown man encouraged totally to be dependent on mother. He is now a father with dependent children needing his input so cannot think marriage is all about his needs only.He must understand the true meaning of love to give and receive in the relationship. In addition, an emotional man expects the woman to fulfil all his needs, care alone for his children, run the home perfectly and ensure the home remains a show room 24/7. The children are not allowed to feel at home to enjoy the treated as property to remain in perfect condition in case of selling it. So life in the home is constantly like walking on egg shells. One has to thread carefully not to cause him to explode. In such tense atmosphere the man is permanently angry, hard to please, perhaps abuses wife and children physically. If so, do not be wrapped in red tape getting caught up in a problem or trouble needing rescue refusing to be freed from tangled mess.On the other hand, despite having children some immature women demand that constantly remain the centre of attention. Therefore they expect the husband to run after them 24/7 and be thankful they agreed to settle down with him. So demand gratitude and appreciation for marrying such a person like herself. She expects to remain queen as the centre of the universe in the relationship insisting the man does all the chores while she is always on the phone, face book, twitter, on-line talking to her friends and followers or shopping on-line.

Although, she may or not work, she lives as if she is still single, seeking to remain independent and requiring man to take on jobs she feels beneath her status. The man unaware endorses such abusive patterns of trophy wife behaviour, carries on dutifully to the annoyance of friends and family. He does all the shopping, cleaning, cooking, caring for children and works full-time. His greatest fear is asking for support or submission from her means divorce. So husband soldiers doggedly for the sake of his children. She talks to him anyhow worse than she would talk to even their children. She is possessive of him so deprives him of friends and family because without him she claims she cannot function. She runs down family budget on expensive make up, beauty products, designer clothes, luxury bags and shoes but the rent, mortgage, family needs are not first met. She lives in own bubble and strongly believes she is perfect so no one dare challenge her. Despite luxurious surroundings, life is chaotic and nobody in the premises seems happy. To the outside world and the church they are the perfect couple, yet underneath lurks pain and hurts. Eventually, the family calls for help with regard to redressing issues.

After observing each person’s role in the home, the picture becomes clearer. Then the process begins to work together to resolve underlying issues. A couple’s personalities, backgrounds, attitudes to life, perceived roles of men and women in marriage surface in therapy sessions. As a family unit, one has to recreate new hybrid version of what is best for family. Whatever may have worked in the past in your own childhood may not always be best for your adult home or new family. Compromise is necessary and essential because verbal communication accounts for only 10% of life. This means, things said or promised verbally is not enough to consolidate relationship to run family effectively. Call for help to understand marriage commitment, impact of raising children on love feelings, intimacy, personal interests, romance, overcoming hardships together, enduring difficulties, sacrifices. Children need therefore merely buying expensive toys alone will not do the job. Children need stimulation and interaction from birth throughout childhood. Shoving them in front of TV, computer games, will not solve problem. Instead they will experience stunted emotional growth in a bubble. Life is better when children learn from early years from parent’s practical life skills. Children kept for hours alone in bedrooms with gadgets lack social skills. So it important to invest precious time into upbringing to talk to the children play with them, roll on the floor with them, play football, handball, tennis, basketball, music or write songs with them. Activities must not focus on perfection to follow a particular style, just enjoy family times. The best form of communication is not through 10% words but 90% actions of love is doing little things that does not cost money. Giving consistently affection, love, hugs, smiles, appreciation, gratitude, respect, unique card made by you, encouraging supportive good attitude, cooking, caring for each other and children, cleaning home, garbage, constitute real true love.

The ultimate goal is to bond with them early in positive playful but firm manner. Having children does not mean the end of a parent’s world. Children enrich your lives by giving love unconditionally to draw the best out of you to be more patient, tolerant, forgiving, kind and generous. Do not be selfish and so treat them as a nuisance that robs your personal freedom and personal life. Remember you chose to marry, to have children or engage in acts that result naturally in children according to God’s plan. So do not blame, accuse or punish them for ruining your life. Do not resent them for turning your world upside down because you did it to yourself.  The good news is children grow up faster than you expect. Sooner than later they leave you as stewards entrusted by God for a season. You can always reconstruct your life in a new dimension because life is dynamic. It is never too late to learn, train, do new things, achieve personal goals put on hold for your children’s sake. Do not be jealous, vengeful, bitter, resentful of innocent joy and laughter of your children.  Do not be ashamed to get help if you feel too stressed, sad, isolated, harbouring dark thoughts, about to cross dangerous lines of hurting your children to ‘solve’ family problems. Do not let pride, ego, anger damage relationship to destroy yourself and family. Asking for help is the right thing to do to save lives so it is not weakness. You face consequences for life if deprived children of loving parents. Above all, you are accountable to God for His children entrusted to you to love and treat well.


As Mentor of the year, I get invited into certain delicate situations which require tact and gently guiding the family to apply wisdom in solving problems to overcome challenges. I joined a planned walkathon as part of family time away to interact and involve all to observe and lend a helping hand if necessary. Just a few minutes into the journey, Johnny, not his real name latched onto me and showed me a tiny scratch on his hands he made a big fuss about. I asked his mother what caused scratch which turned out to be from his own doing from falling down recklessly in one of his tantrum moments. Johnny was angry at his mother for telling me about attention seeking careless moments getting out of control. Consequently, Johnny stormed off so refused to continue with walkathon bonding experience after barely a mile. Later, we took a well deserved lunch break in a family friend’s home along the way. After lunch we had time to relax to enjoy me time and mother delved deeper into Johnny actions and behaviour. Mother revealed, soon after Johnny’s birth during a one year-long relationship, ‘Abi’ the mother was pregnant again with another child. So pressure mounted to care for Johnny and pregnant mother. So the grandparents stepped in to dote on Johnny and give him all the attention he needed. This eased the situation and became a win win situation for a season. After the birth of Johnny’s sibling ‘Sarah’ things continued to get worse with unresolved complicated issues of caring for two small children. Whenever Johnny came home after spending weekends and holidays away, he was restless so did not fit in. Johnny felt detached, isolated and treated by the grandparents as if real parents. The parents blamed the grand parents for indulging and babying him turning him into a brat by doting too much on him as their first grandchild. Instead of appreciating the help given by grandparents, Johnny was made to feel it was his fault the family did not get along. Eventually, unfortunately the grandparents passed away. Due to lack of bonding attachment to parents, Johnny felt lost without beloved grandparent’s input to play with cousin. School reports got worse with behavioural issues and lack of focus in the classroom. Johnny was disruptive at times affecting other children who copied him.

Things spiralled out of control with threats of permanent exclusion from school despite pastoral care support within school. This is when family got in touch through similar families I worked with in the past who recommended they get in touch. So journey continued with fun but with mixed feelings from Johnny’s mother concerned about Johnny’s lack of participation. We were reassured Johnny was alright by a family friend who offered to look after him. Father was on the journey but busy preoccupied helping siblings after a hard day’s work to let mother talk to me first about turn of events in the family. So after exploring deeper conversations, it was recognised by mother that Johnny was grieving loss of own family by displaced syndrome feelings replaced by siblings. Mother’s attitude was Johnny had his turn and full attention after birth so it was time for siblings to be given the exact same full attention he exclusively enjoyed with support of grand parents previously. This is when I gently pointed out responsibilities increased minus support of grandparents so they had to share time with siblings without insisting on repeating exact previous moments from the past. 

One can still love the siblings and help them learn to have consideration for others in the family. Secondly, Johnny grieved silently without dealing with the grandparent’s loss appropriately. Johnny internalized his grief and showed displacement syndrome caused by exclusive attention on his siblings. On return from the walkathon, I spoke to Johnny’s father to get his point of view on the matters at hand. He loves Johnny yet did not verbally express the love openly as showered on siblings. He felt he was compelled to become more involved after grandparents were unavailable. In the past he thought domestic matters were women’s roles so he focussed more on providing for the family. However, since he and his wife had the children too quickly in succession, she lost her job so they had less income with more mouths to feed, mortgage to pay, loans, credit card bills, 2 cars, medical insurance etc. so the list seems endless. Atmosphere in the home was tense with unpleasant arguments, shouting  fights and children crying all day long. If not content, unhappy, unable to express true feelings to stop implode of health symptoms, low immunity, to not eat properly if unwell or screaming in frustration help children stay calm  by giving them extra attention.

Meanwhile, ‘Peter,’ Johnny’s father was preoccupied with the family’s financial matters. In dealing with the family, he never had any personal interaction with Johnny except to discipline him when asked to do so. He felt responsible yet stressed by his inability to pay the on time so struggled within himself and though he let his family down. He felt overwhelmed and daunted by the bills by his inability to control the situation better. He was disappointed in himself for not taking time out carefully at the beginning to carefully plan better beforehand. He felt he run with his emotional feelings about love so had no idea the seriousness of life as a father. He felt he made it as he went along without input of family support he learnt to appreciate after it was too late. Overall, he is willing to make the necessary changes to maintain the family in better shape. Sometimes postpartum depression affects new mothers so husbands must help and not compare wife with his mother or call her lazy. Peter is doing well with his wife and the budget is on schedule for payments plus disciplined financial habits. So joined new role in training children, 1-2-1 interactive activities with Johnny plus encourages children bonding. 

Abi realised how she was in denial of the real situation so we prepared together a simple easy to follow plan to have fun but remain firm in the process. Children are really easy to deal with if you know how and willing to explore the child in you more. With reward points, good positive carrot method of raising children, discipline, correcting appropriately. The couple soon realised they inadvertently contributed to Johnny’s actions and behaviour. After, a few days of working together as a team, Johnny came aboard to join the family to feel valued and loved. It was tough at first to change the situation around as old habits die hard. However, by persistence resilience, things turned out better with structure, routine, more love, fun and laughter. I spoke again to Johnny before and after appropriate intervention, altogether Johnny is flourishing and happy. He wrote his memory book to commemorate grandparents with pictures, released balloons. Johnny’s behaviour, reading skills improved grammatically dramatically. He enjoys school, his grades are great, plays tennis, piano, has friends, joy to know and fun to be with. His school ranks him among best children for with God all things are possible.


Muscle-Spasmsshoulder-shrugsMuscle spasms or twitch like aches may occur when muscle is overused and tired, particularly if it is overstretched or held in the same position for a prolonged period of time. This can be caused by bad posture, repetitive strain injury, not lifting heavy things correctly by use of trolleys, or trauma from injury,  etc. In effect, the muscle cell runs out of energy and fluid so becomes hyperexcitable, resulting in a forceful contraction. Spasm may involve part of muscle, the whole muscle, adjacent muscles under conscious control of brain. The muscle contracts associated body part moves. This allows arms to lift, legs to run and the face to smile.


Spasms may affect many different types of muscles in the body, leading to many different symptoms and presentations. Spasms of skeletal muscles are most common and often due to dehydration and electrolyte abnormalities. The spasm occurs abruptly, is painful and is usually short-lived. It may be relieved by gently restretching muscle. If muscle spasms are still painful so not resolved they recur. Expert medical care must be accessed to look for possible underlying causes for proper treatment and for further physiotherapy.


Muscle spasm occurs with routine daily activities like sports, shovelling snow, mowing, raking grass, unfamiliar exercise activities can cause muscle spasms causing muscle spasms of the neck, shoulder and back. Striated striped dark-coloured muscle fibre contain large amounts of myoglobin protein that helps to carry oxygen and light-coloured fibre has lesser amounts of protein. Contraction of a skeletal muscle requires numerous steps within its fibre cells.


The nutrients required to produce energy, oxygen, electrolytes, and glucose are supplied by the bloodstream. It is commonly thought that dehydration and depletion of electrolytes will lead to muscle spasm and cramping. Muscle cells require enough water, glucose, sodium, potassium, calcium, magnesium to allow proteins within them to develop organized contraction. Abnormal supply of these elements can cause muscle to become irritable and develop spasm. Atherosclerosis or narrowed arteries, peripheral artery disease may lead to muscle spasm, cramps due to inadequate blood supply of nutrients delivered to the muscle.

Back-Exercises-l (1)tension-neck-syndrome-trapezius-muscle-anatomy

Chronic neck and back pain can lead to recurrent muscles spasms. Large muscle groups make up the trunk, including the neck, chest wall, upper back, and lower back. Spasms in these muscles can be a result of an injury or they may develop over time because of arthritic changes in the spine. Systemic illnesses like diabetes, anaemia low red blood cell count, kidney disease, thyroid and other hormone issues are also potential causes of muscle spasms.



Smooth muscles within walls of hollow organs can go into spasm, causing significant pain. Often this pain is colicky, meaning that it comes and goes. Examples include the pain associated with menstrual cramps, diarrhea, gallbladder pain, and passing a kidney stone. A special form of muscle spasms are the dystonias where abnormality exists with chemicals that help transmit signals within the brain. Examples include torticollis blepharospasm. Treatment includes Swedish massages and supplementary health treatment, medications, needling specific points acupuncture needling to help restore neurotransmitter levels normalise other forms of suitable treatments available.


Botox injections paralyse affected muscle to relieve spasm. Strains caused by tight fitting thin bra straps not properly worn below chest cause back pain spasm twitch. So important to check with expert professionals the correct size, unique shape bra to rectify problem. Try several bras so best fit is identified. Remember the body shape changes so have a range of wider bras straps within size fit below the chest. The muscle spasm or muscle cramp is involuntary contraction of a muscle. Muscle spasms occur suddenly, usually resolve quickly and painful.


Ensure garments, clothing, bras do not constrict blood flow circulation. Muscle spasm is different to a muscle twitch. A muscle twitch and these fasciculations if uncontrolled fine movement of a small segment of a larger muscle can be seen under the skin. If in serious pain avoid wearing tight bras at home and during weekends in the privacy of home. Wear inbuilt wide strap sport bra vests for extra support better. Take appropriate rest not to damage body. If the muscle spasm pain prevents the arm stretching backwards then wear front fitting bra.Above all, Jesus said in the Bible in Matthew 18:19-20 if two of you agree on earth concerning anything they ask, it will be done for them by My Father  in heaven. God created various body shapes cares about maintenance of His Temple indwelt by His Holy Spirit. So measure correctly the exact shape of bra contents of your temple to equip and sustain it appropriately to prolong good health and posture to please God. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in  the midst of them. In James 5:14 if anyone is unwell among you, send for the leaders and elders of the church to pray over the sick person and anoint with oil in Jesus Name and prayer of faith heals. Psalms 66:18 says iniquity hinders prayer because regarding iniquity in the heart prevents the Lord from hearing and answering prayer. If so, ask for prayer of forgiveness in Jesus Name. James 5:16, says confess your sins to God and one another and pray for one another that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. God says if my people called by my name humble themselves, pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear and heal them and their land. Snap3In Mark 5:25 and Luke 8:43-48, the woman with issue of blood consulted many physicians for years, spent all her money but nothing changed and she got worse until she touched Jesus garment and got healed. Testimonies exist in the Bible of God’s healing evidenced in the prayers by Peter and Paul among others. In extreme cases surgery is required as God operated on Adam to create Eve, God uses surgeons to treat people if necessary. Whatever method your body needs for treatment to heal, remember to thank God the creator of your priceless body.

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The Bible says in Luke 14:27 that, counting the cost of any building venture, is essential imperative strategy for excellence and good success. 28“For which one of you, when he wants to build a house, tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? 29” Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it will begin to ridicule him to say behold he began to build but quit before he finished it. Christian believers face adversity and challenges yet must deny themselves to take up own cross by following the perfect example of Jesus in Luke 9:23. By trusting in Jehovah Nissi the mighty one in battle to give strength to keep on to sustain victory. In addition, Christ’s words emphasize whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. In verse 28, believers must prepare to bear their own cross. Spiritual buildings have to be nurtured in the mind, body and soul for the necessary stamina to endure by faith and God’s grace. As God’s building or God’s Temple, time must be put into keeping the body fit and able to undertake the work physical building project required. Christ has already Sacrificed His Life for believers so there is no need to torture one self in vain for a project that does not come to fruition. A person therefore has responsibility not to become a laughing-stock by assumption.In terms of Christian discipleship believers are to carefully weigh the cost to understand the persecution from adversaries are worth enduring to the end to be saved. By considering implications and consequences in advance, one fully understand better what exactly required for total commitment to sufficiently perform duty to God in Christ Jesus. It helps to check one self to see if one has what it takes to undertake missions. Submitting to God’s Mission commits the work into God’s Hands to Equip for good success. Calculation of an enterprise  in God requires advance preparation before taking practical steps to enter upon it within the guidance and of Wisdom of God. If any man does not count the impeding cost before hand and goes ahead to start the building, he will have to stop midway prematurely. This means all the resources invested in the uncompleted project is wasted including unwise use of time and financial stream. Like city Nova Cidade de Kilamba, was designed to hold up to a half million people and features 750 eight-story apartment buildings, 12 schools and more than 100 retail units, according to the report. State-owned China International Trust and Investment Corporation reportedly took less than 3 years to build city at cost of $3.5 billion. It covers 12,355 acres yet empty too expensive so not affordable to average Joe so lying in waste. Counting the cost means good investment returns of profit gained to bless people.

Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labour in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep so God is indispensable in life. Jesus said counting cost helps to anticipate challenges to prepare in advance before beginning project. Jesus gave this crucial advise and important wisdom not to begin the work until first counting the cost to enable you to finish it to put to good use. Intending to build a tower means sitting down first to count cost whether he has enough resilience, resources, ability, support, mechanism to survive the tough project. The adversary tries to beset to derail projects ordained by God. Take time to prepare, be ready to run with patience the race set before us. 30 ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish it. It is good to have the desire to build but good intention is not enough to build a project. To finish building yet not use building efficiently and effectively is complete waste 31“Or what king, when he sets out to meet another king in battle, will not first sit down and consider if strong enough with ten thousand men to encounter one coming against him with twenty thousand? 

Counting the cost involves looking at example of King David who needed to build an altar to the Lord. He did not accept the war distractions to hold back his commitment to build the Temple for God. Asking God’s help for right timing king David built through next generation Solomon’s Temple yet prepared in advance and gathered all the essential necessary resources himself for years. Solomon’s heritage from the LORD as fruit of womb to build Temple was reward God over-ruled blood guiltiness condemnation. Like arrows in the hand of warrior king David, the son accomplished king David’s ambition and dream. So made king David happy so not put to shame to overcome his enemies in the gate in Psalm 127. The main lesson in this scripture is to enhance, influence and emphasize true nature of commitment to life building projects. Both king David and Solomon weighed all options just as Father God and His Son Jesus Counted the cost before proceeding with their salvation plan. Jesus was fully aware of He had to expect and endure for the sake saving humanity. Jesus willingly gave His life as a ransom to save many. Therefore, in 1 Thessalonians 3:4-5, the persecuted are told in advance to be in the know how things turn out. For this reason, counting cost includes intercessors continue standing in agreement in the gap to help build faith so that even if the tempter tempts, God will ensure one’s labour is not in vain.



In the Bible, in Luke 1:39-45, Mary the mother of Jesus spent 3 months with Elisabeth mother of John the Baptist to help when she was housebound before and after birth. At that time Mary got ready and hurried to a town in the hill country of Judea, where she entered Zechariah’s home and Mary visited Elizabeth her relative cousin. Though both pregnant she attended Elizabeth to gain insight and learn more about what she will soon experience herself. Members of the family, friends and loved visited Elisabeth too. In addition, Mary was visited by shepherds and kings who gave gifts to help upkeep of Jesus. Yet still the challenges of a mother is ernomous. Especially on how to best to manage work, husband, run and juggle caring for infant and the other children simultaneously. Endless attention is sought by toddler and siblings. The situation is intensified as one tries to establish routine for toddler and boundaries. In addition the mother’s own needs is compounded if pregnant oneself very closely after birth. The new baby is cared for to ensure development well within the growth spurt as well as the pregnant mother’s own needs and requirements for maternity care, hospital visits and preparation for next baby. All these can cause chaos and be daunting if not well thought through or thoroughly or words carefully chosen. Do not mix anger, frustration, despair with the desire to be heard. Plan with the help and support from partner and loved ones to seek help to deal with past issues not to spill over to affect / destroy relationship. Be kind, supportive, compassionate and understanding of vulnerable needs. Do not use past against partner if trusted in confidence as a spouse. This is a major task to sit down to plan properly to co-ordinate effectively to communicate authentic, genuine, honest, real true inner-feeling in polite manner without hurting partner or making them feel excluded by toddler and new baby expected.Maternal instincts, bodily aches endured, cravings, nausea, body shape changes are deal with by an expectant mother. Include and involve toddler and siblings in new birth process and keep loving them. It is important not to assume or expect those around to automatically understand the pregnant mother’s feelings. Hormones become heightened with deeper sense of smell and the pregnant woman needs to be mothered more. This can cause tension if the pregnant mother is stressed by sleepless nights of coping with infant alone while nurturing new-born baby. Caring for a child is hard work without the added pressure of pregnancy. The mother can become irritated under pressure of running the home and working in addition. In some communities this is the time to pamper and spoil the expectant mother to feed, rest and sleep properly to prepare for delivery after care. This means others help to contribute favourite food, help shop, help clean the home, ran errands, donate and supply clothes plus organise baby showers. A partner must listen, acknowledge her needs, be patient, pamper and support her. Do not take it personally or in competition with nurtured child for self-serving attention. Remember it is not only about you but about the well-being of the spouse too. Compared to the man, the woman has greater emotional needs at this point so make allowances for pleasant harmonious environment.

Some women feel drained by raising their immature husband so recognise the transition to adapt to need although natural to look out for oneself first. One changes from looking after self to taking on family’s needs which comes first because a child is for life. Some think they made a mistake when the going gets tough especially when the woman does not feel glamorous about herself. Find alternative methods of showing romance, affection, enrich pleasure of intimacy to feel better. Seek medical advise if worried about fear of intimacy causing possible miscarriage. She may not be in the mood to be intimate as before. Some men feel rejected and abandoned after going the extra mile bending over backwards to help yet still not have the affection of the woman so feel used and abused. May massage her, run baths for her, help with cooking, cleaning, laundry, bins, child care but endure challenging practical realities of burdens not anticipated before marriage to ease effects of pregnancy. Yet watch her shower unconditional love on toddler if in good mood or ignore child for interrupting phone call, game or other activity. As if to rub it in to mock him but it is necessary the woman learns not to talk to the man like she speaks to another woman. She must not assume the partner must read her body language, mood swings, pick on her gut feelings and intuitive feelings to help her.

Snap1Woman must understand women multi-task better so be specific to ask for one thing to be done at a time. Be willing to compromise for the sake of peace not to argue in favour of having the last word to cause resentment. Ask and accept help from experienced couples and people because it is not guilty weakness or bad parenting. It takes a whole community village to raise a child and no one is an island. God created people to live in families to support one another. Do not burn bridges by antagonizing extended family. Timothy was raised by his mother Eunice and grandmother Lios who taught him the word of God from infancy in 2 Timothy 1:5. So blessed by his mother and grandmother’s faithfulness. The 2 women raised Timothy in Godly instructions in a faithful Jewish home to build his faith. Although it is true that children are the awesome blessing of God, raising children can be often overwhelming and often a thankless job. Do let not pride and ego dominate decisions and choices to cause chaos. Focus on building the child’s present needs, motor skills and motivate them to establish good routines. Be firm and sustain a united front as strong team on the same page with regard to discipline age appropriate to build a good strong sound foundation. Do not be fooled by the innocent look to become a push over to let the child dominate and control you by playing parents against each other. Ensure fair balance of balance of power by being flexible if they are unwell. Toddlers do verbalise emotions but anxieties picked from parents are internalized and implode through illness or tantrums. Too much constant crying to make them ‘men,’ to ‘grow up’ is unacceptable. The child must be allowed to enjoy innocent years with fun and playfulness. It is all right to get down on the floor with them but still be the leader in control as the adult. Stay calm at all times using appropriate tone of voice suitable for the occasion. REMEMBER CHILDREN ARE LIKE VIDEO TAPES SO REPROGRAM WHAT YOU PUT IN THEM or mimic and copy your actions and behaviour more than what you tell them to do. The child manifests what they see or hear so take responsibility for how they learn from you at home. Be conscious of your body language to diffuse tension to distract them from having tantrums. Have back up interim plan to introduce toddler to good routine and ability to eat well. Do not feel obliged to prove child belongs exclusively to you so demand punishing schedule to battle on at personal cost. Do not let child become your majesty spoilt brat to self-destruct. God Says train child so when they grow they will not depart from good Godly life skills planted in them. Though a couple enjoy personal me times for personal space not to lose yourselves. 2 becoming 1 flesh does not mean joined at hips 24/7 so recharge your own batteries. Remember, that a happy stable mother means a happy family home atmosphere. Do not constantly criticise partner who dares help by fault-finding on all the things not done perfectly. Nobody is perfect so be accommodating and compassionate and ask God to help you forgive and maintain love for one another. After family time and personal me times reunite as a loving couple and do not let events ruin the genuine love you have each other. Maintain the love even in tough times. Do not neglect each other at the expense of children as stewards doing good job after they leave the home you experience empty nest syndrome. Children grow quickly and leave home very fast before you know it. Do not lose track of each to let children ruin spouse relationship and love for one another. At least every two weeks, get a baby sitter to have a break as a couple. The woman may feel obliged to call home many times to ensure children are safe because she may feel as if she lost an arm or leg without them in sight. This maternal bonding and strong attachment can disrupt dates so discuss this to prepare spouse to better understand intensity of mother child bond. Remember to give little tokens of love based on 5 love languages. God comes first in marriage followed by couple then the children so appreciate, respect and value each other.