MARRIAGE & CLEAVING


Finally the great day arrives after meeting that special beloved person and now thinking about the next move to take the relationship further. You watched friend’s and family’s marriages with silly arguments on trivial things. You vowed you will do the right thing by praying for Godly Counsel and Wisdom, following Godly values and treating your spouse better when you settle down. Soon you notice little individual differences between you and begin to wonder is this true love? You now understand why couples argue over the smallest and most ridiculous things. You begin to wonder if you are really in control and constantly complain your partner is not sensitive, submissive, humble or obedient. As the man, you feel she must do as she is told without challenging your power and authority.You constantly remind her you are the head in charge to reinforce your position. Ultimately, you mention to your family plans and introduce your ‘friend’ to them as the one. You are sure you are old and matured enough to take responsibility for life directly to support own family. You already carefully planned details of your monthly expenses including fuel for car, food, electric, gas, water, phone bills so get married.

You set a date eventually to move on after finding the perfect house in a nice and quiet area. You have been told to pay so many month’s deposit in advance. Your mate is now thinking about the distance to work, giving up pecks and comforts of living at home on mum and dad’s bank and taking a leap of faith into the unknown with you. You feel cold feet yourself because you have never lived on your own, neither cared for anyone before. Your sense your family feels you are too young to fully understand commitment for life at your age and living on your own. You are sure you are now an adult and no more a teenager. Although your chronological age is nineteen years, society contradicts itself and assures you that you are an adult. Some cortex is not mature so not developed to understand full risks and consequences of STI, HIV, responsibility of childbirth so you produce children for those perfectly healthy and capable but too posh to push. You feel strongly it is your right to deal with problems by drinking, smoking, partying and hanging out with friends for the wrong reasons. Encouraged to be actively involved with peers not older, wiser experienced God entrusted in your life.

Teased for being tied to parent’s apron strings so desperate to grow independent. Yet never contribute to family upkeep, help with parent’s mortgage. But sure and convinced yourself you can manage on your own. The little earnings from your job is already consumed on modern necessities and accessories young people cherish so do not think you can survive without them. Most of the time you are on the game machine or on the phone and hardly away of those in your surroundings. The conversation started with your parents who felt you need to live on your own first and learn to take care of yourself before adding extra responsibilities of caring for someone else. You feel they are just old-fashioned kill joys who know nothing about modern trends of relationships. You made your decision to leave without their blessings anyway. After, all you are entitled to decide your life issues for yourself because everyone tells you are now an adult. You choose to move out and found out your parents actually did you a favour by helping you all these years. You brought in the girlfriend who saw another side to your life and was shocked by your immaturity. Transition not quite smoothly as envisioned it will be.leave-and-cleave-2The cleaving process seems daunting than anticipated before it happens Not impressed with the practical realities of marriage as imagined before marriage. First thought is one made a mistake so wants to run. Although certain this same was the perfect one in the beginning. This God sent opportunity to grow deeper is love to enjoy exclusive company of yourselves. However, you miss your families and decided to move nearer to them. Suddenly both of you spend more time apart with each family more than with each other. The bills pile up and you blame each other for running the gas and electrical equipments. Now you seem to have nothing to talk about anymore so you are both on the computer or on the mobile phone. Or out and about without each other as much as you did before. Eventually, you burnt your parent’s life savings and with no more support you go both go back home. You learnt your life lesson very well and vowed never again will rush into another relationship. Not long after you met a new person and started the same process over and over again. You blame them for being wrong partner. So you are always perfect and did not feel you have done anything wrong.

This is the story of many people today who are still searching for love or blame parents for problems. Even in some churches such behaviours are endorsed and supported by some leaders  it is okay to indulge in fornication as both parties consent.In fact legal age is lowered from 21 years to 16 years to enable teenagers to engage in intercourse without marriage. Children as young as 9 years in primary schools are given graphic details of private parts sexual act videos in the name of sex education. Some misuse 1 Corinthians 7:36-37 the Bible permits premarital sex. So told those without self-control to go ahead as long as they marry person it is alright. Many are dumped after giving in and hurt for that was all they wanted from them. Burning with lust as proof of love is not right reason for marriage. Because burning passion continues after marriage. Affairs take place because fornication is soul mate of adultery. The believer’s body God’s Holy Temple filled with the Holy Spirit and bought at a costly price with Jesus Blood, so you are not your own as stated in 1 Corinthians 6:19-21.

It is pleasing to God to keep body pure as a living-sacrifice to Obey God’s Command to preserve oneself to honour God. Couples who manage to avoid intercourse before marriage devote time to learning about each other without added pressure of sex overshadowing the relationship. It is important not to overlook friend, colleagues and loved ones by burning bridges for those met on the way up are those met again on the way down. Don’t cut off loved ones because you are so in love to the detriment of those you love and care about. Avoid isolation and never let anyone ostracise you from friends and family because they are so possessive of you in an unhealthy way.At the beginning, when swept off your feet and fallen madly in love you perhaps craved love, attention, affirmation, acceptance, so might boost your confidence for achieving your new status of finding a partner. However, if you do not set clear boundaries at the onset to firmly build right foundation, you will make yourself door-mat walked all over to please them. When you bend over backwards to keep peace to compromise, it is hard to undo damage after you regain your senses, when the dust settles and the honeymoon is over.

You soon realise you were promised the moon, taken advantage of blindly while tagging along against advise of everyone who loves and cares about you. Building the foundation of marriage on love and sex alone is not enough as it takes more than that. At the beginning of the relationship, it seems as the centre of focus, so addictive it pre-occupies the couple. This also prevents them from dealing with other relevant and important matters concerning marriage. Issues include individual differences, dealing with money, property, businesses, children, in-laws, organising family visits, providing, caring for elders; blending extended families, involvement in wedding, baby showers; birth, christening ceremonies of others. To help in good or challenging times so it is necessary to always remember them. It is alright to marry because God said it is not good to be alone. 1 Corinthians 7:28 says, but if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. You and partner belong to God first so set boundaries.

The above verse continues, but those who marry will face many troubles in this life. God wants to spare you. Some marriage problems require the confidential input of others to resolve them. It is essential not to exclude others to handle marriage as exclusive secret private matter between only two of you. Some conversations and informations require deep intimacy between only the couple. But it does not mean selfish possessiveness to monopolise each other from friends, parents and family. Marriage means taking extra responsibility for your spouse, children family, yourself so if you cannot provide for yourself how can you take on such an added responsibility. 29 What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30 those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy as if it were not theirs to keep; buying and selling continue until Jesus returns but does not save souls salvation in Christ saves souls.31 Those who use the things of the world, including marriage enjoy it but be not engrossed in them more than devotion to God. Don’t glory in marriage as if it is the key to salvation. For this world in its present form is passing away. God will ask about the success of your marriage and training your children to love and serve God. Jehovah will also ask you to account for the number of souls you won for God’s Kingdom. 32 But would like you to be free from the concerns of physical material things of this world. Unmarried is concerned about God’s affairs to please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about affairs of this world to please his wife 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. A married woman is concerned about affairs of this world to please her husband. Married people please God for who finds a wife finds good thing above price of rubies. So finds favour with God for God ordained marriage. Marriage is not be it all and end of life as some feel it gives status above unmarried people.

Remember, Jesus said there is only one marriage in Heaven; Christ the Groom feasting in the marriage supper as the Lamb of God with saved elect bride, His Church redeemed by His Blood. There are no marriages of anybody in Heaven as Jesus said in Luke 20:27-38 in answer to the question on the resurrection of the 7 brothers who were husbands in turn of one wife after each died without a child. In Heaven, saved families will reunite to complete the circle but will all be transformed as children of God, but not categorised as on earth. There shall continue to be earthly marriages and giving unto marriages until the Son of God Jesus returns and the trumpet sounds. Marriage is an eternal necessity to procreate the earth and produce Godly children to multiply and replenish the earth; for companionship to enjoy a fulfilling abundant life with family, friends, and colleagues of over 7 billion people. It is important not to mislead to condition people to create illusion of 2:4 family unit that does not value, regard, appreciate extended family support. So cut off to abandon selfishly because they do not agree with you. Above all, leaving and cleaving includes honouring and loving all spouse’s families.

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