THE AFFAIR

With the festive season comes the time to socialise and celebrate to let the hair down to relax and enjoy life. Soon the atmosphere of goodwill means offices  are relaxed and new friendships formed. It is crucial to to watch out to avoid bizarre affairs. Someone one was attracted to but off limit becomes innocent best friend to confide in. Relaxed office environment and party atmosphere means boundaries are broken. Influences of alcohol and substance abuse lets inhibition and guards down. People do not set out to have an affair. Novelty of attention compares long – lasting monogamous stable marriage to ridicule spouse. Friendships cross over subconsciously into affairs. Reinforced by music, songs, lyrics published, brag about daring exploit of infidelity as conquest. Companies train people to conduct affairs undetected. The world celebrates affairs in TV dramas, media, newspapers. Some in relationship look for discreet indulgence for fun. Others need emotional relationship, romantic friendship, passionate attachment long – gone in marriage. Some have affair at play fair so meet adulterers via specialist dating websites to enjoy leisure and pleasure. Most may not feel unloved by partners nor have desire to leave them. But convince and justify third-party to become involved in the new relationship for lust. Texts professing love, showering praises of how wonderful, beautiful is flattering. So told one is best thing that happened to them in secret phone calls, texts and attention.images

Although all evidence points to affair, texts, bizarre behaviours, body language, perfumes, lip sticks, awkward silences, restlessness,  yet the person involved vehemently denies the affair. Third party told and reassured you are best thing that ever happened to them. Everything is going well, life is great so his full attention every hour, minute, second, receives endearing affirmation texts. Without you, they profess life is meaningless. So you return the love, ensuring you take great care of them. One devotes entire life to meet their needs so at their beck and call day or night. Although all evidence points to affair, in body language, perfumes, lip sticks, awkward silences, restlessness, secret phone calls, texts, the person involved vehemently denies the affair. Told and reassured you are best thing that ever happened to them. Everything is going well, life is great so his full attention every hour, minute, second, receives endearing affirmation texts. Yet in defiance of the law for monogamous marriages married another. Some started off as a bit of fun and side kick to be disposed of when fed up. Only to realise addictive entanglement cannot be so easily broken and shaken off Scot free as they thought. Coupled with affairs are weaving the web of deception to keep up with the dubious lifestyle.images (1)The self-deceiving person projects self-destruction onto partner as cause of problems. So the thrill of demolition of another’s spouse makes one feel more than a conqueror. Cheered on, mislead, use, abuse the rescuer from their sadness. They think affair makes them happier from ‘unloving,’ ‘uncaring,’ ‘cruel’ partner so made to feel wonderful as rescuer from miserable long-suffering. Often accusing the spouse or partner of going livid or mental for nor reason or even suggesting they are the ones having affairs to sear their guilty conscience and shift blame onto them. In the world of take over bids receivership marriage has victims. If one sees a happy couple having good times envy them jealously to replace the partner or spouse.  One feels great for such an accomplishment as stolen water is very sweet. This successful take over bid is rewarded by numerous gifts, cars, houses, holidays, cruises, clothes, shopping, unlimited credit cards and bank accounts to indulge to one’s pleasure. Eventually the little secret becomes scandal which finally relieves from burden of secrecy. The family becomes embroiled in tensions and confusions as the man becomes piggy in the middle. He withdraws from his long- term family emotionally. Although physically present, he is caught up with pressure to decide next move. The spouse comes to a shocking realisation as suspicions are confirmed and man feels relief.  At last, one is finally free to announce engagement and pretty soon the wedding. One has never been happier, receiving all the attention and affection from such a devoted loving partner unappreciated and considered evil by others and all the ex-partners and ex-wives. One hardly sees friends and family any more as this new person in is so satisfying and overwhelming one cuts off family and friends. Some may even forbid contact with friends and family as you now belongs to them.  The rings and assets showered as gifts prove their love so now you are hooked to them for life. The intimacy is so great one can hardly get hands off each other. With capacity for scoring several rounds per day and night. Finally the dust settles, and one is expecting at last. The ultimate proof of commitment to seal the deal of love is union of a child made together. The love child or lust child as more appropriately called is now conceived.

Preparation and attentions is focussed to ensure the conception party, the gender announcement baby showers part, baby room is decorated as desired. The next cycle of shopping starts with baby this and bay that with so many gifts. The love is intense as ever if all goes well with the pregnancy. The due date arrives for wonderful news it is a boy or it is a girl or both in case of twins. After birth, woman’s attentions shifts completely to baby in full swing gearing on auto pilot to focus on baby and recover. The body changes so not immediately appealing for intimacy. For wondering eyes once again, cycle begins for serial monogamy. As feels left in the lurch so provokes another woman to jealousy. So he begins to repeat regular pattern to deceive and fool the next woman without a conscience. Soon if the situation between the latest spouse is not redressed not redressed with therapy goes off to off wind on old flames for sympathy. Misery loves company so recalls good times of the past. After a while, the woman finally grasps they have been played. So start crying wolf with people who could foresee the consequences in advance warning them yet ignored, Unfortunately, they had to find out for themselves the hard way.

 They now fully understand it was their roving wandering  spouse who could not keep their parts up fully zipped. Yet projected their insecurities onto their ex by blaming and bad – mouthing to the naive new person to fool them into thinking they were better than wife. At first they are made to feel they can take a better care of the lousy unfaithful man. The foundation laid by a smooth talking gigolo cannot build up a long- lasting relationship. Although there may be success stories of women who took other’s husband’s or vice versa and it worked for them. One is tarnished forever by ungodly foundation of ruining someone’s family. Children of relationship find numerous half – sisters and brothers previously unknown. They may be forced into some sort of blended relationship to ‘forgive’ the home wrecker to become friends for the sake of the children. It is important to remember if they do it with you they will do it to you no matter how much the promise reassured you or put a ring on it. Some totally misunderstand the reality of practical life of relationships.

So do not compromise or learn to give and take to live in peace by agreeing to disagree on differences. So insist on changing partners fantasize in their minds with unrealistic life demands from spouses and partners. Some are perfectionists so no one is quite excellent to please them. Others become bored with family life, partying, mundane daily duties, tasks of housekeeping. Some seek new thrills as casa nova so permanently demand to remain fixated in dating honeymoon stage of relationships forever. So want to live in fantasy land like Peter Pan never growing up in never-never cuckoo land.  They give rings easily to naive girls and women to fool them into thinking they are sincere. Pretty soon they eat their cakes and have by getting their rings back. Damage done is not repaired after they play house. Yet people find it hard to resist enticing, seducing passion, attention, showered if feeling lonely like Bathsheba. King David had many wives yet when the king’s men and the whole Israelite army went to fight in war King David stayed behind at home. Bathsheba was the wife of Uriah the Hittite. King David played peeping Tom coveted by stealing Uriah’s the Hittites wife by affair with Bathsheba. According to the Bible in 2 Samuel 11-12:24 this happened in springtime when kings went to war. King David took her to sleep with him so Bathsheba was King David’s most famous wife because of their illicit extramarital affair at the height of David’s reign in 1005-965 B.C.  Bathsheba gets pregnant so King David sent for Uriah to try to conceal his sin but he refused to go home for comfort to sleep with wife while others died in trenches defending nation. King David gave Uriah his death warrant given to Joab so put in the most dangerous part of battle and killed. King David’s evil plan worked, but GOD saw it, so sent Nathan the Prophet to condemn and judge King David’s actions. God said, ‘Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before eyes I will take your wives and give them to one close to you and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. 12 You did it in secret but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.’’ 13 King David said to Nathan, “I sinned against God.”Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin so will not die. 14 But because by doing this you shown utter contempt for the Lord, the son born to you will die.” King David humbled himself and confessed his sin but paid a hefty price of calamities by his actions which affected whole family for generations. On the contrast, Joseph refused to succumb to a similar invitation for adultery by Portipher his Master’s wife.

009-joseph-potipharKing David humbled himself and confessed his sin but Joseph was a young Godly man in a strange land without family support. Portipher’s wife wanted to take advantage of his vulnerability so demanded unrealistic attention of affection from Joseph. Fearing God Joseph rejected her advances as the affair was not right. It would destroy God’s vision and future plans for Joseph if he sinned with such a  person with wrong motives. Joseph remained loyal and faithful to God by refusing to SIN AGAINST GOD. God’s Holy Spirit in Joseph and FEAR OF GOD reinforced Joseph’ ability to not commit adultery in marriage by extra marital affairs due to wondering eyes. Joseph rejected Portipher’s immoral advances. Yet endured punishment for standing firm to do the right thing. So in 1 Peter 4:12-14, Christian believers go through fiery trials to refine their faith and renew their strength. What does not kill one makes one stronger. So Joseph was refined as pure gold by enduring the test of morality. This helped Joseph to build up a strong monogamous marriage.  

Practising self-control, as a single person who does not indulge in fornication helps remain faithful in marriage. Practising serial monogamy multiple relationships makes it harder to suddenly settle down to stop addictive behaviour. This is why spouse is seen as enemy who prevents them from happiness with other women. Some feel caged by marriage so simple requests to be serious to take responsibilities of life cause resentment. Joseph, endured being uprooted from his native land like Sarah who was barren considered a curse in Middle Eastern culture up to age of 90, being held captive, and being exposed to the advances of foreign kings twice. She completely shared Abraham’s journey with God in a spirit of faith, courage and self-sacrifice if necessary.  In order to protect her husband, Sarah agreed twice to enter a foreign king’s harem where she could have potentially been greatly harmed and defiled.  Still, she obeyed her husband , though faced risks Sarah was covered by God’s protection blood covenant.

So God ensured they led their lives and God rewarded Sarah’s obedience and rescued her from Pharaoh’s and King Abimilech’s harem.  Clearly it was God who did not allow the King of Gerar to touch Sarah. And God said to him in a dream, ‘Yes, I know you did this in integrity of your heart.  For I withheld you from sinning against Me. I did not let you touch her in Genesis 20:6. Through it all, she remained faithful to God, to her husband, and to her calling. It is never too late or become so desperate to take another’s husband because one’s biological clock is ticking. God says Christian believers who have faith in God and believe, shall still bring forth fruit in old age so shall be vigorous and flourishing in Psalm 92:14. Sarah’s gave birth to Isaac in old age so expect remain vitally active in latter years. Sarah was her husband’s partner in life and his equal.  In Christian faith and belief they are both equally created in God’s Image and Likeness. So considered excellent teachers in their own right, with Sarah teaching the women and Abraham teaching the men.  And God Who sees all needs Will duly reward them if they remain loyal and faithful God. The fact that Hagar conceived and not Sarah caused Hagar to think she was more spiritual, better and more blessed than Sarah. In her pride, she exalted herself over Sarah and became insolent so Sarah felt betrayed and humiliated. Hagar learned her lesson the hard way so paid a hefty price for compromising herself with a married man Abraham.  The promises given her as surrogate mother of their child turned sour. So God visited Hagar and provided for her and Ishmael. Above all, Abraham and Sarah repaired their marriage while Hagar was thrown out literally with the baby. Abraham and Sarah restored their marriage. A single Godly man or woman is to devote their full attention to serving God. Most men face threats the bigger and more successful they are. Women desperately want them despite other young attractive single men around to marry. They forget the wife is the pillar behind his success nurturing, education, sponsored, supported, fed, clothed by wife beautifying him. Working hard to pay she pays mortgage, buys car for him and raises his children. Women outside see it and want the man only to discover in shock it was not what they imagined. Once such men become successful they treat wife as mother so go looking for younger women for pleasure-seeking adventures.Servants, nannies, housekeepers, butlers, chaperones, gardeners, chauffeurs, best friends and relatives end up in abuse, depression, damaged by affair they dare not meddle with in the first place.  The addictive behaviour endorsed by the world affairs triggers the flesh to lust to live carnal lifestyle. Some Christians live exactly like unbelievers without sexual morals. Intensity of new-found passion is pleasure replacing predictable love boredom in marriage. Being made to feel one will replace lousy spouse is flattering and endearing. But this helps buy time for affair to last longer as one is captivated with future plans to be together forever. Meticulous planning of secret rendezvous, subtle, exciting times of secrecy for intimate passion seem undying love so fascinating and thrilling. Many found themselves bamboozled by the charming partner already tethered to another spouse.

Yet just as the spouse was treated it soon becomes romantic interlude after the ecstatic high moment. Pressure from the woman to legalize relationship to ratify affair to sear conscience does not help. Being forced to abandon the spouse and children seems like a great achievement but soon returns to haunt the victim who instigates it. It eventually fizzles out exactly as the previous relationship a few years later. Rushing to become the new spouse feeling on top of the world as the new trophy wife  soon passes for the next person to take over. Others driven to end affair weigh all options so do not leave wife as not worth losing, family, friends, mortgage. Hagar had bitter end to affair so realised cost of emotional pain. Although the beginning was romantic, with all she attention enjoyed, it did not end in marriage. As the man is definitely intimate with wife to keep pretence of not having an affair going.He may say all the evil derogatory things about wife  to convince you are the best love of his love but do not be fooled into thinking you are God’s gift to him. And do not blackmail him with God told me I am your wife using his obedience to God to compel him to marry you. Statistics show less than 5% of men leave wives for other woman with whom they had an affair. They use the affair to opt out but not marry  person due to tarnished reputation associated with relationship. Due ethical, legal, financial problems of divorce, religious beliefs or recognised attached affection for wife. It is extremely comforting for the man to create a quiet space to rest and relax. This is the case of setting up a second or third homes to escape crying baby and cluttered toys. The spouse loses confidence so feels tortured for enduring marriage. The quiet bachelor pad turns into war zone by nagging wife. They lose trust, feel disconnected so spouse in feels tarnished with feeling ignored and abandoned with children.
Above all displaced by the children preoccupied wife from devoting full attention to spouse. The husband feels justified and entitled to seek affection elsewhere with an amoral person rather than deal with the overwhelming marital responsibilities. The other woman becomes enabler but financially, emotionally does not have a leg to stand on. An emotional attachment or bond ends after the affair is over. The habitual adulterer finds a way to extricate from relationship and is painful. Even if the one says she’s just interested in something casual, she gets hurt. I think a woman’s interest in a man grows once they are sleeping together but a man stays interested for about a month then he stops as hormonal evidence to substantiates. Despite deep feeling of love or wonderful expression of professed love he practically knows keeping you as mistress causes problems for his family so will not divorce wife. Remember the chase is often better than the catch because of the fantasy and anticipation of craving of forbidden fruit. When it’s over, he moves on to next thrill for the sake of his reputation and children. In extreme cases, due to his status and stature in the society, he conceals the affair. Due to implications of positions of power and authority he devises false lies to discredit the other woman. If she threatens to blackmail or expose the affair publicly to humiliate him he turns on the other woman with vengeance. So labels her as a stalker, insane, mentally unsound person, a mad woman  some put restraining orders and injunctions to exonerate themselves. Some get killed by other woman in jealous rage or husband trying to get rid of wife to pave way for mistress. Others blacklist and spread false rumours to try to disgrace her. It is a case of if they cannot have her nobody else can.  Prayer is needed to restore marriage.

Women not alert to manipulative games allow themselves to be ridiculed, mocked, cut off from friends, family who help them recover from affair or broken marriage. It is important to remember despite success of on-line relationship you relate with the person according to what he tells you. Do not define or design your life based only on a man’s profession of love for you. Your life is worth more than romantic life and marriage. As hard as it sounds, eternal life beyond this earth has absolutely no physical marriage. The idea of being single means feeling less human, something wrong with you deceives to fall for anything that comes your way. To be seen as belonging in relationship is used to deceive people into rushing into affairs. Others do not want responsibility of duty of marriage so prefer to be other woman to eat their cake but have it. They think they get the milk for free without taking care of cow. Repent and restore your life by reconnecting with God your creator and spouse before it is too late. Be prepared in the marriage to maintain romance and love in the cooling down moments of marriage. You cannot build you future on emotional feelings which change or start a family from snatching another’s husband an expect him to be loyal to you. A leopard does not change it spot. What you see, approve of you get in payback return to haunt you sooner or later. so decide and fear God like Joseph. God wants to heal marriages and families. The divorce rate among Christians is as high as non-Christians. Adultery does not only happen in bad marriages as believed but really if not affair proofed unprotected good marriages are exposed too. Proverbs 5:18 talks about enjoying wife of youth. Appreciating your woman’s physical beauty should be reserved in marriage for marriage.

Do do not copy the secular world to make unrealistic demands to undermine the marriage. Do not marry for sexual intimacy because intense phase does not last forever so changes after a while. Covenant agreement to obey God’s will through thick and thin is the secret of successful marriage if Christian. The cycle is repeated as many times as ‘unhappy’ daddy or mummy continues to seek ultimate non – existent partner so acquires more partners and spouses. One cup of coffee leads to another and with another or together. One soon hears rumours of indiscretion heard from others or seen. For some it is never-ending until death takes over lives to account to Maker God for breaking His Commandments and devastation heartache caused others on earth. If they do not repent, they may end up in hell for lusts of the flesh.

Seek God’s face and be true to God’s words not fleshly lustful emotional feelings. Forgive and repair the marriage by therapy. Date again and renew vows by new marriage ceremony. Pay attention to each other more. Today Christian believers are covered by God’s Protection and blood cover of Jesus Christ. So can live in integrity if they choose to do so without compromise.

Courtesy:- Images

nyata.co.id

rockinmarriage.com

idiva.com

www.monikahoyt.com

www.why.do

www.indiatimes.com

inntrending.com

becuo.com

www.crosswalk.com

okccounseling.org

womenlivingwell.org

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