The God of Love is the One who Helps Meet the Greatest Need so makes it possible to help meet needs of spouse. God Almighty Creator of marriage decided marriage helps meet needs. So God Helps meet all needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus in Philippians 4:19. A healthy marriage is among keys to healthy community, so imperative to help meet needs of spouse to ensure Biblical accountability. People need encouragement because of how the reality of a relationships turns out to be. To strengthen marriage, a lot more detail needs to be put in to guide natural changes of progression. Growing through years of dating, marriage, settling down, running home successfully requires input from both spouses working together as team on same page.
Soon after marriage pressure is on couple to produce a child. Whether financially ready or not becomes topic conversation and main question. The family increasing from couple to include child care involves particular changes taking place. Those keenly interested to demand child from couple may not necessarily be available to help provide childcare when needed. So with conception comes specific child care requirements. It is important to continue to help meet need of spouse. So spouse shifts focus to expectant mother, often celebrated and supported. Conception may go on smoothly without difficulties. Couples have a wonderful time welcoming new-born baby in family. In terms of nurturing children, child bearer woman, does most of child care raising child initially until able to rally support and extra help.
This is true due to the sacrifice and way conception affects women’s feelings and emotions so highly respected. Yet spouse must remember the child is a need God meets in the relationship so must be treated as a gift from God. Although, it takes a whole village to raise a child, the most immediate person who influences or nurtures the baby directly is the mother. As pregnancy progresses, the hormones change. An expectant woman has morning sickness so may feel sick. At times natural body scent of a man, once attractive becomes repellent smell. This change causes a women to reject man for intimacy. The man needs to understand the woman still loves him dearly but hormones affect response to him. This last depending on nature of pregnancy until feels better or till delivery in extreme cases.
The woman may move into a spare room if marital bedroom has too strong masculine odour for her hormonal nose to deal with. If marital bedroom is all right for hormones to handle, the man moves into spare bedroom or sofa for a season. This means spouses not having usual deep intimate affection during that period in pregnancy. The man may resent and sulk being left alone on the sofa without cosy body warmth of wife during such moments. Some men resent baby for taking their special place in the heart of the spouse. Meanwhile wife tosses and turns with inconvenience body discomfort, pain of pregnancy, body swelling yet by herself in bed. Due to threat of miscarriage suspend intimacy for a while. This is time to seek God’s face intensely, not drift apart.
Cravings mean the man runs around to meet demands at odd hours to satisfy her needs. So both spouses are learning and adjusting to come to terms with true practical realities of love life and marriage. This shocking changes to relationships are unpredictable so unforeseen and unprepared for. By the time baby is delivered safely or by stressful means, the spouse is exhausted but relieved it is all over. So spouse may look forward at last to restore intimacy of marriage. Only to be disappointed and let down by maternal instincts of spouse kicking in. The spouse’ attention is fully switched onto baby to the shock and horror of suffering, enduring spouse waiting for fantasy reunion of intimacy.The man feels invincible used as baby maker machine although happy to be a father. This is the beginning of causes of rifts in relationships if spouse becomes too deeply engrossed with only the needs of the baby more and more than with the spouse. This is when trusted relatives can help to support and give respite care while the couple redates and reforms a new relationship based on current circumstances. This is important but very difficult for the mother emotionally connected to the baby. She carried baby 9 months so child becomes part of her body. Bonding from conception to delivery, seeing baby after birth, means her attention shifts completely first and foremost to caring for helpless infant innocent totally dependent on mother.
This further isolates the spouse who feels ostracised further. So some immature men actually become jealous of the attention showered on new-born baby. Forgetting their own mothers once did the same to nurture them too. This is a critical time in the home as laundry and dishes pile up, the cleaning of the home, shopping for food, washing powder, soap, toilet tissue, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, sanitary products, nappies, diapers often in short supply plus other essential priorities left undone. The baby’s arrival may create a disorganised home different from the 2 couple’s lifestyle. Yet pressure mounts to keep it all together. Spouse is sore, bloated not in mood for love, feels unappreciated, misunderstood, stressed by spouse to regain confidence to start rebuilding body to a pre-conception shape of happy, strong best self.
Some immature men in stereotypical Christian relationship accuse spouse of not being a good house keeper, not cooking on time, not up to date with expected duties and roles. A good supportive spouse will step in to love, support more to ensure life is negotiated to be involved in a new dimension. To do things differently but remember to make room for each other. In Christian marriage, God comes first, the couple second and children in third place. An infant must not be so cared for to allow to take over a home. Remember despite stress not to run household based only on requirements of infant. It takes discipline as maternal instincts take over so strongly mother feels torn apart from baby physically part of her body and life. Spouse must support gently not resent change.
It is impossible for men and single women who never bore a child to fully understand such a strong bond of a mother and child. The mother can travel a 1000 miles away but her maternal antennae, instincts and gut feelings are fixated on baby if left at home. Although mother is sure baby is in safe hands, cannot switch off emotionally. Spouse operates on auto-pilot not deeply connected to spouse any more as before in marriage. must help to agree to centre conversation first on baby first. Then later discuss how to adapt to changes in relationship. A mother must not be made to forget baby or forced to stop talking about baby. It is necessary to gently in love, make spouse aware if she persists on exclusive focus on baby she is damaging marriage without realising it.
In addition, if it was a difficult pregnancy she will feel more attached than usual while the long-suffering spouse endures lack of affection intimacy for nearly a year or more. The spouse is usually not in the mood for intimacy as often weighed down by stress of the baby’s needs. So the man becomes more frustrated, if not fully involved as hands on father. In some cultures children are seen as women’s job so men are not included. It is essential to remember to help meet man affectionately. Some men are pressured to look for relieve elsewhere in fresh undamaged girlfriend mistress. Forgetting they are cause the changes to spouse’ body. Some get new wife with consent permission of first wife but does not necessarily solve problem of the moment in polygamous context. The Bible says to love in same way Jesus loved us by willing to sacrifice to help meet needs.
Both spouse must endeavour to adjust to changes faced together. Born again Christian believers, young wives need support, advice from more experienced wives in Titus 2:4. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children. To teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. The dynamics of change in marriage is so intense so requires extra input. It wise to receive help and feel incompetent. It wise the couple not burn bridges in dating and marriage. The same people one meets up aisle are same people met on way down. In addition, bonding with children excluding spouse has domino knock on effect. After children grow up, leave home couple have nothing in common. Some women experience empty nest syndrome feeling nothing to live for. Yet can do all activities given up to raise family again.
This issue is not known during dating as couple focus exclusively on each other. Being the centre of each other’s attention intimately means bonding and cleaving in certain way. However, the child becomes a third-party involved through transitional changes of the relationship. Their assumptions before conception seems couple think they fully know what to do before child-birth. After childbirth the whole relationship needs love review plus coping mechanisms for infant. To co-operative with spouse not to cause irreparable damage to marriage. It is important to try to return to adapted life as normal as possible after birth of children. God helps spouses to meet needs and vice versa. In a masculine society some think it means looking after man to ensure he is happy.
The Bible speaks of the Holy Spirit dwelling within and treating body as holy temple. So intimacy must be realistic and fair as the hormones affect the relationship. One cannot misunderstand or blame spouse for not being an excellent partner. Support spouse to mend rift to patch quickly to not drift apart if they cannot cope with changes. As child care issue continue to affect families, often most wives pay a heavy price with career or profession. So feel abandoned by spouse for caring for sick child, may mean juggling jobs, career, mortgage, caring for elderly parents of couple. Literally being left with baby, means sacrificing, doing without basic necessities. If disability issues involved plus child care a man may carry on regardless with promotions in career.Some may go on vendetta refusing to pay sick child’s support. Once new partner enters equation the man’s focus is on new family so ignores first-born and first family. This issue contributes a lot to relationship breakdown. It may not be extreme as this scenario here states but it necessary not to focus only on the intimate side as the cementing factor as it may change depending on the woman’s libido after birth. A help meet means helping meet both spouses’ needs. In addition, children are entrusted for a season to parents as stewards so move on to lead their own lives. This is why the couple must relate with family members or become isolated on their own. Submission to spouse is 2 way relationship not master slave submission. God created both spouse as gift from God created to fill needs in spouse’s life through Christ. Marriage is not exclusively to make only one spouse happy.
A child raised to feel more important than a spouse does not respect that spouse even though biological parent. So feels like the centre of focus ruling the roost. Pretty soon that child discovers the world does not revolve around them as parent’s made them to feel. They find it harder to make friends or respect adults as made to feel above parent by spouse. They expect all people encountered to treat them as used to being treated from home. To help meet needs guide a child to respect both spouse right from birth by inclusive involvement of spouse. Continue to seek God’s face in Bible as Scriptures tell us to meditate on His Words night and day in Joshua 1:8. Encourage spouse she is really doing well. Openly talk about feelings with each other.
A good sign of recovery is also to make her feel more confident and reassured she is not alone. Remember others been there so can guarantee there is definitely light at the end of longest darkest tunnel. God’s words say a child taught to obey, submit and honour adults will live long so it will be well with them. The child disciplined to respect spouse early respects authority. Remember, daily, thousands of families make decisions based on wrong advice forgetting if advice does not work they bear the brunt. Seek Godly advice, not reality TV drama input secular text-book view on marriage. Those seeking commitment for life’s journey for long haul till death parts need God’s grace to Help Meet Needs. Through storms of changes in marriage time out family vacation can help.Check with GP, doctors to ensure spouse is not experiencing postpartum depression. Support her with love, understanding, pampering with treats. Speak affirmation words in front of mirror. Use bright lights, create vibrant atmosphere, play favourite music, eat healthy meals, no junk food as chemicals cause depression, no coffee after 6pm causes not to have deep refreshing sleep for repairing body to keep in good health. Spoil yourself with hot baths, rose petals, live life like when first found greatest love of your life. Enjoy positive words, do not put each other down. The Lord God will Heal You. to share your testimony with the world. Forgive each other and do not live in bitterness to feel much better. Let God deal with hurts under cross of Christ to impact others.
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