Projection means seeing life through others to blame them for all life’s problems. So defends self against unpleasant impulses denying existence in themselves. So totally refuses to accept any responsibility of any part played in own life. Projection attributes own repressed thoughts to someone else so all problems blamed on parents, teachers, neighbours, spouse, friends and colleagues. Such ego defence mechanism projects and blames thoughts, impulses and feelings onto others. So transfers and also counter transfers past and present situation onto the dearest and nearest. Therefore loved ones bear most the brunt of projection as closest to the projector. Projector’s automatic mental behaviour is under girded by preconceived traditional standards so set in own ways. Feels strongly angry so uses defence mechanisms to repress, deny and project trouble onto others. All their frustrations, difficulties, failures, are somebody’s fault. Living in delusion of grandeur sets heights too high above their station in life so thinks too highly of  themselves. They do not care what damage or hurt they cause others. Life basically only revolves around them. They must always be the centre of focus or feel dehumanized. This pattern of unhealthy behaviour starts innocently from terrible 2 years running family around. So carries on into adulthood with warped worldview. Addicted to having own way not nibbed in bud in early years. So married unleashes to blame spouse for all their life problems. Each day, they find something wrong with those intimate with them. They may complain the spouse is too thin so must eat to avoid being seen as their child. So the spouses gains some weight they approve of. However, any extra weight is seen as fat so nagged to lose weight. So one is never sure where one stand with them though supposed to care about. Next they are told they are too short, so start wearing platform shows to increase height. Although, the spouse is forced to wear heels at all times to please them, they soon find the next thing wrong with the partner. On and on the go comparing their cooking with their mothers, house keeping with their mothers. It is as if they would have liked to marry their mother. forgetting their wife is not their mother. Eventually as spouse bears children so he must rise to the task to do his bit as a loving  father. Instead he feels abandoned, displaced angry and jealous of attention given to his own child. Sulking, complaining of poor housekeeping soon finds comfort elsewhere. So justifies his terrible betrayal by blaming the wife. In some primitive societies, wife is lashed with stick for not fulfilling intimate duties commitment whether she wants it or not. Feels sense of entitlement to whatever wanted whenever irrespective of impractical reality of demands so generally anxious. This projection behaviour extends to finances whereby all his personal needs are met but the family may lack food, electric, clothing, shoes, yet he is immaculately dressed. To the outside world he is a saint and a good role model. Yet the wife and children are suffering under his yoke of bondage too ashamed and too embarrassed to get help. Those who dare tom report him to the family or friends are not believed. Or he denies and undermines her more telling them she is a bitter jealous woman who hates his interaction with them. This continues until bruises appear on the woman and children with cover story not to expose him. He may threaten to treat them worse or will seek divorce and take away the children. So this takes place for years. The wife succumbs to his disrespectful relationship, bullying and his abusive ways for the sake of the peace.Meanwhile, spouse’s behaviour gets worse with unpredictable outburst constant arguments. So a terror at home who picks on the children. He may resort to violence by beating or punishing unreasonably for slightest perceived irritation. Forgetting children need to play to have innocent fun freely at home. So goes on attacking family wrongly believing entire life happiness depends on perfect performance of wife. After years tormenting wife may gamble, drink or do drugs to numb disappointments so cannot keep work schedules. Finance is affected because he has an insecure world view.

189377_298415886930257_435613120_n (1)Without rent, bills unpaid, debt piling begins to fight threats from creditors amid debt collectors. Instead of seeking help to address the situation picks on the wife more. So builds resentment towards wife and plots to poison,  maim, electrocute, kill wife. So begins secret preparation to plot her demise. Forgetting in the moment of anger and madness the consequences and effects of destruction upon himself. Does not think clearly ahead of impact on his future or where he will spend the rest of his life. So carries out such actions heard constantly in the news of a husband killing wife, electrocuting for only bearing daughters or hacking by chopping head off for a row. Do not recognise child’s gender is from both make and female chromosomes so not wife’s fault. Or acid attacks, gunshot wounds , strangling. Life is first own personal responsibility to God. Each must have direct connection with God first as a Christian believer. Then encourage partner to lead life in same way accountable to God first. Both must remain connected strongly to God with the first love in Christ Jesus. Then both will realise God is their source of ultimate fulfilment so stop demanding impossible from partner to meet all their emotional, physical and material needs. No man can save another except God through Christ so must learn to do the right thing acceptable for personal well being relationship. The man is the head of woman and Christ is Head of man and the church. Both must look up to Christ Jesus the perfect Bridegrooms example love and leadership. Not to copy romance from novels,  TV drama reality shows. Some may be useful during dating but true reality of marriage is give and take, compromise, forgiveness and building each other up. Though married with children in the home insists on keeping house spotless as show room. Neither keep it unkempt because the children untrained to tidy up after themselves. The husband must help the so stop comparing her to his mother. Some mothers were full-time so had time to clean and polish the silver ware. Do not insist your wife works full-time and must runs the home full-time as if unemployed. Neither sit reading papers or watch football full-time and leave her alone to fend for the children as a married single parent. God is able to keep both if the marriage is entrusted to God to make perfect all that concern both in Jesus Name with thanks to God. Confide dark thoughts to trusted people to seek help before too late to act wrongly. Develop talents, music, art, drama, dancing, painting, cooking, coaching, volunteer, preaching, teaching etc. Personal development interest in a team helps although married.needs_of_singles

Courtesy:Image Credit




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